Suicidal - Please tell me there's a way back

[Namechanged1122]

Hi,
I've gone from feeling very low to losing control. I'm feeling suicidal. I'm ok at the moment, in fact I think I'm coming out of it a little bit.. but yesterday was the worst day I've had, I cried all day. I keep thinking about jumping from buildings. My GP called me about a medication review and I broke down and told her everything. The crisis team called me back and to be honest were no help, told me to try mindfulness. I didn't feel like it was enough, but I don't know what else they could've done. I secretly wanted them to admit me, and for someone to look after me for a few days. But I guess this doesn't happen.......

They called me today and I explained I was still thinking about jumping from buildings but that I'd made it to work. Now I'm home and I feel a bit better

I never want to feel so low again, but I know it'll probably happen again (I'm already on sertraline)

Has anyone clawed their way out of this? I'm worried my depression will kill me.

[Ideasplease322]

Making it into work is a huge step, well done.

Keep talking to people. A bit of time away from work will help. I spent weeks on the sofa, crying constantly and watching rubbish tv. Anything to try and occupy my mind and stop the thoughts.

It gets better. I look back on that time and can’t believe I felt that way. At the time I thought it would last forever.

Keep talking to us though this group. I wish I heard from people at the time that it gets better, but I’m not sure I would have believed them.

[Atalune]

I think making it in was really really good.

What are you having for dinner? X

[randomer]

dear OP, this seems utterly terrifying doesn't it? the very word " suicidal"

It may of little comfort but I suspect that feeling of overwhelm and desparation is very close to the surface for so many people.

I have used the Samaritans and would do again. Give it a go. Keep posting.

[randomer]

Is there an HR department. You are perfectly within your rights to see somebody and say you have a MH flare up. You could take a trusted person with you.

[Namechanged1122]

thanks for responses, I feel a little bit better today, not sure what I'm going to eat but I'll have something. I had an ok day at work. But I still don't plan on going in next week.. I'll see how the weekend goes. I'm going to go for a walk (even though it's freezing) and then have an early night. I hope I continue to feel ok.

[Atalune]

A walk sounds lovely. The cold sometimes makes me feel a lot better. Like it stimulates me or something.

I had a jacket potato with beans and cheese and butter and it was delicious.

[MarshaBradyo]

I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better. Well done for going to work.

Hopefully you’ll sleep better tonight

[Ideasplease322]

This sounds weird, but when I was really struggling I explained to my counsellor that all I did was lie on the sofa all day crying watching rubbish tv - silly comedies and easy stuff like Gilmore girls - episode after episode.

She told me to start watching complex series that I had to concentrate on. My mind was all over the place, but it actually did help and it quietened the worst of the thoughts.

I used to wake up at three am to the most horrible thoughts and fears. I would flick on a crime series and eat some toast.

When I look back I can’t believe things got so bleak. But it does pass. I knew it was getting better when I started listening to music again.

[MNnicknameforCVthreads]

Hope you benefit from the walk and sleep well OP. Good move taking some time away from work to look after yourself. Hang in there, it will get better.

[ChalkDinosaur]

I'm glad today was better. Hope you sleep well tonight and have a restful weekend. If you need to take next week off to look after yourself then you should.

[randomer]

Hello OP and people feeling similar. Hows things today?

[lonelySam]

Hi OP, hope you're doing ok. How's your day going?

What helped me (but might be different for you) was listening to podcasts (the 'Sleepy Head' is good) when I couldn't sleep.

[Sunnydaysarethebestdays]

Hi OP
How is your day going?
I’m interested to know what your job is?
I work in a school office, only been there a few months and we’ve had lockdown in between so still a newbie but I enjoy it.
Have you managed to get out for a walk?
We’ve recently got a puppy and she’s only a few months so can only have short walks but it’s nice to get some fresh air especially at the moment when I can wear my comfy boots and thicker jumpers.
Xx

[Sarahlou63]

This might help - very easy to read;

www.getselfhelp.co.uk//docs/SelfHelpCourse.pdf

[Redrosesandsunsets]

Do you think the sertraline is not helping? How long have you been on it? Can they help with the dose level?
Can you talk to your doctor about other options? I’d have thought they’d be working on that. Go back to your doctor. It’s really hard when you are this low to get out of it. You need more help. Mindfulness might help when your meds are helping in the meantime as someone who has been there you will find a solution and you won’t always feel like this. It will get easier. A few changes and you can start feeling better.
Go see you GP as soon as and keep going. What we got you to this point can and will be worked through. You just need the correct tools to help change that chemical reaction you have in your brain. Essentially it’s like a response to trauma. You will get through and you’re not alone. We are here. And I just want to add the lack of sleep and not eating won’t help. It’s hard but doesn’t go your doctor about getting help with the sleeping issue. Eat small things throughout the day,?just do it set a timer on your phone to remind you to eat and have snacks on hand at work and home. And I agree talk to your doctor about the pill. That can work against us. You will get through this. It will be ok. And yes to calling the Samaritans to chat. That will help.

[Redrosesandsunsets]

Sorry spell probs... meant to say .... “just go to your doctor” about getting help with the sleep issue. Go to your GP about sleep and your medication.

[Namechanged1122]

Hi all, thanks for the responses. I feel ok today just so so tired. I didn't wake up until 11 and I haven't woken up properly.. definitely feel like I want to go back to bed and stay there. plan to go for a walk later. I need to increase my Sertraline which I was going to do today but think I will tomorrow instead.

[Namechanged1122]

What is everyone up to today?

[Atalune]

I got a delivery of a really nice blazer from H and M and it was only £24.99. Looks like a lot more so I am dead chuffed with it.

Been doing a spot of gardening too. It’s sunny but cold so that’s been nice.

Defo get out and get some vitamin D today and then I always feel like I can give myself permission to have a bath/put pjs on etc.

Have you been watching anything good on tv?

[QuentinWinters]

I've been running round like a loon. Had a mare yesterday (pmt + new puppy sadness) and spent all evening crying so today I feel like a dick about that. Luckily my lovely DP sent me to bed early and dealt with the puppy and then got up to do it again this morning. And I came on. So feeling better but also exhausted.

[BestOption]

(((((((Hug)))))))

Sorry it's only virtual.

People cry at work, don't worry about it.

What am I doing today?

Nothing off the list of 'oh fuck so much to do!' 🙄

I'm permanently bloody exhausted. I'd probably benefit from some AD's truth be told, but I also have a couple of health issues & constant pain in my knees. All very draining.

I put some washing on (bedding) and watched it trying to escape - it is SO windy here. Had to bring it in as I thought it would escape the pegs/line but as it was SO windy it was actually dry (just very cold)

I'm listening to magic radio & MN'ing.

Not very productive, but there are worse ways to spend an afternoon. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Ideasplease322]

I went book shopping -my favourite type of shopping! I am meeting a friend for dinner tonight.

It’s a beautiful day so I am trying to get some fresh air

[Ideasplease322]

You do sound brighter😊.

[br1anmay]

Hi op, I hope you're feeling a little better day by day. Please remember, you won't always feel like this and you are a worthwhile person who deserves to have a good life. Keep taking each day as it comes.

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune I'm a big H&M fan. Their blazers look nice and £25 is good. I bought a fluffy cardigan last week and it's so nice I've just bought another in a different colour. They will be good for winter.