Suicidal - Please tell me there's a way back

[Namechanged1122]

Hi,
I've gone from feeling very low to losing control. I'm feeling suicidal. I'm ok at the moment, in fact I think I'm coming out of it a little bit.. but yesterday was the worst day I've had, I cried all day. I keep thinking about jumping from buildings. My GP called me about a medication review and I broke down and told her everything. The crisis team called me back and to be honest were no help, told me to try mindfulness. I didn't feel like it was enough, but I don't know what else they could've done. I secretly wanted them to admit me, and for someone to look after me for a few days. But I guess this doesn't happen.......

They called me today and I explained I was still thinking about jumping from buildings but that I'd made it to work. Now I'm home and I feel a bit better

I never want to feel so low again, but I know it'll probably happen again (I'm already on sertraline)

Has anyone clawed their way out of this? I'm worried my depression will kill me.

[Ideasplease322]

I think you are doing amazingly well.

Also good to treat yourself - you deserve a reward. I also got myself a care package from lush during a bad time. Rose shower gel and some lovely shampoos.

Must go on and look at the Christmas stuff

[tiredvommachine]

How are you feeling today?

[Mischance]

Take care - it is a hard place to be - but you matter, as we all do. You will turn this round. I remember when I was like this a friend just kept saying over and over again "You will get better" - I found it hard to believe, but she was right.

[Mischance]

I have also found the Samaritans wonderful. Always there, always patient. You can ring them as many times as you need to and they do not mind in the least. They have supported me through several really down phases. 116123 is the number.

[Alathea]

are you feeling better?

[Namechanged1122]

Hello. I appreciate the responses, it helps to know people are there.. sort of, anyway. I've made it to work. Feel awful, like I just want to lie on the floor and sob. Im going to see how I go. Can always call my gp.. don't really want a sick note but will get one if I need to. Yesterday turned out ok, I watched some things on tv that interested me, and I got a good sleep. Being pleased with what I've achieved during the day is helping, instead of beating myself up that I haven't done enough. Friday I will increase my dose of Sertraline so I have the weekend to see if I can adjust to it. I'm hoping that it helps, really hoping.
Hope everyone's ok and having good days

[randomer]

I watched some things on tv that interested me, and I got a good sleep


hang onto that.

[Mischance]

You have listed here some things that you achieved yesterday - maybe you could do that each day: list what you have done, however small - got up, showered etc. You will be amazed what you, as someone who is unwell, are achieving. Well done.

[Atalune]

And you got some nice things in lush


But I am hugely proud of you getting into work! That’s really great.

It’s piddling down here and I slept so badly. My jaw aches from tensing it so much. Stress about the bloody letter I expect!!

Tonight I’m making chicken Kiev as it’s one of my go to confort meals.

[ChalkDinosaur]

Fwiw it sounds to me like you've been doing loads OP; this stuff is hard when you feel so low, you should be really proud of what you're achieving.

Upping the Sertraline sounds like a good plan, I remember finding medication adjustments really tough but it's so worth it when you find the right level. Make sure you're taking the time of work you need - absolutely no shame in having time off if you're unwell.

A PP mentioned Samaritans - I used to find emailing them really helpful; I hated phone calls but being able to offload in an email and knowing someone would reply really helped. Just thought I'd say in case you didn't know they had that service.

Also, thank you for reminding me to check out the Lush Christmas stuff 😊

[Atalune]

How are you feeling op? Xx

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune thank you. I'm doing good, so far.. I had a good sleep, I'm at work (again, made it) not only that I've applied for another job, I've just put the application in now.

I feel better but I don't want to think that this is it and I'll never feel bad again, because I probably will. Yesterday I felt physically ill but today I feel quite bright.

This time next year things will be different and it's a promise I'm making to myself.

I'm still planning to increase my medication on Friday, best do it while I'm feeling ok as the side effects will be more tolerable

This thread has helped me so much. I can't put it into words, I appreciate people's responses so much. It makes me realise that people do actually care, even though I'm a stranger.

[tiredvommachine]

You are certainly not on your own with this

[Atalune]

It is so nice to hear you sound positive and feeling a bit better.

I am also glad to hear you will up the meds- I think that is really going to help you long term.

I sent my letter btw.... I told you I would.

[Namechanged1122]

@Atalune well done for sending the letter! 🙂 that's amazing.

[ChalkDinosaur]

That's great that you've applied for another job OP, good luck with the next steps - and even if it doesn't go any further, well done for applying!

Agree that increasing the meds while you feel a bit better is a good idea, hope it goes well over the weekend.

[thisusernameismine]

Have you tried papyrus or shout?

It's great you are talking about this OP. Things will start to feel better, you're having a rough ride at the moment.

FWIW I didn't think sertralin was any good. Fluoxetine changed my life. Could you maybe look into changing meds? Xxx

[MNnicknameforCVthreads]

People really do care OP, I’d meet up too if I was closer (I’m down south). Sertraline has worked really well for me, but I did feel awful for a week or two and didn’t get properly better until several weeks on the 50mg. So you might need to be patient.

How come you’re back at work btw? Hope you’re not pushing yourself too much, although equally in know having too much time on your own at home ain’t always great either.

Good luck with increasing dose tomorrow, I think you’re doing the right thing.

[randomer]

Keep going folks! rotten day for me today but tomorrow will be better.

[QuentinWinters]

thank you. I'm doing good, so far.. I had a good sleep, I'm at work (again, made it) not only that I've applied for another job, I've just put the application in now.
You rock! Well done
And atalune for the letter
You've both made me smile tonight, thank you

[Namechanged1122]

@randomer how are you? Hope today is a little better?

@QuentinWinters happy to hear we have made you smile.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. Not up to anything in particular but plan on some long lie ins. Trying to remember to think positive.. this is just temporary and it will pass.

[QuentinWinters]

Have you taken your increased dose today name? How are you doing with it?

[randomer]

@Namechanged1122, I booked a good massage which helped. Worth a thought?
Thanks for asking.

[Namechanged1122]

@randomer thanks for the reminder, I've been planning on getting a massage myself. Glad you are ok

@QuentinWinters I'm going to take the new dose at 7 when I normally take it.. hopefully I'll be asleep when side effects kick in ..

[Torvean32]

Yes, thankfully there are ways back.

However i think its a mistake ti belueve psychiatric wards will take care if you. Yes they may keep you safe

However i had a 1 week stay where my key wirjer never introduced hersekf, or spoke to me my whole admission.
I applied for occupational classes they never sent them. Or in days they were on they were too busy to take me.
Apparently i did not have the ability to kniw when i need prn meds, i need a chat with a nurse first. 1 hour later still no nurse. Im upset but not disturbing anybody but got told .

I had a bad consultant even nurses agreed. I asked for support in my reviews, nobody helped.

At lunch they'd let ppl eat a meat portion plus vegetarian before all others ate. No veg food then i didnt eat. One night a nurse was shocked i was shaking. I told her exactly why i had no lunch or dinner. That actually was addressed.

I was treated as stupid as if i did not know my medication and what it was for.

Believe me that was my last admission.previous were generally ok. I nearly compained over last.