Page 6 | No hate please ! Why do depressed people not go outside ?

ShareLove · 2022-09-23T17:12:52+00:00

Sorry if it upsets anyone , I am just very curious as why depressed people don’t want to go outside ? I know someone who has depression and she doesn’t want to go outside at all no shopping (only online shopping )no hairdresser no nothing , can someone explain to me what’s stopping them ? It’s no hate question at all I’m just trying to understand better and educate my self better . Thank you millions xxx

stillvicarinatutu · 23/09/2022 23:34

I'm working from home . I still appear to function to most people.

But I go days and days with the blinds down , working from bed . Don't know what I'll do when I have to actually go into the office again . I live in pyjamas, even walking the dogs I put a coat over them .

stillvicarinatutu · 23/09/2022 23:40

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 23/09/2022 22:12

It's 2pm. You're in bed, in the pyjamas you slept in, that you wore all day yesterday — that, in fact, you put on after you last washed, maybe a week ago, the last clean clothing you had left in the drawer. Could be more than a week since you washed yourself, time has gone strange and you drift in and out of sleep regardless of time of day. You know you probably stink. Your hair is lank and matted. You haven't eaten for a while, not sure how long, but you're not hungry anyway. Good thing, because there's nothing in the fridge except some half-used condiments and a few scraps that might have last been edible a month ago. Maybe there's a few junk food wrappers by the bed where you dropped them after joylessly ingesting the contents. It doesn't matter because your whole place is a mess anyway, overflowing bins and dirty clothes and rubbish and a pile of unopened post you can't face.

Your phone is plugged in by the bed, and a calendar notification pings. For fifteen minutes, you try to draw the energy from somewhere to reach out for it, and check what it is. Eventually you push through the unending muscle aches, finding the strength to lift an arm that feels like it's weighed down with sandbags, and lift the phone from the bedside table. Hairdresser's appointment in 45 minutes. Are you going to go?

This is me. Except I don't reach out for the phone . I do t have anything scheduled anymore. I had today and yesterday off work so didn't get up . Tomorrow I've got to as I'm babysitting next doors child and taking her to watch her mum at an event . I'm dreading the alarm . I don't sleep at night so I'll be like a zombie . I'll do it , I generally feel better when I'm forced to get up and dressed but the effort is usually just too much .

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 23:44

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 23/09/2022 23:12

How many people with mental health issues would be able to work if they were going to lose their house and life’s work?

Some maybe — possibly to their detriment, health-wise. Certainly not all.

I've never been able to have my own house and "life's work" because of the severe and enduring mental illness that first emerged in my mid teens. Many, though not all, people with these kinds of mental health issues are in the same situation. Maybe a few qualifications are possible, perhaps some work here and there, but it can be almost impossible to achieve the sustained functioning required to end up with a mortgage and a career.

Owning a house and having a life's work to protect implies a high level of baseline functioning from which the mental health issue is a potentially temporary deviation. If that's the case, many of those people will be able to take some sick leave while they recover. I'm sorry that you can't do that — it must be very difficult.

Yes, you are right. My major mental health crisis have been supported by my employers which has helped me.

i have got annoyed on this thread because I just want people to know that there can be an end it sight. But it’s not easy. The professional support is shit. You need to rely on yourselves, your family and your friends.

Soooo many people have just said that there’s no cure, there’s no help, they can’t get better. I’m living proof that there is life with mental health issues. I still struggle a lot, but manage to hold down a decent job, a relationship, friends and can enjoy my life most of the time. I have really bad down times where I do not want to live with the pain depression brings me. I hate that I would make people sad if I died; that puts pressure on me!

I try to always have something booked in the future to look forward to, a friends birthday/wedding, a holiday. Even if it’s more than a year away.

Im now going to go and have my first shower in 4 days - I didn’t really know this was a sign of depression rather than post covid!! (I do manage to brush my teeth every day but my hair can go weeks!).

We obviously all experience depression in different ways and I have learnt today that mine isn’t the only way.

