OH has left hand hold please.. police just left

[Xmasiscomingg]

He completely flipped this morning I asked him for more help with the baby in the night and it just escalated and he pretty much attacked me and pushed the kids over whilst they was trying to help me. Slapped me round the face and pushed me down on the floor.

I asked him to go he took forever packing his things so I rang the police.

He’s gone now and I feel lost I don’t know what to do. I need to clean the house sort out getting my own car. DD is crying because she wants to go with her dad she is a daddy’s girl.

Im embarrassed to even go out the house because all the neighbours were watching.

The police can do a victimless prosecution but this is usually used in serious DV offences. The custody sergeant can 'no further action' an incident based upon a threshold test - if this is met the CPS decide.

Without a complaint from the OP the police are restricted in what they can do. If there is a complaint and he is arrested then there are options...a charge or Domestic Violence Protection Order at the very least.

The OP needs to seriously consider police action to both safeguard herself and the DC.

Op I wouldn't clean up any mess he made if he made it please let the police assess the situation and evidence of what he's done. Don't be tempted to contact your DH either.

Well done OP!
Don't worry about everyone else. You need to do what you feel is best for you and your children in the moment.
You can absolutely do this!
I remember feeling lost when my ex left and my DD too was a daddy’s girl so that was hard. However, 7 years on I have no regrets, my relationship with my DD is stronger than ever and we’ve had some flipping great times just the two of us. Take it a day at a time, do what you feel is best, do right by your children and it will all turn out ok.

Your neighbours will think you are very brave and hopefully will offer to help

I'm sorry OP. Give your little girl a massive hug and tell her you love her. Your children will need lots of reassurance. They will remember this day for the rest of their life, so do all you can to minimize their pain and fear. Hope it all works out for you. x

Aaah, so sorry this happened. OP. Take deep breaths. You will get through this.

Your DD is little and doesn’t understand. You’ve already given her the gift of showing her what women should not tolerate.

Lots of good links on here for further help and next steps. 💕

And please tell your mum, she will want to know

I suspect this will be out of your hands now as there will be a SS referral and you won’t be able to take him back even if you wanted. Please lean on family and friends and mumsnet for support. There are ladies on here who have been in your position and are now out the other side much happier.

You hold your head up high and you walk proud out of your house. There is nothing 'shaming' about refusing to be a victim any longer. If your neighbours can't recognize this, then fuck 'em.

Please tell your mum. Wouldn't you want to know if it was one of yours? Let her support you the best ways she can. Don't deny her that, please. She'll feel 10 times worse if you conceal it from her and she finds out from someone else that the police were at your home.

And please cooperate with the police. It doesn't matter if it's the 1st or the 50th time, that bastard needs to face some consequences.

"he pretty much attacked me and pushed the kids over whilst they was trying to help me"

Thinking of you OP and sending you love. It might be a long road and you might feel like you are looking back with rose tinted glasses but just focus on your children. One day you will see that being on your own and looking after your kids and making all the choices and being in charge is the best thing ever (most especially compare with what it is like for you living with him). Sending hugs. Give your children a hug and a kiss xx

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet ·

This was my experience and many women's experiences in the Freedom Programme meetings that I joined. Some had their children removed.

This poster isn't scaring the op, she is cementing the fact that children's services are very likely to be involved if the police have been called and they will want to ensure that she won't forgive her ex. That is some very sensible advice.

As you called the police op, you have nothing to fear. You've done the right thing. However, if you disclose he has behaved like this before around the children and you did nothing then that's when things can begin to go awry.

Please tell your mum op you shouldn't need to do this without support

Op you really need to tell your parents asap, dont leave it as its likely you might start to minimise his behaviour especially as the children were also physically assaulted. I'm not saying this in any way to suggest any wrongdoing on your part, but this often is how our brains work to try and block out trauma.

Well done op. You are very brave to have called the police.
He will only get worse.
Report the incident to social services and contact your Domestic Abuse Charity. They can be an absolute god send.
You have done the right thing. Abusers are unpredictable and often feel resentment when asked for help.
Block him and only allow contact through social services hes dangerous and now you need to protect your children.

Social services understand that often it takes a whole to get help so don't be scared. If he has assaulted the children ensure the police press charges. For their sake.

Please don't listen to those who say the police won't take this seriously. They have a special team who deal with this. Your children do not deserve this from their own father. It can seriously effect them if you don't ensure they see his behaviour as wrong.
Social services will help you and the children this is what they do but you must report this to them and let them support you. It is far better you take control and show you ar safeguarding your children

Please take note of this post. If you can’t, keep rereading it until you can.

No its not!!! Why do you think it will go awry if she discloses previous history? This is not how domestic abuse works and agencies are aware if this. Have you any experience of these kind of situations? Because i have first hand experience and i now work around DV.They do NOT just take children away. They will FIRST work with with women and the families before they ever just take the kids away.

If you haven't already, tell your Mum. If she has a car, see if she can take the kids to and from school or see if you can get on her insurance. If not, you can hire a car - better to do this than rush into buying one. Contact specialists for help and advice.

Very similar happened to me April2020
on my birthday

for reference children’s services did not become involved
and like you I wanted to show my girls you don’t let men behave like that ,husband or not.
sending love and hugs xxxxx

I’m sorry. You did everything right. Now you need to reset the nervous system because that’s a lot. Candles, blankets, gentle music and hot drinks. Or a freezing cold shower if you need a jolt first. Cleaning might actually be cathartic. I’m sorry that I can’t offer advice about how to navigate your daughters upset but others here will have great advice. Be kind to yourself today (and every day). x

MissMaple82
No, no experience at all, I just posted for the laughs 🙄

When I brought up things that he'd put us through over the years, I was very much held over the coals for not coming forward sooner and a judge questioned how competent I was in safeguarding the children.

We are all on the same page here. I am trying to get across that a woman's capabilities of keeping the perpetrator at bay is very much looked into.

Well done OP. Posters are right that the hard part is coming up: not weakening, not listening to his protestations/apologies, not letting him back in.

Some things to do next, as the adrenaline starts to recede:

Tell your mum.
Contact the police and tell them you'd support a prosecution for assault and are willing to make a statement.
Look after yourself, do whatever small and easy acts of self-care will help you feel calmer, soothed.
Do something nice with the kids. Give them an age-appropriate explanation of why Daddy can't live there any more, but they'll see him soon.
Sort out a car - borrow your mum's? Hire care for a week or so? Cheap banger? Finance? Anything other than let him back because it feels too hard to have to deal with it all and at least he can do the school run...

You're strong, and you can keep yourself and your kids safe. It's shit, it's hard and it's unfair that you have to deal with this. But you can do it

I agree. People are telling the OP not to clean the house now but it might help her feel like she is getting rid of his 'presence'. Some people find it helpful.