No hate please ! Why do depressed people not go outside ?

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Sorry if it upsets anyone , I am just very curious as why depressed people don’t want to go outside ? I know someone who has depression and she doesn’t want to go outside at all no shopping (only online shopping )no hairdresser no nothing , can someone explain to me what’s stopping them ? It’s no hate question at all I’m just trying to understand better and educate my self better . Thank you millions xxx

Because there's no point.

Seriously when you are in a deep depression you are because you feel useless, worthless and like nothing you do or say matters.

So why go out?

Just to have people stare at you? (Because you haven't washed in a month)

To have random strangers in the street tell you to 'cheer up love'?

When you move so slowly that you have the indignity of 80somethings overtake you?

When a cashier tries small talk and you struggle to pay attention and speaking feels like it uses monumental energy?

When you know you look like shit and don't want to risk someone who used to know you seeing you and having that agh aghast look of horror on their face at the sight of you? Or laugh?

When you have so little energy that walking to a shop makes you feel like you've run a marathon?

When you don't trust yourself not to step out in front of a bus when crossing the road?

You really can't guess any of this on your own??

Because everyone outside will be looking at you and wondering why someone so ugly is allowed out.

That's like saying why doesn't a person in a wheelchair just stand up and walk.

It’s a vicious circle. Depression makes you not want to do anything. But to get better you need to push yourself to do something!

Depression closes down the social side of you. You just become about barely existing.

Human contact is too hard, too difficult, too exhausting and require more than you are able to do

You would have to ask your friend why she doesn’t want to go out. Any depressed person who doesn’t want to go out has their own particular reasons. There’s no one answer.
I would advise you not to actually ask her though. You don’t need to understand why in order to support her.

It is too much effort. Shoes, locking the front door, walking down a street, picking up a shopping basket, saying thank you at the checkout. Everything other than just sitting in a chair can feel impossible and be exhausting. At a very extreme level, I had a constant voice telling me to step out in front of a lorry. I would watch for big fast ones and it upset me that i couldn't stop the thoughts.

Depression is an awful illness. It can take a lot of time and effort to get better but it can be done. But while you are in it it is inescapable.

Agree with @Kanaloa . I'm astonished you have not experienced been down ever in your life. Have you never been heartbroken and felt down?

I need your luck! Send it my way please.

Being down and let down in your life is sadness. It’s a normal part of life. You can move past it and enjoy life again. It does take effort though.

Apart from the few unhelpful posts, do you feel this thread has helped you understand, OP?

I assume I’m being included in the “unhelpful” post. But I have been there, and probably will have to cope with depression all my life. I refuse to let it define me though. I found anti depressants kept me in a permanent state of nothingness and after a stay in hospital after a suicide attempt, I decided I was going to beat it. It is an illness and you can find your cure. I get annoyed when people think you just have to live with it, accept it, do nothing! No, you can live again and beat it.

Not really.

The only stupid question is the one that is not asked.

Many people do not understand depression (or any mental illness) at all. Unless it has touched you personally via your own illness or a loved one, it can be difficult to understand and make sense of.

My own mother still comes up with "stupid" questions despite me having had mental illness for most of my adult life, along with hospitalisations. I would rather she ask then stumble blindly along and potentially make things worse.

I have double depression, persistent depressive disorder with major depressive episodes. My baseline is mild to moderate depression. I have literally never not been depressed. I would have to ask someone what it’s like to not be depressed but I’m sure I wouldn’t understand their answer. After nearly two decades since being diagnosed, I’ve been forced to accept that treatment at best improves some of my symptoms but at worst makes me much worse and comes with side effects that bring their own misery. Not everyone can live again and beat it.

Personally from experience, the outside didn't feel safe, everything is unpredictable and home is my safe space. Lack of finances, unable to afford to get my hair cut & coloured, clothes looking shabby and feeling embarrassed to be seen at my low points tbh

Not, not everyone can beat it and live again. I had my first attack of severe depression at 16. Then lots of on/offs ;some long and severe) until l hit the menopause.

Then it became chronic. I can’t leave the house without medication.

She might be dealing with the freeze trauma response.

I’m glad to see you have a full diagnosis. Has that diagnosis helped you enjoy life or cope with your condition more?

I hope you manage to go outside, interact with family, work, enjoy aspects of your life? That is living with depression and finding a way to cope with it. Or as I said, your cure. it does take effort though doesn’t it. I wish happiness came for free, but for most of us it needs work.

The only stupid question is the one that is not asked.
Really? It's like asking why someone with a broken leg wouldn't want to jump down a water slide or why someone with a fear of heights wouldn't want to go on the London Eye...I can't believe anyone over the age of 10 wouldn't be able to grasp why someone with depression might not want to go for a pamper at the hairdressers.

For me, when I’m really really depressed. It’s all I can do to open my eyes and breathe, let alone get up dressed, get my shit together and leave the house. Deciding where to go, what to do. Worrying about who I will see, what people are thinking of me. The intrusive thoughts about bridges or buses.
inside, I can curl up and just… be. I’m not doing anything, I don’t need to think about anyone or what I’m doing. I don’t have to open curtains. Or worry about what people think of me.
I can just be a depressed mess without expending energy I don’t have!!

Too much effort.

Finding a way to cope with the symptoms of an illness isn’t the same as it being cured. Cured would mean the illness has gone and you are no longer affected by it.

But someone with a broken leg will have a splint and have it mended. Someone with a fear of heights can avoid the London Eye without it effecting their life in any material way. Why do we treat depression as an incurable illness? You can learn to live with it so that you are able to leave the house for a hairdressers appt. Although to be fair, I only have home visits for hairdressers, that’s one of my coping measures!

You can learn to live with it so that you are able to leave the house for a hairdressers appt

Yeah sure you can🙄

As you said, cured means you are no longer effected by it. I think you can learn to cope so that you are no longer (materially) effected by it. If you can learn to live/cope with it, that is YOUR cure.

Why do we treat Huntingdons as an incurable disease?

Why do we treat diabetes as an incurable disease?

Why do we treat genetic disorders as incurable disease.

Because they are managed not cured. Depression is managed. It’s rarely cured.