Parent and carers of anxious teens(part 6)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Another thread full!!
For anyone new,these threads started as my D's had crippling anxiety in year 8( and was later diagnosed ASD)now about to start 6th form in September we have been running this quite a while!
This is a safe space to discuss the overwhelm that can engulf us,seek advice and find friendship with others in a similar position.
Please note this is a non judgemental space and respect and care of each other is at the centre of what we are here for.
Whether you want to vent and run,or hang around a while,welcome!

Well done for securing fulltine HLTA bounce- im sure it wasnt easy!
Hope DS3 has a restful break and next year is better for them.

Zoo will GP or camhs do a note for oral exams for lilzoo ? So frustrating for you and another thing to try and resolve.
Brilliant DD went out but predictable crash next day and sorry you bear the brunt of it.

Bounce There is no chance of my LA providing someone to oversee the package, i did ask about it at AR review meeting and also stated it in the whats not going well section of review paperwork but they just ignored it, Im struggling to get them to provide sufficient tuition let alone alone to manage package!
Ive had this week off oldest DD graduated on tuesday which was lovely, rest of week ive spent facilitating and organising EOTAS and planning for next years provision. Feel ive wasted my time off and havent done anything nice and house is still a tip , garden a jungle and ironing pile taller than me, tackling ironing tonight!

Runner good luck with the ironing! Well done to DD1. If you are appealing you don’t need the LA to agree to someone overseeing the package, you can try to get it via SENDIST.

Zoo glad DD2 had a good day out, sorry that meant a difficult night. I really think you should request an EHCNA for DD3.

I AM LIVID
Found out on Wednesday D's taxi has no idea about sept.we are desperate to secure same taxi as he's been amazing and made the 90 minute each way drive manageable-has the calmest voice and is a sensible driver unlike previous lunatic we had year before.i have felt utterly safe in knowledge D's is with him and he will arrive in one piece!
I contacted school ,who rang me yesterday saying he deffo has funding and to contact LA
I email them,they sent link(for under 16,not post but found it with search bar)
Filled it in today and disco weed in the notes should've been submitted by end may ,late will not get sorted til Oct half term
I had no idea it didn't roll over as he's still in same placement they never told me otherwise,so I just assumed!

*discovered,not disco weed!damn autocorrect🤣

Oh zoo- I hope they can sort it out quicker, they should send reminders out.
There is just so much to think about with our DC, dont beat yourself up.
Ive also put in transport request, our LA are stopping post 16 transport from next year so DD will only get it for year 12 (next year) no idea how we will get her to education provider in year 13 - but not leaping ahead too much!
DDs taxi driver has also been amazing this year, I really hope LA uses same taxi firm and we can get same driver but of course no guarantees, Ive been told it will be at least mid august before we hear back.
Personally I dont know why they cant just carry it forward if theres no change to journey, just unnecessary stress!

DD19 has been finally offered an home appointment with adult ND support team- she is making every excuse not to see them but Im strongly encouraging her not to cancel and to accept appointment! eating/possible AFRID is still a concern- she is due to go to uni in September so after reaching out for help a year ago its come a bit too late and I suspect they will discharge her if they know shes off to uni.

DD16 a bit up and down, still sleeping loads not sure if its new medication, put my foot in it yesterday trying get her to go to maths lesson, I was a bit impatient, sometimes I think she just doesnt want to go rather than being truly really anxious, hard line to tread, anyway she didnt go and I just ended up making it worse and wasted a lot of time and energy.
After a lot of tooing and froing with her tutors Ive put together a timetable from September which uses up all her hours - probably overly ambitious but I think she needs routine and structure . Some tutors will only do lessons her at home ,some only at tuition centre, so trying to the limit back and forth for DD. None of them want to do lessons of just one hour , which is DDS preference, as they dont get paid travel time and they all have several jobs so not committed/fully employed by tuition centre.

Zoo sorry you didn’t know you had to reapply for transport. I hope it can’t be sorted sooner than October half term.

