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We'll be ok, won't we?

184 replies

Dinosaurs1994 · 24/02/2022 13:52

I keep seeing posts mentioning nuclear war and my previously cured anxiety has returned with such a vengeance I'm petrified and have been reduced to tears. I've just had a baby and have a disabled child. I live in London which would be a target and I'm frightened.

I'm going to need to tune out of the news before it tips me over the edge.

I'm devastated for Ukraine but naturally in my postpartum state my worry lays with my children.

Could somebody, kindly, reassure me that we - here in the UK - will be ok 😭

OP posts:
Dinosaurs1994 · 24/02/2022 15:27

@WildPoinsettia

Its horrible to purposefully try to trigger somebody in a current MH crisis. I wouldn't do it to anybody else.

Nobody has done this.

If you say so.
OP posts:
Dinosaurs1994 · 24/02/2022 15:28

RE what helps my anxiety. Going for a walk, having a long bath, having a cup of te

OP posts:
bedheadedzombie · 24/02/2022 15:29

Time for some logic.

They didn't nuke during the cold war and I don't think they will now. We are not so far apart politically as we were during the cold war.

Putin has said he wants the old sovjet union back, so him invading the Ukrain isn't a surprise (least of all to the ukrainians). Don't forget that he tried to annex Donetsk when he invaded Crimea. Donetsk is full of industry and a profitable region to have. Plus that Russias economy isn't doing too great while Ukrains was doing quite well.
The west didn't do that much when he took Crimea so he figures he can get Donetsk. Tbh he has a point, there us a very good chance that we won't declare war over this. Putin will not take on the whole west. It's completely illogical in combination with his plans and not necessary.

PlopperDoo · 24/02/2022 15:29

So there's no point trying to make out I'm some kind of monster or insinuating I'm not a decent person just because I think the OP has made a daft choice to come onto a social media discussion board to seek reasurrance about something she read on social media

I wasn't solely speaking about you. There are plenty of replies to this thread which are in no way helpful and are just downright nasty. AIBU is no excuse for it.

Dinosaurs1994 · 24/02/2022 15:33

Sorry my phone is glitching -

Going for a walk, having a long bath, having a cup of tea and reading a good book etc all usually helps. I have some propanolol left over if needs be.

I'll try and prioritise some self care this evening. This thread has helped alot actually, some comments aside, as perspective is important and it's difficult to get that from yourself when you're so caught up in the anxiety.

OP posts:
bedheadedzombie · 24/02/2022 15:34

Posted to soon.

Although Russia has a big army, they can't send all of it to one point and leave the rest unguarded. He does still have anti russian resistance in other area's or near his borders.

He cannot take on the whole west without destroying Russia, even taking nukes out if the question. He has a big ego and wants to go down in history as the hero who got it back together and ruled it. He doesn't want to lose other parts in the process.

So as long as you don't live in Ukrain or the Baltic states you don't have to worry.

Hope this helps.

Dinosaurs1994 · 24/02/2022 15:37

@bedheadedzombie

Posted to soon.

Although Russia has a big army, they can't send all of it to one point and leave the rest unguarded. He does still have anti russian resistance in other area's or near his borders.

He cannot take on the whole west without destroying Russia, even taking nukes out if the question. He has a big ego and wants to go down in history as the hero who got it back together and ruled it. He doesn't want to lose other parts in the process.

So as long as you don't live in Ukrain or the Baltic states you don't have to worry.

Hope this helps.

It really does, thank you Smile
OP posts:
EatSleepRantRepeat · 24/02/2022 15:38

@Dinosaurs1994

Sorry my phone is glitching -

Going for a walk, having a long bath, having a cup of tea and reading a good book etc all usually helps. I have some propanolol left over if needs be.

I'll try and prioritise some self care this evening. This thread has helped alot actually, some comments aside, as perspective is important and it's difficult to get that from yourself when you're so caught up in the anxiety.

This is a really good idea, try to focus on your smaller area of control - ensuring you and your family are healthy and happy.
Dinosaurs1994 · 24/02/2022 15:39

[quote nanohana]I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, OP and it's natural to feel scared as there are a lot of unknowns. I'm also feeling very anxious, but trying to read some good news stories like this lovely one to balance my feelings: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-60493643[/quote]
That is so lovely, bless them Smile

OP posts:
PlopperDoo · 24/02/2022 15:40

This is a really good idea, try to focus on your smaller area of control - ensuring you and your family are healthy and happy

Agree this is what I found most helpful as I touched on earlier. Making my bubble smaller! Concentrating on me, DC and family. Ignore everything else for now.

hardboiledeggs · 24/02/2022 15:45

Yeah i'm worried too.

