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No hate please ! Why do depressed people not go outside ?

211 replies

ShareLove · 23/09/2022 18:12

Sorry if it upsets anyone , I am just very curious as why depressed people don’t want to go outside ? I know someone who has depression and she doesn’t want to go outside at all no shopping (only online shopping )no hairdresser no nothing , can someone explain to me what’s stopping them ? It’s no hate question at all I’m just trying to understand better and educate my self better . Thank you millions xxx

OP posts:
phleb · 24/09/2022 00:48

Feeling worthless scared and pure anxiety is linked when I feel depressed . Worried about someone talking to me feels me with dread. Just want to hide away in my house and feel safe with no stress!!!! Do I sound weird? Sometimes I'm fine. Hope all is ok x

bebravelikesuperman · 24/09/2022 00:59

I've not been outside for 9 years. All of the above and fear

Geppili · 24/09/2022 01:05

Terror

hopsalong · 24/09/2022 01:07

Agree with PP who say that it isn't hard to understand why depressed people don't want to go out.

On the other hand, not all depressed people are like this. When I'm depressed I do little other than fruitlessly wandering around the shops etc, mostly because being inside during the day when the children are at school is too overwhelming and I'm avoiding various types of work I don't have the energy to complete.

phleb · 24/09/2022 01:15

snowspider · 24/09/2022 00:07

I can't go to bed without saying something encouraging. I have no words. To everyone on this thread going through such hard stuff, just a hand

Thank you it means a lot to most I'm sure. A lot like myself try to keep it quiet and people we know are not aware which makes us feel more lonely and detached xx

CandyLeBonBon · 24/09/2022 01:35

Sorry but reading posts by @2020Raquet has actually made me feel worse.

My brother took his own life at the end of 2020. No one knew he was depressed. Not a single person expected him to kill himself.

It's utterly disingenuous to suggest that 'the power of positive thinking' is all you need to save yourself.

You're peddling dangerous and damaging information and frankly, I wasn't feeling great when I started reading this thread and now I feel 10x worse because I feel like I'm somehow not trying hard enough.

SueDCreme · 24/09/2022 01:45

You've obviously never been depressed OP

I wouldn't wish it on anyone.... but there may be a time when you become depressed, and then you'll understand

Vapeyvapevape · 24/09/2022 01:49

I'm so sorry this has made you feel like this , I tried to tell this poster that they need to be careful with their words . Their 'chin up , think positive' attitude is very flippant, ignorant and victim blaming.
Its like telling someone to stop having cancer .

Vapeyvapevape · 24/09/2022 01:50

@CandyLeBonBon I'm so sorry this has made you feel like this , I tried to tell this poster that they need to be careful with their words . Their 'chin up , think positive' attitude is very flippant, ignorant and victim blaming.

Its like telling someone to stop having cancer

CandyLeBonBon · 24/09/2022 02:00

Thanks @Vapeyvapevape. I'm currently dealing with a horrible mental health crisis with my eldest son. I have suffered with depression on and off my whole life. I am struggling to eat, sleep or function and my own well-being is absolutely suffering because the well-being of my kids comes before my own. I look as if I cope, and I'm very very good at acting, but it comes at a huge price.

To suggest to anyone that they're just not putting in enough effort, is abhorrent.

Pixiedust1234 · 24/09/2022 02:16

@CandyLeBonBon it isn't just you. They might have depression but not the debilitating depression that so many are posting about. The nearest comparison is them talking about having a cold while you have severe flu. It is so not the same.

stillvicarinatutu · 24/09/2022 02:25

Would you if you were me , tell your 25 year old dd how I'm feeling? Or is that just too much to put on her ?

EllieSR · 24/09/2022 09:11

Anxiety is horrendous, you want to curl up and cry.

Feeling unable to face the world because it expects you to be "normal".

Being out and about, feels like people are invading your personal space and panic mode sets in.

I work full time, Monday to Friday. I have my own way of handling it, but it stops me getting to work early, on time and on occasions getting into office at all. It mostly affects my down time because I don't have to go out. If I can get out, even to the garden, it can make me feel better, sometimes I'm just on autopilot, having moments in crowded places is just horrendous.

Dealing with anxiety is hard work. It wears you down. I sleep a lot in the evening or weekends when it's been a hard week.

It is different for everyone, different levels of anxiety, different ways of coping etc.

Your friend knows what's best for them and pushing them to do something can be detrimental. Best you can do is be supportive.

I think you asked the question to try and be more supportive, if you didn't care you wouldn't have bothered.

If you think how negative/hateful comments on social media can make you feel shitty for caring to ask, it will in my opinion give you a slither of how anxiety/depression affects you friend.

