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Original poster

OH has left hand hold please.. police just left

162 replies

Xmasiscomingg · 29/12/2022 11:09

He completely flipped this morning I asked him for more help with the baby in the night and it just escalated and he pretty much attacked me and pushed the kids over whilst they was trying to help me. Slapped me round the face and pushed me down on the floor.

I asked him to go he took forever packing his things so I rang the police.

He’s gone now and I feel lost I don’t know what to do. I need to clean the house sort out getting my own car. DD is crying because she wants to go with her dad she is a daddy’s girl.

Im embarrassed to even go out the house because all the neighbours were watching.

OP posts:
FleasNavidad · 29/12/2022 11:32

I'd get out of the house with the kids. Sod the cleaning up.

Of course your daughter is scared now and thinks she wants her dad but she'll grow up and look back and be proud of you for keeping them safe.

Never, ever let him back over that threshold.

Aquasulis · 29/12/2022 11:32

Concentrate on one hour at a time.

walk in the park
make soup for lunch etc

dont be worried about the neighbours my lovely

if you were my neighbour I’d be looking out for you and admiring your strength for calling the police x

Aquasulis · 29/12/2022 11:33

Ps ask from an update and a non mol from the police
tell friends in real life and family too

Tilllly · 29/12/2022 11:34

What an awful thing for you to go through, and how strong you've been

It will probably be harder in the coming days so gather people around you to support you

I'd suggest writing down what happened and keeping an ongoing record. It might come in useful and it will help you clear your thoughts

💪🏻 stay strong, you've got this x

Original poster
Xmasiscomingg · 29/12/2022 11:35

No I didn’t press charges just wanted him to leave to be honest and be done with it all. I know when he calms down he’s going to be feeling very shit.

OP posts:
SerenaTee · 29/12/2022 11:35

You did the right thing OP - not the easy thing but totally the right thing. Confide in your real life support network and just take one day at a time x

Original poster
Xmasiscomingg · 29/12/2022 11:36

Only have my mum in my life she lives up the road haven’t got the heart to tell her yet as we have all just spent Christmas and Boxing Day together.

OP posts:
theshadeofgreen · 29/12/2022 11:37

Nothing to add but a huge huge well done OP.
I get the 'screw the housework' attitude but I know I'd be the same, it would help me process.

Do whatever you need to do but most of all, underneath all of the huge emotions you're likely feeling, be proud.

You've just shown your DD how to be strong, and one day she will absolutely realise that.

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/12/2022 11:37

Well done OP you have done the hardest part. You are a strong person and have protected your family. Keep that with you.

I would also prioritise getting a non molestation order in place - Women’s Aid should be able to help with this.

And as others say, focus on your children’s and your wellbeing. The cleaning can wait.

PizzaPastaWine · 29/12/2022 11:38

Where is he now? Is he coming back?

You and your DC are not safe around this man OP.

Original poster
Xmasiscomingg · 29/12/2022 11:41

No he’s gone to his brothers he won’t contact me now he will be too embarrassed. I’ve never seen him like that all the years we’ve been together it was like it was a complete different person.

OP posts:
theremustonlybeone · 29/12/2022 11:44

tell your mum...you and your children need support at this time. Your poor DD must have been terrified...and i dont buy that she wanted to go with her dad after he slapped her mother. she was likely terrified.

HotPenguin · 29/12/2022 11:47

Get a locksmith round and change the locks before you clean the house. Otherwise he'll come back at a time when he thinks you are least likely to be able to refuse.

toocold54 · 29/12/2022 11:47

Please don’t feel embarrassed.
The only person who should be embarrassed is him.

I would go out for the day and take your DCs mind off it all.
You could even go to your mums and tell her so you have done support.

Do you have a good relationship with his brother?

PizzaPastaWine · 29/12/2022 11:47

I would speak again with the police, tell them the full circumstances and ask for them to take action. He has assaulted you and your children.

Do not let him cross the threshold of your house again. Him being upset and embarrassed will only last a short period of time.

FleasNavidad · 29/12/2022 11:49

OP - don't start feeling sorry for him. Tell your Mum, stay angry at what he's just put you all through. This man is a violent danger to you all.

Worrying about your neighbours, him, your mum....stop all of that and know that next time he could kill you.

