Really regret having a baby

[Notthebestday]

I am so unhappy. My baby doesn’t sleep, won’t be put down, but perversely won’t even be cuddled, and I’m completely and utterly done in and have tried absolutely everything. There is no support at all due to covid and I’m utterly miserable and so is my poor baby.

[DianaT1969]

I do think that just 2 nights away, staying at a hotel or with your family will help you to reset. Ask your DH if he can take a few days off and do that. With family would be better, as you'd have people to chat with. But it does sound as if you need sleep badly.

[Xerochrysum]

You said baby is unsettled after being formula fed but not breast fed. Is there are possibility of allergy/intolerance to ingredients of formula?
My dc cried constantly, I had to carry him around constantly, turned out he had multiple food allergies, even responding quite badly from miniscule amount of allergen in my breastmilk. He was totally different baby after he was diagnosed and I went on restricted diet.

[Porridgeoat]

What is the issue with medication?

[borntohula]

Your baby isn't 'miserable' at 4 weeks old OP, at least not in the same way that you are. If it's any consolation, when DD was that age, I genuinely wondered about putting her up for adoption because I hated being a mum so much. I'm glad it passed.

[Footle]

Dear OP - I say dear because I like the way you express yourself - please talk to the GP about yourself, not only about your very little boy.
You love him so much. If it takes medication to get you both to the other side of this awful time , just do it. There is nothing to lose.

[zuptop]

Try white noise

[PearlescentIridescent]

Also I'd like to (not criticising pp at all as it may work!) Point out that if there is a suspected CMPA hungry baby formula may exacerbate this as there is more casein in it.

[cosmicbabe]

@Notthebestday

I wish people would stop throwing the he is bottle fed in my face. I am expressing milk for him.

If you are expressing, have you tried him back on the breast? Your previous post said he was on your chest clawing and head butting. Classic signs he wants to feed.

Please stick in there. When my son was his age the only thing he loved was breastfeeding. I then found that the easiest solution to calm him down and hen he would sleep

Big hugs and keep talking xxxx

[LickEmbysmiling]

Op 4 weeks is so young, he's a probably still wanting to be inside the womb, 4th trimester.

He's also getting used to tye world and what he likes.
I've had two dc, one was so easy, the other....

I found a Co sleeper cot massively helped with the second one, she slept right by head, I could put arm next to her but also totally relax and sleep myself.

Also it's surprising just how much they want to feed!
He could simply be going through a growth spurt and need constant bottles?
Both of mine went through phases of wanting to be on boob almost all day!

[Notthebestday]

Lol, he’s never been on the breast.

Thanks for replies, I’m fine, just shattered.

[LickEmbysmiling]

And, both went through phases of only falling asleep on my stomach, in day so I would rest in bed and watch TV.
My bedroom TV has been my savoir many a time

[DawnMumsnet]

Hi Notthebestday,

We're so sorry you're going through such a difficult time.

We can see you're getting lots of good advice and support on this thread but we just wanted to add a few more links to organisations which may be able to give you some support in real life.

First of all, here's a link to our Mental Health resources. There are lots of organisations listed which can give you some extra support.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected], or call them, any time, on 116 123.

Your baby is still very young and you may well be experiencing postnatal depression, so we'd urge you to take a look at an organisation called PANDAS Foundation which was set up to support families through PND & AND. Their webpage is here and they have a free helpline, available Monday – Sunday 11am-10pm - 0808 1961 776. Please take a look at their website and consider giving them a call - we know they've helped many Mumsnetters in the past.

We'd also urge you to take a look at the cry-sis website. Their helpline number is 08451 228 669 and their lines are open 7 days a week 9am-10pm.

Sending good wishes from all at MNHQ. We really hope things start to get a bit easier for you soon.

[LickEmbysmiling]

No I know you said he's on bottle but maybe he needs more food?

The point was.. Maybe he needs almost constant feeding.

[borntohula]

Also, are you 'co-sleeping?' I did eventually because it was the only way anyone was getting any sleep. She sleeps alone now, rest assured so ignore any 'rod for your own back' bollocks.

I think you need to let your GP know EXACTLY how you're feeling.

[lee12345]

I had a baby that sounds exactly like yours & I was miserable. In all honestly they first few months were the worst of my life.
I searched everywhere for an answer & I know how frustrating it can be to see comments from other people to say it will get better or they know how you feel, because it really does feel like you are alone & you have the most unhappy baby. I have no real advice, except to say it does get better. My son is now 2 & it did take the best part of a year for me to feel happy being a mum & I still find it hard some days, however it is still the best thing I have ever done, so much that we are thinking of a 2nd. I am scared of being back to where I was with a newborn, nothing can prepare you for how it feels & how hard it is. If you can reach out to a postnatal maternity team who can help you with how you are feeling. Or even just talking to people online. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk further.
One last thing the only thing we could put him down in, was a Joie 2in1 Swing. They are around £100 so not cheap, but honestly a life saver.

