Really regret having a baby

[Notthebestday]

I am so unhappy. My baby doesn’t sleep, won’t be put down, but perversely won’t even be cuddled, and I’m completely and utterly done in and have tried absolutely everything. There is no support at all due to covid and I’m utterly miserable and so is my poor baby.

[glittereyelash]

Aw god I can empathise so much. The early weeks can be so difficult. You are doing brilliant just take it day by day. If you and your partner can take turns getting a rest it really helps. I think covid just makes everything a million times harder. I promise you it will get easier in time 💖

[Iwonder08]

OP, if you can afford get yourself a professional night nurse/nanny even if just for a week. You will at least have a break. As baby is bottle fed you won't even have to wake up. Full night sleep will do wonders. Again, if you are not getting anywhere with GP then talk to a private pediatrician,they should be able to assess if your child is in pain of some sort

[Notthebestday]

Problem with a and e is they give covid tests which are somewhat traumatic.

Plus they just say he’s healthy which I don’t doubt. But you can be healthy and in pain. Maybe it is reflux. I’ll ring the GP about him when they open at 8. I have no one to help choc and besides they’d have to pretty much remove him from me for it to have any effect. OH has him now and it just makes it worse in a way.

[LazyDaisy10]

I had 1 like this, it was horrendous. I absolutely feel your pain! It drove me crazy, literally I had to go for cbt sessions eventually and prescribed for pnd. Just hang on in there. 1 day at a time, I really thought my dd hated me, looking back maybe she picked up on my desperation. Try and get out for a walk, pop some earphones in if baby is crying! When husband comes home, go out!! Get a takeaway coffee, and enjoy the silence even in the car for an hour. I found a break from baby actually helped more than sleep. Like everyone says it does get better but I honestly thought about adopting my dd and might have done if I didnt have dh (although I never told anyone that) Stop trying g to find the answer to why they might be not sleeping, I wish I had because it made no bloody difference only made me feel worse that I couldn't help her. Please pm if you need a chat, my fantasy was getting on a plane alone and leaving my family behind so I 100% feel for you

[Notthebestday]

I wish people would stop throwing the he is bottle fed in my face. I am expressing milk for him.

[Notthebestday]

I wish I could have him adopted, someone who could look after him properly.

[Rubblydubbly]

With my first I panicked and tried everything in a short amount of time. I didn’t give anything time to work. Things like colief/gripe water/infacol can take weeks to work.

I’ve had 2 CMPA and silent reflux babies and this all sounds very familiar. Have you actually told the Dr this is what you think it is? What did they say? Have you gone back to them since? I had to have a breakdown in the Drs office with my first for them to understand what was going on. Luckily the 2nd baby they just believed me. I got dairy free formula and omeprazole for both and it made all the difference.

You might not have a cuddly baby, one of mine is definitely not a cuddler and prefers to be on the floor or in a bouncy chair.

It sounds like you need help as well, so I would ring the GP and ask for help for you. I’ve learnt that when you have kids you spend your life being a advocate for them, pushing people and not giving up. Yes it’s frustrating but please do it. If you can’t let your partner handle the health side of things whilst you look after yourself.

[OverTheRainbow88]

If you’re expressing I would suggest cutting all dairy out of your diet, try this for two weeks and might make all the difference .

Worth a shot

[Notthebestday]

I think people are trying to help but I’m getting a bit bogged down here. OH doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with him so that’s that.

[scotsllb]

Op can your DH take a week off as a family emergency and take over?
Can you stay somewhere else for a week ( I know it's lockdown but mental health matters) get some space and sleep?

[1stevernamechange]

OP did your health visitor give you a contact number for them? If not, you could find one by ringing the community midwives, we often get calls for this. From what you have said you need some support today, and I would advise you to ring them first thing and let them know how you are feeling. Nobody may be able to stop your baby’s crying immediately, but you sound like you need a hand to hold to get through this.
Please don’t rule out medication, there is no judgement from people if you have it, (and if they do, it’s their problem), and it isn’t the start of a lifetime of medication, it’s just this extra hand to hold to stabilise things, get you through this really tough time, and see the light at the other end of this never ending tunnel you feel like you are in.
In the next couple of weeks, he will start smiling, and I think things always start to feel a little bit better then, at the moment the only feedback you are getting is crying, which we associate as adults from someone being unhappy, but at the moment, this is all he can do, he can’t smile at you, or express himself in any other way.
Things will get better, as other pp’s have said, and I know it doesn’t feel that way now, but we are saying it because we have been where you are, and know that it doesn’t last forever, even though each minute at the moment feels like a decade. Be kind to yourself, you are doing a great job, and this bit will end.

[scotsllb]

To see how you feel once your fully removed from the situation and recharged etc

[Rubblydubbly]

Sorry it took me so long to write my post and now I want to comment on a couple of other things.

There’s absolutely no shame in bottle feeding your baby (formula or expressed). Haven’t seen any comments on this thread and hopefully you haven’t in real life either.

On the Covid test, I had to get my DC done when they were 3 weeks old. They slept through it, sometimes it’s more traumatic for the adult. Don’t let that put you off going.

[SuperHighway]

I had one like that and it nearly broke me too. In fact I've recently become a granny and they are staying with us as a bubble. When the baby screams I feel real panic and I want to run away as it brings it all back. It's how I imagine PTSD to be. Where are both families in all this? Any friends, kind neighbours? Can nobody give you a few hours respite? I wonder if he has a lactose intolerance. Have you tried lactase drops?

