Suicidal - Please tell me there's a way back

[Namechanged1122]

Hi,
I've gone from feeling very low to losing control. I'm feeling suicidal. I'm ok at the moment, in fact I think I'm coming out of it a little bit.. but yesterday was the worst day I've had, I cried all day. I keep thinking about jumping from buildings. My GP called me about a medication review and I broke down and told her everything. The crisis team called me back and to be honest were no help, told me to try mindfulness. I didn't feel like it was enough, but I don't know what else they could've done. I secretly wanted them to admit me, and for someone to look after me for a few days. But I guess this doesn't happen.......

They called me today and I explained I was still thinking about jumping from buildings but that I'd made it to work. Now I'm home and I feel a bit better

I never want to feel so low again, but I know it'll probably happen again (I'm already on sertraline)

Has anyone clawed their way out of this? I'm worried my depression will kill me.

[TazMac]

@Namechanged1122

I’m so sorry that you feel like this. A wiser person than me once said that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things will get better. I’d normally suggest joining a Meetup group such as a hiking or book club. Although they won’t be doing much actual meeting up I know some are doing online meet-ups? Would something like that help with your loneliness?

[Ideasplease322]

sorry you are having a bad day. Are you sleeping at all? Exhaustion makes it worse.

I do think you need to talk to someone - can you call the number your doctor gave you.

You are not bothering anyone at all. You are having a really rough time and you need some help to get through this.

[MarshaBradyo]

It’s hard if your parents and sister have their own bubble, I really feel you need them to be there for you. Especially at Christmas.

[Namechanged1122]

Does anyone think things will ever go back to normal? I can deal with mask wearing forever but not social distancing. I'd like to meet someone in the future but aside from feeling unwell, we are not able to date due to social restrictions.

[TazMac]

@Namechanged1122

Yes, I believe things will get back to normal. I think winter is going to be restricted still but we should have a vaccine by early next year.

Can you meet him outside and go for a socially distanced walk?

[Atalune]

I’m so sorry to hear you’re not feeling so brilliant today.

Can you not join your sisters bubble? I’m so so great with the rules....

MKe sure to call the GP about your dose of setraline

[MNnicknameforCVthreads]

[quote Namechanged1122]@MJMG2015 thank you for hug. I give myself a hug sometimes as I read somewhere this helps and it sort of does [/quote]
I’ve read this too and do the same sometimes! A snuggly blanket can be of comfort, or even cuddly toy too.

It’s late (for me!) and I don’t have any really helpful words. But sending a hug and kind thoughts.

[Scbchl]

Op regarding the pill. My daughter had to come off it as it made her anxiety horrific and she was having suicidal thoughts and feeling down. Once she was off it, it all eased massively again. So maybe defo something to consider if you think it could be a reason.

[Ideasplease322]

How is today?

[Namechanged1122]

Hi. Today so so. I've eaten, done some housework, woke up late and then had a long nap this afternoon, woke up crying. Cried on and off since. I feel a bit better now. Hope everyone's day has been ok

[Ideasplease322]

Doing housework is a really good sign, and glad you are getting sleep.

Crying is okay - I cried for weeks. My gp was great and gave me some light sedatives Which, in addition to the anti depressants, broke the cycle.

[Howmanysleepsnow]