RJnomore1 · 24/02/2022 15:52

That’s not what I said. We will be ok was to the op sitting in the UK.

What do you think is at the root of the land grab if it isn’t financial?

I’ll admit I should have said more than the troops in the front line area will suffer but the poster wants reassurance we in the UK won’t have a nuclear bomb dropped on us. We won’t. There’s no financial gain in it. We will be ok.

There’s many many wars going on in the world just now. There’s many people not ok. That wasn’t the question.

LadyFyck · 24/02/2022 15:59

The only country ever to have deployed nuclear weapons is America. In all the decades since, nobody else has. Despite major provocation, nobody has done it, because it's horrific and the impact destroys generations. Oh, they develop them. They have that capability, and they make a big show of it to be a deterrent against any other nation attacking them. Using nuclear force is mutually assured destruction. One button gets pressed and every other bugger presses theirs in retaliation.

Nobody wants to be king of the radiation zone. Nobody wants to be the queen of nuclear winter. Nobody wants to do it.

purpleboy · 24/02/2022 16:53

Sorry you've had so many shitty responses op.
I think people are taking out their own worries and anxiety on you. What's the saying "Misery loves company"

I don't really have much knowledge on the in depth situation, but it does feel scary. However there is no point in worrying because there is literally nothing you can do apart from controlling your own situation. So stay off social media, and the news. Hunker down with DH and the kids, and feel reassured that if a nuclear war is started Russia will not do well, so it is not in their interests to start one, and they know this. Thanks

psychomath · 24/02/2022 17:59

I don't think this site is a good place to look for reassurance about this sort of thing OP. It's full of extremely anxious people who catastrophise a lot, and (I can only assume) find some comfort and level of control in calling other people naive and ignorant if they don't also jump to the worst case scenario immediately, however unlikely it may be in reality. There were numerous threads during the earlier stages of covid for example asking whether the virus was literally going to bring about the end of humanity, some of them running for pages and pages, even though anyone who knows a basic amount about biology could say with virtual certainty that that was never even a remote possibility.

Certain parts of other big social media sites like Twitter and Reddit are just as bad. As recently as a few months ago there were posts on Reddit with thousands of comments about how Omicron was going to be the final nail in the coffin of western civilisation etc, and insulting anyone who suggested that total societal collapse due to covid was extremely unlikely, even though we already knew it was causing proportionally far fewer hospitalisations and deaths than previous waves. I would avoid all of those parts of the internet as far as you can at the moment - your anxious brain will latch onto that 'nuclear bombs, end of the world' type of sentiment, even if your rational brain knows those people are no more intelligent or informed than anyone else.

Russia has had nuclear weapons for decades (including, as others have pointed out, in far more knife-edge situations than this). Putin has been president since 2012, and prior to that he was Prime Minister since before 2000. If he was a madman hellbent on a first strike missile launch for no particular reason, he could have done it years ago without any need to invade Ukraine on a BS pretense first. If he didn't give a damn about the consequences to his own country he could have started warmongering back when Trump was in charge and God only knew the outcome.

Instead, his government has been meddling in Western affairs for years trying to undermine the integrity of European and US leadership, and
now he's chosen to launch this attack when the western powers have been further weakened by covid, and when the White House is no longer occupied by a lunatic with a hair trigger. He's attacked a non-EU, non-NATO member state that other major powers aren't obliged to defend and that Russia was already at war with, and there's currently no intention by any other countries to escalate the situation by involving themselves directly in the fighting. He might be an evil man who doesn't care about civillian lives in Ukraine or the lives of his own young soldiers, he might even be genuinely paranoid about this fantasy of attempted Western incursion into Russia like he claims, but none of this seems like the strategy of a comic book villain who just wants to take the rest of the world down no matter the cost to himself. It fits much more with someone seizing an opportunity to get what he wants at a time when he's fairly sure the (military) opposition from the international community will be minimal.

It's a horrific situation for the people in Ukraine and those who have friends and family there, and I'll admit I cried seeing the pictures of people trying to flee Kyiv this morning even though I'm usually not deeply affected by events elsewhere in the world. It must also be a frightening time for many of their neighbours who border Russia, wondering if they're going to be the next target. And I think all of us who are aware of the situation will be unsettled and anxious at the prospect of a bloody war in an otherwise peaceful and democratic European country, even one that's a long way away, because it's not something we're used to seeing - especially coming off the back of two years of other scary and unforeseen events. But I still believe the chances of ordinary British people getting directly caught up in military conflict are very, very, very low.

