DS head teacher making my anxiety sky rocket

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

I'll try to keep this brief. I am a member of a private closed group on fb. I use it to let of steam and rant about stuff that I'd never put on main fb. My account is private but I occasionally post on public groups but keep things very blasé.

I ranted on the private group about my DS being upset that his after school club was being cancelled till new year (an outdoor club at that).

I speculated on a friends post that schools may close early for Xmas again. But in a very innocuous way.

DS head (primary) has emailed me asking to call him about a social media post that's been brought to my attention. I've emailed back saying I'm really busy in work (I am) and can he email me his query.

' No' he emailed. 'Ring me In January!!!!'

I'm now so anxious about what he wants. I'm even nervous to post here in case his spies are out. I can't see what it could be as my rants are all on locked groups.

DH says ignore or just tell him my posts are personal to me and nothing to do with him.

Can anyone give me some reassurance?

Ooooo yes sorry OP, if you are a governor you should have signed a social media policy so might want to refer to it! That might also explain his less formal tone in email if he knows you.

@ChicCroissant

Are you a Governor at the school, OP?

Thanks for all the comments. They are mostly helpful.

No I'm not a governor at the school.

To clarify yes I called the head a dementor. I was cross and frustrated at the time and the group is full of parents criticising their kids schools for not putting the children first.

But at no point did I name the head, any staff or the school. My fb profile is water tight and does not include my kids photos unless you're a friend on fb.

I was not aware about private closed groups. No one would have seen it unless they were in that group. I also have a group of friends I met on MN on fb through having our kids. It is a hidden private group and boy so we air our dirty laundry. We are the best of friends and have met up in rl. Does that mean anyone can see our posts? Do I need to warn them??

How many people are in the group ? You should be able to see a list of group members and how many there are. I'd assume someone who knows you is a member or you've given away enough clues to make you easier to find than you think.

It is hard to work out the time line on this.

You said you were still a governor on 1 December. Why did you give up the rôle and were you still a governor when you made the 'Dementor' ' post?

I can't imagine any schools not putting their pupils first. I find it disappointing that a governor (past, present, of this school or any other) would get involved with public slating of people who are effectively colleagues.
I think you owe the Head an apology.

@TrickyD

It is hard to work out the time line on this.

You said you were still a governor on 1 December. Why did you give up the rôle and were you still a governor when you made the 'Dementor' ' post?

My son has started 11+ tuition meaning I've had to give up my role as I can't make any of the meetings now.

[quote sadpapercourtesan]@Abraxan "This would be against our 'parental use of social media regarding school' policy"

That's very much a you problem. Schools don't have authority over parents' use of support forums, and neither should they.[/quote]
The OP has said she criticised the head teacher.
Before they confirmed this it was fairly obvious it was likely to have been something criticising school/staff in a way which had been identified by a reader.

It's clearly identifiable to someone as the head is aware of it, so someone was able to work it out.

Most schools have these policies. Ours used the LEA sample format for such a policy. Parents are made aware of the policy when their child begins at the school and sign to say they understand it.

Whilst the head likely can't take it much further, though again it's dependent on specific and individual postings, they can ask to speak to parents to sort matters out in a more professional manner than resorting to social media slating.

@TrickyD

It is hard to work out the time line on this.

You said you were still a governor on 1 December. Why did you give up the rôle and were you still a governor when you made the 'Dementor' ' post?

Yes, the explanation for this may shed further light on the Head’s hopes for your conversation.

@CallmeHendricks

I can't imagine any schools not putting their pupils first. I find it disappointing that a governor (past, present, of this school or any other) would get involved with public slating of people who are effectively colleagues. I think you owe the Head an apology.

Just because I was a governor doesn't mean I can't criticise the head. He's been completely government centric and made decisions that don't put the kids first. Yes I ranted but I stand by what I said. Over attempted to speak to the school but got nowhere in the past. Currently I have crashing anxiety meaning emails are easier for me.

And, I ask again, you had no care as to whether you might also be causing him "crashing anxiety" by publicly slagging him off?

Just because I was a governor doesn't mean I can't criticise the head.

I have been a governor. It very much does mean this. I imagine it's infuriating and even upsetting for him. Do you know how many heads are resigning/taking early retirement at the moment and how difficult recruiting for heads is at the moment?

It's odd that it was difficult for you to speak t the school as you were very much in a position where you had the head's ear and your role actually would have been to share parental views (assuming that other parents had - properly and formally- shared these views with you).

The group you refer to has 100s of members and is easy to join. It's not private in any real sense of the word. You are right that it is just a group for venting and calling teachers names Unfortunately someone has seen it and drawn his attention to it. A discussion may clear the air.

You’re to blame, posting online is never a good idea. You should be thanking your head for trying to keep the kids as safe as possible

He's been completely government centric and made decisions that don't put the kids first.

What do you mean by Government centric? Do you mean he has followed the laws and guidelines provided by the Government?

When did you make these comments?

I can’t imagine any school not putting their pupils first

Honestly? I know loads of schools do their absolute best but there are some shocking ones! Surely as teachers we know this?

Just because I was a governor doesn't mean I can't criticise the head.

Governors normally have to sign policies about how they will refer to the school and staff on social media. Did you not have to sign any e-policies or similar?

You being a governor, until literally a few days ago, and the fact that you did insult the head - and in a way that has meant it has been identifiable - does make a difference. You aren't (or wasn't til a week or so ago) 'just' a parent commenting. A governor is expected to act in a more supportive and professional manner when it comes to discussing the school.

The irony of someone with anxiety not being to see how participating in a baying mob online could affect someone else...Presumably as a governor you got to see something of the person behind the post?

@CallmeHendricks

And, I ask again, you had no care as to whether you might also be causing him "crashing anxiety" by publicly slagging him off?

But I didn't. Not one person knew who he was or the school.

@Abraxan

Just because I was a governor doesn't mean I can't criticise the head.

Governors normally have to sign policies about how they will refer to the school and staff on social media. Did you not have to sign any e-policies or similar?

You being a governor, until literally a few days ago, and the fact that you did insult the head - and in a way that has meant it has been identifiable - does make a difference. You aren't (or wasn't til a week or so ago) 'just' a parent commenting. A governor is expected to act in a more supportive and professional manner when it comes to discussing the school.

No policies signed like that at all.

Clearly someone was able to identify him!!

@kittensinthekitchen

He's been completely government centric and made decisions that don't put the kids first.

What do you mean by Government centric? Do you mean he has followed the laws and guidelines provided by the Government?

When did you make these comments?

Of this school and the other local 6 primaries, every single one still running sports clubs after school. Just ours cancelled 'due to covid and dark nights' (pre covid never cancelled due to dark nights)

And I complete hols my hand up. I am a member of us for them and am campaigning for schools to return to normal asap. Make no apologies for this. Kids need their lives back.

@kittensinthekitchen

Clearly someone was able to identify him!!

Assuming that's what he's emailing about. It still could be the innocuous post I made yesterday about querying if schools were closing early for Xmas. Which was very non judgy.

"But I didn't. Not one person knew who he was or the school."

Well, clearly you did and he HAS been identified, as he's contacted you about it.
Harsh lesson but overdue, by the sounds of it.

"It still could be the innocuous post I made yesterday about querying if schools were closing early for Xmas."
Unlikely, if he's suggested you ringing him in January.

You were rude about him and now you are scared because you have been caught.

"But I didn't. Not one person knew who he was or the school."

Well, either that is not the case and someone did know and they told him, or he is psychic, or it's not about the rant on any of the private groups, it's about what you put on your friend's post