How much longer do I have to feel like this?

[Depressedmum32]

Can some one give some advice please, I just recently gave birth to my 4th baby and for the rist month I felt fantastic and was flying round doing everything. Iwas so wired that one night I was cleaning my windows at 5am after feeding ds!!!Then I started to feel ill, like I had the flu, kept feelomg dizzy and this went on for couple of weeks before I collapsed with chest pain and was rushed to hospital. Was told I had a blood clot on my ling and spent the whole weekend feeling hysterical, had to stop breastfeeding as I was on blood thinners. Cried cos I missed my children so much and thought I was going to die. Then they told me I had no blood clot just pleurisy and sent me home. I first felt relieved to be home and with children but after a couple of days I started to have Panic attacks for no reason, I was just suddenly get this rush of fear and feel terrified. Then I started waking up in the night with my heart racing hystarical with fear, so eventually I was on;y getting 1 hours sleep a night. During the day I was sitting around thinking of all the things I could drop dead from and then 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt wierd, A sense of unreality which terrified me even more. Kept going to the docs where they diagnosed pnd and prescribed ad's. Referred to cpn but no appt till oct 26th. Refused to take the ad's as I was so scared of all the possible awful side effects and convinced myself I just needed to sleep.Dh took a few days off work and I did feel a bit better after getting some rest in the day, but sleep at night. non existant. When I did go to sleep, I kept having awful dreams and waking up. Hv came on monday and said I had to take the cipralex just to lift me enough to the things that would make me feel better.Started on 5mg as Isuffer from panic and immediately the panic became worse, so the second night could only get to sleep with the aid of sleeping tabs. I am now day 4 and I feel wrethched, nauseas and panicky, still feel dazed as though I am not really here and that frightens me. Didnt feel depressed until I started to feel wierd, its the wierdness the t depresses me, is this normal pnd? I just want to feel human again.

I also had trouble with Prozac which was made worse when I went back to my GP and she decided that I needed a higher dose and doubled it!! Needless to say I was in quite a mess for a while!. Now on Cipralex and think I've got my life back!:0

I also had trouble with Prozac which was made worse when I went back to my GP and she decided that I needed a higher dose and doubled it!! Needless to say I was in quite a mess for a while!. Now on Cipralex and think I've got my life back!

Glad to hear it, mwnn. Its quite worrying that you go to your GP because things are so bad, and then the medication can be wrong, and you can end up feeling worse.

My hv visited today and apologized profusely for my misdiagnosis. she says that without a doubt I am suffering from Post traumatic stress disorder and not Pnd.She said it is easy to confuse the 2 and she is sorry the meds made me worse, she thinks that My major improvement will come with cbt.felt dizzy today though and immediately started panicking that it was something more serious, this is the cycle I need to break, normal people do not constantly obsess about their health in the way that I do.

So glad you have had a proper diagnoses sc. Hopefully now things will improve for you. Will you be seeing a therapist for CBT or will you be trying it on your own? It should definately help with your feelings of anxiety. You really sound much more positive, which is great. xx

"Normal" people do stress about their health when they've had a sudden out-of-the-blue health scare - because its so scary! That is normal.

Yes I suppose they do agy!!! Miam I am seeing a cpn, starting tuesday.Hurrah!!

That's great! Will you let me know how you get on - I'm really interested in CBT and I'm sure your experience of it could help lots of us. Obviously selfish motives involved here!!! Mind you, one aspect of CBT is helping others - so you can regard the passing on of tips as all part of your therapy!

Hi spacecadet

I am truely plesed that you have received a proper diagnosis as i was certain you were not suffeing from PND the symptoms and causes are very different and hence the treatments. I know since my post you have been advised against hypnotherapy due to flashbacks, IMO if you have not dealt with past traumas it can be difficult to move on, whilst I accept hypnotherapy doesn't suit everyone it can be a very good way of helping you to cope with the symptoms you are feeling now. Please do not discredit these ways of dealing with your emotions without looking into them, from my personal expereince it has been very beneficial. Sending you lots of positive vibes for your meeting with your CPn
Much Love xxxxxxxxxxxxx

It is funny because I always thought that this wasnt pnd as such, I had it mildly after ds2 and it didnt feel like this, its a relief to know whats wrong me really and I am hopoing that tuesday appt will be the way forward.I just wish I didnt feel so scared all the time, I am scared of my own shadow!!The panic I really need to address because its what led to thios iniatially.I dont feel so good today as I am tired and as per usual my head is syill in that box.

And my fingers are all over the place on the keyboard!!!!

Hi, I know what its like to feel a constant sense of panic, it will get better honest!! Think you'll find cbt hard at first-i did, but it does teach you coping stratergies (if not how to spell them!!!) which are very hard to use at first but get easier with practice. The meds help too.I think what i need to learn now is not to beat myself up each time i have a few bad days, because depression is an illness just like any other and we don't beat ourselves up about having flu!!!Take care xx

I half wonder if thre dizziness is caused by panic

Hi spacecadet, glad that you have reached a more accurate diagnosis, and hopefully the CPN can give you more info about treatments for PTSD. There's a treatment called EMDR (cant' remember what it stands for) which you might be interestd in googling which is to do with trying to help you "process" the experiences properly - I think there are theories that PTSD is partly to do with you shutting down when experiencing traumatic experiences, and that you need to completley process the experience to reduce anxiety/flashback symptoms

Hope that you are managing to get a bit more sleep, and sorry that you are still feeling anxious.