I think in your position I would go to A&E. At least your baby would be given a physical examination which would be something. Your GP is a disgrace. They are supposed to offer f2f.

[ReallySpicyCurry]

Honestly it sounds like CMPA/silent reflux.

It's shit but it really won't be forever

[BalconiWaferAddict]

Didn’t want to read and run 💕 it sounds like LO is putting you through the ringer!

Baby crying peaks around 3/4/5 weeks - it’s called purple crying. It’s awful but hopefully if it’s that there is an end in sight. It could be many other things as well so if you think there is something wrong please call the gp. Without being unkind to your OH generally at this stage mummy knows better than daddy.

On a more sensitive note, when you call the gp it would be worth mentioning how you feel as it sounds like a touch of post natal depression. I was diagnosed at around 5 weeks and honestly the earlier you get it tackled the better. It’s really common (especially in the mad time we live in) so please don’t feel ashamed.

[LizDiz]

Tell your GP how you feel. You need help.

[RosesAndHellebores]

Quite honestly love you are doing the hardest yards. It's the bleak mid winter in a pandemic and days are short and miserable and there's not time to go out especially if you are expressing which leads me to believe there was a feeding problem which doubles the hardness.

Could you take the pressure off by giving him formula. My first was ebf for the first I weeks through hell until I broke and I seemed to have enough milk - he was actually starving I think despite weight gain.

[CatandBaby]

Hi @Notthebestday I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. I've also had a lockdown baby so I have some idea where you're coming from. Sorry if someone has mentioned this already, but are you aware that you can form s support bubble as your baby is under 1? Maybe there is someone with "baby experience" who can spend some time with the two of you and try to diagnose what's wrong?

Good luck. It is really really shit and hard at times - when they start to smile it really helps (but I won't lie - it's still pretty hard!)

[Notthebestday]

I really don’t think it is going to help me walking out on my 4 week old is it, there is an absolute obsession here with parting tiny babies from their mothers.

[BammBamm]

OP my DD had a milk allergy which became apparent once I stopped breastfeeding and I think reflux as a result (not diagnosed). She was a very unhappy baby and it was an awful period of my life. It took us a long time and a lot of insistence to get anywhere and we had no idea what was wrong. I cried a lot, we took her to A&E a lot. If a baby is unhappy and unsettled, there is a reason. We just have to find it. Don't give up on him or yourself. A lack of sleep makes a huge difference to your mood I find and I promise you won't feel like this forever.

[Vallmo47]

People are absolutely trying to help because if they’ve been through a similar situation where there was a solution, they’d love to be able to fix yours. You’d do the same I’m sure, if you weren’t in such a dark place.

May I just ask why you won’t take medication? Yes support is very lacking due to Covid, but would you allow them to try to help or are you in such a deep depression that you cannot see a way out?
Having a baby is exhausting but what you’re going through is beyond that.

My youngest had no health problems but she hated life. Pure and simple. She screamed round the clock and I swear we saw her first genuine smile at around 2 years old. I don’t mean to make it worse, but some babies are bitches. My entire family tried everything with her and agreed in the end that nothing pleased her. Medically nothing was wrong. But when she learned how to speak and we could understand what she meant, everything changed. She’s such an amazing 9 year old girl now and I am so, so blessed to have her. Her dad hit the wall when she was a baby and said if he didn’t step away he would end up hurting her. So I told him to back off. They’re incredibly close now but she will never know what a horrendous time it really was. We do admit she was incredibly hard work as a baby because even her brother remembers (poor sod).

My point is that there doesn’t have to be anything physically wrong with her. It’s possible, but he might just be like my daughter. Hard work.
I think you need to accept that medication has its time and place and your time is now.

Wish you well, hang in there.

[Cissyandflora]

I’m so sorry for you. My baby was like this. I knew he was in pain but I was told he was fine. Just swaddle him etc. He had hernias. Ended up having emergency operation at 8 weeks old. I wish I could help you out. I’m in London if you are.

[Icanseegreenshoots]

OP it is not you, you are doing everything you can and are being a brilliant mother. We used to call them 'little screamers' in our baby group, they were the little babies no matter what anyone did they would scream and cry, but they DO turn into the most delightful and gorgeous toddlers, I know because I had one. This is hard, and it is bloody hard, but it will pass.

In the meantime this is time to identify this as an emergency and get some help. Maternity nurses and nannies are still working - give them a call and if you have to sell every last thing in your house to fund it, including the shoes you are standing in, I suggest you do it. You can not carry on like this with no support. I hear you when you say you have no other support, so hire some support today. Give the baby to them, run a bath and leave them to it.

You need a break op. Take a break, gather your energy and strength back and then start again. Once he is six months, so not so far away he will be different again, but for now you need help and support.

I am so sorry for you, I totally get it, and we are all here with you and little ds xxxxx

[Ilovenewyear]

I can relate OP. My first DC was similar to what you are describing and I can’t imagine how hard it must be without the services there to support you.
I had appointment after appointment. GP, Health visitor, walk in clinics. Everyone told me this was just what my baby was like. I felt absolutely awful.
The turning point for me was 6months when something happened to force a diagnosis. Finally someone listened to me. Finally someone believed me. Finally I knew it wasn’t me or my child, there was a reason for this.

You say you are expressing so I’d cut out diary if possible or switch to a lactose free formula. I’d keep pursuing the GP for help. Maybe take a look at some groups local to you. We have a PND support group that are wonderful. Please don’t feel like this is your fault or you are doing anything wrong