Really regret having a baby

[Notthebestday]

I am so unhappy. My baby doesn’t sleep, won’t be put down, but perversely won’t even be cuddled, and I’m completely and utterly done in and have tried absolutely everything. There is no support at all due to covid and I’m utterly miserable and so is my poor baby.

[Kittykat93]

Having a small baby is not all its cracked up to be, it's actually mostly shit. Its soul destroying to not be able to stop the crying and getting no rest. But you cant give up, you are this babys mother and he needs you.so you need to try everything you can to help yourself so that you can help your baby. Why no medication? You havent even tried it, it could help. You need to tell people close to you what you've said on here..if you are actually suicidal you need help now.

I'd also keep pushing for them to investigate why your baby is crying so much, allergies etc.

One day this will all just be a bad memory, you can do it and come out the other side.

[Sausagessizzling]

God I remember what you're feeling so well. Its brutal. I was in such a state I looked up getting DC adopted and tried to talk my DH into it.
I felt no love for the screaming parasite that was my baby.
I ended up in A and E with in mental health crisis. From there everything changed. I got a whole mass of support which turned everything around for me and I slowly fell in love my my baby.
Now I absolutely adore her, am totally myself again and its wonderful.
So in summary, this may be shit right now but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and if you are really in crisis go to a and e. They are set up for mental health emergencies too.

[Sober4Summer20]

I feel for you so much. Those first few weeks were some of the worst of my life. The constant crying, no sleep, sore arms from carrying them around all day. I look back now and I'm still not sure how I got through it. It does get better though as the weeks go on. Big hugs to you xx

[tigerlily20]

My second was like this, the only time she'd stop crying for a bit was if I walked her around the house holding her frontwards so she could look around (supporting her head, her chin rested on my forearm). I had a really young toddler as well and it was so tough, I feel for you. In fact I wish I could come and help you because I had very little help and I remember how hard it was to cope. I think you should explore the pnd route too, that will be exacerbating everything. It does get easier.

[SinkGirl]

OP, my twins were like this, although only one was home from NICU at 4 weeks. I know you don’t want to call the GP again, I really do. But you know your baby is unhappy and it’s possible he’s in pain, he has no other way of telling you. Call the GP again, tell them they need to start ruling things out - silent reflux and CMPA. My twins couldn’t breastfeed either and it broke my heart so I think that made things worse.

Eventually I found things that helped mine a bit - combo of a 4Moms swing or baby bjorn bouncer with white noise helped, as did tiger in the tree hold which DT2 basically lived in draped over my arm, and they had to eat far more often than they were supposed to. Things got much better once I got dairy free formula - no more screaming, tummy troubles etc.

I know you are exhausted and feel desperate right now. If HCPs are being crap then you unfortunately have to keep asking - you both need some help. I wish I’d had treatment for my anxiety at the time, that would have helped me too.

[Tomselleckhaskindeyes]

My little one had colic. It was awful!! We found windy pops was better than Coleuf. I was really strict with his feeding regime as i don't think his tummy was getting a rest.

Another thing that worked was a tight swaddle and a dummy with the the bigger test. We got through it (although I did have times of rocking in a corner!)

[peachypetite]

OP I feel you. Mine is 8 weeks old and I’ve had some awful days particular during weeks 6 and 7 where she screamed endlessly. I only stopped from having a total breakdown because there were good days in between. Tongue tie was sorted privately and I am breastfeeding using a nipple shield, have you tried those? I spent 7 weeks pumping milk and it is very hard going and draining. I echo the others please see your GP. If your baby is miserable constantly there must be something underlying. I think you also need to be Frank with the GP about how low you feel. Hugs.

