How much longer do I have to feel like this?

[Depressedmum32]

Can some one give some advice please, I just recently gave birth to my 4th baby and for the rist month I felt fantastic and was flying round doing everything. Iwas so wired that one night I was cleaning my windows at 5am after feeding ds!!!Then I started to feel ill, like I had the flu, kept feelomg dizzy and this went on for couple of weeks before I collapsed with chest pain and was rushed to hospital. Was told I had a blood clot on my ling and spent the whole weekend feeling hysterical, had to stop breastfeeding as I was on blood thinners. Cried cos I missed my children so much and thought I was going to die. Then they told me I had no blood clot just pleurisy and sent me home. I first felt relieved to be home and with children but after a couple of days I started to have Panic attacks for no reason, I was just suddenly get this rush of fear and feel terrified. Then I started waking up in the night with my heart racing hystarical with fear, so eventually I was on;y getting 1 hours sleep a night. During the day I was sitting around thinking of all the things I could drop dead from and then 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt wierd, A sense of unreality which terrified me even more. Kept going to the docs where they diagnosed pnd and prescribed ad's. Referred to cpn but no appt till oct 26th. Refused to take the ad's as I was so scared of all the possible awful side effects and convinced myself I just needed to sleep.Dh took a few days off work and I did feel a bit better after getting some rest in the day, but sleep at night. non existant. When I did go to sleep, I kept having awful dreams and waking up. Hv came on monday and said I had to take the cipralex just to lift me enough to the things that would make me feel better.Started on 5mg as Isuffer from panic and immediately the panic became worse, so the second night could only get to sleep with the aid of sleeping tabs. I am now day 4 and I feel wrethched, nauseas and panicky, still feel dazed as though I am not really here and that frightens me. Didnt feel depressed until I started to feel wierd, its the wierdness the t depresses me, is this normal pnd? I just want to feel human again.

sorry to hear that sc. what's been happening? is it connected to the feelings of broodiness that you mentioned yesterday???

Its strange the things that tip us over the edge when depression hit! Hang on in there S,things will improve.

LOL

Sorry to hear you feel so low sc. Depression can be so unpredictable and frustrating - two steps forward, one step back. Hope you pick up.

SC - Maybe you are overdoing things. They do seem to have you going to a lot of different activities. Perhaps you're getting too tired. Try to have a good rest over the weekend - if thats possible!

Hi SC - sorry youve been feeling so low. It does sound like you are v tired. Although its good to be trying the exercise etc maybe you are just doing too much.
In CBT the 'behavioural (sp?) bit' says that you should keep an activity diary. Apologies if you've read this before but thought it was worth writing down.
You basically write yourself a list of things to do (everything from getting dressed to doing the shopping or meeting a friend.) you then give each a mark for 1/ enjoyment and 2/mastery.

For enjoyment you basically go into it not expecting anything to make you feel great but hoping that things might just make you feel less bad. So if something just passes a bit of time and stops you feeling so desperate then you might mark it with say a 3 out of 10. If you feel any spark of enjoyment then you might give it a 5.

For mastery you judge something on how much you've achieved. So washing up might not give you any enjoyment but it might lift you slightly because you dont feel so useless for letting the house get into such a state.

Sorry - thats not very well explained - hope it makes some kind of sense.

I really hope this week is a bit easier.
Kizziex

Thanks Kizzie that sounds like good advice, will try it.

that's interesting kizzie, i have not come across doing it in that detailed a way before. when it was explained to me, it was more a case of just keeping track of all the things you had achieved in a day, so that instead of focussing on negatives, i would look on the positive - i have fed and changed s, i have done the laundry etc.

Hi MtoS - I think CBT is used by different therapists in different ways. The enjoyment/mastery thing was explained to me by one in particular and then I found out more about it in a book. I think its for when things are really bad and I try and use it when Im really in a pit and finding it really difficult to do anything.
Kizziex

I hhave decided not to wait 18 months to see a therapist and have engaged the services of a counseller who specialises in cbt, she charges £25 an hour which I think is pretty good.

Hope it works for you SC. Thinking of you!!!

Good news SC - Hope it all goes well! Let me know how you get on with it. £25 sounds v good.
Kizziex

excellent SC. CBT was the best thing I ever did. good luck

£25 sounds like really good value. Good luck with it sc .

I have my first appt next thurs, fingers crossed.

That's really good news sc - a great step forward for you. Hope it all goes well and that you are ok today. xxx