Parents of anxious kids/teens support thread(part three)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Filling up a second thread,here's a new one to keep that support running!

This thread is a supportive,non judgemental space for those who have anxious children,or care for children with anxiety

You can pop in and just offload,or stick with us and share ideas etc

Caring for an anxious child can feel like it dominates your existence and drains every last drop of energy you have,and the sadness of watching your child's distress can be overwhelming.only those who have lived it truly understand that

We also love to hear successes.it can be hard in real life sharing something you are proud of your child achieving if others do it as standard.we get that and it's good to have somewhere where people are pleased for those little wins

You are no longer alone

Omg that’s so long! Sorry!

I'm glad you found us Complex. Don't feel you have to read the whole thread, feel free to jump in here if you prefer.

I would have expected more contact from CAMHS. Was it the crisis team who contacted DD? If I were you I'd get back in touch with CAMHS, especially the crisis team if needed, and press from support. Sadly, with CAMHS, parents who fight the hardest get more support for their DC. As you have found DD will need to give permission for them to discuss her care with you, but once she has there shouldn't be an issue. Make sure whoever is undertaking the ASD assessment is experienced in assessing girls.

What type of setting is the sixth form? The laws surrounding exclusions are different for school sixth forms and FE colleges, and state and independent. I can see why school are concerned and would like confirmation DD is well enough to attend, but the laws are strict on what they can and can not do.

I hope the increased dose helps, with antidepressants it's common for things to get worse before they get better. In the meantime where possible I would remove/secure things DD could use to harm herself.

For UCAS it would still be OK to keep one or two of the aspirational universities.

Zoo sorry to hear DD3 isn't any better. Would she use the disabled toilets?

It wasn't said to insult, DS1 struggles to read jokes. I took it as an ill timed joke whilst trying, and failing, to coax DS1 out from under the table.

complex I thought you said was getting a review with psych after 5days?
Skip nope.she won't use them.full stop
Refused breakfast/drink.eouldnt take anything to eat or drink to school either.i just don't know what to do.its not in her best interests to be anywhere that stops her eat or drinking for very long periods

Oh sorry, the 5 days was after her overdose. She’s seen the psych a couple of times since then.
Good day today. It’s sunny so that helps! The zoom with school to do the contract went well. The ‘head of wellbeing’ is difficult to warm to but the school nurse was good. Why they’ve appointed her as anything to do well-being is beyond me. She’s so the wrong personality!! She is very judgey asking where I keep our meds and what I’m doing for her at home blah blah blah. Errrrr you’ve excluded her! And set her back massively!!! Don’t like her one bit and neither does DD. I’ve a feeling I made it clear I hadn’t warmed to her. She will be bypassed. School nurse lovely and plenty of other lovely teachers.
Anyway, contract written ‘I, DD will keep myself safe at school by....’ so it’s kind of a plan if she’s feeling wobbly. Who she will go to, where she will go etc. A tadge on the formal side but ok.
Also had a very quick response from head of 6th form re DDs university application and seems like he’s doing good stuff there. So fingers crossed.
zoo that’s such a long day without the loo, food & drink. I have absolutely no ideas and I’m sure anything I did have you’ve tried. How old is she please?

The 6th form is a school. The ASD assessment will be done by a psychologist who specialises in autistic girls (along with her psychiatrist). She also does CBT/DBT so if DD gets on with her ok she’ll have therapy with her too. She’s already booked in for weekly sessions so I’m really hoping it goes well. I keep hearing good things about cbt so have everything crossed. Yet, I also hear less good with ASD kids so, we’ll see.

She's 13 at the end of the month complex

It’s so young isn’t it? I never used to go to the loo at school either as they were just too open to everyone! If she’s never then she’s not going to suddenly change now. And of course, she won’t eat it drink there otherwise she may need the loo. School telling her she’ll damage her kidneys is beyond belief! Does she have therapy? Is it seen as a phobia?

complex she's waiting on school to fill out ASD pack,and on wait list at camhs.i suspect given dd2 has been waiting for urgent medic app 2 MONTHS she will probably be left school before we get to the top of the list and financially private care isn't an option for us

Private care is extortionate. There’s no middle ground.

Complex How are things with school now? If the school sixth form is a state school they have to abide by the statutory exclusion guidance. Not doing so means it is an illegal exclusion. Unfortunately, if it is an independent school it doesn't. However, they must have a behaviour and exclusion policy that they follow which has to be compliant with the Equality Act.

Some with ASD don't find CBT useful. It needs to be adapted and delivered by someone experienced in delivering to those ASD.

DS1 has had a terrible few days, and especially nights.

Oh so sorry your DS1 is still struggling.
It’s an independent school so seems like they can make the rules up as they go along. There’s no policy saying they can exclude for mental health only the usual behaviour. We challenged the head over it. He was meant to call me back but never did. It’s all been dire. We got a report from the psych and gave it to them as they weren’t going to let her attend without it. She’s also had to sign a contract ‘I will be safe at school .... bkah, blah’ It’s all about covering their own backsides rather than giving a damn about helping.
I’ve heard that another 2 kids from their 6th of around 50 have attempted suicide in last few weeks. I’ve no doubt there’s more that are self harming & have other mental health issues!