I really wish you all the best.

stillvicarinatutu · 23/09/2022 23:51

If I'm totally honest - if there was a painless way to end this and leave this plane I would . My family would be financially secure and without carrying my weight around in their shoulders. I live in my own , I do t see anyone other than my neighbour who has become a dear friend . She does try and rally me . My relationship with my daughter is fucked and my son lives abroad . I love my dd but I can't find a way back . I try . She blocks all my efforts to see her . I left her dad and she blames me . My kids were all I had anyway . So now I've managed to destroy that I do t really have much left . I don't look after myself anymore . I do t go to doctors. I've declined my mammogram and smear . I started smoking. I drink too much to be good for you . And I'm totally past caring . If I were to drop dead it would just benefit my family as I'm well insured so I am leaving everything to fate . I'm sound of mind , I know what I'm doing , I'm existing on a daily basis but have no life . So I do t really care what happens to me now .
That's depression . It sneaks up and pulls you under . I'm medicated. I lie to everyone. Work . Family . Friends . I say oh I'm fine ! I do t know what else to say . I'm fine . I'm fine if I'm left alone , I'm fine in bed , I'm fine asleep. I'm fine watching Netflix with a glass of wine . I'm fine in the back garden having a cigarette. That's when I'm fine . And that's where I am mostly .

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 23/09/2022 23:57

Thanks @2020Raquet, I wish you all the best too. You're right, it is possible to recover. Really hard though!

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 23:58

stillvicarinatutu · 23/09/2022 23:51

If I'm totally honest - if there was a painless way to end this and leave this plane I would . My family would be financially secure and without carrying my weight around in their shoulders. I live in my own , I do t see anyone other than my neighbour who has become a dear friend . She does try and rally me . My relationship with my daughter is fucked and my son lives abroad . I love my dd but I can't find a way back . I try . She blocks all my efforts to see her . I left her dad and she blames me . My kids were all I had anyway . So now I've managed to destroy that I do t really have much left . I don't look after myself anymore . I do t go to doctors. I've declined my mammogram and smear . I started smoking. I drink too much to be good for you . And I'm totally past caring . If I were to drop dead it would just benefit my family as I'm well insured so I am leaving everything to fate . I'm sound of mind , I know what I'm doing , I'm existing on a daily basis but have no life . So I do t really care what happens to me now .
That's depression . It sneaks up and pulls you under . I'm medicated. I lie to everyone. Work . Family . Friends . I say oh I'm fine ! I do t know what else to say . I'm fine . I'm fine if I'm left alone , I'm fine in bed , I'm fine asleep. I'm fine watching Netflix with a glass of wine . I'm fine in the back garden having a cigarette. That's when I'm fine . And that's where I am mostly .

I’m really sad to read this. I have times when I feel the same.
I hope you have some friends you can talk to when you feel your worst and that you can regain your relationship with your daughter.
Please always feel free to PM me if you feel the need. X

AllLopsided · 24/09/2022 00:02

I'm depressed because I'm in pain. I do go outside, mostly for medical appointments. But I have a huge amount of anxiety about every outing. I weigh up every event against how much pain it will cause, and whether I'll cope at all with the pain on that particular day. So does the outing involve driving? If yes - pain. Is someone else driving? Not any better because now I'll be bumped around in the car. Does it involve more sitting upright than just in the car? If yes, Big Pain. Does it involves standing still? If yes, pain. Does it involve walking? If yes, pain. Obviously it's hard to go out without doing any of those things. So if I don't have to, I won't, because I'm about at my limit right now.

My DH asked if I'd like to go out to dinner for our wedding anniversary. He suggested a nice place in town. I started to panic. 40 mins each way in the car plus two hours in the restaurant = 3.5 hours sitting with very little break. I'm in pain and panicking just thinking about the level of pain that would cause.

In a more general way, it's about not having the energy to move and not wanting to see people. Oh and I haven't washed my hair for 2 weeks. Boiler problem, not related to depression. But our garden isn't private, we are on view if our neighbours walk past.

stillvicarinatutu · 24/09/2022 00:07

2020

That's really kind thanks. But I'm fine .

I dont have any friends except my lovely neighbour. But I have come to accept my lot . I moved away from dh . I asked dd last night if I moved back closer to her would I see her more but she said no . She's mid 20s now with her own life . She said maybe 8 years ago it would have made a difference but not now . I've always been there for my kids but she obviously can't forgive me leaving her dad and ergo she thinks I left her - I didn't - she was at uni when I left . But it's how she feels and I can't undo it .