Take care
x

Panic does cause dizziness SC. A lot of your blood goes to nourish internal organs ready for flight so not much left over for brain! Its nothing to be alarmed about, but a nuisance I know.

Hmm, still not sleeping brilliantly, feel fuzzy today and dizzy but Iam trying not to panic which will make it worse, it is amazing what powerful tool the human brain is really, how the way you think etc can completely make you feel terrible and upset that sensitive balance of chemicals.I think its fair to say that my brain and my body are seriously out of sync with each other.I have looked up ptsd and apparently it first cam to light in the 1st world war, when the soldiers in the trenches came home they were referred to as shell shocked from the traumatic experiences they encountered, this was later realised to be ptsd, but too late for those soldiers but of course it was well recognised after the vietnam war.The brain definately does shut down Isuppose to try and block out the stress but reliving my traumatic experience, now thats interesting, dont know if I want to but if its help I suppose I will have to.

woke up today after what i thought was a good night but my head feels as if its full of fog and i cant think straight, this feels familar i have been here before with ds2, i wish i could cut my head open and remove the fog.

Well what a rubbish day, it was reading that stupid thread that did it, today i am all shaky and panicky and have cried all morning.

spacec - I havent had a chance to read all of your thread, but I must say please do not let one or two peoples opinion upset you.

I know that it is easier said than done and I must admit that the thread did upset me too and I was really angry.

If it helps (not sure that it does) I really dont think that the thread was directed at you. ((hugs)) to you and I really hope that you can put it to the back of your mind and give it the consideration it deserves (NIL!)

Also just want to add that I suffer with sleep deprivation and often only get 2 - 4 hours sleep and let me tell you it can make things seem a lot worse. If I am having a bad sleeping patch I feel 100 times worse about everything.

Thanks for positive response, I had my 1st appt with the cpn today and although it went well, I have to wait 18 months for cbt!! I will probably be better by then!!She says I have to go to art therapy , anxiety management, mums and babies and relaxation, I am assuming that the idea is I will be too busy to feel ill?? I am too busy to go to self help groups but she says I have to, sigh,she says I have becme social phobic.I am supposed to be driving my fdaughter to a friends house, but I feel dizzy, help!

But I wish i could stop crying, I want to feel how I did just before dd2 was born, felt so alive and excited, now i feel like i have been dropped down a blck hole.cpn says i DO have pnd and its only mild pstd, she says I have panic disorder too, she said even though I tried to hide it she could c that i was depressed, i can hide it well on mn, no one can hear hoe sad my voice sounds.

dd1 just caught me crying at the computer, she hugged me and said, of course your'e not going to get better overnight, it takes time. What words of wisdom from a 13 yr old

I have deciced not to post on mn again, thanks to evryone for yoyr advice.

Space Cadet, I really wish you wouldn't go. You have been kind to me and others even though you are really going through it yourself, and I will miss your posts. No chance of you letting me know where you live, I suppose. It might be near me or one of the others who has supported you. I, for one, would be happy to try to help out in any way I can.

I dont even know why i am bithering to post on here cos I dont suppose any one will read it but at least I can get this off my chest.I said I wasnt going to post anymore because I couldnt see the point, but I have noone else to talk to.The last couple of days I felt worse, the unreal feelings have got better but now I do feel depressed whereas I didnt feel depressed as such I was just in a terrible state.Now I cant stop worrying about my baby, the last night or so I cant go to sleep as I am scared that she might die in the night, so I feel exhausted.Today I convinced myself that I have hurt her, because my head feels so foggy I dont know what I am doing half the time.She wouldnt settle and kept crying so I put her in her pram and heated a bottle up for her but she wouldnt take it, so in frustration I hurled the bottle across the room and then I just fell into this red mist, I picked up some cups and chucked them across the room and screamed and shouted, then I fell into a sobbing heap on the floor.Then I realised that dd was crying and I went and picked her up and then I thought oh my god what if I shook her while I was consumed with rage or what if I picked her up and shouted at her. I know in my heart I did not do any such thing, because I never could but Im scared I might have done it and lost my memory, I know that sounds barmy but I cant reassure myself, i only remember chucking things across the room but now I keep thinking that I could hurt her and probably not remember and I am now too frightened to go near her, I feel grief stricken because I am sure she will die tonight, I keep going to look at her and she looks peaceful but I keep thinking that What If I shook her today and then forgot about it or something else, Oh my god, I dont feel as if I am fit to be near my own child.I would be better off dead because I am not fit to be a mother.I cant talk to anyone my mum is not intereted and if I tell my husband he will probably say are you trying to wind me up?but I cant help it im so scaredI am so frightened she will die tonight , I am not going to bed I will stay up all night and watch her and then if anything goes wrong I am awake, oh god I cant go through thiis everyday, I wish someone had been in my house today and coukld reassure me that i didnt do anything bad.