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We'll be ok, won't we?

184 replies

Dinosaurs1994 · 24/02/2022 13:52

I keep seeing posts mentioning nuclear war and my previously cured anxiety has returned with such a vengeance I'm petrified and have been reduced to tears. I've just had a baby and have a disabled child. I live in London which would be a target and I'm frightened.

I'm going to need to tune out of the news before it tips me over the edge.

I'm devastated for Ukraine but naturally in my postpartum state my worry lays with my children.

Could somebody, kindly, reassure me that we - here in the UK - will be ok 😭

OP posts:
PlopperDoo · 24/02/2022 23:27

It would be great if @mnhq could make a separate board for all the talk about it like they did with Covid. Starting to see the main boards getting overrun with it. I get it's a big thing going on but it's hard to avoid on here at the moment.

XenoBitch · 24/02/2022 23:42

@PlopperDoo

It would be great if *@mnhq* could make a separate board for all the talk about it like they did with Covid. Starting to see the main boards getting overrun with it. I get it's a big thing going on but it's hard to avoid on here at the moment.
A fair few posters have suggested this.. and get shot down with comments like "fluffy ostriches" etc.

I agree with you. It needs a separate board.

Libraryghost · 25/02/2022 00:07

Right now you are safe and all is ok in the UK. Worrying about WW3 is a pointless as worrying about a plane falling out of the sky or getting a terminal illness, it's out of our control. Accept that you don't have a crystal ball and focus on the now. Remember the worst rarely happens. It's the worry cycle and ruminating on what ifs that is far more likely to ruin your life.

DiscordandRhyme · 25/02/2022 00:53

Sounds like you're suffering from some existential dread. When my depression or anxiety is bad mine is crippling, so I completely relate.

To those thinking saying 'it will all be quick then nothing' to some of us that's terrifying.

I am worried OP but I'm comforting myself that if things get bad I will panic when it comes, but not before if that makes sense?

💐

PlopperDoo · 25/02/2022 07:20

A fair few posters have suggested this.. and get shot down with comments like "fluffy ostriches" etc

I agree with you. It needs a separate board

I don't understand why anyone would be against it. I completely appreciate it needs discussing and people wish to talk about very prominent things going on right now. But there's no point in boards like AIBU being page after page of 'aibu to feel sad for Ukraine' etc..

LavenderAskew · 25/02/2022 07:28

@TellMeMoreHellebore

i don't think its fair or right to dismiss this as just being about oil and money......people have died and are dying and we can't rewrite that for op. it shouldnt be dismissed to make someone feel better....i have a colleague worried sick about her entire family spread in Ukraine. I will say to her its just about oil and money??
No you wouldn't because she's a woman with family in the Ukraine whose family is under real and actual threat, not a woman in London who is worried she is and looking for reassure.

Empathy and critical thinking is lacking isn't it.

@Dinosaurs1994, you are fine. Do not worry. To put it in a nutshell, Putin want the USSR back in place. The Russian-Ukraine history is a intertwined and complex. (I know a decent podcast you can listen to about it, it's not doom and gloom like posters here. Nor is it gore-glory. Evidently it's not happy and clappy because it's about Russian-Ukraine history. PM me if interested.)

Anyway, Britain will not send troops in. Nuclear attack is no more likely than it was two years ago. This will become economic - so fuel shortages and it's effects yes for the UK (and elsewhere) but we'll cope with that.

You are fine, I recommend getting off social media where the doom sensationalist and the unkind hang out. (It's generally good for you anyway.) I include MN in that.

Limit your exposure to a reputable news source- by which I mean only check it for a limited time if at all. Such as once a day - rather than endlessly listening and reading.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 25/02/2022 07:42

As many Russian oligarchs and Russian business men own property in London (the area dubbed Red Square in Belgravia for example) I'm ever hopeful that Putin wouldn't be so stupid as to nuke London.

Liamgallaghersparka · 25/02/2022 07:59

So glad this has been moved to MH. I was reading this last night and was horrified at some of the replies to a clearly distressed new mum.
AIBU really is a cesspit for twats.
💐 for you OP.

pixiedust21 · 27/02/2022 17:34

How is everyone doing?

My MH feels like it's plummeted all of a sudden with everything going on and I've been ill today.

