Page 5 | No hate please ! Why do depressed people not go outside ?

ShareLove · 2022-09-23T17:12:52+00:00

Sorry if it upsets anyone , I am just very curious as why depressed people don’t want to go outside ? I know someone who has depression and she doesn’t want to go outside at all no shopping (only online shopping )no hairdresser no nothing , can someone explain to me what’s stopping them ? It’s no hate question at all I’m just trying to understand better and educate my self better . Thank you millions xxx

AlmostSummer21 · 23/09/2022 22:05

AsterixInEngland · 23/09/2022 19:42

Also @AlmostSummer21 I really didn’t see the OP as judging her friend.
I took it as in her being puzzled and trying to understand.

There are a lot if illnesses that most people don’t get and will never get until they actually get I’ll themselves.
I have ME/CFS and very few people have any idea of how debilitating it is. Most people think it’s feeling tired like they feel tired. And it’s not.
i suspect that unless you have had depression or have known someone affected in the way her friend is, most people won’t have a clue either. And I don’t think you can expect them to.

Having the curiosity and the open mindedness to ask and wanting to know more/understand better is amazing Imo. I wish my dh had done that when I first got ill.

@AsterixInEngland I guess over the years I've just seen so many 'I just don't know why people don't abc when they are/have xyz 'faux confusion' it just wears a bit thin I guess.

i think I quite likely have cfs/me since I had some health issues which usually lead to it. My GP overseas was looking into it/but I had to move back to the U.K. & my GP hete said she could only order tests after I took an anti depressant (which I couldn't because if my job) so that was the end if that! Maybe again a private GP?!

but I don't have endless money trying to find a good one 🙇🏻‍♀️

Did your DH eventually? Or is he an Ex DH now or just still there but not very much support ??

Mischance · 23/09/2022 22:09

When I had depression I felt so very ILL - not sad, just ill. Taking a breath was an effort. It was hell.

Do not confuse this with being sad.

MadAntonia · 23/09/2022 22:11

Kanaloa · 23/09/2022 18:45

Why couldn’t you answer my questions? Can you really not imagine why a depressed person doesn’t visit the hairdressers?

Maybe OP can’t. Some people might genuinely struggle to understand another person’s experience, especially if it’s outside their own. To ask questions and be willing to learn is a good thing, and could help them to support people they know who are suffering from depression.

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 23/09/2022 22:12

It's 2pm. You're in bed, in the pyjamas you slept in, that you wore all day yesterday — that, in fact, you put on after you last washed, maybe a week ago, the last clean clothing you had left in the drawer. Could be more than a week since you washed yourself, time has gone strange and you drift in and out of sleep regardless of time of day. You know you probably stink. Your hair is lank and matted. You haven't eaten for a while, not sure how long, but you're not hungry anyway. Good thing, because there's nothing in the fridge except some half-used condiments and a few scraps that might have last been edible a month ago. Maybe there's a few junk food wrappers by the bed where you dropped them after joylessly ingesting the contents. It doesn't matter because your whole place is a mess anyway, overflowing bins and dirty clothes and rubbish and a pile of unopened post you can't face.

Your phone is plugged in by the bed, and a calendar notification pings. For fifteen minutes, you try to draw the energy from somewhere to reach out for it, and check what it is. Eventually you push through the unending muscle aches, finding the strength to lift an arm that feels like it's weighed down with sandbags, and lift the phone from the bedside table. Hairdresser's appointment in 45 minutes. Are you going to go?

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 22:21

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 23/09/2022 22:12

It's 2pm. You're in bed, in the pyjamas you slept in, that you wore all day yesterday — that, in fact, you put on after you last washed, maybe a week ago, the last clean clothing you had left in the drawer. Could be more than a week since you washed yourself, time has gone strange and you drift in and out of sleep regardless of time of day. You know you probably stink. Your hair is lank and matted. You haven't eaten for a while, not sure how long, but you're not hungry anyway. Good thing, because there's nothing in the fridge except some half-used condiments and a few scraps that might have last been edible a month ago. Maybe there's a few junk food wrappers by the bed where you dropped them after joylessly ingesting the contents. It doesn't matter because your whole place is a mess anyway, overflowing bins and dirty clothes and rubbish and a pile of unopened post you can't face.

Your phone is plugged in by the bed, and a calendar notification pings. For fifteen minutes, you try to draw the energy from somewhere to reach out for it, and check what it is. Eventually you push through the unending muscle aches, finding the strength to lift an arm that feels like it's weighed down with sandbags, and lift the phone from the bedside table. Hairdresser's appointment in 45 minutes. Are you going to go?

This is me to a tea, only I’m at my desk working full time. The once a week shower and hair wash is when I have to go into the office.

