I think I'm done.

[MilkTray22]

As I lie here, tears rolling down my cheeks into my pillow, I have a really strong sense that I'm done now. I cannot take any more pain or suffering. My body and mind feel beaten and exhausted. I am so alone.

Hi OP - could you walk to a cafe for lunch? Maybe a bit of shopping?

You can probably guess most of our suggestions.
Eat something, quick shower, clean clothes, & get outside.

Sorry you’re not feeling very good today. I hope something helps.

I slept most of the day now awake, not sure what to with myself. And doubtless won't sleep tonight now so hard being alone all weekend.

Are your work clothes prepped for Monday?
Any ideas for breakfast tomorrow morning?

Hey, OP. Do you think watching some TV would get you out of your head a bit? It is tough to be alone, but we're here.

Also, have you considered adopting a pet cat or something? Do you think that would be helpful?

Do you have a front or back garden. Could you go our front or back and take a few big gulps of air, look up at the sky and do a bit of a stretch?

I've done some housework but I find it so boring. And I'm struggling to see the point of doing anything really. I'm watching TV now but there's nothing much on really and I'm not interested in it. I already have a rescue animal.

What kind of pet do you have? What's it called? X

I don't want to say just because it's potentially very outing as I adore my pet and talk about him a lot so if someone knew me on here they would know this is me. Sorry x

But today I really should have gone out and bought him new food because he doesnt like what he's got but I couldn't leave the house

No worries! My pets are really fussy too 🙈 maybe that could be your reason for getting up and out tomorrow, head to the shops for some pet food. I always find it easier to get myself up and about if I have a reason x

Perhaps you could go out tomorrow to get him some new food? Maybe go to the cinema? You're right about Saturday night Tv, nothing on at all. On night like this I often go to the Classics thread on here, can often get lost in hilarious threads for ages!

It's awesome that you have an animal. I understand that it may be outing for you to discuss him on here, but would that necessarily be a terrible thing, for people in real life to know you're having a tough time?

People in real life know I'm having a really difficult time and aren't really bothered. I reached out to a family member who lives really nearby and she sent me a date that she might be able to get together that is weeks away. People are just too busy for me. Or aren't interested. Other friends don't reply to messages and often when I really put myself out there, people cancel things last minute. The last time I was meant to meet people I was trying to get in touch with them to confirm a meeting time on the morning of meeting up and they ignored me, even ignored calls from me and never even texted later to say sorry I've missed your call.

I'm going to try to go out tomorrow to buy my pet some food.

OP, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I know its hard to come back up but it sounds like the only way for you is up, when you know things cant get any worse. You can do this!! I've struggled so much with my mental health but I wont let it beat me. We are all behind you 😘😘

I'm sorry your real-life support isn't up to much at the minute. Maybe they just don't realise how bad it's gotten?

What are you up to at the moment?

Unfortunately they know exactly how bad things are. They're just not interested.

I've gone to bed, I'm hoping I can sleep quite soon as being asleep is my only break from life as it is, at the moment. However having slept so much in the day I probably won't sleep much tonight.

I'm very sorry to hear that your attempts to reach out to people have been so cruelly rebuffed. If you do struggle during the night, keep posting- there's always someone awake. Have you any interest in video games at all? They're brilliant at making work for idle hands. If you've got a relatively new laptop, I find that the Sims can use time up really quickly.

If you can’t sleep, post again here.
We are interested.

I’m glad you have a pet you love. I really wish dogs & cats could talk.

When I have trouble sleeping and want to stop my mind from overthinking I watch comedies, they always help distract me. I love Peep Show and The Inbetweeners (both available on 4od), seen all the episodes countless times but they never fail to make me laugh x

OP, I've just found this thread and I'm so sorry you're going through this. It will get better. I've always found making a 'to do' list' of things I enjoy makes me feel a little brighter, even if it doesnt feel like I'll be able to manage all of them (eg. "Set the alarm for 6am, get up, shower, clean clothes on, go for a walk to a cafe, get a coffee, buy a magazine, make my favourite lunch, watch a film" etc) How about downloading some audiobooks and settling down somewhere comfy? Please hang in there, it will get better and so many people here care about you.

How did you sleep OP?

Hi @MilkTray22 how are you doing?

@FreakyToes I'm doing okay thanks, up and down. I've cried both yesterday and today my highs and lows in moods are making me think I might be on the bipolar spectrum or have a personality disorder but trying to get a mental health diagnosis is SO hard.