Yes, there’s a way back. I’ve been where you are 3 times in my adult life (24 years) and made it back each time. It’s easier to find your way back once you’re familiar with the route.
I completely understand wanting to be taken care of. Sometimes it’s just too hard to do life without help. But if no one is around, you need to look after yourself. That’s what I do.
Take the pressure off. Don’t ask too much of yourself. Right now, getting up and dressed is an achievement. Getting to work was a huge achievement.
Allow yourself to feel bad... but limit it. Set an alarm, and after an hour of letting yourself lie in bed/ cry/ whatever, get up and do something (see below)
Set yourself small goals (shower/ open 3 pieces of the mail you’ve been avoiding/ buy or cook dinner/ leave the house for a walk/ load the dishwasher/ whatever). When you’ve accomplished them, reward yourself (long bubble bath/ chocolate/ a film/ cheap flowers/ whatever).
Build the following into your day, every day: get outside for 30 minutes/ smile at someone/ treat yourself/ exercise (even for 10 minutes/ do something you’d usually enjoy, even if you can’t find pleasure in it right now)
Don’t beat yourself up- you don’t have to be perfect and if you need time out or to cut corners that’s ok (eg housework can wait, as can social obligations, dinners can be quicker/ easier/ less healthy if needed)
You don’t need the crisis team or anyone else to give you permission to take a break. Take time out for you. And if time off work helps, ask your GP for a sick note. Everything is hard going when you feel like this so trim back demands to let yourself focus on recovering.

[randomer]

Don't want to say something stupid but crying is absolutely the best thing. A normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

[Atalune]

Did you get out for a wee walk?

Crying is cathartic.

Also- have you spoken about your dose of setraline?

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune I managed to go on a walk yesterday and plan to again today. sometimes I even cry while I'm out walking, I haven't been spotted yet. The GP says I need to be taking 50mg of Sertraline. been too scared so far to increase but I am going to.. by the end of the week I will. I also need to get on a bus to town to pick up my prescription, I may do that today.

[Atalune]

Oh I’m so so pleased you spoke to the doctor! Well done! That’s great.

I know it feels scary- but I urge you to take the upped dose. I really do. And in solidarity with you I will do something I am scared to do. I am going to write my estranged brother a letter. Which I am terrified of doing and have totally shelved for a long long time.

I know you’re in pain and the tears are a symptom of that, but you’ll feel better and taking the right amount of the right medicine is a huge component of this.

[QuentinWinters]

Oh wow atalune and namechanged
Please update with how you get on
name you might feel much better quite quickly when you up the dose. Were you trying to come off it? I did that recently and went totally loops when I went to 25mg - felt immediately better when I went back up

[Namechanged1122]

Gosh @Atalune ! I'm definitely going to make sure I increase the dose to keep my end of the bargain. I do hope it all goes ok for you.

[Namechanged1122]

@QuentinWinters ive stayed at 25mg because every time I try to increase I get side effects so bad I have to stop. But I'm going to try again because I did feel a boost in my mood at the beginning (after I got past the initial side effects).. also I've had more time to get used to it, so it might be easier this time to increase.
It's my pay day so I've just treated myself to a few things.
I'm back at work tomorrow and think I'm going to go in and take it a day at a time. If it's too much I'll just go off sick.

[QuentinWinters]

I had really bad side effects when I started. The doctor said that actually means you are responding to the drugs and they should have a good effect. The worst symptoms (insomnia/lack of appetite) lasted a week - massively helped by sleeping pills from doc.
Sertraline has suited me best out of the ADs I've tried (quite a few)

[Atalune]

What did you treat yourself to?

I’m going to draft a letter today.....not that it will do any good! But I need to put it all down and then I will feel done with it.

I’m sorry that the upped dose might make you feel rotten...could you try and track it? Make a little note each day? So for example you might have headache but give it a mark out of 5, and the you might see it decline over a period of days... so the side effects while are rubbish, you will see that they don’t last? Might be a terrible idea?!

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune ah, well done for drafting a letter. You probably feel better now having got everything on paper.
I've bought some new incense sticks, and a few things from Lush as they have released their Christmas range.
Always seem to dip at this time of day. Have been for a walk. It was sunny and warm.

[tiredvommachine]

Hugs lovely, virtual but hugs to you. Keep on keeping on, one day at a time 🤗🤗🤗

[Alathea]

where do you live? if you live in London we can meet up. Please don't give up. Look at all the people who replied to your message, so many people care about you being here with us. This too shall pass, bad times don't last forever. Please stay strong xx

[Namechanged1122]

Hello. I live in West Yorkshire but if I was in London I definitely would, thanks. would love to meet up with someone