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Original poster

How much longer do I have to feel like this?

365 replies

Depressedmum32 · 14/10/2004 10:29

Can some one give some advice please, I just recently gave birth to my 4th baby and for the rist month I felt fantastic and was flying round doing everything. Iwas so wired that one night I was cleaning my windows at 5am after feeding ds!!!Then I started to feel ill, like I had the flu, kept feelomg dizzy and this went on for couple of weeks before I collapsed with chest pain and was rushed to hospital. Was told I had a blood clot on my ling and spent the whole weekend feeling hysterical, had to stop breastfeeding as I was on blood thinners. Cried cos I missed my children so much and thought I was going to die. Then they told me I had no blood clot just pleurisy and sent me home. I first felt relieved to be home and with children but after a couple of days I started to have Panic attacks for no reason, I was just suddenly get this rush of fear and feel terrified. Then I started waking up in the night with my heart racing hystarical with fear, so eventually I was on;y getting 1 hours sleep a night. During the day I was sitting around thinking of all the things I could drop dead from and then 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt wierd, A sense of unreality which terrified me even more. Kept going to the docs where they diagnosed pnd and prescribed ad's. Referred to cpn but no appt till oct 26th. Refused to take the ad's as I was so scared of all the possible awful side effects and convinced myself I just needed to sleep.Dh took a few days off work and I did feel a bit better after getting some rest in the day, but sleep at night. non existant. When I did go to sleep, I kept having awful dreams and waking up. Hv came on monday and said I had to take the cipralex just to lift me enough to the things that would make me feel better.Started on 5mg as Isuffer from panic and immediately the panic became worse, so the second night could only get to sleep with the aid of sleeping tabs. I am now day 4 and I feel wrethched, nauseas and panicky, still feel dazed as though I am not really here and that frightens me. Didnt feel depressed until I started to feel wierd, its the wierdness the t depresses me, is this normal pnd? I just want to feel human again.

OP posts:
mumwithnoname · 30/10/2004 11:39

They have told me they have turned their phones off cos they can't handle all the txts. Cried myself to sleep last night. Txt them this morning saying i'm deleting their numbers from my phone because i can't do this to them anymore. just want to curl up and cry. ranted at the kids this morning over the mess and not letting me on the computer- behaving like a spoilt child!
PS not being much help to you lot either!

PatDUK · 30/10/2004 13:16

Hello mumwithnoname. Doesn't sound like they're real good friends if they've turned their back on you in ur time of need - course I don't no the full picture - maybe u jus need to lay off a bit and focus on urself insted of others. I no it's NEVER as bad as it seems tho' - sometimes its only wen doors slam in ur face that u actually face up to having to do something about a sorry state by urself. Have a pity party if u want, then pick urself up and get on with it!

mumwithnoname · 30/10/2004 13:34

my dh just came in with some flowers!
They are good friends, that why i'm so upset. Anyone for a pity party?!

Spacecadet · 30/10/2004 13:37

i am so sorry to hear this mumwithnoname, they are not decent friends im afraid otherwise they would be there for you, im so sorry

Spacecadet · 30/10/2004 13:38

Hopwe I havent offended you but friends put up with things like this thats what friends are for

Titania · 30/10/2004 13:47

still here sc??? mind you..so am i

MWNN.........i hope you feel better soon. If they were true friends then they would be here helping you....you've still got us!!

Spacecadet · 30/10/2004 16:33

Yes Titania, went offline then quickly came back on to check mn, like to wind the FIL up!!

mumwithnoname · 30/10/2004 19:32

Think they've just put up with too much! Dh,dd and ds1 all gone to the rugby so I've got the computer to myself for a bit- in between rescueing the kits from ds2!Both friends have txt saying we need to talk but I don't want to. I'm dreading what they might say and I've nothing to say that I've not already said.Think I'll open a bottle of wine!!

Spacecadet · 30/10/2004 19:43

That sounds like a good idea mumwithnoname!

mumwithnoname · 30/10/2004 20:27

Forgot to say: Thanks for your support-obviously don't know me well enough!!

Spacecadet · 30/10/2004 20:48

no answer to that!!

nightowl · 30/10/2004 23:39

mumwithnoname...just wanted to say i had a friend once that said to me "dont speak to me when you are down...you are depressing me" and she turned out to not be a friend at all some years later (through something else entirely unrelated). my real friends have been there even when im clearly doing their heads in...and ive returned the favour! there are people that will listen xx

kkgirl · 31/10/2004 07:09

Mumwithnonname

A good friend is someone who is there for you.The trouble with depression is that it is very difficult for people who haven't suffered to understand it, and thats why you get this "pull yourself together" attitude. If you had a broken leg, people can see that and would be symphathetic, with depression, its not so visible.
I don't know your friends, so I can't really comment, but it sounds cruel to me to treat you like this, and true friends are there through the ups and downs, so I wouldn't worry too much. They probably don't know what to say, or how to try to help you.