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 22:26

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 23/09/2022 22:12

It's 2pm. You're in bed, in the pyjamas you slept in, that you wore all day yesterday — that, in fact, you put on after you last washed, maybe a week ago, the last clean clothing you had left in the drawer. Could be more than a week since you washed yourself, time has gone strange and you drift in and out of sleep regardless of time of day. You know you probably stink. Your hair is lank and matted. You haven't eaten for a while, not sure how long, but you're not hungry anyway. Good thing, because there's nothing in the fridge except some half-used condiments and a few scraps that might have last been edible a month ago. Maybe there's a few junk food wrappers by the bed where you dropped them after joylessly ingesting the contents. It doesn't matter because your whole place is a mess anyway, overflowing bins and dirty clothes and rubbish and a pile of unopened post you can't face.

Your phone is plugged in by the bed, and a calendar notification pings. For fifteen minutes, you try to draw the energy from somewhere to reach out for it, and check what it is. Eventually you push through the unending muscle aches, finding the strength to lift an arm that feels like it's weighed down with sandbags, and lift the phone from the bedside table. Hairdresser's appointment in 45 minutes. Are you going to go?

What do you do about work in this scenario?

LadybirdsAreNeverHappy · 23/09/2022 22:32

What do you do about work in this scenario?

I was entitled to disability benefits when I wasn’t able to work due to depression.

Kanaloa · 23/09/2022 22:33

MadAntonia · 23/09/2022 22:11

Maybe OP can’t. Some people might genuinely struggle to understand another person’s experience, especially if it’s outside their own. To ask questions and be willing to learn is a good thing, and could help them to support people they know who are suffering from depression.

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OP is so willing to learn they haven’t returned to one post except mine which questioned why they couldn’t offer any thoughts or reasons themselves. And I really struggle to believe any adult with a basic level of competence can’t possibly brainstorm any reasons that someone with depression doesn’t want to go shopping and get a haircut.

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 22:37

LadybirdsAreNeverHappy · 23/09/2022 22:32

What do you do about work in this scenario?

I was entitled to disability benefits when I wasn’t able to work due to depression.

I have a mortgage so wouldn’t be entitled to any help with housing costs! I can’t stay in bed and keep a roof over my head unfortunately, no matter how bad my mental health is.

pawkins · 23/09/2022 22:37

snowspider · 23/09/2022 18:28

There is no motivation, everything is pointless, you want to get off the world and curl up. Extremely difficult to feign interest in anything because you have zero desire to look outwards. You can sometimes feel that as you look at your house and the mess piling up I wish it was tidy but still can't summon the energy or will to do it and this is repeated in getting up, cleaning teeth etc etc No amount of attempting to override this ennui will work, unless just maybe you are supremely resilient and have been round this block on many previous occasions and can get yourself out of it. On a brighter note it is possible one way or another and if you are lucky then you will still have friends once things are better, though friends often give up as they get pushed away. Supporting a friend with depression is difficult but hang on in there.

I feel like this quite often. I keep struggling through but I have thought for at least the last nine years I have been depressed.
I come out of it and function ok on the outside but I’m never truly happy or far from tears.

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 23/09/2022 22:39

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 22:26

What do you do about work in this scenario?

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Me personally? I don't/can't.

FrippEnos · 23/09/2022 22:39

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 22:37

I have a mortgage so wouldn’t be entitled to any help with housing costs! I can’t stay in bed and keep a roof over my head unfortunately, no matter how bad my mental health is.

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I could manage work, but when I came home I slept. It was the only way that I could shutdown.

VioletInsolence · 23/09/2022 22:40

I’ve got a weird sort of depression where my moods swing dramatically from day to day. I don’t have any choice but to go our because I have dogs and no garden but if I’m depressed I have to drive somewhere quiet.

It’s because I feel like a horrible person when I’m depressed and I don’t like walking past someone and looking at the floor. Even if I try to smile at people, it must look odd because they don’t smile back. Everyone seems hostile because my body language is making them uncomfortable and then that makes me feel like the world is a horrible place.

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 22:41

FrippEnos · 23/09/2022 22:39

I could manage work, but when I came home I slept. It was the only way that I could shutdown.

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Yes, this is me. Unfortunately without the sleep part.

LadybirdsAreNeverHappy · 23/09/2022 22:45

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 22:37

I have a mortgage so wouldn’t be entitled to any help with housing costs! I can’t stay in bed and keep a roof over my head unfortunately, no matter how bad my mental health is.

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Then you haven’t experienced debilitating depression.

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 22:59

LadybirdsAreNeverHappy · 23/09/2022 22:45

Then you haven’t experienced debilitating depression.

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How would I get any help. Being homeless would surely make my depression worse?

i would like to know how many people who are unable to work because of mental health issues actually have anything to lose?

I appreciate that uncertain housing issues could make depression worse, but you don’t have anything to lose if you rent/social housing because benefits will pay.

if you have a mortgage you don’t get any help until you have lost everything.

