What would happen if I didn’t collect DS from after school club?

[Confusedandtired21]

Just that really? Due to be collected before 6pm
I feel beyond able to cope with life at the moment. I have Adhd, asd and bipolar. No one can help so that’s that! So if I didn’t collect him what would happen to him. Would children’s services just get involved? I don’t want this for him but I feel like I don’t have much options left. He’s not hard work or anything, he’s a lovely boy which makes this even harder. I just think he’s he would better off in a different situation with someone other than me

Just woke up, well pregabalin does nothing but make you sleepy apparently. And I’m not planning on getting up on the morning. Mid day at least. Wasn’t expecting to be up so soon. So gonna go bed now and kids know where the cereal is in the morning so yes mid day, and that is fine

Hope you managed to sleep

Call the crisis team, tell them you can't talk, but can write down your feelings/situation, they may be able you to give you a phone number to text, or definitely will have an email address.
If it's too much to write again, copy and paste the messages you already sent to the other social worker.
Another option is to use Relay, I find talking on the phone really hard, so I use relay, I type and they read out to the person I called what I type, you have the option for them to type what the person you called says, but I don't think you need that, just for someone to read your message so you can explain all you have said here.

www.relayuk.bt.com

My heart really goes out to you, I think coming off your ADHD meds 'cold turkey' has caused this crisis, they are the sort of medicine that are dangerous to just stop.

You are an amazing Mum, I know you can't see it right now, but you have brought up a 19yr old who is working & thinks you are a great Mum, a 15 yr old & a 10 yr old, despite all life has thrown at you, you have done an amazing job, & will again with help to get through this crisis.

Your house looks like a lovely home, full of love, it's just a little untidy at the moment, but it's not bad! When you can just tackle one job at a time, but right now, it's not important.

If you feel that you are at the end, call 999, they will help you and find a temporary place for your boys until you are well enough to care for them. They need their Mum, you are an inspiration to them despite how you feel right now, you have loved and provided for them despite all your challenges- that takes an amazingly strong woman, and you will be that woman again, with a little help and getting your meds right.

Please keep talking to us here, and please, please keep safe.
It's god to have an emergency plan for moments of crisis, but for now just pop on a piece of paper the essentials-
Have the emergency numbers written down for you to call if you can no longer cope. And your repeat prescription so you can give it to the medical staff.

If you can, write down any meds the boys are on so their temporary carers know & anything specific to them- just basics .

You have got this, it's a period of time and you will come out the other side because you are amazing!

Your house doesnt look too bad from the pictures. Not dirty, just a bit untidy/cluttered. Mine gets like that within a couple of days if I don't stay on top of it.

What works for me is setting a timer. Do a short burst, say 15-30 minutes, of intense tidying/cleaning. Then spend the next half hour playing a game with the kids, going for a short walk, sitting down with a cuppa, whatever. Then do the next short burst.

It really isn't awful/urgent but trying to get thr house straight might just give you a focus and take your mind off things a bit.

You have got a beautiful home, really lovely colours and decor.

It’s just surface rubbish from what I can see. I think if you and your eldest blitzed it you would
Feel much less burdened by it.

Hope the walk helped you. Being out in nature is good.

That's good you have an appointment with the private psych soon. Hope you got enough sleep. Glad you had a pill to help with that. Sounds like MH team need to find the right combination of meds for you to manage your conditions effectively. Hang in there, it's not long until your private psych appointment.

Well the kitchen is now clean and tidy! as is my youngest sons room, I got him to tidy it and will Hoover it and wiping down tomorrow. And the FIFTH wash load of the day is currently in the washer! Bathroom in the morning, then hopefully the rest of the house tomorrow too.
I’m getting scared of children’s services coming round and taking my kids now! I’m so contradictory! In one breath I say I wish they would just take them cos I’m not doing well, then in the other breath I’m panicking about them!

Yeah I think coming off the Adhd meds all of a sudden hasn’t helped matters too.

Oh and I didn’t get up at mid day, I got up at 9 and ordered English breakfasts for us then started collecting all the washing etc.
What are the chances children’s services could take my kids? Do you think it’s likely. I almost don’t want to answer the door to them now it’s come to it.

No they won't take your DC if you don't want them to. Theyryin the business of keeping families together. Taking the DC is a last resort. Talk to them, share how you're feeling, how you're coping or not coping and see what help they can offer or if they have any suggestions.

You only really wanted them gone because you were overloaded and they were one more thing. If you had more help, of any kind, whether it's different meds, better coping strategies or practical help, then you'll feel less overloaded and will be able to manage the DC. You obviously love them and want what's best for them.