I'm trying to combat this by switching off from social media etc. and probably shouldn't be on mumsnet!

Dinosaurs1994 · 27/02/2022 17:59

@pixiedust21

How is everyone doing?

My MH feels like it's plummeted all of a sudden with everything going on and I've been ill today.

I'm trying to combat this by switching off from social media etc. and probably shouldn't be on mumsnet!

Hi lovely

I'm doing ok at the minute, not too bad. I'm trying to keep my mind occupied with everything other than the news but still find myself looking at what's going on, much to my frustration at myself. I can't seem to tune out completely iykwim?

I've had an hours peace from the kids this eve so have been able to spend an hour or so on the sims 4 building things which is quite therapeutic for me.

I find when I'm at my most anxious I need to really immerse myself in something benign like a funny podcast / documentary about something nice / interesting book.

I've found mumsnet can be the worst place to be when something 'big' is going on in the world. The covid threads at the start of the pandemic really put the wind up me. I've hidden all active Ukraine/Russia threads other than this one as sadly some people appear to want to make others worry even more with shitty comments about what might happen.

Sorry to hear you're struggling and not feeling well. Anxiety always feels worse when you're ill, atleast that's what I've found to be the case. I had a 'cold' that lasted 3 weeks which was a PITA and I've only just managed to shift it. Wishing you a speedy recovery Flowers

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 27/02/2022 18:09

Ooh your a sims fan? Im Animal crossing personally but I spend my time weeding and planting flowers on my island im going on in a bit to decorate it for festivale day tomorrow my character is going pink and sparkling this year because they don't do purple! I'm just hoping I can get my kids to pop over and dance with me tomorrow night 😂

pixiedust21 · 27/02/2022 18:27

Yes I mean ill as a direct result of anxiety unfortunately, terrible tummy pains etc. basically how I used to be back when it was at its worst.

Immersing myself in something is what I need and I've talked to my husband about it. We cuddled up on the couch earlier watching tv.

I haven't picked up Animal Crossing for a while and that could be a good distraction - as well as the constant demands of my 4 month old too! Grin

pixiedust21 · 27/02/2022 19:01

I need to stop refreshing and clicking on things. It's that aspect of compulsive behaviour which was part of my anxiety before. :(

Dinosaurs1994 · 27/02/2022 20:31

Theunamedcat I am indeed. I've been playing since the very first sims came out. I'm quite a one dimensional gamer in that I only play Sims and nothing else, much to my OH's disappointment Smile

Animal crossing sounds interesting, I must look it up. Is that on PC or a handheld device?

pixiedust21 ah I get you, yes anxiety can definitely do that to you. I've convinced myself I had all manner of serious illnesses in the past because of physical symptoms I had with anxiety. I couldn't believe that Anxiety could make you feel so physically ill.

My previously calm demeanour was swiftly replaced by sheer panic after I replied to you earlier and clicked on the home page. I'm guessing we've read the same things. I was shaking like a bloody leaf.

Took a propanolol and went and sat in the bathroom for 10 minutes so the kids didn't see me shaking Sad

I'm going to post a couple of reassuring posts here for you, that I saw on that thread, they helped bring me down a little.

One sec

OP posts:
Libraryghost · 27/02/2022 20:36

Hope everyone is ok tonight and distracting themselves with healthy behaviours. I have been for a long walk today. Cold but sunny and it was lovely seeing the snowdrops and crocuses out. I bought myself a bunch of daffodils, a reminder that Spring will soon be here.

Dinosaurs1994 · 27/02/2022 20:37

Quoting a poster on one of the more frightening threads, I thought this post was fab and very sensible (something i am most definitely not when I'm panicking)

Post by RedToothBrush

Modern warfare isn't just about the battle field and weapons. Its never been - propaganda has always matters, but its mattered more and more since Vietnam and war reporting being constant do to the rise of mass media. In this sense, wars don't happen in far away places like they used to and governments have to manage their home front and their war front well.

Since Putin started the invasion things haven't gone well for Putin on the Propaganda War.

His pretext to war was that Russia needed to go to war because there was a threat to Russians in the disputed regions of Ukraine. He started a panic, and told people to evacuate because they were at risk. These pictures were broadcast back to Russia. The Russian parliament were asked to vote to recognise these regions - the suggestion being that this would maybe bring peace. Of course, since Putin was intending to invade this was a pile of rot. But none the less many Russians (including at least two Duma MPs who have since publicly said they feel misled) believed this to be true.

