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Original poster

OH has left hand hold please.. police just left

162 replies

Xmasiscomingg · 29/12/2022 11:09

He completely flipped this morning I asked him for more help with the baby in the night and it just escalated and he pretty much attacked me and pushed the kids over whilst they was trying to help me. Slapped me round the face and pushed me down on the floor.

I asked him to go he took forever packing his things so I rang the police.

He’s gone now and I feel lost I don’t know what to do. I need to clean the house sort out getting my own car. DD is crying because she wants to go with her dad she is a daddy’s girl.

Im embarrassed to even go out the house because all the neighbours were watching.

OP posts:
Flowerpower2022 · 29/12/2022 12:11

I’m so sorry for what you and your DC are going through. It may well be out of character for your husband and he should be feeling a lot more than embarrassed. This is really serious - as you recognised by getting him to leave and calling the police. Finding out what’s behind this behaviour is key but that’s your husband’s responsibility to work out not yours. Sending love and hugs xxx

Itloggedmeoutagain · 29/12/2022 12:11

Don't be embarrassed about what he did, be proud of putting a stop to it straight away

MummyJ36 · 29/12/2022 12:16

Whatever you do don’t take him back OP. You should have pressed charges but that’s just your opinion. Don’t be afraid to tell you mum, if this was one of your grown up kids you’d want to know and support them. Nothing excuses his behaviour, not tiredness, not stress, not mental health, nothing. Do not let him convince you otherwise.

Original poster
Xmasiscomingg · 29/12/2022 12:17

Thanks everyone! I don’t have many friends anymore I moved quite a lot during my late teens early twenties then settled down so don’t really speak to them that often.

I just need to sort a car ASAP as the kids are back at school next week and I won’t be able to get them there.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 29/12/2022 12:21

Don't be embarrassed about the neighbours seeing the truth.
They witnessed the disgrace, downfall, rejection and arrest of a violent bullying man. God help the worm if he ever crawls back. He's been seen for what he is.

Their understanding of why you're now a single parent is to your credit, they see in you a strong determined woman who stood up for herself and her kids. Take pride in your strength, resilience, independence and being a tiger-mother.

toocold54 · 29/12/2022 12:23

Does your mum drive?

Could you ask to use her car or her to take them?

TheLittlestLightOnTheXmasTree · 29/12/2022 12:24

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 29/12/2022 11:17

@SweetSakura im not frightening her, many women experience this in just saying be prepared to show how you’re putting your DC first.

You are right

Been there too

Terrysnotmine · 29/12/2022 12:27

Been there. It’s shit. But you will
and do come through it stronger. You’ve shown your kids this is not acceptable behaviour. Give yourself a massive pat on the back, have a drink when the kids are in bed and one day at a time. And every day remind yourself there’s no way back. Your out and staying out. X

purpledalmation · 29/12/2022 12:30

Change the locks for your own safety.

Katieeb24 · 29/12/2022 12:31

well done for calling the police, hope your doing okay❤️ x

Aquamarine1029 · 29/12/2022 12:33

Please don't make the mistake of taking him back.

nancydroo · 29/12/2022 12:34

Well done OP. If you've got a lot of adrenaline cleaning the house will get rid of some of that. Hope the time and space helps you work out the next steps

DuplicateUserName · 29/12/2022 12:35

purpledalmation · 29/12/2022 12:30

Change the locks for your own safety.

Why do people keep mindlessly posting this drivel??

TheLittlestLightOnTheXmasTree · 29/12/2022 12:35

purpledalmation · 29/12/2022 12:30

Change the locks for your own safety.

Not sure she can do that legally if it's joint ownership

You can add extra locks and bolts though, for security

OnemoresliceofChristmascake · 29/12/2022 12:37

May I suggest telling your parents. I expect your kids would like to see them and get a bit of grandparent normality and head space too. Also, your kids have witnessed this, they should not be expected or encouraged to keep secrets. DH will have to face up to what he did.

SnowAndFrostOutside · 29/12/2022 12:37

Don't worry about being embarrased in front of the neighbours. Having them witnessed it means you don't have to explain what happened. If it's one of my neighbours, and you come and ask for help, I'll do everything I can. Most people have empathy and are kind.

WB205020 · 29/12/2022 12:37

@Xmasiscomingg
Whilst I don't disagree with anything anyone has said, as in you have done the right thing, you mention this was completely out of character and he has never behaved like this before.

Has he been unwell or have you noticed any other changes in him recently. Anything little. Change of habits, or more tired perhaps.

I only ask as there maybe something going on he is not aware of. My brother had a sudden change of personality and it transpired he had a benign brain tumour which had enlarged and cause pressure on that part of the brain. Once treated he was back to normal.

Is it possible he is unwell and doesn't know it?

And before anyone accuses me of making excuses, I am not suggesting OP suddenly takes him back. If his behaviour is that out of the ordinary there could be another reason for it rather than him just being an abusive partner.

Nevermind31 · 29/12/2022 12:37

Well done for getting rid! And calling the police getting this on record! Such a strong woman.
never mind tidying the house.
i suggest to write your account if this, how it made you feel, how you think your DH made your children feel.
if you are ever tempted to take him back… read it first!!!
if you have a joint account - take out half. And half of savings.
focus a bit on yourself and DC - and then seek legal advice.
do you want him to have unsupervised visits with the DC?
But most of all - stay strong!

pinneddownbytabbies · 29/12/2022 12:37

Your neighbours will be concerned for you and the children.

Please talk to your mum about this, she needs to know. If anyone ever did that to my daughter I'd support her 100%, and do everything I could to help in whatever way I could.

Zanatdy · 29/12/2022 12:38

You’re amazing OP. Don’t ever forget that. Don’t let him worm his way back, he will do it again. And again. You and your kids will be ok I promise

Bestcatmum · 29/12/2022 12:42

How awful OP this happened to me too. I refused any further contact with me or DS and the courts agreed with me.
It's 40 years on and him leaving was the best thing ever. He has never had another relationship and his DS refuses to see him. My ex is a sad and lonely old man.
Don't let him come back. You will be fine on your own as I was.

Angeldelight81 · 29/12/2022 12:44

@WB205020 did your brother, physically attack, anyone including his children?

Milkand2sugarsplease · 29/12/2022 12:46

We recently used cinch to buy a car and it was seamless and quick.

Sorry you're going through this but you'll come out the other side and be really proud of yourself for seeing it through and setting the best example possible to your children.

CrackersCheeseAndWinePlease · 29/12/2022 12:47

Well done for showing your kids this behaviour isn't acceptable in a relationship and throwing him out.
Don't worry about the housework for now, concentrate on you and your kids. The neighbours will probably think you're brave too.
I've been through it in a previous relationship, he'll cry, beg and plead but stay strong. You deserve better

WB205020 · 29/12/2022 12:50

@Angeldelight81 The first sign we saw something wasnt right escalated so quickly. He became incredibly aggressive during a disagreement over something trivial and when my father tried to intervene he shoved him back into a wall an squared up to him then smashed a load of plates and stormed out. The police were called and he was taken away. It transpired he had been sent home from work for having a massive migraine a week or so earlier and when the police took him in they advised he see a doctor. That's where it all came out that he wasn't well.

As I said this was completely out of character but once it was established he wasn't well he was able to get treatment.