No hate please ! Why do depressed people not go outside ?

[ShareLove]

Sorry if it upsets anyone , I am just very curious as why depressed people don’t want to go outside ? I know someone who has depression and she doesn’t want to go outside at all no shopping (only online shopping )no hairdresser no nothing , can someone explain to me what’s stopping them ? It’s no hate question at all I’m just trying to understand better and educate my self better . Thank you millions xxx

I’ve never suffered depression but I’ve gone through some tough situations and the last thing I wanted to do was leave the house. Same when I’ve felt very upset or stressed about something. I imagine if you have depression it’s like that x 1000. I don’t see why it’s hard to understand, it’s a pretty common human response to hide away when you feel low - whether just feeling sad or being actually clinically depressed.

Because I'm rooted to the settee. I mean it, I dont want to move, like I've taken root there. And it's safe there. Even when I desperately need a wee I have to force myself to get off the settee, I crawl to the loo on my hands and knees because I don't want to even stand up.
I also shout at myself a lot, make strange noises and pull weird faces and sometimes hit myself, so not behaviour I want to share with the outside world.

When I'm depressed I feel highly anxious too. Staying home feels safer.

The way I think of it - try and remember the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to you. And I mean the very worst.
Now remember how you felt, how your brain endlessly ran those thoughts and feelings over and over in your brain. And all you wanted to do was for it to stop. You just wished you could go to sleep (or worse) to stop those thought and feelings, to just get a moments relief. And your body reacts to that stress physically, you can’t move, your body feels like lead, you feel shut down. You want to sleep forever, you just don’t want to be.

why go outside, what’s the point. Even if the sun is shining, birds are singling - it will make no impact on you. You can’t feel anything. You feel only misery and hopelessness. Your normal optimism and resilience is gone. It’s like standing in front of a massive festival music speaker, it drowns out and replaces everything with just a screaming, roaring, annihilating wave of misery and self hate.

it just doesn’t leave room for anything else.

Being depressed is like being at the bottomof a deep pit, with unscalable walls...And everyone who walks past you gives you a kick...would you want to go outside feeling like that? Or would you hunker down even further into the pit to avoid the pain?

@ShareLove

because it always feels a bit disingenuous & often people come back & throw it in your face on other threads.

plus you were somewhat being judgey in your post & critical of your friend, which feels like it's critical of others who have depression and don't just go outside & be somehow magically not depressed.

I think I have/suffer from/live with depression, but I can't talk to my GP (not even if I could get an appointment) because I'd lose my job if my GP agreed (very old fashioned sector) and so I just have to do what I can to live with it.

I have underlying health conditions along with my age & weight that made me very vulnerable to covid. It's been a hard 2.5 years & I'm still struggling with it, I barely go anywhere that isn't compulsory. I had to go into a supermarket on Saturday, I'd been in 2 weeks ago, but it was mid week & not too busy. On Saturday , it was busy and I had a panic attack, it was mild to ones other people have, but I rarely have them, so it was awful. It certainly hasn't helped me want to go out!

even without depression I hate 'going to the shops' & hate going to the hairdressers! So maybe your friend wouldn't be interested anyway?

I used to love walking, but I get chest pains now and it makes me nervous.

I was in an accident last year, I had life changing injuries, and feel vulnerable now.

if you don't want to keep up your friendship with her, then don't, but stop expecting/putting pressure on her to go out go shopping go to the hairdresser etc. stop making her make excuses, it's bloody draining.

I do go outside - at 11pm and walk around the fields. No chance of seeing anyone.

@AlmostSummer21 I would private for a GP so it’s not on your records.
And I’d go and see a psychotherapist. Again nit in your record.

you don’t have to live with depression.

Also, not everyone with depression is the same. You can be horribly depressed and still somehow manage to see your kids off to school and go to work.

If you want to support your friend with her depression, then ask her what would help.

Because the pain of just existing takes up all your energy.

When I was at my worst. Self hatred fuelled it. I just wanted to sleep and never wake up.

Also @AlmostSummer21 I really didn’t see the OP as judging her friend.
I took it as in her being puzzled and trying to understand.

There are a lot if illnesses that most people don’t get and will never get until they actually get I’ll themselves.
I have ME/CFS and very few people have any idea of how debilitating it is. Most people think it’s feeling tired like they feel tired. And it’s not.
i suspect that unless you have had depression or have known someone affected in the way her friend is, most people won’t have a clue either. And I don’t think you can expect them to.

Having the curiosity and the open mindedness to ask and wanting to know more/understand better is amazing Imo. I wish my dh had done that when I first got ill.

To be honest I think the answers here are far more enlightening than anything that Google can offer in a quick search.

Thank you for sharing, those of you that have. I wish I'd read these accounts when my late husband had his breakdown. For obvious reasons he didn't want to talk in any detail at all about how life felt for him. I was as supportive as I could be, but these accounts are so raw, they would have helped me understand better.

So let's not give OP a hard time. I'm grateful to her for asking the question.

@XenoBitch I agree.

When I was depressed, I thought everyone around me was going to die. But I could out etc…

When I feel very down it feels like there’s a lot of ‘noise’ already going on in my head. To go outside in the harsh light, with noise and crowds and cars, feels like it would be a sensory overload. It’s like my mind needs to process everything in dark and quiet.

Because going out means

Clean clothes.
A bath
Hair washed and brushed
Teeth cleaned (I try and do this as a minimum anyway)
Energy
Might bump into someone I know
People
Motivation
Having somewhere to go

Staying in is safe.

TBF I didn't go to the hairdresser when I wasn't depressed. I'm even less likely to go now.

To quote Malcolm Tucker 'Have you met the public? They're fucking horrible'. And no. Not all of the time , but when we are feeling fragile sometimes it's too much.

It depends.
I didn't have the energy to do anything at all. I could just sit on the sofa for hours on end, doing nothing but think about how miserable I felt. There was no motivation at all. My dog was my saviour in that I had to walk him so I was able to go for short walks and enjoy the nature.
Some other times leaving the house would make me cry on the bus or on the streets. My house was the only place where I felt safe and the outside seemed utterly unwelcoming.
Social events would make me shut myself in the bathroom for a quick cry.
Depression is a nightmare. The best thing you can do is be there for your friend and when she needs you or reaches you, but never force her to go out, socialize etc. because that would make things worse.

I mean, the clues kind of in the condition name.

Yes, because it's either too overwhelming, which I guess is more anxiety than depression or because it feels them with an impending sense of doom and dread or because they simply have no interest in the outside world.

Depression is different for everyone who experiences it but imagine how you feel when you can't be bothered to do something. Now imagine that feeling magnified and that you are feeling it all the time, about everything.

Op I don't mind you asking . I think it's really hard to comprehend unless you are depressed!

What a moronic post

I don’t mind you asking either. There’s so much ‘we need to educate people on mental health’ and ‘it’s not discussed enough’ yet when somebody asks a straightforward question they get called ‘goady’ etc

Big up to the posters on this thread for the replies. I think the op is like many people baffled and it is a good question. It's honest to say I don't understand and the experience that people have put so well can only help open up the discussion of mental health.

When you're depressed everything feels pointless. So why would you go outside? It would be pointless. I genuinely used to wonder how people smiled at one point. That emotion had left me completely.