How much longer do I have to feel like this?

[Depressedmum32]

Can some one give some advice please, I just recently gave birth to my 4th baby and for the rist month I felt fantastic and was flying round doing everything. Iwas so wired that one night I was cleaning my windows at 5am after feeding ds!!!Then I started to feel ill, like I had the flu, kept feelomg dizzy and this went on for couple of weeks before I collapsed with chest pain and was rushed to hospital. Was told I had a blood clot on my ling and spent the whole weekend feeling hysterical, had to stop breastfeeding as I was on blood thinners. Cried cos I missed my children so much and thought I was going to die. Then they told me I had no blood clot just pleurisy and sent me home. I first felt relieved to be home and with children but after a couple of days I started to have Panic attacks for no reason, I was just suddenly get this rush of fear and feel terrified. Then I started waking up in the night with my heart racing hystarical with fear, so eventually I was on;y getting 1 hours sleep a night. During the day I was sitting around thinking of all the things I could drop dead from and then 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt wierd, A sense of unreality which terrified me even more. Kept going to the docs where they diagnosed pnd and prescribed ad's. Referred to cpn but no appt till oct 26th. Refused to take the ad's as I was so scared of all the possible awful side effects and convinced myself I just needed to sleep.Dh took a few days off work and I did feel a bit better after getting some rest in the day, but sleep at night. non existant. When I did go to sleep, I kept having awful dreams and waking up. Hv came on monday and said I had to take the cipralex just to lift me enough to the things that would make me feel better.Started on 5mg as Isuffer from panic and immediately the panic became worse, so the second night could only get to sleep with the aid of sleeping tabs. I am now day 4 and I feel wrethched, nauseas and panicky, still feel dazed as though I am not really here and that frightens me. Didnt feel depressed until I started to feel wierd, its the wierdness the t depresses me, is this normal pnd? I just want to feel human again.

Head for Wales as soon as you feel able to. Your mum probably wouldn't mind helping out at night if she could see the good it will do you. Do you still have friends there? Just breaking the routine and being in a place you love will be so good for you.

Half term's coming up - a holiday could be good!

Im glad you told me who you are agy, I was a bit confused by your name change!!( not difficult to confuse me at the mo) Just went up to pre-school and while I was there had those unreal feelings, probably because I was thinking about it, which has suddenly made me realise that it is daefinately linked to panic. I feel safe at home, but as soon as I step out the door the unreal feelings kick in because I start thinking about it and I think If I think about feeling out of it enough, I WILL feel out of it, I really think I need to start getting out more, then I might sleep at night and therefore wont feel dazed in the morming and might stop feeling so out of it. If only it was so easy to put into practice

Did you enjoy your walk spook?

I know. Really hope you feel better when you up the dose. At least you know what it is, and it will pass. You're not weird!

Hello honey. Never did get on my walk yet. Have got guests all week so just had to do monster supermarket shop. My poor hound is pacing the floor. You know you've done it. Pre-school drop off and pick up. WELL DONE!! Surreal though it may feel you did it.Another day under your belt.The only thing that kept me going wqas my boys. I had no choice to be up and at 'em for their sakes. Thank God.
Please think about going to Wales. It will not only give you a focus and something to look forward to but I'm sure it will help you clear your head just a little. You don't need to step outside the house on your own. You can step outside with your mum. XXXXX

Spoke to my mum about going to Wales but she said its not agood idea because dd still wakes in the night and she said it would disturb my step dad who has to get up for work. thanks a lot mum! she hasnt been brilliant about the depression she just wants me to get over it and get better. I have tried to have some sleep but to no avail, ended up getting up, feel really panicky and hands shaking.My life feels like a waking nightmare at the moment

Oh I'm so sorry. Sometimes the olds just don't get it do they? You are just going to have to take this one day at a time and in a few days you should notice your fog is lifting. It will happen I promise you.6 months ago just the thought of even 5 minutes of happiness was alien to me. Now I have more good days than bad. I am thinking of you. And it's the weekend now and DH will be aorund to help take the pressure off you a bit.

