Suicidal today but don’t dare tell anyone

[PumpkinSpicedLatte]

I wrote a post the other day on here asking if things get better , and had some lovely people comment on it with their experiences. I have PND. I have a 5 week old .

I’m getting worse and it’s the weekend so I’m even more scared than usual to reach out to anyone . Two of my very close friends know I’m struggling and so does my husband . My husband has been out all day with some friends (which I am ok with ), I’ve come out on a walk with my daughter and I just feel awful. I look at her and I think she deserves so much better than me. My husband deserves a better wife and would my two friends be ok without me as I just burden them with my worries. Who wants a suicidal friend anyway?
I don’t know what to do . I don’t want to kill myself but I don’t want to go on anymore .

@PumpkinSpicedLatte do you prefer custard creams or chocolate digestive? X

@Seriously79 custard creams for sure !

Just letting you know that we temporarily removed the thread while we got in touch with OP.

@PumpkinSpicedLatte excellent choice, but I prefer a chocolate digestive myself! 😂 I'll get a pack of each and we can work our way through them x

@Seriously79 sounds perfect . Now the real question is do you like a pumpkin spiced latte ?

@PumpkinSpicedLatte - to be honest, I've never had one 🤔 I love pumpkin and lattes so I guess I would like it 🤔 you'll have to make me one 😊

How are you feeling today? X

Hope you’re ok Op. mental health social worker in a crisis team here. Can you ask to be referred to perinatal mental health service? They are fantastic. If not, ask for a referral to the crisis team. Hope you feel better soon x

I don’t know where in the country you are but if there is a perinatal team as opposed said please contact them.
I was where you are. It is so hard to have all that darkness in your head and no way to get it out. I really hope you can get professional help. I had support from the crisis team and they saved my life.
I know it doesn’t feel like it but please stay with it and with help you will feel better

@PumpkinSpicedLatte how are you feeling this weekend? I've been thinking about you as I'm sure the others on this post have. x

Hi everyone. I’m still here. I’ve had to stop the antidepressants because the dr will no longer prescribe due to the consultant saying I don’t warrant them. So that’s been hard.
It was my birthday yesterday and my friend and her partner hosted for us and we had food on Saturday and then my husband just took me for a walk yesterday with our little girl. She’s not slept last night so I’m tired today. My husband says he’s struggling to cope with my mood and I am worried he’s going to leave but be promises he doesn’t love me any less he’s just struggling . Which I get. I don’t know how to help him really ? Any advise ?
I was a bit sat that he didn’t get me a birthday card yesterday , but that’s probably just hormones on my part.

I'm happy to see you back. I'm sorry but I really can't understand the information about the consultant. You have low mood, you may need a course of medication.....what's the issue?

Have you had a chance to follow up any of the links I sent you or the advice shared here? I know its hard and exhausting but could you make a couple of calls today?

@randomer Hi, yes so I rang the GP and said about how I have a 7 week old daughter, told them how I’m feeling and explained when when I was pregnant I wouldn’t be seen because I wasn’t bad enough and now I’ve reached that point and feel lost. They told me to call the perenatal mental health team as they know that they’ll know a bit about me due to the referral . But they warned me they don’t think I’ll meet their criteria . So I rang them and was told that the psychologist who saw me, has written the notes up and they say that I make good eye contact, I am rational and of sound mind enough to ask for help in a crisis and that means I don’t warrant medication. I then rang up after talking to my health visitor the other day who told me she’s at a complete loss now. They told me that the consultant will ring me in a couple of weeks. So, that’s the progress so far. I rang PANDAS, 111, the GP, Samaritans. But because I’ve done that, it hasn’t worked in my favour and it’s ridiculous. I rang the local MH team and they won’t see me for CBT yet as they saw me less than 12 weeks ago during pregnancy

@randomer I even used the words safeguarding , crisis, etc as you advised . They’re not interested at all . I told them I’ve lost weight and I’m struggling to eat properly and they just said ‘that’ll affect your milk supply if you’re not careful’

Pumpkin I am so angry for you, I wish I lived near so I could scream and shout for you and get you the help that you need. Please promise us that if you feel suicidal you will go straight to A&E..