You are right, googling won't give you a real answer, so thank you for caring enough about your friend to ask strangers this question. 💞

2020Raquet · 24/09/2022 12:14

CandyLeBonBon · 24/09/2022 01:35

Sorry but reading posts by @2020Raquet has actually made me feel worse.

My brother took his own life at the end of 2020. No one knew he was depressed. Not a single person expected him to kill himself.

It's utterly disingenuous to suggest that 'the power of positive thinking' is all you need to save yourself.

You're peddling dangerous and damaging information and frankly, I wasn't feeling great when I started reading this thread and now I feel 10x worse because I feel like I'm somehow not trying hard enough.

I’m sorry my posts make you feel that way. In no way do I think that the power of positive thinking is all you need. But without it how do you start your journey of trying to feel better. You need some hope to even bother to get medical help, to open up to friends/family/employers, to ask for help. I do think it’s sad that so many people just accept that they are always going to feel that way.

And please note that even the MIND charity website uses phrases such as “self-help”!

OldTinHat · 24/09/2022 12:29

Because getting out of bed is exhausting enough, let alone getting dressed and having to face people.

YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 24/09/2022 12:54

Hi all. We're just dropping by with a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also get in touch with the Samaritans via their website or email them at
[email protected].

Best wishes from MNHQ.

Vapeyvapevape · 24/09/2022 13:01

@2020Raquet I'm sure you mean well but like I said before please be careful with your words , this is an emotive thread and some people are obviously very fragile.

Pixiedust1234 · 24/09/2022 13:04

stillvicarinatutu · 24/09/2022 02:25

Would you if you were me , tell your 25 year old dd how I'm feeling? Or is that just too much to put on her ?

It depends on so many factors really. Do you think she understands what depression truly means? We can see from this thread that a "depressive" person doesn't actually get it. Do you think she might think you are trying to emotionally blackmail her? But my main concern is for you. How do you think you would react if she was uncaring (or even blaming) in her response? I don't think its worth the risk. I also think that you need to go back to your GP as your medication isn't working "enough ". On a good day pick up that phone (or better still if they have it, econsult).

Hang in there.

CandyLeBonBon · 24/09/2022 14:46

@2020Raquet please just stop.

Mischance · 24/09/2022 14:57

One of the things that is coming across very clearly here is that many people with depression are well able to hide it. I do all sorts of things - even run a choir! - but then I come home and weep.

When my depression was really bad I could do nothing, except plead with my family to "let me go" - it was too painful to contemplate that life might go on. Since then I have been widowed and had back surgery and am in constant physical pain - there are days when carrying on just seems more than I can bear.

Please do not think that people with serious depression can just "go out" - just getting up is a massive challenge.

WanderingFruitWonderer · 24/09/2022 15:03

Sending love to all here. I've suffered from anxiety and OCD most of my life, which has held me back hugely, and kept me in poverty, with a very sporadic work life over the years; but I'm grateful that it generally didn't keep me homebound, and I was able to be out and about generally. Then a few years ago, something happened to trigger a few weeks/months of severe depression. It had been brewing for a while, and I'd felt unhappy, but the final tip into the dark abyss felt quite sudden. I couldn't believe how terrible it was. I didn't want to live, but couldn't be bothered to take my life. I couldn't do anything much at all. Each night I'd plead for sleep, but was anxious as ever, along with the despair, and had hellish nights of panic and deepest sorrow that seemed to last for eternity.
I still struggle with my mental health. But nothing before or since (for me personally) has compared with that depressive episode. So much empathy, sympathy and love for those whose struggle has lasted years, or possibly even a lifetime 😔Flowers

PrettyPrim · 24/09/2022 15:35

@2020Raquet but it's like saying how sad it is that someone with a broken leg isn't trying to climb a tree. Being 'positive' about it ( in your eyes) might mean climbing the tree anyway, breaking the other leg or breaking your neck and ending up in a wheelchair. You're really not helping this discussion.

ShareLove · 24/09/2022 15:42

I appreciate everyone’s replies ! I really do understand it so much better now from what I have been reading on here , from people who really experience it . Thank you all , sending you all love ❤️🙏🏻 And praying for you all , xxx

OP posts:
ShareLove · 24/09/2022 16:31

Also , I have been reading on internet NHS website ect , that supportive family/friends should encourage the depressed person to do things like go for coffee together , take them out , and do things together , go for walk ect, but as I understand from you all that depressed person can’t almost get out of bed , no energy or motivation , then how could I get her involved doing stuff to take her mind off things for a bit ? 😞 I know it’s important not to NOT ask again because they said NO so many times , but how else can I help them then if she always refuses , ? ❤️🙏🏻

OP posts:
Vapeyvapevape · 24/09/2022 16:37

Maybe go round and see her if she's up to it , take some cakes or whatever her favourite thing is and tell her that you're happy to sit and watch a film or sit in silence if she doesn't feel like talking .