[Marley20]

I had babies like this, a large part of our issue was silent reflux. Not saying this is your problem but does he spit up/vomit frequently, cry more or seem more unsettled when lying down or after a feed, does he wriggle a lot or arch his back?

There's lots of experience in this board, can you give more details on what is happening someone may well recognise some signs that will point you in the right direction. The first few weeks are brutal, I think most people regret it at that point but it will get easier much quicker than you think xx

[greenemerald]

Sorry you're going through this. I went through it too 9months ago and it was awful. Wouldnt wish it on anyone!! He had reflux/colic and was just a generally very unsettled baby. At this stage it's just survival mode to be honest! It does get better, I promise. It's so hard to hear that when you're going through it but it's honestly true. I'm out the other side now and looking back it was horrific but it's a million times better now. I also didn't feel bonded and like I had made a huge mistake, it's really hard to feel bonded when you feel like you can't do anything right! But it all changed a few months in and now it's better and he's a total joy. I think the first 3 months are brutal.

Also sleep deprivation makes everything a million times worse. I hope you figure out a way for some support. Either a friend/family member to take baby for an evening whilst you sleep. I hope it improves for you soon, you can do this

[CormoranStrike]

Your poor love, it is exhausting. This will get better.

I remember phoning my sister at six weeks in absolute awe as things had just eased somehow.

Get your husband to take him out in the pram to walk for at least three hours. And you go sleep x

[firstimemamma]

Many, many people feel hopeless when baby is this young op. What you're feeling is normal. My latest friend to have her first baby definitely had a tearful 'what have we done?' conversation with her dh and really struggled. It gets easier and better over time, just try to concentrate on surviving for now.

[Twizbe]

@Notthebestday

Lol, he’s never been on the breast.

Thanks for replies, I’m fine, just shattered.

Having a newborn is so hard. I really think you need to ask hubby to take him for a few hours and you need to sleep. I know the feeling of just wanting your baby close by, but the lack of sleep is going to make everything feel like a huge mountain. Get some sleep, have a long shower and just take a breath.

Then you need to speak to your GP about your mental health. I wish I'd done this sooner with my second. I was also concerned about medication but my husband got through to me by using my own words against me. If you have a headache take paracetamol, if it's still bad then there's more of a problem to sort, if not the problem is sorted. Medication is sometimes necessary and good.

My son has CMPA. He'd be fine with my milk but would throw up any formula we gave him. No one believed me for 16 very long weeks. Once he had the special formula it was like night and day. You do have to push doctors on this one.

Finally, your baby loves you.

[Chel098]

@weekfour

My username didn't come from nowhere! Worst week of my life.

Get outside, with the pram. He'll sleep better after daylight and fresh air. I mean a real good walk. An hour or so. Just wrap him up.

I know you don't want to go but get wrapped up and go. You will feel better too.

It will pass even if it doesn't feel like it now.

This.

[matronyoshka]

I'm not a parent and have no experience of looking after babies at all, and whilst it does sound like there's a possibility something's up with him and there are avenues to explore there, I'm really concerned about you right now.

I know depression and suicidial feelings, and your posts are worrying to me. You're clearly very very low (understandably so, given the pressures and stresses you are under). I know you don't think your GP can help you, but you need an urgent appointment with somebody you can fully open up to. I know I'm not offering practical advice here as I don't know who's best for you to speak to, but please tell people in 'real life' how you're really feeling, without any sugarcoating, and today if at all possible.

[moanyhole]

only things that worked in the exact same situation for me OP was cosleeping- he settled much more, and medication for reflux, from the first dose he was a different baby. This will pass- honestly- my 14 year old is a joy!
When I look back I'm so sorry I didn't take some time out- just a walk in the fresh air, and I didn't get him checked for reflux and start cosleeping sooner, the amount of grief and exhausion it would have saved.

[Marley20]

Just read some more of your posts, have you tried changing the formula you're using if he seems more unsettled after it? I wonder if it could be an allergy? Our doctor prescribed a formula for us to see if this was the issue with ours (it wasn't, but my nephew this worked for). It may well be reflux, speak to your GP. Treatments include, carobel to thicken formula, there are also meds such as Omeprazol that can be prescribed. Ignore anyone who comments on the fact you're using formula, nothing wrong with giving it to babies as long as they get what they need haters can jog on x

[MyNameForToday1980]

It's absolutely not just you. I remember feeling like this with DD at around 2 weeks in (I imagine it hits people at different times).

Overtired, unsettled, sleepless, crying babies are the worst.

But it does get better. Just when you think "that's it, this is my life now, and it's terrible" the tide will turn.

There are things you CAN do, like investigate the link between formula feeds and crying, maybe an allergy/intolerance.

But aside from that all you can do is roll with it, accept that it's a bit shit, give them all the things that babies need and know it will get better.

PND is always a possibility, but it's also highly possible that you're just going through a rough patch, and when you've had a few hours sleep you'll feel brighter. But do keep an eye on yourself too, and treat yourself with kindness.