I hate to say it, but this thread has made me think. How many people with mental health issues would be able to work if they were going to lose their house and life’s work?

MarigoldPetals · 23/09/2022 23:01

Too scary.
No motivation.

FrankTheThunderbird · 23/09/2022 23:03

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 22:59

How would I get any help. Being homeless would surely make my depression worse?

i would like to know how many people who are unable to work because of mental health issues actually have anything to lose?

I appreciate that uncertain housing issues could make depression worse, but you don’t have anything to lose if you rent/social housing because benefits will pay.

if you have a mortgage you don’t get any help until you have lost everything.

I hate to say it, but this thread has made me think. How many people with mental health issues would be able to work if they were going to lose their house and life’s work?

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I'm to ill to work but have been turned down for PIP/LCWRA. I don't have enough income to pay the bills. I'm sorry every month. It definitely makes my depression worse.

I still can't work. I just can't. I'm hoping I'll be able to go part time soon and build up. But who knows.

You remind me of an acquaintance who tells me she "doesn't have time" to be depressed because she has children to look after. So do I. I'm still depressed. I can't help it.

Vapeyvapevape · 23/09/2022 23:09

@2020Raquet I mean this kindly but as a home owner and having suffered debilitating depression in the past some of your comments are a bit insensitive. I couldn't work and received a repossession letter from my lender, if my parents hadn't stepped in to help me financially, I would have lost my home. Please be careful with your words , posters on this thread have and still are suffering from varying degrees of depression , just because you have managed to work etc doesn't mean everyone can .

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 23/09/2022 23:12

How many people with mental health issues would be able to work if they were going to lose their house and life’s work?

Some maybe — possibly to their detriment, health-wise. Certainly not all.

I've never been able to have my own house and "life's work" because of the severe and enduring mental illness that first emerged in my mid teens. Many, though not all, people with these kinds of mental health issues are in the same situation. Maybe a few qualifications are possible, perhaps some work here and there, but it can be almost impossible to achieve the sustained functioning required to end up with a mortgage and a career.

Owning a house and having a life's work to protect implies a high level of baseline functioning from which the mental health issue is a potentially temporary deviation. If that's the case, many of those people will be able to take some sick leave while they recover. I'm sorry that you can't do that — it must be very difficult.

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 23:14

FrankTheThunderbird · 23/09/2022 23:03

I'm to ill to work but have been turned down for PIP/LCWRA. I don't have enough income to pay the bills. I'm sorry every month. It definitely makes my depression worse.

I still can't work. I just can't. I'm hoping I'll be able to go part time soon and build up. But who knows.

You remind me of an acquaintance who tells me she "doesn't have time" to be depressed because she has children to look after. So do I. I'm still depressed. I can't help it.

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I’m really sorry that you are in this position. I hope you get some help both with your health and monetary situation soon. I really do wish you all the best. I do think trying to have positive thoughts does help. I try to appreciate that embracing the shit things in life means that we can appreciate the good things more!

needanamechangenowplz · 23/09/2022 23:21

Vapeyvapevape · 23/09/2022 23:09

@2020Raquet I mean this kindly but as a home owner and having suffered debilitating depression in the past some of your comments are a bit insensitive. I couldn't work and received a repossession letter from my lender, if my parents hadn't stepped in to help me financially, I would have lost my home. Please be careful with your words , posters on this thread have and still are suffering from varying degrees of depression , just because you have managed to work etc doesn't mean everyone can .

Agree with this. There are varying degrees of depression. If you say you "got over yours", you still manage to work, you have responsibilities and you do them because "you have to", you do not understand what debilitating depression is.
The person who can't do these things also has responsibilities and is not able to do them, no matter how much they want to be able to. Just like anything else, everyone's situation is different and there are many factors that affect how debilitated or how functional each person is or will be.
It can be a serious illness and one that affects and is affected by everything in the person's life.

XenoBitch · 23/09/2022 23:25

I have known people to take their life, and no one in their life had a fucking clue what was going on, because they were seemingly happy and doing ok.
Their suicide was always a shock to those surrounding them.

needanamechangenowplz · 23/09/2022 23:26

You can become depressed overnight. One unimaginable tragedy you know you can't ever fully come to terms with and boom- lifelong depression.

needanamechangenowplz · 23/09/2022 23:29

XenoBitch · 23/09/2022 23:25

I have known people to take their life, and no one in their life had a fucking clue what was going on, because they were seemingly happy and doing ok.
Their suicide was always a shock to those surrounding them.

That seems to be more common than people think. People think there should be obvious signs or the person will reach out to the people closest to them. Sometimes they do and aren't taken seriously and sometimes people suffer without telling much and it really it a shock to the people around them. Both such a shame.