[Someone1987]

I could have written this. When my son was born I was overwhelmed with dread and regret too. I would have walked out of the hospital alone and forget it ever happened. I'd have given anything for someone to take him away. My husband felt the same. I remember too well the endless day/night/day with little sleep while trying to recover mentally and physically from birth. I wanted to end it all as I couldn't see a way out. I was lucky in the sense this was just before covid so health visitor actually came round and I opened up. At the moment you are in the thick of it, a huge life change, a baby you want to soothe and during covid too. Please message me. My story is a long one, but my son has just turned one and it is better. Of course I still have feelings but they come and go. We are here for you.x

[GalaxyCake]

OP please hang in there and focus on getting by each day. Having a difficult baby is REALLY REALLY CRAP and nobody can possibly relate unless they've been in that situation. Your baby sounds like it was born at a similar time to mine (late Dec) and spending the two ensuing wet, dark months with a shrieking infant nearly made me lose my mind. Going out for walks wasn't possible because she cried the entire time so I was indoors for almost two months with no sleep, house a complete mess and ear splitting screaming all day long. This was before the pandemic and I can't fathom how awful it must be now.

Even people who had babies in spring/summer can't really compare their experience since it makes a huge difference if you can pop outside quickly with sunshine on your face and hear the birds singing.

Going to be honest, things might get worse before it gets better and it's best to throw all expectations out the window. All you need to do is survive...eat when you can, nap when you can, only do the absolute bare necessities in the house and fuck it to everything else. Don't bother cooking if you can't find time, short naps are far more important. Bananas, nuts, cheese, crackers, toast, eggs, cereal, yoghurt, plain raw veg (not chopped in a salad), various frozen meals are quick and easy meals.

I wore the same outfit all the time and it was only washed if DD was sick on it. Same for hers...I didn't bother dressing her "for the day" and she was in pyjamas all the time, obv changed if there was poo or sick. I remember looking frantically on MN at the time when people would reassure you "it passes" but the thought of something passing at 8 weeks when you're stuck at 4 weeks felt impossible.

Newborns can't interact much because they have terrible eyesight and zero concentration. I did find that DD became a bit happier at 12 weeks when she could sit up and see things for herself. Just being able to get outside also made a huge difference, and I always used the car seat attachment on the pram chassis so she can sit upright to look at things. As soon as she was lying flat she would start crying again. The weather also made a big difference so please focus on that point in spring when the pandemic will be under control, millions will be vaccinated and you can leave the house for fresh air with your baby.

[user1499189583]

OP I have been down this exact road with my DD and to a lesser extent with her big brother. She literally would not stop crying, never settled for more than 10 mins. Couldn't take her out in the pram or car, cuddles never settled her. It was devastating and I was suicidal by the time she was 3 weeks old, phoning the GP constantly. Tried every single thing that was suggested and nothing worked. I broke when she was 4 weeks old after 2 solid days and nights of no sleep and just pacing with her, and took her to hospital - told the doctors I couldn't cope and couldn't take her home to deal with it any more. They admitted her to a children's ward for observation and she was treated for severe reflux and CMPA. Things did improve (but not overnight) and she is now 18 months old.

I PROMISE both you and your son will come out of this - I can't tell you when but you absolutely will. I adore my DD now but I genuinely couldn't stand her in my darkest days. You need to make it clear to anyone who will listen that you aren't coping. Please do consider seeking help for PND - anti depressants literally saved my life and my marriage in this situation as a short term help before things improved with the baby.

I know where your head is at the moment, and it's awful

[ApplesandAnimals]

Oh my god OP, this was me when my little one was born. I hated it, felt nothing but regret for ever getting pregnant. Worst time of my life, by far.

I was very triggered by my baby’s crying, and boy did he cry. No one seemed to understand or listen when I told them this - ‘all babies cry’. But it seemed like my baby had a much higher, louder, more urgent pitch and it was absolutely soul destroying to listen to it for hours. I could never figure out what he wanted, and nothing seemed to make him happy. He was born belligerent and pissed off and I felt like a failure and a shit mum for not being able to soothe him.

I’m happy to report that he is much better now at 5 months, which is completely useless information to you right now, I know. I only recently have begun feeling like I am waking from a bad dream. Please PM me if you want to chat.