Putting contracts out to tender is all about the LA saving money, rather than taking into account DC’s needs.

Runner I hope you can convince DD2 to accept the appointment. If DD3 needs lessons limited to 1 hour you could look to include that in her EHCP. Travel time for professionals can also be included. A blanket refusal to provide post 16 transport is unlikely to be lawful. Sadly, many post 16 transport policies aren’t lawful.

@helpddgrow
Welcome.
Of course you can join.
Im sorry DD is having problems with friends and is struggling.
Getting help is hard.
Are school being supportive.
How old is DD? Did she manage to go in today?

Welcome helpddgrow
Would you like to tell us a bit more about her?
How old is she,does she have other friends/social network?
And what about you,as mum it's a huge worry and you need to look after yourself too- do you have RL support/family to talk to?

We operate a very relaxed thread.
Some people hope in and out,others dump and go,some stay long-term
Our aim is to offer support,advice where we can,and comfort to those caring for anxious kids
We share our wins,however small,as well as the things that worry us as often the stuff other DC do without thinking about can be hard and other parents(however well meaning) can come across as judgemental or dismissive

There is a no judge policy here,and any one who has just added their 10p over the years(never "members") has been has been firmly told that's not ok and reported so please know this is a safe space❤️

Welcome helpddgrow.

Friendship difficulties are difficult to navigate. I know it is the holidays, but you previously spoken to school about support for DD’s anxiety and friendship difficulties?

Hello everyone, I'm sorry to hear about the problems some of you have been experiencing. It's sad that local authorities make everything difficult when things are already hard enough. If it's working why can't arrangements roll onto the next year!

@helpddgrow welcome. I totally relate to your situation. My dd suffers from social anxiety and anxiety which originally stems from friendship issues. Sadly she's still with the same group of friends. I kick myself I didn't move her elsewhere when I had the chance. Oh well. She is now on beta blockers as well as having weekly counselling sessions (private ones). Things are better. These things help her cope better with school life and we are grateful that as next year is an exam year, there's only 9 months left, less if you take out holidays. She's positive about what comes after school is over. There is no miracle cure sadly but there are more good days then there were 5 months ago. Some days things feel very hopeful other days I feel we are back at square one.

When school returns, it is worth speaking to the school again.

Have you considered an autism assessment?

You could speak to the school though.

That sounds very hard helpddgrow
Has she ever had help for the hair pulling?
It is good that she can see positivity sometimes(I know that doesn't help during those dark moments)as it indicates overall she isnt reaching the point of being very depressed/hopeless about the situation
I'm very pleased to hear you have people to reach out to(even though not for dd MH) as being alone with it all will impact you way more.
Do you have other children to care for too?
I'm sorry school aren't helpful,in my experience it's often about money(or lack of).is there pastoral care of any kind?anyone designated as someone to reach out to when the children are upset?

I really would speak to the school on their return. If the difficulties are as you say, they will affect DD at school. I would speak to the SENCO, especially because I think you should consider a referral for an ASD assessment for DD, particularly if she has a sibling with ASD.

Take a breath. DD’s life isn’t going to be ruined.

Here is what I would do:

• Book a GP appointment.
• See whether you can self refer to whoever does ASD assessments in your area (in some areas it is community paeds, in others it is CAMHS and in some it is a standalone team) and also a referral to CAMHS if they don’t do ASD assessments in your area. If you can’t self refer the GP or school will be able to.
• Contact your local young carers service and Sibs.
• Investigate whether there is a local charity/service that gives support to teens.
• If you haven’t already had them, you should request social care assessments for your other DC with ASD. A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment via the disabled children’s team for DS.

@helpddgrow 1bounce has given some good advice which I would follow.

Most of us on this thread understand the fear you are feeling, the sense of panic and helplessness, it is overwhelming but it will pass. Try to focus on the next step you can take with your dd.

If you have resources, can you find her a private counsellor? Our experience with CAHMs was that it took a long time to get referred, for them to contact us and then we still didn't get any help.