That's what I'm doing just taking it one day at a time. D h will be here tomorrow but he always works sundays never mind

I know its hard, but try to ignore the panicky feeling. Try to work through your normal routine. Not loads of housework (!) but usual cooking and doing things. Sometimes just getting on with something physically can calm the panic down. Its probably best not to sleep in the day, so that you can try to get back to a good night's sleep.

Yes I think Trying to sleep in the day just upsets the routine, I am going to try and go to bed at the same time everynight , have awarm bath etc. What panics me is the way I feel, I feel like I'm in a trance and can't snap out of it. I can't focus on anything properly and half the time I feel like I'm dreamung. My gp says this is down to not having enough deep sleep as opposed to dream sleep. Ttrouble is when I go to bed I can't relax cos My mind wont switch off. Because I'm frightened of the way I feel im taking it out on everyone else, mainly the kids. I'm always snappy and irritable. I don't want to keep taking sleepping tabs cos after just 3 nights they are already not working as well and I need to teach myself to go to sleep and stay asleep. Tomorrow I am going to get dh to come for a short walk with me if the weather is not to awful.

It's amazing really to think that all this could stem from what was nothing more than a virus

That's a good idea. I love walking - don't know why.

I think it is suppose to release the old endorphins which make you feel good, pity they can't just invent a pill full of those!

If I get through this I will change my name from depressedmum32!!!

Had to go and pick ds1 up from a school disco and it was awful, felt really out of it, I feel so frightened, I really feel as If I am going out of my mind, don't know how much more of this I can take

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has replied to me on here, you don,t know how much your advice and sometimes just an acknowledgement means, thankyou please keep posting me as I feel so alone and wretched at the moment.

I need help, Last night I ended up in a and e because I had a dreadful reaction to the Cipralex and Have now been taken off it. The doctor said it will take about 3 days to leave my system so I will have the horrible effects until then. I feel as if I m in a trance from lack of sleep but I cant sl;eep because my heart keeps racing and I have apanic attack. Feel as if I have takken 10 steps back.Doctoer has put me on Diazapam to calm me down but it is having no effect.

Oh depressedmum32 I am so so sorry. I was thinking of you last night too. I don't know anything about Diazepam I'm afraid but I suspect it will be the waiting game again for them to kick in. Please take care and use the help and support of DH today. {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

sorry you had such a rough night last night {{{{hugs}}}}quite a few people on here seem to have had a rotten time starting Cipralex. Not all ADs are as bad as that - Seroxat is probably well worth a miss too - but I can understand you feeling very wary of any other meds.

just remember that you are unwell atm - in the sense of deserve as much right to rest and recuperation and assistance as if you had a broken leg/pneumonia, and try and get as much help from dh as you. stuff any housework etc - just make sure someone (hopefully DH) helps keep you and the kids clean dressed and fed. Everything else can wait. sorry to hear that your mum is being so unsupportive. Could your husband have a word. When mums are unsupportive over things like that, i do sometimes wonder if they might have had PND that wasn't picked up on, and if they might be almost jealous that there is help available for it today that they never had IYSWIM.

When are you next going to see the Doctors? Can they get your CPN appointment brought forward?

take care
x

Oh Depressedmum, I am so sorry things got so bad! The diazapan will take a day or two to build up in your system. Try to not let the racing heart frighten you. When I had panic attacks I thought it would stop(!) but I'm still here! Hope it all settles down soon. I still think walking could help, even at this point, so long as someone is with you.

Thankyou everyone for your messeges, I phoned the out of hours doc who has prescribed a stronger dose of diazapam, dh has gone to get it now. I have just over a week to till my appt with the cpn, Gp tried to bring it forward but failed.The doc I saw in a and e was useless, he didnt even know what the side effects of cipralex were. out of hours doc was nice he assured me that i am not going mad and I will feel better when the ads are out of my system, i just got to sit it out till then. Wish I hadnt taken the damn ads now. I hope they do leave my system and I havent gone permanantly mad!wish dh wasnt at work tomorrow.

DM32. You are very ill at the moment.Is there no way you could gently suggest to DH that he take the day off?Or is that not an option?

He cant because he is the only manager in on a sunday( he manages a garden centre)