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Original poster

How much longer do I have to feel like this?

365 replies

Depressedmum32 · 14/10/2004 10:29

Can some one give some advice please, I just recently gave birth to my 4th baby and for the rist month I felt fantastic and was flying round doing everything. Iwas so wired that one night I was cleaning my windows at 5am after feeding ds!!!Then I started to feel ill, like I had the flu, kept feelomg dizzy and this went on for couple of weeks before I collapsed with chest pain and was rushed to hospital. Was told I had a blood clot on my ling and spent the whole weekend feeling hysterical, had to stop breastfeeding as I was on blood thinners. Cried cos I missed my children so much and thought I was going to die. Then they told me I had no blood clot just pleurisy and sent me home. I first felt relieved to be home and with children but after a couple of days I started to have Panic attacks for no reason, I was just suddenly get this rush of fear and feel terrified. Then I started waking up in the night with my heart racing hystarical with fear, so eventually I was on;y getting 1 hours sleep a night. During the day I was sitting around thinking of all the things I could drop dead from and then 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt wierd, A sense of unreality which terrified me even more. Kept going to the docs where they diagnosed pnd and prescribed ad's. Referred to cpn but no appt till oct 26th. Refused to take the ad's as I was so scared of all the possible awful side effects and convinced myself I just needed to sleep.Dh took a few days off work and I did feel a bit better after getting some rest in the day, but sleep at night. non existant. When I did go to sleep, I kept having awful dreams and waking up. Hv came on monday and said I had to take the cipralex just to lift me enough to the things that would make me feel better.Started on 5mg as Isuffer from panic and immediately the panic became worse, so the second night could only get to sleep with the aid of sleeping tabs. I am now day 4 and I feel wrethched, nauseas and panicky, still feel dazed as though I am not really here and that frightens me. Didnt feel depressed until I started to feel wierd, its the wierdness the t depresses me, is this normal pnd? I just want to feel human again.

OP posts:
spook · 16/10/2004 13:22

You need people around you honey. Friends,family, anyone. Just to have a cup of tea with or do a jigsaw with the kids or take them to the park for half an hour for you. All the things that seem like impossible mountains to you right now are literally an hour or so of someones time. I'm sure if people knew how you were feeling they would be there like a shot. Just to break up your day.Can you think of anyone??XXX

Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 16/10/2004 13:47

I wish I could but I only have one close friend and she works in the week and goes to stay with her bf at weekends while her ex husband has her boys. I feel so alone

OP posts:
Original poster
Depressedmum32 · 16/10/2004 13:49

I really hoped that the ads would help but after my extreme reaction the gp says he is reluctant to try anything else

OP posts:
Spacecadet · 16/10/2004 16:22

Have changed my name to how I currently feel on the tranqs!!

MummyToSteven · 16/10/2004 16:25

sorry that your DH has to work on Sunday.

Could your GP refer you to a psychiatrist to talk about advisability of whether you should try any other medications? There are a few different types of ADs - Cipralex is one of the newer ones, and it might be that older ones might suit you a bit better. Cipralex does seem to be quite a difficult drug - the MNetters that have taken it do seem to have had an absolutely terrible time at the start. Whereas I have started no less than 4(!) ADs at different times of my life (none of them Cipralex) and not had any comparable experiences - maybe I have just been very lucky, or maybe Cipralex is particularly vicious at first.

take care

Spacecadet · 16/10/2004 19:26

Thanks for the advice mummytosteven Gp referred me to the cpn and my first appt is in just over a weeks time so not long now. I have heard that Cipralex can be awful to start with but I had a really bad reaction, developed a rash, racing heart and was panic stricken every 5 seconds, that coupled with the insommia I developed on it I kind of felt that the depression was preferable!!. I am still having the symptoms and can only really keep them at bay at the mo with the diazapam. Hopefully the symptons will have died down by the start of the week, fingers crossed.

October · 16/10/2004 23:56

Message withdrawn

Spacecadet · 17/10/2004 08:01

Had a bad night again, had to dope myself up on tranqs just to fall asleep, but woke up 2 hours later with my heart racing, admittdly not as bad as previous night. Tossed and turned all night and ended up getting up at 7 this morning. I have decided that Alot of the horrible spaced out feeling is acombination of the severe lack of sleep and I am going to try and get out for a walk today. Cant really expect to fall asleep if I am not using any energy, havent been out properly( tesco not inc) for weeks not really since I came home from the hospital after the blood clot scare. I used to walk every day. Got my 1st period after dd today wonder if this is a good sign as they took 7 months to come back after ds2 and until then I had like permenant pmt!! also my hormone levels were completely abnormal and gp said it contributed towards mild pnd I had after ds2. Will try and get out the house later, on foot, not in the car! I am going to the gp tomorrow.

Spacecadet · 17/10/2004 08:07

By the way if anyone who has psted on here would like to email me or chat occasionally on msn ( if I can get near pc as dd1 is usually hogging it!!)Then let me know, it would be nice to talk to people who have had the same experiences, and it would be nice sometimes to talk about other stuff as sometimes I feel that the more I think about it the worse I feel!!

