Really regret having a baby

[Notthebestday]

I am so unhappy. My baby doesn’t sleep, won’t be put down, but perversely won’t even be cuddled, and I’m completely and utterly done in and have tried absolutely everything. There is no support at all due to covid and I’m utterly miserable and so is my poor baby.

[TheNightKing]

Hi OP,

In terms of baby, I have no solution, sorry. However, I would like to say that I really think you need to speak to a doctor about PND. I know you say you are against medication and I felt exactly the same as yourself a year ago. I was diagnosed with depression around this time last year but I refused to take them for various reasons. It was only when I got to the middle of last year when I had what they would have termed a “breakdown” years ago, that I started taking antidepressants. Whilst my children were 7, 4 and almost 2yrs old at the time, I felt similar to you - I was a crap mother, they would be better off without me, the only way out was either to drop them all off at social services to be adopted or to end things. I can put my hand on my heart and say that the antidepressants changed everything. I felt able to cope, was able to deal with my children more calmer which felt better for me and also helped their behaviour and I could see light at the end of the tunnel. I came off of them in November after 5.5 months and whilst I’m not “back to normal” I am able to cope with day to day life, which is a massive improvement. I really hope that you manage to get the right help for yourself as I know how dark and awful it can feel.

[peachypetite]

@Notthebestday how are you doing?

[Lansonmaid]

You sound exactly how I felt after both my babies, I was searching for how to get them put up for adoptIon too. Fortunately when my oldest was born I had a pretty switched on GP who referred me to a psychiatrist immediately and he diagnosed severe PND, when the same symptoms reappeared with my DD the support system swung into action (think I had post natal psychosis second time around). Please don’t dismiss medication, I don’t think I’d be here if I hadn’t been on antidepressants

[minipie]

Ah OP I regretted it so much too. I remember asking DH what the hell we had done and why. The first 8 weeks were hell on a stick.

Gradually though it will get better. It will. All you have to do is keep him alive.

[HarryHarryHarry]

I felt like this with my second baby. She was an absolute nightmare. She hated breastfeeding, she hated bottles, she hated her bed, the sling, the pram, the car seat. I couldn’t take her anywhere because she just screamed all the time. It was utter hell.

All I can say to you is, hang in there. My daughter is 1 now and although she is still a pain in the arse I can’t imagine how I could have ever regretted her. FWIW we have no support either - we live overseas, don’t speak the language, have no family or friends nearby - and I have a history of mental illness and PND. But it does get easier, I promise you! Go easy on yourself and take it one day at a time. Before you know it, you’ll be over the worst of it.

[Worriedftm1206]

Hi Op.
I don't know if you are still watching this thread but I was you for the first 0-5 months with my firstborn.
My baby had reflux and would just cry all the time, we'd feed, change, sleep but he would still cry every waking moment even in my arms, we never figured out exactly what was bothering him.
I can only say that it will get better, I remember thinking I couldn't do it and I wanted to give my baby up for adoption, I would put a smile on for the health visitor but then cry behind closed doors.
He is now 8 months and is such a smiley, pleasant little boy, it started getting better around 6 months once he was on solids and the reflux just stopped. Also I think he was frustrated at being so helpless and not able to do anything.
My advice for coping is just to get through it a day at a time. The thing that helped me the most when I was getting really frustrated it putting him down in the cot for 10-20 minutes and making a cup of tea, crying won't hurt them if you really need a break.
I hate to say it but also giving up breastfeeding saved me, my mental health really improved after that as I wasn't stuck to the sofa all day and night and could get my husband to give him a bottle so I could get some sleep. (although I did express breast milk in the day until my milk supply dried up at 3 months).
Hope this is of some help to you Op, don't worry about getting the chores done, also if you have someone who can do the odd Nappy change or feed just to give you a break while you sit on the sofa for a bit that might make you feel a little happier.

[calliealbert]

Having an only child is one of the biggest regrets of my life. And what's even worse is that stopping after one was my sole decision

[Downinthedumpzz]

Hi OP, I would give your Health Visitor a call and also rope in someone to be part of your bubble to support you.
Sounds like you could have baby blues or PND. I had both and it was absolutely horrendous and I also felt like killing myself and didn’t feel as bonded to baby as I should have done.