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Original poster

How much longer do I have to feel like this?

365 replies

Depressedmum32 · 14/10/2004 10:29

Can some one give some advice please, I just recently gave birth to my 4th baby and for the rist month I felt fantastic and was flying round doing everything. Iwas so wired that one night I was cleaning my windows at 5am after feeding ds!!!Then I started to feel ill, like I had the flu, kept feelomg dizzy and this went on for couple of weeks before I collapsed with chest pain and was rushed to hospital. Was told I had a blood clot on my ling and spent the whole weekend feeling hysterical, had to stop breastfeeding as I was on blood thinners. Cried cos I missed my children so much and thought I was going to die. Then they told me I had no blood clot just pleurisy and sent me home. I first felt relieved to be home and with children but after a couple of days I started to have Panic attacks for no reason, I was just suddenly get this rush of fear and feel terrified. Then I started waking up in the night with my heart racing hystarical with fear, so eventually I was on;y getting 1 hours sleep a night. During the day I was sitting around thinking of all the things I could drop dead from and then 2 weeks ago I suddenly felt wierd, A sense of unreality which terrified me even more. Kept going to the docs where they diagnosed pnd and prescribed ad's. Referred to cpn but no appt till oct 26th. Refused to take the ad's as I was so scared of all the possible awful side effects and convinced myself I just needed to sleep.Dh took a few days off work and I did feel a bit better after getting some rest in the day, but sleep at night. non existant. When I did go to sleep, I kept having awful dreams and waking up. Hv came on monday and said I had to take the cipralex just to lift me enough to the things that would make me feel better.Started on 5mg as Isuffer from panic and immediately the panic became worse, so the second night could only get to sleep with the aid of sleeping tabs. I am now day 4 and I feel wrethched, nauseas and panicky, still feel dazed as though I am not really here and that frightens me. Didnt feel depressed until I started to feel wierd, its the wierdness the t depresses me, is this normal pnd? I just want to feel human again.

OP posts:
kkgirl · 28/10/2004 08:56

SC

How are you today?

mumwithnoname · 28/10/2004 09:23

Hi SC, The letter idea is a really good one, I've used it a couple of times when I knew I couldn't talk about how I was feeling. Take care and be honest with your gp its the only way he'll know how to help you. am I right in guessing that you are a RMN? I'm a nurse too and I think we make terrible patients!!!
(Think I need a fireguard to stop my kittens trying to go up the chimney!)

Spacecadet · 28/10/2004 09:51

Yes Ii am a rmn but no longer work in the mental health sector, however the cpn said that we do make terrible patients and that is true, trouble is as well is that i know too much which is why i went barmy went they thought i had a blood clot.I work in the acute sector now nut dont know if i could face going back at the mo, especially not with the high rate of mrsa there is at my hospital, wouldnt want to pass iot on to dd.I had no sleep last night so I am shattered.I have an urgent docs appt later on at 11.10, will lwt you know how I get on.

wobblyknicks · 28/10/2004 09:55

spacecadet - sorry i've missed most of this but if you want someone else on msn to chat to, my addy is wobblyknicks (at) tiscali.co.uk

Spacecadet · 28/10/2004 10:14

Watched dh like a hawk this morning pouncing on him everynow and again to yell, have you sterilised that? etc etc if has just told me to piss off and said you are not going to start this obsession with cleanliness that you did with ds2

PuffTheMagicDragon · 28/10/2004 10:34

I am so glad you've got that urgent appointment Spacecadet and that you are going to try and really let the gp know just how terrible you feel.

You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You are an amazing person who cumulatively has had TOO MUCH to cope with.

Am in and out out today, but will check in on this thread and am back in this evening and around all evening after 8.00pm.

PuffTheMagicDragon · 28/10/2004 10:42

Spacecadet, did try to CAT you last night, wasn't able to as you have requested no emails to be forwarded. You can ask the site to change this so you can receive messages from other Mumsnetters, but completely understand if you don't want to.

As I said last night, some of what you are going through I can identify with, but not all. I'm obsessively private about my own experiences, but would be happy for you to contact me via CAT in case I can be of any help.

essbee · 28/10/2004 13:12

Message withdrawn

Spacecadet · 28/10/2004 13:45

Been to the doctors, nearly passed out from fright in the surgery, felt like evryone was looking at me thinking I was mad.Gp says that these feelings are very common with pnd, was very synpathetic and said it is no wonder I feel like this, as I have been through so much, I cried so loudly I think everyone must have heard me.He said worrying that I might have harmed my baby is very common and is part of the obssessional tendencies that often occur with pnd.He said couldnt my dh take some annual leave or something so I am not on my own torturing myself, but dh has already said no, he said He doesnt care how bad I feel it is my own doing and he has had enough, he says he can only take so much and although he loves me he is threatening to leave me if I dont pull myself together.He says I am not to ring him at work anymore.Gp has not put me on ads as he said he wants to leave it to the cpn to decde but he is writing her another letter to explain how I am now feeling.He says I have lost my sense of perspective and my obssession with dd is a transference of my fears about my health.Bit too much to take in.Health Visitor has phoned and she said she will visit me on monday.