Im fine . At the moment im comfortable. I've tried to explain how I feel to dd but she's of the "pull yourself together " frame of mind .

snowspider · 24/09/2022 00:07

I can't go to bed without saying something encouraging. I have no words. To everyone on this thread going through such hard stuff, just a hand

LadybirdsAreNeverHappy · 24/09/2022 00:10

stillvicarinatutu · 23/09/2022 23:51

If I'm totally honest - if there was a painless way to end this and leave this plane I would . My family would be financially secure and without carrying my weight around in their shoulders. I live in my own , I do t see anyone other than my neighbour who has become a dear friend . She does try and rally me . My relationship with my daughter is fucked and my son lives abroad . I love my dd but I can't find a way back . I try . She blocks all my efforts to see her . I left her dad and she blames me . My kids were all I had anyway . So now I've managed to destroy that I do t really have much left . I don't look after myself anymore . I do t go to doctors. I've declined my mammogram and smear . I started smoking. I drink too much to be good for you . And I'm totally past caring . If I were to drop dead it would just benefit my family as I'm well insured so I am leaving everything to fate . I'm sound of mind , I know what I'm doing , I'm existing on a daily basis but have no life . So I do t really care what happens to me now .
That's depression . It sneaks up and pulls you under . I'm medicated. I lie to everyone. Work . Family . Friends . I say oh I'm fine ! I do t know what else to say . I'm fine . I'm fine if I'm left alone , I'm fine in bed , I'm fine asleep. I'm fine watching Netflix with a glass of wine . I'm fine in the back garden having a cigarette. That's when I'm fine . And that's where I am mostly .

This is not good. Whoever prescribes your meds, could you go and tell them how you’re feeling?

stillvicarinatutu · 24/09/2022 00:14

Like I said , I'm fine .

Thank you tho - it's funny that strangers are more understanding and concerned than Anyo E I know . If I can just stay like this I'll be fine . X
I'm already on 100mg sertraline and hrt. It's not the meds . It's me . My soul has given up .

2020Raquet · 24/09/2022 00:17

stillvicarinatutu · 24/09/2022 00:14

Like I said , I'm fine .

Thank you tho - it's funny that strangers are more understanding and concerned than Anyo E I know . If I can just stay like this I'll be fine . X
I'm already on 100mg sertraline and hrt. It's not the meds . It's me . My soul has given up .

Please don’t give up. There is always something. Can you book yourself something you love; a spa, a holiday, a good book. Things will get better.

stillvicarinatutu · 24/09/2022 00:20

Right now I am living in poverty. I can't afford a hair cut or a pedicure. So treats are out . I'm paying my last year of debt off.

This might out me but I'm paying my ex dh debt off too but only got a year to go . Nearly there . Then I'll have a bit of disposable income.

2020Raquet · 24/09/2022 00:20

AllLopsided · 24/09/2022 00:02

I'm depressed because I'm in pain. I do go outside, mostly for medical appointments. But I have a huge amount of anxiety about every outing. I weigh up every event against how much pain it will cause, and whether I'll cope at all with the pain on that particular day. So does the outing involve driving? If yes - pain. Is someone else driving? Not any better because now I'll be bumped around in the car. Does it involve more sitting upright than just in the car? If yes, Big Pain. Does it involves standing still? If yes, pain. Does it involve walking? If yes, pain. Obviously it's hard to go out without doing any of those things. So if I don't have to, I won't, because I'm about at my limit right now.

My DH asked if I'd like to go out to dinner for our wedding anniversary. He suggested a nice place in town. I started to panic. 40 mins each way in the car plus two hours in the restaurant = 3.5 hours sitting with very little break. I'm in pain and panicking just thinking about the level of pain that would cause.

In a more general way, it's about not having the energy to move and not wanting to see people. Oh and I haven't washed my hair for 2 weeks. Boiler problem, not related to depression. But our garden isn't private, we are on view if our neighbours walk past.

i forget about people with depression due to pain, even though my BFF is the same. Can you talk to your GP regarding pain relief or a referral to a pain clinic. No one should be in constant pain. Hope you get some relief.

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 24/09/2022 00:21

stillvicarinatutu · 24/09/2022 00:14

Like I said , I'm fine .