Spacecadet · 17/10/2004 09:04

October, did you end up taking Cipralex? I think it is probably better for people who dont suffer frm quite such extreme anxiety as I do, therefore most people could probably cope with the panicky symptoms. I also think what didnt help was that I take thyroxine which makes the heart race and I have a fast heart rate anyway.naturally

tootie · 17/10/2004 10:35

Spacecadet, I don't have much experience of what you're going through, but I just wanted to post a big hello and a hug on here as it sounds like you really are having it had at the moment. Sorry if this has been suggested before but is your HV any good? Or the agency that helps young families - I think it's called homestart? I'm sorry your mum wasn't much help, I think they forget what it is like when you have a very young family, which is hard enough without all the awful feelings you're having.. I really hope you get some proper support soon, I'm thinking of you[[[[[]]]]]]]

Spacecadet · 17/10/2004 11:06

Thank's for your encouraging words tootie. Hv actually not much cop unfortunately and when I asked to be put in touch with the local homestart group she refused saying they only helped people whose children could be at risk!!!! I know for a fact that is rubbish because I used to work in the mental health sector and we always put pnd mums in touch with homestart!! Any way seeing my gp tomorrow, will see what he says. Have just walked to the local shop to get a sunday paper, feel like I have climbed mount everest!!

kkgirl · 17/10/2004 11:16

Hi

Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. I haven't got much personal experience, but have seen both my parents go through very severe breakdowns (leading to hospitalisation) so I know a bit about it.
If you want to email me, if I can be any help please do. I'm: [email protected]. Even though I haven't been through it maybe just explaining how you feel can help. I have had panic attacks in the past too.

I know from Mum and Dad, that simple tasks that you would take in your stride when you are well, become mountainous when you are ill.
Take care.

agy · 17/10/2004 12:29

I'm getting us out for a walk to-day - def! Think its the panic attacks that make you tired - all that heart racing takes it out of you! Hope you feel better soon. Best to keep up a bit of exercise. You don't want to get weak physically.

Spacecadet · 17/10/2004 13:14

Thanks kkgirl have sent you an email, Hope you have better weather for your walk thean I did this morning agy! Got caught in torrential weather. You are soo right about the panic attacks, you have all this adrenaline coursing round your system with nowhere to go, my brain switches off in order to cope but the body isn,t tierd. I think The only way to beat this is to get out a bit more each day, and try and make my body tired too!! Have just been dancing round the living room like an idiot to sick and tired by Anastacia, couldnt have done that afew days ago.

agy · 17/10/2004 13:17
Grin
Spacecadet · 17/10/2004 13:51

Agy was it you that said you loved Wales?

October · 17/10/2004 19:36

Message withdrawn

Spacecadet · 17/10/2004 21:30

Guess I was just unlucky. i will see the doctor tomorow so i'll see what he says. xx

Spacecadet · 18/10/2004 08:21

Slept better last night than I have for a week, only woke up about 3 times and I was doped up on diazapam. I want to stop the diazapam, I need to learn to fall asleep naturally. Feel terrified today as my task is to walk ds to pre-school AND I have to got the gp which involves sitting in a crowded waiting room, my hands are shaking just thinking about it. I feel like I have been mentally destroyed.

MummyToSteven · 18/10/2004 10:00

Hi Spacecadet. Glad that you got a bit of sleep - which will help a bit. I would say push your GP for a referral to a psychiatrist to discuss appropriate meds; if he's uncomfortable prescribing you anything because of your reaction to the cipralex, fair enough - but why not then refer you to a specialist in prescribing these drugs who will know what they are doing. I think you are absolutely doing the right thing looking to limit your time on the diazepam.

sorry that your HV has been no use. you could try and phone up Homestart yourself? I know with my HV, turning up at Surestart things and asking about whether anyone could just turned up was far more productive than relying on my HV to sort it out.

my e-mail addy is [email protected]

take care
x

Spacecadet · 18/10/2004 11:01

Been to see Gp, he says I may be better off on the older trycyclic type of anti-d, He says I a m mainly suffering from sleep deprivation which can make you feel a bit mad.He recommended that I only take the diazapam at night for another day or 2 then come off it. He says I will get better but it will take time.H e is leaving it for the cpn to discuss meds with me next week. MTS I have sent you an email, let me know if you get it.

agy · 18/10/2004 11:18

Hope it all comes right when you've seen the cpn. Once you're off the diazepan, a couple of paracetamol at night could help a bit with the sleeping - not as a regular thing though - bit naughty I suppose!

agy · 18/10/2004 12:38

I'm not advocating mixing paracetamol with any other drugs, of course! Just mean in the interim period once you're off diazepan and waiting to see the cpn for new prescription.

Spacecadet · 18/10/2004 12:53

Thanks agy but paracetomol has never knocked me out, dh says 20 pounds of semtex wouldnt knock me out! Going to try valerian once evrything else is out of my system, it's a natural herb with sleep promoting qualities and not addictive. I used itonce before years ago when I had mild insomnia, so its worth a go. Think the Cipralex is out of my system now, thank god. Can't wait to see the CPN next week.At least I completed my achievable task today, hurrah!(smile)