OP, I've read your posts and can't believe how you've been dismissed. I have no advice, but I'm so sorry. Hang in there.

Hi, I am sorry you are still struggling to get the right help. It is really shocking that the support is so poor. Your little girl is growing and developing every day , hope you had a nice time at your friends on your birthday . Your husbands lack of a card doesn't mean anything. They are a waste of money and paper. The main thing is that you know he loves you. Hope you get out for some fresh air today if you can .

I'm so cross that you keep getting palmed off by the system that s'posed to be there supporting you, supporting all of us.

Please shout out, on here if you need anything, we will be here for you. X

I honestly feel like jumpin in the car and effin seeing that GP.

You are ill, you need medication.

I have never heard of this " you're not bad enough" scenario?

Does that apply to all unwell people of only Mums with PND?

Is there any group at a local Church, a sensible place with older ladies? I'm sorry I know thats hardly modern thinking but it can help. The Salvation Army kept me afloat during some every rough times. ( I am not a Christian btw)

I'm in absolute shock that you've been taken off the sertraline when they're aware of how you feel. Have you been 100% honest with them? Because going from what you've shared here a health professional would undoubtedly prescribe you medication and refer you for therapy. I just don't understand.

Are you in the position to go private for therapy?

Also can I just add that if you ring up the perinatal mental health team and tell them you're having scary thoughts about your daughter you WILL get seen immediately. I know this from first hand experience.

Just a random thought, but have you considered alternative therapies?

I used to see a homeopathic lady years ago, and she has helped me with everything from heavy periods, childbirth, the breakdown of my marriage, and teething children.

My kids have had treatments from her, so have my mum for menopause and my brother for anxiety.

She has also hypnotised me for my fear of flying and my ex husband to stop smoking.

If you were local to me I could recommend her to you.

A lot of people will scoff at this, but I swear by it x just a thought 🤔

I'm astounded at this.
I was referred to the perinatal team fairly 'easily' with anxiety and PND. Given pills, EMDR therapy etc.
I don't understand the eye contact and being able to ask for help comments. Why does that mean someone is ok
I'd be curious where in the country you are to be honest.
What does your health visitor say?

I’ll have to let you all know how I get on with the phone call off the psychologist next week, I’m going to ask for an explanation as to why I can’t be seen and why I don’t fit the criteria . I’ll also enquire about the meds being stopped. I wish you could all come and scream and shout with me to help me be heard . I really do.

I’m on day 3 now of no sleep due to my daughter either going through a leap or a growth spurt because all she’s doing is feeding and crying. She won’t sleep and I’m losing the plot even more than usual. Other than that I don’t have any updates I’m afraid . Thanks for all sticking by me .

My health visitor is wonderful and is screaming trying to get me help but getting nowhere . I’m very lucky to have such a supportive one. She’s arranged for a nursery nurse who comes once a week to keep me company and we do baby massage with my daughter. It’s just someone to talk to and it’s nice. So she comes once a week.
I’m in Derbyshire , East Midlands

So pleased to see you checking in. The HV sounds good and the nursery nurse sounds a positive thing.
Can I just check please ( sorry if being dim) you are breast feeding and getting practically no sleep?

This is a huge burden.
Re. the phone call to the psychologist, can you write down your points, get someone else( partner?) to be there alongside you.

@randomer my husband is at work on the day of the call but I’m tempted to ask a friend to maybe come round .
I am exclusively breastfeeding my little girl yes, and getting no sleep. I feel like I’m losing the plot even more and she’s having what I think is a developmental leap at 8 weeks so she’s being even fussier than normal. I have been telling my husband and my close friend that I’m ok and being super positive because the burden feeling was really pulling me down and making me feel paranoid that I’m bothering them so I’ve made myself worse by lying too . Such a mess