Fleurdaisy · 29/12/2022 11:51

Xmasiscomingg · 29/12/2022 11:35

No I didn’t press charges just wanted him to leave to be honest and be done with it all. I know when he calms down he’s going to be feeling very shit.

He deserves to feel shit. Remember he caused this.
He slapped your face.
He pushed your child.
He verbally abused you.
This is all on him.
For now tell your mum. I’d want to know straight away if one of my DDs was in your position.
Tell your dd calmly that she will see daddy when he has calmed down. Tell her daddy’s are not allowed to push children or slap mummies ( adapt language according to her age) She will see daddy when he is calm.
It might help to speak to Women’s Aid. If he tries to get back in the house, call the police.

35965a · 29/12/2022 11:53

Fleurdaisy · 29/12/2022 11:51

He deserves to feel shit. Remember he caused this.
He slapped your face.
He pushed your child.
He verbally abused you.
This is all on him.
For now tell your mum. I’d want to know straight away if one of my DDs was in your position.
Tell your dd calmly that she will see daddy when he has calmed down. Tell her daddy’s are not allowed to push children or slap mummies ( adapt language according to her age) She will see daddy when he is calm.
It might help to speak to Women’s Aid. If he tries to get back in the house, call the police.

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All of this ^!

DuplicateUserName · 29/12/2022 11:53

HotPenguin · 29/12/2022 11:47

Get a locksmith round and change the locks before you clean the house. Otherwise he'll come back at a time when he thinks you are least likely to be able to refuse.

The OP hasn't said whether they rent or own.

And no matter which it is, you can't just change the locks on someone's home, especially if they're on the mortgage.

jimmyhill · 29/12/2022 11:55

DuplicateUserName · 29/12/2022 11:53

The OP hasn't said whether they rent or own.

And no matter which it is, you can't just change the locks on someone's home, especially if they're on the mortgage.

Show quote history

And equally especially if they're party to a rental contract

Shitfather · 29/12/2022 11:57

SweetSakura · 29/12/2022 11:16

This wasn't my experience, please don't frighten the op.

Show quote history

Children’s services were absolutely incredible with my sister when dealing with her abusive ex. It wasn’t my experience when ex called them accusing me of parental alienation. They were nothing but kind and concerned about my welfare. It is terrifying when SS become involved - please don’t extrapolate your own experience.

whatwouldAnnaDelveydo · 29/12/2022 12:02

Tell your mum, tell everyone you can. It will make it harder for you to backtrack in the future.

Flowerpower2022 · 29/12/2022 12:04

Hi OP - don’t do anything like changing the locks etc. I’d speak to the national domestic violence helpline for advice as they are the experts. If needed the police maybe able to issue an order to keep your husband away if he’s an ongoing threat - see link here:www.gov.uk/government/publications/domestic-violence-protection-orders/domestic-violence-protection-notices-dvpns-and-domestic-violence-protection-orders-dvpos-guidance-sections-24-33-crime-and-security-act-2010. Please don’t feel embarrassed about telling people about this of asking for help. A lot of people including me - have been through similar.

BagOfBollocks · 29/12/2022 12:08

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/12/2022 11:37

Well done OP you have done the hardest part. You are a strong person and have protected your family. Keep that with you.

I would also prioritise getting a non molestation order in place - Women’s Aid should be able to help with this.

And as others say, focus on your children’s and your wellbeing. The cleaning can wait.

Well done OP you have done the hardest part.

On the contrary, the hardest parts are yet to come.

Keeping him away rather than forgiving him, sorting out finances and access to children, comforting the children who will be missing their dad etc.

But I agree, the OP is a strong woman. She can do this! Especially if she can get her mum/friends etc onboard.

OP, please don't feel embarrassed, he's the one who should hang his head in shame.

knittingaddict · 29/12/2022 12:08

whatwouldAnnaDelveydo · 29/12/2022 12:02

Tell your mum, tell everyone you can. It will make it harder for you to backtrack in the future.

I was going to post this too. There were so many incidents before our daughter left and I wish she had told us. All too easy to cover it up if you haven't told those closest to you and that is no way to live. My daughter regrets those years that she needn't have lived in an abusive relationship.

I should have added earlier that SS were hands off because she was in a refuge. They would have known if she had gone back to him.