Suicidal - Please tell me there's a way back

[Namechanged1122]

Hi,
I've gone from feeling very low to losing control. I'm feeling suicidal. I'm ok at the moment, in fact I think I'm coming out of it a little bit.. but yesterday was the worst day I've had, I cried all day. I keep thinking about jumping from buildings. My GP called me about a medication review and I broke down and told her everything. The crisis team called me back and to be honest were no help, told me to try mindfulness. I didn't feel like it was enough, but I don't know what else they could've done. I secretly wanted them to admit me, and for someone to look after me for a few days. But I guess this doesn't happen.......

They called me today and I explained I was still thinking about jumping from buildings but that I'd made it to work. Now I'm home and I feel a bit better

I never want to feel so low again, but I know it'll probably happen again (I'm already on sertraline)

Has anyone clawed their way out of this? I'm worried my depression will kill me.

[Atalune]

How are you feeling today?

We lost a tree in the storms so clearing that will be this weekends fun activities!

[Namechanged1122]

@Torvean32 I am so sorry to hear of your experience and hope you're better now

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune I'm ok thanks, had a very deep sleep, dreams really weird but ok.. woke up feeling a bit sick but otherwise ok. Hope that's all for side effects but we'll see. Planning on going for a walk. Hope you have a good day

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune Oh, no storms here yet but it is a little wild outside!

[Silenteyes]

I take Setraline and the first week I felt awful. Took it at night to help with the side effects, but woke up with a banging head and feeling sick, like a hangover but without the fun of the evening before 😂
I found having breakfast helped to take away the nausea, and would go out for a walk to clear the head.
I still have wierd dreams, sometimes terrifying, and have a few nights a week where I struggle to sleep, but I also know that the meds are helping.
Keep going and keep talking, you are doing great 💐❤

[randomer]

Bloody hell @Namechanged1122, if you can get dressed you are doing brilliantly. And a walk.

I think ginger may be good for nausea?

[Atalune]

How’s the increased dose sitting with you?

[Namechanged1122]

Hi @Atalune it's going ok.. sometimes feel a bit weird at night and have some tightness in my chest but it's ok. I'm doing things, getting dressed, going out, going to work but I don't feel any joy. it's still early days I suppose

[Atalune]

It is early days and it’s nice to hear you be kind to yourself like that. It’s important.

Sun is out here. Thank goodness.

[Namechanged1122]

not great day. made it to work but thought all day about dying. lump in throat all day just wanted to sob. I'm at home and going to shower and have a walk.
Going to make a list before I go to bed of all the things I want to do after covid, and the things I can do currently, and some general feelings and thoughts. Then early night

[Atalune]

What about ringing your sister? Or a mate just for a chat. Sometimes that friendly safe contact can be really reassuring.

Lists can be good too, things to look forward too.

[randomer]

AW name changed, its rubbish isn't it? I feel you have 2 hurdles here which are interconnected. One the medical side, please contact your doctor and find a good BACP registered therapist.
Two, the job situation. Sorry to be so blunt but you are unwell. Be kind to you.

[tempj998]

I have been there and I promise you it ALWAYS gets better. Just give it the chance and it will. When I felt like you did it really felt like there was no hope, like nothing would get better, and like you I was just convinced that I was going to eventually die from suicide. But I didn’t and today I am sitting at home, dog at my feet, genuinely happy. And don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I don’t or won’t ever feel negative feelings. I get down, irritable, angry, negative. But I ride it out and it ends. There’s always hope. Please please keep going I promise it will get better.

[Atalune]

How are you op. How has the upped dose gone?

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune Hi, new dose is going ok thanks, feel a little better and bit more energised. Only side effects have been headaches. Just need to keep seeing how it goes. How are you?

[Atalune]

That’s great!

All ok here. No reply from my brother but I am not surprised 😌

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune sorry to hear you haven't had heard anything yet.. maybe he is thinking about how to reply?
Still doing ok on the increase dose, not sure it will be enough in the long run and will probably have to increase again, headaches have gone though. Just been for a walk.