Lots of different things here, so I apologise if my post is a garbled mess.
Firstly you need to read straight jacket by matthew todd, is is aimed at gay men more than gay women, but the content is still relevant to both men and women. To be honest it wouls be great if straight people read this as well. Get a kindle version if you don’t want a physical copy in your house. Watch Olly Alexander growing up gay (iplayer).
So you don’t want to be gay, well no one wants to be gay when they realise they are gay, so while that is a bit crap it is normal, look at Olly in the link below, he is very very out, but as a 30 year old gay man still struggles to accept his own sexuality and he is out to literally the whole world.
Keegan Hirst is gay, he used to have a wife, he ‘dealt’ with his sexuality by trying to kill himself. He is very thankful he turned away from that, he had some interesting pieces about shame and his children meeting his partner “My son was introduced to my boyfriend when he was 4. My daughter was 8.
No moral outrage, no ‘issues,’ no problems whatsoever. Just lots of love, laughs and fun.
Be honest, be sensible and love them unconditionally and watch how they grow up into well rounded young people.” Doesn’t sound like someone who can’t raise his children does it.
Watch his TED talk on shame
If we ignore sexuality for a bit, you are unhappy in your relationship, there is a fundamental ‘thing’ that means your relationship won’t fall back into happy, carefree etc. You can carry on for a while, but not only will an unhappy relationship have a negative impact on your mental and physical health, it will also start to have an impact on those around you, children, friends, even colleagues. You’re a mum, will you advise your children to stay in an unhappy marriage? Would you encourage a friend to stay in an unhappy marriage? If you don’t want it for them why have it for yourself?
A relationship ending is sometimes someones fault, cheating, marrying someone they don’t love, being lazy etc. Yes a divorce is shit for a while, but everyone gets through and starts to recover, being divorced doesn’t mean someone is a bad parent or a bad person, it just means they fucked up a little bit, just as well all do.
I’m gay, my son is very happy, he has a great step dad. If I had an ex wife or if my son had a mum it would have zero impact on my parenting ability, if I was divorced it would have zero impact on my parenting.
I’m a good enough parent, I’m not amazing, but I am able to meet my sons needs, I can only do that because in certain instances I put myself first, I take care of my mental health by having therapy and taking antidepressants, I look after my physical health by eating well, exercising and taking my diabetes seriously, I say no to people/things unless I genuinely think they are worth my time and effort. If I didn’t put myself first a lot there would become a time when I stopped being a good enough parent. I’m no use to my son if I’m depressed, unwell, performing poorly at work.
You are the most important person if your life, not your husband, your mum or your children.