What Putin really underestimated was quite how good the Ukranian propaganda and communication would be. The Ukranian President didn't buckle and run away from the intimidation of the invasion. He stayed and has unifyed his people and managed to rally support around him. The resistance on the ground produced a lot of images which don't look good for Putin.

Instead of there being a resounding swift victory, there were images of broken down tanks and rather inept Russian soliders. This makes Putin as a military leader look weak.

His next response has been to shut down twitter, facebook and youtube in Russia. This isn't what many expected. There was a fear that instead Western social media would be filled with gloating Russians saying how strong they were and how the West were to blame etc etc. And this would scare the West and deter them from getting involved because their voters didn't want to get involved in a war far away from home.

Instead, the images have horrified the world and the Ukranian President has inspired strength and support.

Remember the war was about regaining Putin in particular an image of being in control and being strong - covid has been a blow to Russia and there have been increasing rumblings about Putin himself with small, but growing protests at his rule. He had felt as if Russia had been slighted and wasn't respected and he had an agenda about rebuilding the glory of the Soviet Sphere of influence under the Russian Flag.

So he's been a bit pissed at how things have gone before and he's facing growing questions about his leadership. The decision over SWIFT and sanctions have gone further than pretty much in the west thought possible, so it's very likely to have caught Putin off guard too. He hadn't planned for the eventuality.

Tomorrow its likely there will be a big run on the Russian banks as it kicks in and Russians suddenly realise this isn't a 'special operation' (the word war has been banned) and its not far away and is going to effect them badly. The war has been brought to their door so now Putin has to justify it.

So the address about nukes:

There are two audiences here - the Russian domestic audience and the International one.

Putin has two key things he needs to get across - a position of strength to counter the damage to his strongman reputation thats occurred and to try and fracture the western alliance and support for Ukraine via threats and intimidation.

He wants to frighten and concern western public - in order to try and get them to undermine support from their governments for supporting Ukraine. Talking about nukes is frightening. Its supposed to be. Its supposed to be fucking with your head. Its supposed to make you doubt that your country is doing the right thing. It does not mean he is definitely planning to use them. Its from a position of weakness in his military plans and his propaganda war so far. He's trying to control of the narrative back.

He also has to double down on the 'moral cause' of the pretext to the war. He has to play the victim, at risk from the West's aggression to justify the war, which is going to bring home a lot more body bags than he had imagined. Like Afghanistan, Iraq and Vietnam for the Americans, body bags going home upset normal Russians. He needs them to feel that they have no choice but to fight or support the war. So what better way to suggest you are being threatened than to ready the defensive nuclear units? Why would you do this if there's no threat? He's trying to rally his people in part to stave off the anger that the banking crisis will bring. Again this is coming from a position of weakness.

My point here is this isn't necessarily anything to do with an actual military threat of nukes.

This is probably more about the propaganda war and Putin's need for crisis management following the last few days of things not going as well as hoped and the danger of him being percieved as weak. Its the classic go on the offensive approach.

If you remember from the Iraq War and 'Comical Ali' as he became dubbed, this isn't necessarily dissimilar. Comical Ali went on TV saying there were no tanks near Baghdad to try and retain control of a rapidly degenerating situation, even as US forces were already within the city limits.

Dictators always must maintain the facade of control and being strong otherwise, they personally, are at risk of losing power.

This moment is a real moment of threat to Putin.

It is potentially a moment of great risk to Europe so we shouldn't automatically dismiss it, but we should certainly put it into clear context: this is a boss who has had a bad week and so is taking it out on his staff and blaming others inside and outside the company for his own fuckups. Whether he decides he ultimately want to liquidate the company just out of frustration and spite is a much bigger step to take and really not as likely.

He's trying to fuck with your head. Understand he's trying to manipulate and scare you.

OP posts:
pixiedust21 · 27/02/2022 20:38

@Libraryghost I love that. Yes it's starting to feel like spring all of a sudden and it's lovely to have the light back, as well as some sun.

The baby has gone down to bed so im planning to watch some TV or a film with my husband. Usually im keen to have time on my own but I need physical company tonight which I told him so he's being with me.

