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Original poster

OH has left hand hold please.. police just left

162 replies

Xmasiscomingg · 29/12/2022 11:09

He completely flipped this morning I asked him for more help with the baby in the night and it just escalated and he pretty much attacked me and pushed the kids over whilst they was trying to help me. Slapped me round the face and pushed me down on the floor.

I asked him to go he took forever packing his things so I rang the police.

He’s gone now and I feel lost I don’t know what to do. I need to clean the house sort out getting my own car. DD is crying because she wants to go with her dad she is a daddy’s girl.

Im embarrassed to even go out the house because all the neighbours were watching.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/12/2022 11:10

Well done OP for kicking him out. Please don’t take him back. Doesn’t matter if Dd thinks she wants to be with him - he’s a danger to you all if he can flip out like this over a reasonable request.

whitebreadjamsandwich · 29/12/2022 11:13

Op, you are so brave. Don't be embarrassed - your neighbours will think you're brave too. Show your daughter that men aren't allowed to treat women or children like this. Stay safe.

SweetSakura · 29/12/2022 11:14

Don't worry about cleaning the house for now, focus on your girl.

I went through this about 7 years ago now, also just after Christmas, you did the right thing.

Do you have a friend or family member you could ask to come round to support you?

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 29/12/2022 11:14

Well done OP. Don’t let him back in in any way!

To forewarn you: children’s services will become involved and don’t be surprised if you get a heavy dose of victim blaming and suspicion that you’ll take him back. They operate in very misogynistic ways. Be prepared and ensure you can demonstrate how you are protecting your children and putting them first and don’t crumble

EL0ISE · 29/12/2022 11:15

I’m sorry Op that sounds awful, you were very brave to call the police and protect your children. Do you have a friend or family member who could come over and help you today? Its too much to deal with alone when you are so shaken up.

SweetSakura · 29/12/2022 11:16

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 29/12/2022 11:14

Well done OP. Don’t let him back in in any way!

To forewarn you: children’s services will become involved and don’t be surprised if you get a heavy dose of victim blaming and suspicion that you’ll take him back. They operate in very misogynistic ways. Be prepared and ensure you can demonstrate how you are protecting your children and putting them first and don’t crumble

This wasn't my experience, please don't frighten the op.

Angeldelight81 · 29/12/2022 11:16

I’m so sorry, this is happened to you and your girls. Christmas gonna be like a pressure cooker for some families. There’s absolutely no excuse for his behaviour though what are pathetic excuse for a man.

upinastar · 29/12/2022 11:16

Please don't be embarrassed about what the neighbours may think. They are likely to be thinking good on you for taking control.

You did the right thing in what must have been a scary situation. It will feel so difficult right now, especially with your daughter being upset, but stay strong - you can do this x

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 29/12/2022 11:17

@SweetSakura im not frightening her, many women experience this in just saying be prepared to show how you’re putting your DC first.

tickticksnooze · 29/12/2022 11:17

What support do you have?

Flowerpower2022 · 29/12/2022 11:18

Hey OP this sounds horrendous, well done for throwing him out and keeping you and your kids safe. Can you call friends /family to come round? I suggest forget tidying or doing anything that can wait and just give yourself and your kids some time to recover from what’s just happened. You probably also need a plan. Call the national domestic violence helpline - I will post their number in just a sec. I don’t know the backstory here but it doesn’t sound like your husband should come back to the house anytime soon. Sending hugs and support

Gazelda · 29/12/2022 11:18

One thing at a time.

Concentrate on yourself and the children today.
Tell someone you trust and arrange a phone call with them either after the DC are in bed, or tomorrow.

Meanwhile, snuggle down with the DC in front of a movie. Share lots of love. Try to laugh if you can. Make sure you eat. Perhaps turn your phone off.

Other posters will give you great advice on the practicalities and legal stuff. But make sure you look after yourself first.

Angeldelight81 · 29/12/2022 11:18

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 29/12/2022 11:17

@SweetSakura im not frightening her, many women experience this in just saying be prepared to show how you’re putting your DC first.