Spacecadet · 28/10/2004 13:46

The way I feel at the moment can dh can go if he wants

essbee · 28/10/2004 13:57

Message withdrawn

essbee · 28/10/2004 13:59

Message withdrawn

suedonim · 28/10/2004 14:18

Spacecadet, I'm so glad you've been able to see your GP, who sounds very sympathetic and sensible. Is there not a system of visits though? When I was ill after ds2 I saw the dr twice a week and had daily visits inbetween from my HV, until I started to get better. Re your dh, maybe your GP could have a word or two in his shell-like. You're as sick as someone with, say, pneumonia and need nursing back to health and imo, your dh has a duty to stand by you and help you through this. If you want to talk, do CAT me, I'd be happy to do what I can to help.

sawiros · 28/10/2004 14:19

i have being flying around trying to figure out how to use the site i think i have got it now im glad it is not only me who feels depressed i have been ill scince i was 30 weeks pregnant with my second baby boy my eldest is 22 months my husband works long hours because i am unable to work and money goes nowhere in todays world i have severe sciatica and cant shift my pregnacy fat over my stomach i hate my body and i hate being restricted all the time (:

Spacecadet · 28/10/2004 15:12

I do still feel as though I have been left alone to cope with this.

bundle · 28/10/2004 15:13

spacecadet i agree, monday does seem a long way away. does she understand the urgency?

mumwithnoname · 28/10/2004 15:39

Can you phone your cpn and tell her how urgent this is? We have a drop-in centre near us that I pop into quite often, is there one near you? Ive found it really helpful, just to go for a chat sometimes.As for dh- I think someone really should tell him how ill you are.Well donr for going to your gp btw- know how hard it is

marthamoo · 28/10/2004 15:43

How do you feel now, spacecadet? Do you feel able to wait 'til Monday? Can't believe there is no better system of support in place than that, tbh - you need the help now, not in 4 days. If it gets as bad as it did last night - well, I don't know really, you seem to be a bit out on a limb support-wise. Would like to give your dh a bl**dy good shake actually, but I guess that's not overly helpful. Is there no-one else who could come and stay with you and help you - family, a friend?

Branster · 28/10/2004 16:15

well done spacecadet!!! I'm sorry I haven't got time at the moment to write a bit more, will try tonight though.
I wanted to ask you wether you could suggest to your GP to approach DH with a phone call and explain to him how things are. Then maybe DH will be more willing to help. You'd need to be open with your GP about DH's attitude towards what is happening, but you have probably already done that.
I believe DH's support would improve things a great deal for you. There is also the possibilty that he has a lot to cope with himself, and fathers sometimes suffer with forms of depression when new babies arrive.
xxx
Branster

hercules · 28/10/2004 16:17

hi Sc. Glad you've been. Well Done!

At least you have us for now.

Spacecadet · 28/10/2004 16:26

The mental health services round are crap

MummyToSteven · 28/10/2004 16:58

Hi SC. Sorry that you have not received some more immediate relief from your GP. I agree with other posters that leaving you till Monday is unfair. I think you do need to push to see a psychiatrist - you need a diagnosis, and if necessary go down to A & E and demand to see the duty psychiatrist.

There appears to have been a lot of talk about PND/PTSD floating around by the health professionals- I think you need the right diagnosis{es) so that you can get the right treatment. The right treatment for OCD is CBT and/or ADs (and realistically if the NHS is going to provide one, its going to be ADS). Having you go and socialise may help distract you a bit, but won't get at the behaviours/thoughts causing the problem. The treatment for OCD will vary from that for PND/PTSD (thought of course the meds may well be the same, but at different dosage levels) It is certainly doable to get better with either on its own - but atm you sound so generally low that I think some form of AD is important to lift your mood/reduce anxiety to give you the strength to resist OCD thoughts and behaviours.

I am so sorry that your DH is being unsupportive. It sounds like he is finding it very difficult to cope with the situation. Is there anyone that he could talk to who could help support him - that way he can get support sympathy from someone else that will enable him to give you the support you need. It sounds like DH is putting his head in the sand and hoping that shock tactics will work. The problem is that if you could just "pull yourself together" and "shock" yourself out of your anxiety problems, you would have done it long ago. One thing your DH should remember is that you have been through this before and have recovered; therefore you can and will recover again.

I have a fair few self-help books that i could send if you think that might help. It is possible to carry out some behavioural type techniques on yourself with the right self help material. Unfortunately it is bloody difficult; I certainly didn't have the strength to do it without support from a therapist or ADs.

mumwithnoname · 28/10/2004 16:59

Is there a post natal support group maybe? After I had ds2 I went to one and I still see a couple of the mums now. Found it helpful and more accessable than Mums & tots groups, I know it isn't directly dealing with your problem but it could be a good distraction.

miam · 28/10/2004 17:53

SC - are you ok right now? It's a shame you cannot see someone earlier than Monday - going to A&E is a very good idea. At least you know that option is available for you if you need it. Otherwise, just stay on your computer until then chatting to us - you know you want to!! Sending you loads of love and hugs. xxxx

mumwithnoname · 28/10/2004 20:52

Trying to CAT you but you don't want Emails-Let them know if you've changed your mind.Take care xx