Hope you are feeling a bit better today, and you can talk to all of us here as much as you want, there is plenty of support for you.

mumwithnoname · 31/10/2004 10:19

Thanks everyone! The thing is I know they are good friends but I've just pushed them too far. Sometimes my txts are a bit desparate and they just don't know what to do-they've told me that, its not that they don't care. Trouble is I know I've always tried to be there for them even when I feel really bad myself and to then feel that they're not there for me really hurts. To send a desparate txt when i'm feeling like giving up on life and the not to get a reply just makes things worse and -like happened twice this week- to get a reply totally unrealated to my txt hurts even more because it just rubs it home!I know i'm being selfish and i know they have their own problems (like a sn ds),if i'm rambling it's lack of sleep - my youngest had D&V most of last night and my dh snored like a tractor( and still is!!)

essbee · 31/10/2004 11:11

Message withdrawn

mumwithnoname · 31/10/2004 11:58

in that case i'm not sure i've got any!
Present company excepted that is!

Spacecadet · 31/10/2004 12:44

Aww, Im sure thats not true! I have just braved it to argos today to replace my house phone, what NIGHTMARE!!! packed to the gills u would think itbwas xmas eve.I started to feel panicky waiting in the queue but breathed slowly was glad to get out of there and hurried home,Kids in tow whinging that they wouldnt me to buy halloween costumes so I yelled at ds1 " wear a bloody bin bag like everyone else!" in the centre of town, got home phoned dh up and told him I hated him for working on sumdays.I have got to take all of them out trick or treating tonight with baby in tow aswell.

Titania · 31/10/2004 13:00

MWNN........we are your friends!!!

Spacecadet.....you did really well to get out.....there is no way I am leaving home today.....ds1 is pestering for a pumpkin but I haven't even bought one yet......

Lonelymum · 31/10/2004 13:03

Mumwithnoname - I know a little how you feel. My mother once complained that I never rang her up unless I was depressed or someone was ill (she is a doctor so there is a lifelong tendency in me to ring when I need professional advice). It lives with me to this day and I find it hard now to ring her when anything is wrong, which is daft because one should be able to ring ones mother in times of crisis. Friends should be available too, but perhaps we can lean on them too much. That is the beauty of Mumsnet I think. You can post a complaint or a moan, and if no-one wants to reply, they aren't under any obligation to do so. Those that do answer, you usually feel must care enough to do so. Keep posting to Mumsnet and give your friends a little break if you think you have been overburdening yourself to them.

mumwithnoname · 31/10/2004 13:18

well done on argos SC! 'fraid we're very grumpy christians that don't "Do" halloween (or should that just be "too tight!"?)However I'm a total hypocrit and DS2 was at friends last night who just happened to be having a party!But atleast it gets me out of trick or treating!

Lonelymum · 31/10/2004 13:20

We don't do it either. I am not looking forward to the rings on the doorbell tonight as the kids all want to answer the door and I just want to ignore it. What to do?

mumwithnoname · 31/10/2004 16:10

We do give trick or treaters sweets, ds1(15) says we shouldn't but dd(16) and ds2(6) love answering the door. DH thinks we sholud ignore it but as most of them are neighbours kids i feel rather mean, Do feel rather two faced though! There is an unhalloweewn party at m&d's church but ds2 doesn't want to go (and as he was throwing up most of last night i think it'd be a bad move! So don't really know what to do!!

MummyToSteven · 31/10/2004 17:03

no religious principles whatsoever but not keen on the whole idea of trick or treating/people in scary costumes knocking at the door, so you all have my sympathies on this one. in our last home we had to go out at Halloween as the local kids would chuck stones at our windows on normal nights, so didn't want to have think what they might do on Halloween to wind us up if we were in.

MummyToSteven · 31/10/2004 17:05

Hi SC, that's really good that you made it to Argos, and very good that rather than just go straight into panic mode, you could remember to deep breathe to try and get out of it. my problem with all these techniques with breathing etc to reduce anxiety is always getting so stressed that I would completely forget to do them.

MummyToSteven · 31/10/2004 17:16

Hi MWNN. sorry that you are having such a tough time atm. you sound quite down atm. has something happened to trigger this? have you altered your medication in anyway. as it has gone on for a few weeks, it might be worth going back to the docs to see if they have any further ideas as to how best help you through this patch.