What I would do OP is try to focus on mitigating the risks that are actually likely and that you can control to some extent. Withdraw cash and keep some of it on you when you go out, so that if any cyberattacks disrupt electronic payment systems you won't end up stranded or low on groceries. If you're able, watch your spending and try to save some money so that you have a buffer when energy prices go up. Then do all the nice things you've already mentioned, like going for walks and having a bath, and focus on your own family's day to day life. Once the situation is no longer changing so rapidly and dominating all social media and news headlines, you'll soon find yourself worrying about normal everyday concerns again! Flowers

unbonnetedheruns · 24/02/2022 18:08

OP sorry you are feeling anxious, I get like this too sometimes and today has been hard.

@psychomath thank you for your post I have found it comforting and reassuring.

WhoAre · 24/02/2022 18:22

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toomanychickens · 24/02/2022 19:04

OP - I understand you. I spent most of my teenage years in the 80s terrified of nuclear war. I had a panic attack on 9/11 watching tv at home with my 2 dc at the time who were very young.
I suffer with anxiety and was on regular beta blockers, but have cut down. I've had 1 today! I can feel the panic returning. I can't eat and my stomach is upset. I am forcing myself to not watch the tv or listen to the radio as my panic wants me to watch more and more - it's being fuelled by it. I'll be shutting down Mumsnet too!
I can't do anything to change events so I need to quietly concentrate on things that keep me calm.

Dinosaurs1994 · 24/02/2022 20:11

@toomanychickens Sending you (and others with this anxiety) unmumsnetty hugs Flowers

I've also started back on the beta blockers this afternoon. Brilliant stuff for staving off a panic attack, just a shame it doesn't do anything for your thoughts.

I can totally relate to the worry urging you to watch more btw. I watched a bit of the news this afternoon but had to turn it off as "he has threatened the west with nuclear" was mentioned.

I can deal with hearing about the economical impact all this will have, but that, I just can't bare.

I remember years and years ago there was something on the news about an asteroid or comet heading towards us, I was about 14 at the time (28 now) and there was a big fuss about it with lots of doom mongering. Some of you might remember it?

I went to bed convinced I wouldn't be waking up in the morning. Fucking horrible it was.

Nothing happened obviously.

I'm trying to reassure myself that this will be something like that, a load of doom mongering then nothing.

OP posts:
pixiedust21 · 24/02/2022 21:44

Hi @Dinosaurs1994 I'm sorry you've been having a difficult day. You've had some really excellent replies (and some less so). As you know anxiety can come in waves so how about copying / pasting some of the reassuring, logical posts and saving them for you to re-read?

I've suffered terribly with anxiety at times but it's been well managed / under control for a couple of years now. However I had a similar reaction today to the news and it took me straight back to when I was at my worst with anxiety. It's really really horrible.

A few things to share;

Firstly recognise you are having a NORMAL response. Yes ok so the extent of it is troubling and not "normal" in that sense because it's unhealthy for you, but it's okay to feel scared of a scary thing. That is understandable.

Secondly, are there specific times your anxiety is worse and can you put in place things to help. Eg for me I know it's night time so I'd plan to not look at social media, try and watch something daft, talk to someone IRL. Does your husband support you ie is he aware of your anxiety? Do you have a good relationship?

I spoke to my husband earlier about the whole thing and said I was really anxious. Just having someone to say the words aloud to can be really beneficial.

For years I battled severe health anxiety and unfortunately when you're in the midst of the worst of it I find there's not a lot that helps sometimes, other than just holding on and managing the symptoms. Distraction - going for a walk, doing something else as soon as the thought comes in. Etc.

Longer term, or later when the really intense anxiety has eased, doing things like your self care, going for walks, etc is really good. It sounds like you have good self awareness with it.

Anyway just wanted to send some encouragement because I know how physically awful the feeling is. Incidentally I have a new baby too and I think that definitely intensifies our feelings so be easy on yourself.

Also thanks to those who have posted helpful replies as they've really calmed me this evening too as I was starting to catastrophise a bit.

Dinosaurs1994 · 24/02/2022 22:59

@pixiedust21

Hi *@Dinosaurs1994* I'm sorry you've been having a difficult day. You've had some really excellent replies (and some less so). As you know anxiety can come in waves so how about copying / pasting some of the reassuring, logical posts and saving them for you to re-read?

I've suffered terribly with anxiety at times but it's been well managed / under control for a couple of years now. However I had a similar reaction today to the news and it took me straight back to when I was at my worst with anxiety. It's really really horrible.

A few things to share;

Firstly recognise you are having a NORMAL response. Yes ok so the extent of it is troubling and not "normal" in that sense because it's unhealthy for you, but it's okay to feel scared of a scary thing. That is understandable.

Secondly, are there specific times your anxiety is worse and can you put in place things to help. Eg for me I know it's night time so I'd plan to not look at social media, try and watch something daft, talk to someone IRL. Does your husband support you ie is he aware of your anxiety? Do you have a good relationship?