What helped for me was the hairdryer, at the loudest setting. When he was roaring in the Moses basket, we turned the hairdryer on and it seemed to shock him out of it and he still finds the sound very soothing. That, and constant motion - I would walk for hours quickly around the house holding him, the constant movement would send him to sleep eventually.

Hang in there, you CAN do this! Your baby loves you and needs you, just keep trying different things and don’t give up.

[alislim]

I could have wrote this. By 16 weeks he got better. I walked forever with him.
Wanted contact, moaned when cuddled. Cried a lot. So did I.
He's 4 now. The most cuddly, loving, happy little boy ever (in my mind).
It's not like this forever

[Mysa74]

@Notthebestday

Lol, he’s never been on the breast.

Thanks for replies, I’m fine, just shattered.

Even if he's never been on the breast he will still use classic feeding cues if he's hungry, headbutting and pummelling are ways to get milk to flow, he doesn't care where it comes from... 4 weeks could be a growth jump and he might want and need to cluster feed. You can't over feed a breastfed baby, your body will make whet he needs. If he's drinking everything you express you'll make more...
Take care of yourself OP, we've all been there, one way or another xx

[Notanotherusernamenow]

This thread makes me wonder why women have children. Does it get better? Why do women do this to themselves? My dp has persuaded me to try for a baby and it fills me with horror and despair

[Chesthurtsagain]

It will get better!

Ring anyone who will take you seriously and get them to start advocating for you & baby, you sound worn out.

Sorry you’re going through this.

[Legitimacy]

If the GP won't listen then tell the HV and let them know his symptoms. It sounds like he has silent reflux and my GP never listened to me but my HV spoke to the GP and he was prescribed Gaviscon.

[scotsllb]

@Notanotherusernamenow

This thread makes me wonder why women have children. Does it get better? Why do women do this to themselves? My dp has persuaded me to try for a baby and it fills me with horror and despair

It does get better honesty. Some of the worst days feel like months but they really are over before you know it

[Sunshinesweet123]

I absolutely feel you right now! My son is now 8 months but all through his first 8-9 weeks he screamed and screamed all the time. No sleep for any of us and I think back to what was meant to be a lovely time and I'm so glad it's over now. Turned out our baby had silent reflux and after trying everything we managed to find a solution. But it was before support bubbles were allowed and I felt like I was in a constant time loop of exhaustion and screaming. Pretty much torture but it doesn't last forever. You will get through this and soon will come the smiles which makes it feel a little more rewarding x

[peachypetite]

OP are you okay

[Plussizejumpsuit]

This sounds really hard op. How are you doing this afternoon? Did you manage to speak to a gp?

[Icanseegreenshoots]

Sending hugs op, really hope you are okay. You were brave to post, and I hope something was helpful on the thread to you

[sproutsnbacon]

The COVID test is rather unpleasant for adults but for babies and toddlers it’s fine they just go slightly up each nostril. My 7 day old had a test on the children’s ward and I thought it’s going to be awful but she didn’t notice and I had to test my three year after he got a bug. My three year old complains about the slightest pain and he was fine as well.
Don’t let a COVID test put you off a&e.

[Carrotv]

Like everyone else has said, sleep deprivation is torture.

I know it's been said already but my first thought was dairy allergy. My DC was eventually prescribed dairy free formula - but by that time he wouldn't countenance a bottle. I think if that had been tried earlier it would have saved my sanity a bit.

[NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor]

I can’t give you a miraculous cure for your baby to stop crying but you desperately need to see the GP about your own MH. Talking about wanting to adopt your child and wishing you were both dead is very worrying. Please please please speak to someone.

[Mumwithapub]

Have a look at Priscilla Dunstan on Youtube best view is an old episode of Oprah Winfrey. She has an interesting take on listening to baby cries. I devoured it when I was pregnant. It may help. Good luck.