You've made a good start with getting the house tidier. It's a really positive thing. And you managed to sleep, that's good too. You're not very well and you had a bad day but things will get better in time

Not perfect! Still need to do floors in a min, but an improvement I think.

I’m worried about the message I sent them now, makes me sound a bit unstable. And I mentioned alcohol so that’s another thing that won’t look well. Basically I use alcohol during the times I don’t cope, not all day or anything and not all that often but just on the really really bad days. It slows my brain down, other times numbs feelings etc.
But I imagine this isn’t going to look good also.

Wow, that’s a tidy kitchen, OP! You’ve made such progress since you first posted, you’re amazing. 💐

Your kitchen looks great now. It looks like you have a really lovely home.
You don't need to worry about SS taking your children away, but do try to concentrate on getting help for yourself.
I bet you're doing a better job than you think.

Bloody hell OP you've made such a great dent in the cleaning in such a short time!

I also have ADHD (and bipolar) and I know this might not be help in a crisis situation but in general, I find grouping stuff really helps when I've overwhelmed with disorganisation and mess.

So I say in my head right I'll pick up 5 blue things and move them to where they need to be (different room / laundry / rubbish etc).

Blue is just an example - I also group by texture / purpose / room the thing should be in etc etc. And I say to myself that I have to do one 'group' per room each time I'm in a room. Then sometimes if I can see progress, my brain lets me do another group while I'm in that room.

It gives me rules I have to simply follow rather than 'fuck this room is a mess where do I fucking start it's all shit anyway' vibes. Which I still get often when faced with disorganisation, even if it's of my own making entirely!

As I say, that might be an annoying and small suggestion when you're in crisis but I just thought I would share

And the threshold for your children being removed is so, so high. Please don't panic as that will make things worse and send you spiralling. Again, easily said I know but it's true.

youvegottenmunuteslynn of course it’s not an annoying suggestion, thank you! Maybe I’ll try it!

You sound a lot brighter today OP. The messy photo's really weren't bad at all either. My top ADHD tip to get a quick dopamine hit is to listen to music. Meds alone don't help me, I have to kick-start my mood with exercise but on days I can't face that music helps hugely. Most of the time I'm not in the mood, but if make myself it really does help. The idea to wear headphones while taking the bins out is a good one too.

And another thing I’m worrying about is when I was last in hospital. I’d been under the crisis team/home based treatment for a few months like I think I said, but then I wasn’t answering the phone etc to the crisis team so they sent the police round to do a welfare check, and when they came round and they found me with notes and my stockpile of pills they took me to a and e. And my kids were here. Also not looking good is it! But obviously the police mustn’t have referred me to children’s services at the time?

user33323 I do feel a lot brighter actually, maybe because I actually did something to make things better! The headphones is a good idea but I still worry about responding even with earphones in and them thinking I can’t hear them. Weird I know.

I'm a teacher and if you didn't pick up your child we would try other emergency contexts (dad, grandparents etc) and then if no avail we would have to contact social services. Please don't leave him there, it's not fair on him or the staff. Ask for help x

Can you try to identify what has made you feel a little brighter OP? That might really help. Was it offloading on here? Or your older child stepping up in the short term to lend a hand? Perhaps if you can identify what helped then in future when you recognise similar feelings of wanting to run away, you can have coping mechanisms in place and repeat them, knowing they've worked in the past so are tested and proven

@Confusedandtired21

And another thing I’m worrying about is when I was last in hospital. I’d been under the crisis team/home based treatment for a few months like I think I said, but then I wasn’t answering the phone etc to the crisis team so they sent the police round to do a welfare check, and when they came round and they found me with notes and my stockpile of pills they took me to a and e. And my kids were here. Also not looking good is it! But obviously the police mustn’t have referred me to children’s services at the time?

If your oldest is 15 and appeared capable they would have thought he could look after the 10 yr old temporarily, or be old enough to know who to ask for help. Unless if your DC were in bed and you didn't mention them the police wouldn't know they existed.

33323 yes meds alone don’t work perfectly for me either and they only work till around 2pm! But that’s better then nothing.
Anyway I’ve booked in with an Adhd and asd coach, to start next week via zoom. Will see if it helps at all! I’m doubtful but you never know.

@Confusedandtired21

33323 yes meds alone don’t work perfectly for me either and they only work till around 2pm! But that’s better then nothing. Anyway I’ve booked in with an Adhd and asd coach, to start next week via zoom. Will see if it helps at all! I’m doubtful but you never know.

That's great OP! See in the last day or so you've made a real dent in the mess that was stressing you out AND reached out to people on here AND booked some support to help you. I would say that's pretty bloody good going as someone with a similarly wired brain to yours!