They’re doing the ADOS assessment for ASD and I’ve heard that’s not the best for girls either.
I’m feeling really glum today. Probs because I didn’t sleep well.

So yes, she’s back at school. Returned yesterday after having a week off. She had butterflies & headache all day and felt stressed/anxious. She’s gone in fine this morning and I’ll text her again at lunch to see how she’s getting on. It’s their parents eve tonight - via zoom. So it’ll be interesting to see the dynamic between her & the teachers. Hopefully they’re being kind.
How do you guys cope with all this? I’m feeling very sorry for myself today.

So glad I found this thread.

Hope you can help as I am just so fed up at the moment.

DD (10) has anxiety. We really noticed two years ago but she probably had it all her life. She describes seeing bad pictures in her brain throughout the day. I think possibly OCD? When her anxiety is bad she gets compulsions and tics. The latest being wanting to stab herself in the hand.

Like many of you we are in CAMHs but they have done very little recently apart from calling me a couple of times a month. We have also paid privately for psychologists and CBT but we found it expensive for no improvement.

She is particularly bad at the moment and I don’t know what to do. We have also tried natural/holistic therapy to no effect. I know I can’t cure her and I have to accept that but it is so, so hard to watch her suffer all the time. I would take it from her 10 times over if I could. It is not something you can discuss with people who have no experience of it. As we have seen no improvements I can’t help but worry about the future and when she hits the teen years.

Has anyone any suggestions? I am considering low dose meds but not sure if they will help.

@Juliusthecat oh crikey, if nothing is working that’s so so difficult.
Has she seen a psychiatrist?

Yes she has. She spoke to me and then had about 6 sessions with my daughter. I think she thought talking about it would help. She gave her breathing exercises but we knew them already.

Julius welcome
I'm not sure if it's still running with covid rules but Relax kids groups have a good reputation?
ComplexI've said it before,and I will again.you wouldn't let your phone battery die,and your energy battery is just as precious.if I don't make time for things that boost us up it all gets way too much.past mum's shared all kinds things they do-baths,reading books,listening podcasts,painting nails,facepack,even few minutes hiding in the bathroom eating chocolate in peace.
Skip that sounds hard lovely.lack sleep is an absolute killer

So pleased your DD has a camhs appointment! Hope it goes well.

Thank you all for your support a few weeks back when DD (14) was in hospital after self harming. It means a lot and is so humbling given what some of you are dealing with.

She went back to school part time ten days ago and is getting one to one learning support managing her academic work. The bullies have backed off after school had the parents in and she's speaking to CAHMS weekly.

The puppy has arrived. He's adored.

So we are all waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm coping but DH is really fragile.

tee that's a really positive update,do pleased for you!

Thanks @Stilllivinginazoo just trying to get some balance back. DH is kind of jumping at his own shadow and is terribly, terribly anxious about DD. But.....fingers crossed.

Hope others doing ok x

How's everyone as half-term approaches?
We aren't doing too well....

Oh no! I’m so sorry to hear this. What’s happened?
I think DD does better out of school. She already seems much more relaxed. Had another psychiatrist appointment today and he’s increasing the methylphenidate for ADHD. I’m surprised he’s not increased the fluoxetine. She’s still a bit flat, but he’s reviewing again next week.
Those that have CBT experience how often are the sessions usually? I was expecting weekly but she’s been booked in every fortnight. It’s private as we’ve heard nothing from camhs. I’ve no idea what to expect. I’m not convinced it’ll help her as she isn’t a talker at all.

Was proud of my teenage son today. He’s had personal things running through his mind for some time now and is soon going to be facing the challenge of exam time so the work is stepping up. I’ve watched his moods go up and down and seen how miserable he’s been some days but still tells me he’s fine, nothings wrong. Two nights ago I spoke to him - again. Just observed he’s been pretty quiet lately, more than usual and doesn’t want to spend time with us or anybody. Once again he said he’s fine, I asked if there’s anything bothering him. I just said I worry about you and he gave a wee smile.. last night he came home from school and asked if I can make him ‘another one of those appointments like I had two years ago’ ... which was with a counsellor about him nipping himself and being anxious then. She said she didn’t desk there’s any problem with his mental health. He’s still nipping and now he’s biting himself and the skin is coming off! I was so relived and happy he actually came out and asked me to do this. I said I’ll get onto it straight away which I did. Managed to speak to a Cahms person on the phone who said we can wait months for an appointment but she asked if he would be willing to share with her what’s on his mind just now and see if she can offer him anything. He wanted to wait for an appointment but I slowly worked my way in and said if she has an idea what the specific issue is she maybe able to help. I put her on the speaker and she was just speaking herself, I said you don’t need to reply if you don’t want to... but he did all by himself and said to her how he was feeling and stuff. I told him I’m soo pleased he did that, he’s made the first move to getting better with this. He’s petrified of speaking up in front of folk but he did it. So now we try and go through school see if we can get anywhere. Last night he came in talking about a load of stuff that’s been on his mind - he was literally buzzing!! It’s definitely good to talk 🥰 (sorry for the long post)

complex CBT ime is weekly or fortnightly,usually with tasks to complete in the interim
Rosebud so good to hear he's reaching out for help❤️