Thank you tho - it's funny that strangers are more understanding and concerned than Anyo E I know . If I can just stay like this I'll be fine . X
I'm already on 100mg sertraline and hrt. It's not the meds . It's me . My soul has given up .

Mm, yeah, I know that one. That this is just me, now — nothing to be done.

IT'S A TRAP!

Really though — the depressive state of mind is very capable of convincing you that this is just how you are now, and preventing you being able to entertain the idea that this way of thinking and feeling is not somehow fundamental to your being.

stillvicarinatutu · 24/09/2022 00:24

On the outside I'm still funny . I make people laugh. People can't see me .

My neighbour clicks when the blinds haven't gone up for 3 days and the drags me out of bed 😂.

stillvicarinatutu · 24/09/2022 00:29

I have two dogs and they stop me leaving . (The world)

If I were gonna do that I'd plan properly. They'd be in kennels. I can't afford kennels.

I couldn't bear the thought of them being alone for god knows how long .

2020Raquet · 24/09/2022 00:32

stillvicarinatutu · 24/09/2022 00:29

I have two dogs and they stop me leaving . (The world)

If I were gonna do that I'd plan properly. They'd be in kennels. I can't afford kennels.

I couldn't bear the thought of them being alone for god knows how long .

I’m glad you have your fur baby’s. They must give you lots of love.

BeBesideTheSea · 24/09/2022 00:34

Idk - why can someone who has broken both legs run - it would be good for strengthening their muscles.

the answer OP is because they are depressed. It is an illness, not a lifestyle choice.

stillvicarinatutu · 24/09/2022 00:35

It would be a while. My neighbour texts me if she hasn't seen me for a few days asking if I'm alive 😂.

And no one else bothers . That's not for pity - it's just a fact .

It's funny cos I really can have a laugh with people and I'd say when I am in the office or my usual work I'm popular and people are always going on about how lovely I am etc but that does t really bare any resemblance to my life in reality . I'm a different person at work. But haven't been for 6 months . Working from home .

BeBesideTheSea · 24/09/2022 00:35

Can’t run

FrankTheThunderbird · 24/09/2022 00:35

2020Raquet · 23/09/2022 23:14

I’m really sorry that you are in this position. I hope you get some help both with your health and monetary situation soon. I really do wish you all the best. I do think trying to have positive thoughts does help. I try to appreciate that embracing the shit things in life means that we can appreciate the good things more!

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Of course having positive thoughts helps. Oddly enough it's not very easy to have positive thoughts when you're severely depressed.

Anyway, thanks for your well wishes. I'm coming out of the worst of the depression at the moment. I can manage the odd 'big' trip out as well as small local ones (eg Church.) I am updating my cv and looking at what jobs are available. But I'm taking it slowly so I don't crash again.

2020Raquet · 24/09/2022 00:39

FrankTheThunderbird · 24/09/2022 00:35

Of course having positive thoughts helps. Oddly enough it's not very easy to have positive thoughts when you're severely depressed.

Anyway, thanks for your well wishes. I'm coming out of the worst of the depression at the moment. I can manage the odd 'big' trip out as well as small local ones (eg Church.) I am updating my cv and looking at what jobs are available. But I'm taking it slowly so I don't crash again.

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Well Sunday church would be a big trip for me, so it sounds like your being positive.

TwowaystoUrmston · 24/09/2022 00:41

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 23/09/2022 18:27

One of the defining features of depression is lack of energy, physical and emotional. Utter, dread, bone-deep inertia.
The slightest thing takes super-human effort.
Imagine picking a mug up to make a cup of tea, barely worthy of a thought, easy peasy lemon squeezy, hardly even notice it.
Now imagine your muscles are made of cooked spaghetti, aren't really attached to your arms and the message from your brain to your muscle doesn't ever quite leave the station... Now pick the mug up.
It's a serious illness but you look just the same as you ever did.
If depression looked how it felt, it would look like melted liquorice.

The most accurate description of depression I've ever seen, I never want to go back there.

FrankTheThunderbird · 24/09/2022 00:42

Oh lord, not Sunday church! Far too many people there. Church is literally a 2 min walk from my house, closer than the shops!

Yes I'm able to think of positive things now. But like I said I'm coming out of it. A year ago there was no way I'd have managed.