Suicidal - Please tell me there's a way back

[Namechanged1122]

Hi,
I've gone from feeling very low to losing control. I'm feeling suicidal. I'm ok at the moment, in fact I think I'm coming out of it a little bit.. but yesterday was the worst day I've had, I cried all day. I keep thinking about jumping from buildings. My GP called me about a medication review and I broke down and told her everything. The crisis team called me back and to be honest were no help, told me to try mindfulness. I didn't feel like it was enough, but I don't know what else they could've done. I secretly wanted them to admit me, and for someone to look after me for a few days. But I guess this doesn't happen.......

They called me today and I explained I was still thinking about jumping from buildings but that I'd made it to work. Now I'm home and I feel a bit better

I never want to feel so low again, but I know it'll probably happen again (I'm already on sertraline)

Has anyone clawed their way out of this? I'm worried my depression will kill me.

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune sorry to hear you haven't had heard anything yet.. maybe he is thinking about how to reply?
Still doing ok on the increase dose, not sure it will be enough in the long run and will probably have to increase again, headaches have gone though. Just been for a walk.

[Atalune]

That’s great!

All ok here. No reply from my brother but I am not surprised 😌

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune Hi, new dose is going ok thanks, feel a little better and bit more energised. Only side effects have been headaches. Just need to keep seeing how it goes. How are you?

[Atalune]

How are you op. How has the upped dose gone?

[tempj998]

I have been there and I promise you it ALWAYS gets better. Just give it the chance and it will. When I felt like you did it really felt like there was no hope, like nothing would get better, and like you I was just convinced that I was going to eventually die from suicide. But I didn’t and today I am sitting at home, dog at my feet, genuinely happy. And don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I don’t or won’t ever feel negative feelings. I get down, irritable, angry, negative. But I ride it out and it ends. There’s always hope. Please please keep going I promise it will get better.

[randomer]

AW name changed, its rubbish isn't it? I feel you have 2 hurdles here which are interconnected. One the medical side, please contact your doctor and find a good BACP registered therapist.
Two, the job situation. Sorry to be so blunt but you are unwell. Be kind to you.

[Atalune]

What about ringing your sister? Or a mate just for a chat. Sometimes that friendly safe contact can be really reassuring.

Lists can be good too, things to look forward too.

[Namechanged1122]

not great day. made it to work but thought all day about dying. lump in throat all day just wanted to sob. I'm at home and going to shower and have a walk.
Going to make a list before I go to bed of all the things I want to do after covid, and the things I can do currently, and some general feelings and thoughts. Then early night

[Atalune]

It is early days and it’s nice to hear you be kind to yourself like that. It’s important.

Sun is out here. Thank goodness.

[Namechanged1122]

Hi @Atalune it's going ok.. sometimes feel a bit weird at night and have some tightness in my chest but it's ok. I'm doing things, getting dressed, going out, going to work but I don't feel any joy. it's still early days I suppose

[Atalune]

How’s the increased dose sitting with you?

[randomer]

Bloody hell @Namechanged1122, if you can get dressed you are doing brilliantly. And a walk.

I think ginger may be good for nausea?

[Silenteyes]

I take Setraline and the first week I felt awful. Took it at night to help with the side effects, but woke up with a banging head and feeling sick, like a hangover but without the fun of the evening before 😂
I found having breakfast helped to take away the nausea, and would go out for a walk to clear the head.
I still have wierd dreams, sometimes terrifying, and have a few nights a week where I struggle to sleep, but I also know that the meds are helping.
Keep going and keep talking, you are doing great 💐❤

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune Oh, no storms here yet but it is a little wild outside!

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune I'm ok thanks, had a very deep sleep, dreams really weird but ok.. woke up feeling a bit sick but otherwise ok. Hope that's all for side effects but we'll see. Planning on going for a walk. Hope you have a good day

[Namechanged1122]

@Torvean32 I am so sorry to hear of your experience and hope you're better now

[Atalune]

How are you feeling today?

We lost a tree in the storms so clearing that will be this weekends fun activities!

[Torvean32]

Yes, thankfully there are ways back.

However i think its a mistake ti belueve psychiatric wards will take care if you. Yes they may keep you safe

However i had a 1 week stay where my key wirjer never introduced hersekf, or spoke to me my whole admission.
I applied for occupational classes they never sent them. Or in days they were on they were too busy to take me.
Apparently i did not have the ability to kniw when i need prn meds, i need a chat with a nurse first. 1 hour later still no nurse. Im upset but not disturbing anybody but got told .

I had a bad consultant even nurses agreed. I asked for support in my reviews, nobody helped.

At lunch they'd let ppl eat a meat portion plus vegetarian before all others ate. No veg food then i didnt eat. One night a nurse was shocked i was shaking. I told her exactly why i had no lunch or dinner. That actually was addressed.

I was treated as stupid as if i did not know my medication and what it was for.

Believe me that was my last admission.previous were generally ok. I nearly compained over last.

[Namechanged1122]

@randomer thanks for the reminder, I've been planning on getting a massage myself. Glad you are ok

@QuentinWinters I'm going to take the new dose at 7 when I normally take it.. hopefully I'll be asleep when side effects kick in ..

[randomer]

@Namechanged1122, I booked a good massage which helped. Worth a thought?
Thanks for asking.

[QuentinWinters]

Have you taken your increased dose today name? How are you doing with it?

[Namechanged1122]

@randomer how are you? Hope today is a little better?

@QuentinWinters happy to hear we have made you smile.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. Not up to anything in particular but plan on some long lie ins. Trying to remember to think positive.. this is just temporary and it will pass.

[QuentinWinters]

thank you. I'm doing good, so far.. I had a good sleep, I'm at work (again, made it) not only that I've applied for another job, I've just put the application in now.
You rock! Well done
And atalune for the letter
You've both made me smile tonight, thank you

[randomer]

Keep going folks! rotten day for me today but tomorrow will be better.

[MNnicknameforCVthreads]

People really do care OP, I’d meet up too if I was closer (I’m down south). Sertraline has worked really well for me, but I did feel awful for a week or two and didn’t get properly better until several weeks on the 50mg. So you might need to be patient.

How come you’re back at work btw? Hope you’re not pushing yourself too much, although equally in know having too much time on your own at home ain’t always great either.

Good luck with increasing dose tomorrow, I think you’re doing the right thing.