Well that’s not what happened to my neighbour he totally beat the shit out of her and dragged her round the house by the hair in front of everybody. Five weeks later he was living back in the house and she was denying all knowledge of the incident, children services weren’t involved.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 29/12/2022 11:19

Angeldelight81 · 29/12/2022 11:18

Well that’s not what happened to my neighbour he totally beat the shit out of her and dragged her round the house by the hair in front of everybody. Five weeks later he was living back in the house and she was denying all knowledge of the incident, children services weren’t involved.

Show quote history

That you know of.

Although they should have been, and it’s likely that they will pay OP a visit and check she is protecting her children

Angeldelight81 · 29/12/2022 11:20

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I’m not getting into an argument with you and distracting from the poor girl who’s had a horrendous night by the sound of it.

knittingaddict · 29/12/2022 11:22

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 29/12/2022 11:14

Well done OP. Don’t let him back in in any way!

To forewarn you: children’s services will become involved and don’t be surprised if you get a heavy dose of victim blaming and suspicion that you’ll take him back. They operate in very misogynistic ways. Be prepared and ensure you can demonstrate how you are protecting your children and putting them first and don’t crumble

My daughter didn't experience this, although I agree that the whole system puts far too much responsibility on the women to manage the situation while men go unpunished and largely unaffected.

My daughter was simply told that if she went back to him or had any contact then SS would be involved. She didn't and SS kept away. Fair enough when children are involved.

Rinders · 29/12/2022 11:22

OP, the shame is his, not yours.

I’m really sorry this happened to you, especially in front of the children. So scary for you all. You absolutely did the right thing in calling the police, so well done.

tiddlywinks2 · 29/12/2022 11:22

Firstly op, well done. I know how hard it is, you've done the best thing in calling the police.
Have you got anyone that can come and stay with you for a short time? Any support system?

purplecorkheart · 29/12/2022 11:24

Op do you have any family or friends that can come over to you? Does he have his house keys with him? Is there and way you can block the doors in case he tries to come back.

Flowerpower2022 · 29/12/2022 11:25

Flowerpower2022 · 29/12/2022 11:18

Hey OP this sounds horrendous, well done for throwing him out and keeping you and your kids safe. Can you call friends /family to come round? I suggest forget tidying or doing anything that can wait and just give yourself and your kids some time to recover from what’s just happened. You probably also need a plan. Call the national domestic violence helpline - I will post their number in just a sec. I don’t know the backstory here but it doesn’t sound like your husband should come back to the house anytime soon. Sending hugs and support

National domestic abuse helpline
08082000247
Don’t worry about social services - you protected the children by throwing him out. Sending support and best wishes.

Merryoldgoat · 29/12/2022 11:26

You are brilliant because you sue the right thing even though it’s hard and painful.

Explain to your daughter that her dad’s behaviour is unacceptable - it’s not ok to hurt people with words or hands and he can’t live there because it’s not safe.

She’ll find it hard but that’s a lesson for her to learn.

TabithaTittlemouse · 29/12/2022 11:28

Do you have someone to come over?
You absolutely did the right thing. Don’t be embarrassed, the neighbours will think what they like. You and your children are safe, that’s all that matters.

BagOfBollocks · 29/12/2022 11:29

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 29/12/2022 11:14

Well done OP. Don’t let him back in in any way!

To forewarn you: children’s services will become involved and don’t be surprised if you get a heavy dose of victim blaming and suspicion that you’ll take him back. They operate in very misogynistic ways. Be prepared and ensure you can demonstrate how you are protecting your children and putting them first and don’t crumble

What a load of old shit!

That might have been your experience but it certainly wasn't mine and it was never the experience of my friends/family who were in similar positions!

Stop trying to frighten a woman who's clearly going through one of the worst times of her life.

givethistokevin · 29/12/2022 11:29

Please don't clean your house right now, focus on your kids. Get out for a while even if it's just to take them to the park. They will be frightened and showing them that you are present is so important to them today. Cleaning can wait.

PizzaPastaWine · 29/12/2022 11:30

You did the right thing OP. My advice would be to get your support network of friends and family in place and aware of this mornings events.

Was he arrested?

As for the PP that said social services work in misogynistic ways - that is not my experience at all. They are there to safeguard you and your DC, not their DF.