I spoke to my husband earlier about the whole thing and said I was really anxious. Just having someone to say the words aloud to can be really beneficial.

For years I battled severe health anxiety and unfortunately when you're in the midst of the worst of it I find there's not a lot that helps sometimes, other than just holding on and managing the symptoms. Distraction - going for a walk, doing something else as soon as the thought comes in. Etc.

Longer term, or later when the really intense anxiety has eased, doing things like your self care, going for walks, etc is really good. It sounds like you have good self awareness with it.

Anyway just wanted to send some encouragement because I know how physically awful the feeling is. Incidentally I have a new baby too and I think that definitely intensifies our feelings so be easy on yourself.

Also thanks to those who have posted helpful replies as they've really calmed me this evening too as I was starting to catastrophise a bit.

Thank you that's really kind, I'm sorry you've gone through similar today. It means alot that you'd take the time to write that despite feeling so shitty yourself Flowers

I had real bad health anxiety too so I can relate to that part on a personal level. It's the worst isn't it? I spent the first 3-6 months of the pandemic petrified and a virtual recluse (made easy at the time by the regulations)

After a while, some therapy and contracting fortunately a mild case of covid myself I stopped caring so much.

With this, not caring seems much more out of reach because of the scale of it all. Covid was much less of a worry in comparison.

That's a great idea about copying and pasting the helpful replies to read back on when the anxiety spirals.

My DH is very supportive of my MH and I'm so thankful for that. He could tell i wasn't doing too well so completely took over with the kids this evening and insisted I do nothing but concentrate on relaxing.

It all came tumbling out after the kids went to bed and I had a bit of panic attack when I heard sirens passing the house. How bloody ridiculous is that? I live in London, there are police sirens passing 100 x a day.

I saw another MNer asking another OP how old they were because she (in her 50s) had lived through things like this before so it wasn't all new and frightening to her like it would be for somebody younger who hasn't seen things like it before.

I'm 28 so by no means young young but this is the first time in my life time I've ever felt at risk in this way. It's probably because I've spent most of my life not watching the news or taking any interest in politics or foreign affairs (which served me well as I'm clearly predisposed to being a bloody nervous wreck)

Are you a similar age to me, out of curiosity?

Congratulations on your new baby too BTW. I had a boy. He's 3.5 months now and is such a sweet little thing Smile

OP posts:
madmomma · 24/02/2022 23:06

OP it'll be fine my love, honestly. Enjoy your babies and keep off the doom-mongering threads and TV show. This pandemic has shown me that so many people deal with their own anxiety by trying to spread it. Let it be like water off a duck's back. Put some peaceful music on and do your daily routines with your children. This situation will pass, like every other situation has passed, and worry won't change a thing. Protect your mind from the fear by focusing on normal activities.

madmomma · 24/02/2022 23:10

Anyone who is posting fear-generating posts on a mental health thread should piss off and give their head a wobble. It's virtue-signalling about how 'informed' and 'on the right side of history' they are. Go and post on a war thread if you want to talk about war. Don't come at a post-partum Mother with all your own panic ffs! This is a place to bring peace to people who need support!!!

pixiedust21 · 24/02/2022 23:21

@Dinosaurs1994 yes health anxiety is the worst. I had a year or so where it literally consumed me, looking back I feel so sad as I wasted so much time wrapped up in it but it was like this horrendous thing I couldn't shake. To feel like you're constantly dying / going to die is indescribable.

I used to worry terribly about big events / pandemics. Bird flu, swine flu, Ebola. I had some CBT but in the end the anxiety just eventually lessened and I was able to distract myself enough away from it. To this day I still don't know what helped really. And ironically when covid came along, something that would have terrified me before, I was relatively calm about it. Part of me wonders if I just used up all my life's worth of fear early on Grin

But yes, today has been an unpleasant reminder although I was able to then come down from it again relatively quickly I suppose. I haven't helped myself by clicking on threads and reading some unhelpful posts. It's like a stupid compulsion. I've been a bit up and down again but I am okay I think. How are you feeling now?

I'm really glad your husband was able to support you tonight.

I am 35 so similar age to you and in terms of life experience.

And I have a boy just turned 4 months. They're perfect aren't they? Smile Feel free to PM at any time if you want to chat more as I think we have had very similar experiences. Hope you get some good rest tonight x

pixiedust21 · 24/02/2022 23:27

Oh also I saw earlier someone recommending an app called GoodNewsNetwork which has positive news stories from around the world. I've downloaded it but haven't properly looked yet to be fair - but just to give an option if you need something to look at.

Or Wordle. Grin