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Mental health

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Original poster

DS head teacher making my anxiety sky rocket

317 replies

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 09/12/2021 11:50

I'll try to keep this brief. I am a member of a private closed group on fb. I use it to let of steam and rant about stuff that I'd never put on main fb. My account is private but I occasionally post on public groups but keep things very blasé.

I ranted on the private group about my DS being upset that his after school club was being cancelled till new year (an outdoor club at that).

I speculated on a friends post that schools may close early for Xmas again. But in a very innocuous way.

DS head (primary) has emailed me asking to call him about a social media post that's been brought to my attention. I've emailed back saying I'm really busy in work (I am) and can he email me his query.

' No' he emailed. 'Ring me In January!!!!'

I'm now so anxious about what he wants. I'm even nervous to post here in case his spies are out. I can't see what it could be as my rants are all on locked groups.

DH says ignore or just tell him my posts are personal to me and nothing to do with him.

Can anyone give me some reassurance?

OP posts:

CallmeHendricks · 09/12/2021 20:50

"I am a member of us for them and am campaigning for schools to return to normal asap."
Most schools have been running as normally as they possibly can, according to the government guidance at the time, and bearing in mind any staffing issues they may have.
No need for you to "campaign" for this.

kittensinthekitchen · 09/12/2021 20:50

Of this school and the other local 6 primaries, every single one still running sports clubs after school. Just ours cancelled 'due to covid and dark nights' (pre covid never cancelled due to dark nights)

And I complete hols my hand up. I am a member of us for them and am campaigning for schools to return to normal asap. Make no apologies for this. Kids need their lives back.

Did you mean to quote me? You didn't actually respond to anything in my post, which was...

What do you mean by Government centric? Do you mean he has followed the laws and guidelines provided by the Government?

When did you make these comments?

Helpstopthepain · 09/12/2021 20:50

What is us for them? It sounds slightly angry mums club from what you’ve said here.

CallmeHendricks · 09/12/2021 20:53

@Helpstopthepain

What is us for them? It sounds slightly angry mums club from what you’ve said here.

If only. Unfortunately, they have caused much more trouble that a group of "slightly angry" mums.

madisonbridges · 09/12/2021 20:54

If no one knows what you said, then he can't know what you've said so he won't be wanting to speak to you about that. Maybe he wants to try to persuade you to stay on as a governor? (If only the poor guy knew! 😅)

Helpstopthepain · 09/12/2021 20:56

@CallmeHendricks ahh. Perhaps I’m better off not knowing!

cansu · 09/12/2021 20:57

If you have not said anything that you regret or need to apologise for, why are you trying to avoid a request for a conversation? Some of your posts suggest that you have been making personal comments about the head. You clearly haven't been careful enough to keep your posts anonymous. If you did this while a governor then this is also an issue. You need to be very careful what you say when you are a governor. The best way to deal with this is to simply phone. Apologise for the personal comments and move on. Be more careful what you put on line. Sounds like other parents have recognised you and reported what you have been saying.

Theimpossiblegirl · 09/12/2021 21:00

@Helpstopthepain

What is us for them? It sounds slightly angry mums club from what you’ve said here.

Pretty much sums it up tbh.

glimpsing · 09/12/2021 21:00

Just reply,

'Please let me know in writing which of social media posts you wish to discuss in person so I can make the appropriate arrangements.'

Campfirewood · 09/12/2021 21:00

Posting in a private Facebook group is never as private as people think. Anyone can share it, screen shot it and you can’t trust everyone in there.
I’d just call him and get it over with, then your anxiety abates quicker.

LefttoherownDevizes · 09/12/2021 21:11

You've come across really badly and am not surprised the poor Head wants a word. You, as an (ex) Governor should know more than most how incredibly tough the past 20 months have been for all school staff, with rules changing with no notice, and having to spend most of their budget (and then some) on supply staff.

You are also being completely disingenuous believing that the Us for Them FB page was a private space for you to call the Head out in such a way. And using a personal, uncalled derogatory attack on the Head, I hope he does rip you one tbh.

