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Original poster

My Mum said "You might as well just end it all now"

178 replies

CantBeTamed · 10/09/2022 13:28

Hi,

I'll will try and make a long story short.

I'm 33 I have a myriad of health conditions, some I was born with and some I have acquired. Some are quite serious and potentially life threatening. This has caused me to develop CPTSD on top of the BPD I already have.

I am a very anxious person but always try my very best to "keep calm and carry on". Some days I have some very unpleasant symptoms that I think would push anyone to their limits as they are scary - for example - heart fluttering and all over numbness and tingling.

My Mum has very little sympathy. If I tell her I'm feeling unwell or start to panic she will roll her eyes and just tell me to calm down. I asked her if I could stay at hers for the night yesterday just to give my DH a bit of a break and she started rolling her eyes and sighing, saying "Ugh, do you have to".

This morning I've had to switch from an injectable blood thinner to an oral one which is a huge deal for me because the injectable medicine has become somewhat of a crutch. Without making a fuss I said I was a little nervous about switching as I opened the pill box and she said "Ugh, well I'm afraid you're just going to have to start doing what's best for you and start being more positive, think about the happiness of everyone around you, if you're not going to start being more positive about your health you might as well just end it all now."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I feel so alone and unsupported.

OP posts:
illbedarnd · 11/09/2022 21:30

Pixiedust1234 · 11/09/2022 13:56

Probably the ones who suffer life changing illnesses themselves so have a certain perspective. Same as adult carers. The only ones spouting how horrible some posters are, are the ones who don't say they are an adult carer or that they have debilitating medical conditions. Funny that.

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THIS IS THE SUPPORT I GAVE TO THE OP. PAGE 1 OF THIS THREAD

BPD is usually (not always) as a result of childhood abuse. Unfortunately, you need to find comfort in people other than your parents. For whatever reason, they have hurt you and you will never get them to change. Much love to you.

Go back to your husband. Stop clinging onto hope that your mother will change. She won't. Take it from me.

You can't re-write history. Your mother is less than caring to put it mildly. Focus on being around people who do in fact care about you and love you. You will never get what you want from your mother. Stop trying to as it will destroy you. You have a partner and he loves you. Don't waste your time trying to get someone to be who they never were. Your mother never was a mother to you, nor will she ever be.

illbedarnd · 11/09/2022 21:36

illbedarnd · 11/09/2022 13:32

I spent a lifetime battling to try to get my mother to be a mother. In the end, and this has only happened over the past year, I had to just grieve for the mother I never had and never will have (she's alive lol). It has been painful and I've cried so so much. It's not easy and I'm afraid a lot, but I'm not being rejected over and over and over again.

Your mother's job should be to comfort and support you. If you can't fucking comfort your own child (and I don't care how old your child is), then you're not a mother.

For all of you experts, with and without BPD, one of the more striking characteristics of the disorder is a fear of either abandonment or of rejection.

One point that was raised though among the posters who decided that now might be a good point to stick the boot in, was that dependence breeds further dependence. When I depend on others for my own life, I put my life in their hands. Nobody deserves that privilege. Your mother certainly doesn't.

I am strong and that's why people tried to break me. Break someone enough, you can control them. Your mother is probably sicker than you OP, so now is the time for you to cut her out of your life and get on with your life.

And @Pixiedust1234 This was my further response and advice and support to the OP having read through the further utterly galling responses the OP received last night and earlier today.

If anyone has carer fatigue, I suggest they seek help on their own threads. To vent your frustration at an already vulnerable and fragile woman is nasty quite frankly.

illbedarnd · 11/09/2022 21:42

Herejustforthisone · 11/09/2022 14:47

I am absolutely horrified by some of the posts to this OP. Horrified. This thread is populated with utterly spiteful cunts.

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They're only trying to help apparently. 😯

I wouldn't like to see what they write on a bad day!

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