Dinosaurs1994 · 27/02/2022 20:39

@Libraryghost

Hope everyone is ok tonight and distracting themselves with healthy behaviours. I have been for a long walk today. Cold but sunny and it was lovely seeing the snowdrops and crocuses out. I bought myself a bunch of daffodils, a reminder that Spring will soon be here.
I too have a bunch of daffodils here, my little boy (age 4 with autism) calls them "owie bowie doh doh flowers" which I think is a quote from In The Night Garden Smile
OP posts:
pixiedust21 · 27/02/2022 20:41

@Dinosaurs1994 thank you, yes anxiety really can do a number on you can't it. As well as everything else I feel upset that I feel right back at square one with it. I haven't had this sinking, sick, uncontrollable anxious feeling for so long so it feels even more rubbish that it's back if you get me.

It has made me aware quickly that I need to do what I can now to protect it and look after myself though.

Yes we probably were reading the same things. Ironically in all of our clicking what we are really looking for is reassurance isn't it - and the cycle of anxiety is such that when we feel we get it, we keep clicking, get scared again, then the cycle continues.

I'm sorry you've had a really difficult time again today. Just take it a bit at a time. X

pixiedust21 · 27/02/2022 20:42

@Dinosaurs1994 also yes I thought that post was brilliant. I'm going to start screenshotting some of the logical and calming posts because as you said, logic flies out the window when you're gripped in fear.

I'm also genuinely going to hide those other topics, what about you?

Pernot165 · 27/02/2022 21:02

[quote pixiedust21]@Dinosaurs1994 also yes I thought that post was brilliant. I'm going to start screenshotting some of the logical and calming posts because as you said, logic flies out the window when you're gripped in fear.

I'm also genuinely going to hide those other topics, what about you?[/quote]
That's a really good idea, I have done the same over the past few days after a PP suggested to do so, but like you said the compulsion to keep clicking for reassurance is strong 😫

That one is hidden with the others now and will stay that way. It pays to be 'in the know' but sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

I think if i keep having panic surges like i have been then I'm going to consider speaking to my GP, I just don't want them thinking this is all postnatal iykwim as I was fine before this crap kicked off.

Pernot165 · 27/02/2022 21:02

^ OP btw, name changed

whenwillthemadnessend · 27/02/2022 21:15

I spent the 80s as a teen being terrified of Russia or US even starting a nuclear war. We were made to watch horrific films at school and it's traumatised me for years.

However nothing did happen 🌺🌈

This feels the same so this is how I'm coping

Only get news from descents sources
BBC website or I like bbc sounds radio 5 as it's less scary when you can't see the pictures.

I only listen for a short time in the morning and then I switch to an audible book. Jane Austin is calming me hugely!

Keep Busy

Meet with friends or family but agree to not discuss it other than dismay at the poor people directly affected.

Do not listen to unsympathetic idiots on here or on Facebook

Switch of news on phone notifications

Sky and telegraph love to send out click
Bait headlines. I've switched them off.

No leader wants nuclear war. It's pointless and will create many many more long term issues than the war itself.

If you really find it hard then do seek help from your gp. There will be no shame in that and very understandable

You are not alone in feeling this way.

Libraryghost · 27/02/2022 21:27

I too remember all the nuclear safety films and people making their owns bunkers etc. All came to nothing, I think the thing to remember is that Putin is a playground bully. A coward and pathetic little person who is lashing out now because things are not going his way. He is playing with our minds. He can't take Kyev , you think he is going take on the world? You let him scare you and provoke your anxiety then the bully has won. Say loudly 'fuck you Putin' and do something that's good for the mind. A good book , a film and go on then.. chocolate.

pixiedust21 · 27/02/2022 22:01

Some great advice here thank you all.

I am exhausted so going to try and sleep, hopefully my baby will let me Grin

I have done one check of the BBC summary, that's it, I will limit it until tomorrow and in the meantime try and focus on the now.

I may contact my GP soon as how I have been feeling has been exactly like when my anxiety was terrible, so I want to nip it in the bud if possible. I tried to watch a film with my husband tonight but was quite distracted and had to work really hard at keeping my mind on it. That's when I know my MH is slipping.

Anyway. Wishing everyone a restful night. 💐