Suicidal today but don’t dare tell anyone

[PumpkinSpicedLatte]

I wrote a post the other day on here asking if things get better , and had some lovely people comment on it with their experiences. I have PND. I have a 5 week old .

I’m getting worse and it’s the weekend so I’m even more scared than usual to reach out to anyone . Two of my very close friends know I’m struggling and so does my husband . My husband has been out all day with some friends (which I am ok with ), I’ve come out on a walk with my daughter and I just feel awful. I look at her and I think she deserves so much better than me. My husband deserves a better wife and would my two friends be ok without me as I just burden them with my worries. Who wants a suicidal friend anyway?
I don’t know what to do . I don’t want to kill myself but I don’t want to go on anymore .

@PumpkinSpicedLatte just checking in with you and hope the weekend was easier.

@PumpkinSpicedLatte how are you today? Did you have an ok weekend? Any news on speaking to your GP? x

Hi, sorry for going offline for a bit . I’m still struggling but meeting my friend today (distanced of course), and I met another pandemic mum yesterday (distanced) through my health visitor who paired us up through home start so that was nice . She’s also suffering from PND. Her daughter is 3 months older than mine so she’s gone through the whole pandemic pregnant and with a baby like me .
Talking to my GP tomorrow and still on the medication . It’s rough but I’m trying to get out as much as legally possible

I think finding " somebody like you" who you can talk to is absolutley crucial.
Seems like the HV is a force for good.

Thinking of you @PumpkinSpicedLatte - totally agree with you re getting out. That really was what saved me during the first six months. If you can't meet someone I recommend getting some headphones in, going for a walk and listening to some podcasts. I particularly enjoyed happy mum happy baby, frankie bridge and table manners.

@PumpkinSpicedLatte do hope life is getting better for you x

Not much to Update at the mo. Still battling things and professionals . Been told I can’t have counselling because I’m ‘too bad’ for their specialised help and that medication is all that will help. So the psychiatrist from the mother baby unit is calling me as planned, on the 1st December to ‘check in’ . The dr however , from the GP practice is calling me tomorrow. He’s really good and helpful and says he is frustrated for me.
Other than that, no news. Currently on 100mg sertraline to see if that does anything. I’m getting worse but I’m hoping it’s a ‘worse before it gets better’ scenario.
Thanks for sticking by me.

@Grrrpredictivetex sorry I didn’t see this comment. I am near Chesterfield

Sending you love. I just came here to say speak to your HV if you’re getting nowhere with GP so glad to hear she/he has put you in touch with another mum. Postnatal depression is common (and horrible). Take each day at a time.

Oh love! I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Listen, you’ve done the right thing getting referred to the mother and baby team. They will really care and support you.

You can try sertralline and it will likely help, your GP might not have been confident to prescribe but it is safe for mother’s and they will start you on a tiny dose to make sure you can safely tolerate it, then gradually increase it.

Also, I know it’s hard but try not to think too far into the future. It easily feels overwhelming. Stay in the moment and take it hour by hour.

The fact that you are talking to people is great and you will get through this. xx

How are you pumpkin? I've been thinking of you and I really hope you're doing better. And I hope you're getting the support you need!

@PumpkinSpicedLatte I'm just incredibly sad you've asked so much for help and received nothing but No. I just wished I lived closer to you as I'd definitely help you in whatever way I could. I've worked on a mother and baby unit in a hospital, so have seen first hand how horrible and indiscriminate Pnd can be. Good luck and even when you are feeling on your last legs keep pestering whoever you can. Someone will have to listen at some point.

@PumpkinSpicedLatte how are you doing? Hope you're doing ok.

Sorry everyone, I’ve been in hospital with a huge post partum haemorrhage . They’ve found retained placenta but I’m ok now.
Mood wise, still the same but this definitely hasn’t helped

Poor OP - as if you didn’t have enough on your plate already! But maybe being in hospital may give you access to some psych support.
I hope you are soon feeling better both physically and mentally. Sending a virtual hug, and my prayers and best wishes for a good recovery.

Feeling low again. The meds still haven’t worked. The psychiatrist is making his 4-6 week phone call check in tomorrow. I’m going to let him know things haven’t improved .

@PumpkinSpicedLatte

Feeling low again. The meds still haven’t worked. The psychiatrist is making his 4-6 week phone call check in tomorrow. I’m going to let him know things haven’t improved .

Keep going and definitely tell them how low you feel. Hopefully they'll try other meds. It can take a couple of months for meds to work so just keep taking them until doctors suggest another way. X

@PumpkinSpicedLatte how did you get on with your phone call? I'm so sorry you've had a tough time with your physical health, too.

Have you been able to organise some practical support so that you can have time off to physically recover?

I think you're in Derbyshire? I know you're still in tier three but hopefully you can get some support.

The phone calls have been a blessing really . I’m now on the max dose of Sertraline . They’re giving it a few weeks and if no improvement they’re taking me off it and reviewing further . My LG is going through the 4 month sleep regression so that’s been really hard . I’ve recovered from my post partum haemorrhage now .
I hope you’re all ok. Are you feeling ready for Christmas ?

Sending you support. I read your original post but didn't reply. You are doing good and you will get thru this. My mum was a midwife and amazing with babies. I was crap and really struggled. When my mum bathed my dd I cried and hid upstairs. Looked at the lights outside my house and wanted to escape. Never diagnosed with pnd but I should have been especially with a midwife in the family.
She is now 11 and a moody teen but it does change. I won't say the typical "it will get better" as I hated that phrase. I still suffer/exist with mental health issues but things change during each stage. Pregnancy has different issue to new born and then newborn to 1yr etc.
These will always change each time and it has different challenges. As I said mine is now 11 and teenager issues. My 2nd born is going thru an autism diagnoses. But please talk to all the people available to know what you are going through is normal. Xxx

And I'm on sertraline too. Been on many meds over the years. X

Hi @PumpkinSpicedLatte ive just read your whole thread and just wanted to see how your doing. I hope so much your feeling better x

@PumpkinSpicedLatte How are things? I hope lockdown hasn't been to terrible for you xx

Is anyone there ? 🥺😞 please

Hello 👋