My Mum said "You might as well just end it all now"

[CantBeTamed]

Hi,

I'll will try and make a long story short.

I'm 33 I have a myriad of health conditions, some I was born with and some I have acquired. Some are quite serious and potentially life threatening. This has caused me to develop CPTSD on top of the BPD I already have.

I am a very anxious person but always try my very best to "keep calm and carry on". Some days I have some very unpleasant symptoms that I think would push anyone to their limits as they are scary - for example - heart fluttering and all over numbness and tingling.

My Mum has very little sympathy. If I tell her I'm feeling unwell or start to panic she will roll her eyes and just tell me to calm down. I asked her if I could stay at hers for the night yesterday just to give my DH a bit of a break and she started rolling her eyes and sighing, saying "Ugh, do you have to".

This morning I've had to switch from an injectable blood thinner to an oral one which is a huge deal for me because the injectable medicine has become somewhat of a crutch. Without making a fuss I said I was a little nervous about switching as I opened the pill box and she said "Ugh, well I'm afraid you're just going to have to start doing what's best for you and start being more positive, think about the happiness of everyone around you, if you're not going to start being more positive about your health you might as well just end it all now."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. I feel so alone and unsupported.

She laughs at her hair loss and weight gain that are health related ?? That is uncaring.

Also OP - you're doing really really well in very difficult health and parenting circumstances. You must be very strong. If you can stay away from your mother, you'll be better able to see that strength in action.

She sounds emotionally abusive rather than just worn out and that really won't help a difficult situation.

Sadly this. Whatever you’re facing, it won’t be solved/eased or remedied by your parents.

im so sorry, you sound like you’ve got so much to contend with. It’s not fair. I wish you every strength

I think in some ways I could be you. I have a serious health condition and I know it affects those around me, it couldn't not when I have very nearly died several times. I'm connected to a drip twenty hours a day so it's pretty hard to ignore. I cannot work and some days barely get out of bed. I have constant palpitations and numbness in my hands and feet, along with chronic pain.
My family know all this and are very understanding but I made a conscious decision not to talk about my day to day pain and moan about how I feel mentally and physically. I never post about it on any social media either. It's too much for them to take and it causes compassion fatigue. I have a specialist NHS psychologist and a forum for those with my incredibly rare condition and that's where I off load. It helps us all cope.

That i did not see, I had to go back and find it. Something that bad should have been in the main post. The rest of my post stands. Op needs to find a different outlet and not expect so much from her mother (or anyone else).

Initially it sounded like there could be a context angle, but the more you explain the more it becomes clear that you mum is just a nasty piece of work.

Honestly, set boundaries, share a limited amount and realise that she is never going to be the mother you wish she was.

I’m a bit confused as to how an injectable blood thinner has become a crutch? When it has no effects that are tangible or felt by the user?

I would get that sentiment if you were changing an anti-depressant or pain killer that you felt a real physical or mental benefit from, or changing a dose of diazepam or something, but the blood thinner thing is just strange.

I think your DM is a different matter completely. She is vile and if you can I'd go NC.

She sounds so unkind. Not all mums are maternal so despite loving you I'm sure she just doesn't know how to be a mum naturally sadly. I wish I was your mum as my children would never and will never feel this way. Spend less time with her is my advice and more just with people who know how to show sympathy and kindness

@ZealAndArdour I understand of you don't get it. I have ptsd due to a pulmonary embolism that nearly killed me. That drug has kept me alive for 4 years even though I still have the original clots. I'm frightened that the oral drug won't work as well. Everyone had things they find comfort from. I'm sorry if this baffles you.

I'm so glad you're seeking therapy.

I took ten sessions last year and it was a complete game changer for me - it helped me understand so much. I now see why plenty of people say 'everyone should do therapy' - I totally agree.

If you have to wait ages for an NHS referral, do google 'low cost therapist' in your area. some therapists offer pay-what-you-can-afford to a few patients. It may help get things rolling quicker

Really good luck x

@Devilsfoodcake Maybe I could employ you as my Mum 😂

Okay, I totally get you now. The tablet blood thinners are generally much safer overall and require less regular monitoring, so hopefully you’ll find it helpful in the long run, and it’s got to be better than all those tummy bruises and needles every day.

Are they not able to do a pulmonary thrombectomy to get rid of the clots once and for all?

@ZealAndArdour I don't think so. The only thing they've said to me is just to keep taking the thinners. It's very scary knowing you're still walking round with them.

Are there any support groups you could go to for people with similar problems not only could you get support but also widen your friendships

This.

@Oxborn I have joined some on Facebook. They have been helpful.

I understand, I think I would be scared too if I was in your situation. I’m sorry that I didn’t understand to begin with.

I have PoTS and very low BP with it and often feel very drained and weary, I made a simple unrelated comment to my DP this morning about how I’d woken in the night with a very blocked nose for some reason, and he said “Oh, there’s always something with you isn’t there?!” like I’m always moaning, I really try not to, it was just a throwaway comment about my random blocked nose, thinking maybe the room needed a good hoover and dust or something, but he seemed to take it as another thing in my list of ailments. It was just idle morning chit-chat along the lines of “did you sleep okay?”. Frustrating.

i am sorry
i dont think this really is an AIBU
i imagine your mum means well.
is she tryign to shock some sense into you?

I'd have said 'after you mum, if you go top yourself now it'll save us money in nursing fees for when your time comes'. The stupid old bat needs to realise that her time will come one day & it'll be too late to regret her vile attitude towards you then. Life has a way of balancing the scales sometimes.

@CantBeTamed Do you have access to a long term conditions wellbeing support service in your area? My BIL has many issues and he was feeling very low and anxious (understandably) because of his conditions, BUT his family started to get compassion fatigue, the wellbeing service gave them all strategies to help and it really did and they have their relationships as family and carers back, rather than just caring relationships IYSWIM.

I'm 33 I have a myriad of health conditions, some I was born with and some I have acquired. Some are quite serious and potentially life threatening. This has caused me to develop CPTSD on top of the BPD I already have.

what diagnosed physical health conditions do you have?

Well in that case I think you should distance yourself from her.

If she wants to play a supportive role in your life she needs to accept that this means supporting you. While I do understand the compassion fatigue, at a minimum this means not putting you down for something you can't help.

She can't have it both ways.

Are you under any medical care? Do you have a consultant?