Happypootle · 09/12/2021 21:11

I think as someone who has so recently been a governor your post shows an error of judgement. You should call the head, apologise for the name calling and have an adult conversation about your different viewpoints. FWIW, I agree with you about the after school activities but you shouldn't make comments online that you are not prepared to defend in real life. It feels to me that your anxiety here really means ' I don't want to have a difficult/ embarrasing conversation'. None of us do, but sometimes we must.

LetHimHaveIt · 09/12/2021 21:18

I will never understand the number of people who have 'crippling anxiety' and yet seem to manage to overcome it sufficiently to post unpleasant and incendiary things on social media

I've looked at 'Us For Them', too. What a bloody crew.

CallmeHendricks · 09/12/2021 21:21

Hear, hear, @LetHimHaveIt

AnkleDeep · 09/12/2021 21:23

@LetHimHaveIt

I will never understand the number of people who have 'crippling anxiety' and yet seem to manage to overcome it sufficiently to post unpleasant and incendiary things on social media

I've looked at 'Us For Them', too. What a bloody crew.

Yup.

You lost me when you mentioned the ludicrous Us4them.

Embarrassing group to belong to.

glimpsing · 09/12/2021 21:25

@LetHimHaveIt

I will never understand the number of people who have 'crippling anxiety' and yet seem to manage to overcome it sufficiently to post unpleasant and incendiary things on social media

I've looked at 'Us For Them', too. What a bloody crew.

Whether this is true or not, the head should be prepared to out his complaints in writing. The fact he is avoiding putting a complaint in writing suggests he doesn't want to be culpable for what he says. So just insist.

'Please you let me know in writing which of my social media posts you object to so I can take the appropriate action.

Kind Regards,

...'

Lollipop999 · 09/12/2021 21:28

@Happypootle

This ^

And if you’ve recently been a governor he may not take kindly to you speculating about the possibility of school closing in January in an open forum when you were recently in an official position at the school.

I thought governors were a bit more professional than this?

glimpsing · 09/12/2021 21:34

I thought governors were a bit more professional than this?

Well, heads certainly should be. It really is 'bully boy tactics' to want to talk in person and refuse to put a complaint in writing. This is to shirk responsibility for what is said. I can't believe people put up with this sort of behaviour. Just insist the head puts any complaints in writing.

CallmeHendricks · 09/12/2021 21:42

Bully boy tactics? Surely a discussion about it is the grown-up thing to do?
If anyone is "shirking responsibility for what is said," it's the OP, who appears to be hiding behind her poor mental health rather than just owning what she has done.

Abraxan · 09/12/2021 21:47

But I didn't. Not one person knew who he was or the school.

Well that's clearly not the case.
Someone could obviously identify him and/or the school.
Hence he now knows,
If no one knew, then he would be none the wiser right now.

glimpsing · 09/12/2021 21:49

@CallmeHendricks

Bully boy tactics? Surely a discussion about it is the grown-up thing to do? If anyone is "shirking responsibility for what is said," it's the OP, who appears to be hiding behind her poor mental health rather than just owning what she has done.

No. The grown up thing to do is for a person to make their own decisions based on what they think is the right thing to do. Asking for a complaint to be put in writing is a safeguard. It formalises the process and ensures that the person making the complaint is sure enough their complaint is valid enough to stand by it. If a person refuses to do this it is a grown up thing to question their motives.

CallmeHendricks · 09/12/2021 21:52

We don't know that he has refused to put it in writing. So far, he's just bounced back a suggestion of speaking in January. He may yet put it in writing.

lemmein · 09/12/2021 21:52

Honestly OP, it's your anxiety making this seem worse than it is. He is not your HT - he doesn't get to police your online activity. I'd completely ignore him.

MissCruellaDeVil · 09/12/2021 21:55

He will have a spy, they always do in them kind of groups, you have to be very careful what you post. Some jumped up secretary called from DC's school when I put a post on asking what everyone thinks about the nativity being held virtually. She said I was bringing the school into disrepute and needed to take it down!
The post is still up...

glimpsing · 09/12/2021 21:55

@CallmeHendricks

We don't know that he has refused to put it in writing. So far, he's just bounced back a suggestion of speaking in January. He may yet put it in writing.

Maybe. That's why I suggested asking him to so the appropriate action can be taken by the op. Simple. Efficient. Helpful. Avoids confrontation which the op finds difficult due to her mental health whilst still being cooperative.

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