I think I'm done.

[MilkTray22]

As I lie here, tears rolling down my cheeks into my pillow, I have a really strong sense that I'm done now. I cannot take any more pain or suffering. My body and mind feel beaten and exhausted. I am so alone.

Were you able to pick up your pet’s special food?
Hopefully things can get sorted, and with the right meds/help you’ll feel better soon.

Are you getting anywhere with your Drs OP? Have they mentioned Bipolar? It must be so frustrating if everything is taking a long time.

@cakeandchampagne I got him something he would consent to eat so that was something lol.

@MummyDummyNow no, I don't they think it's bipolar although it was mentioned about 8 years ago that I might be on the bipolar spectrum and I think I am. It's really frustrating and to be honest, I have no mental health support from the services. Which I have also raised and been told that's just the way it is

I am right back in the same place as when I wrote the first post. Why don't I get to feel better? How long can this pain last. Where do I go for help when every door is closed. The bottom line is... How long do you spend suffering before you decide enough is enough?

Do you think it might be helpful to be in the hospital?

Can you try to notice the pleasant things of each day? Maybe your pet relaxing and peeping out of just one eye to look at you? Maybe you heard a child laughing? Maybe you were in an overheated/stuffy building, and you enjoyed the cooler air when you stepped outside?

Please book an emergency GP appointment for tomorrow and if you need help before then, call the Samaritans.

I’ve been through those horrendous feelings myself. I am having a better spell just now but the support from my GP when I’ve felt that I was in crisis and the support the Samaritans have given have truly saved me.

I’m assuming you’re on ADs? (Sorry I haven’t read the entire thread). Are you taking all your medication? Do you think maybe your medication isn’t working and it might be worthwhile trying a different one?

We are all here for you. Life is ever changing. You have had a couple of better days in between these awful days. I know you’re really struggling today but tomorrow might be a little better. Please keep in contact on here when you need to. There will always be someone here who can reply. You matter to us

@cakeandchampagne yes probably but I wouldn't be admitted to hospital. I wouldn't meet the threshold. I have been discharged before from mental health services that I desperately needed simply because I was still working at my job. I carried on going to work because it gave me a single reason to get out of bed but had I wanted to carry on getting that support I would have needed to get signed off work sick.

I just don't care about literally anything anymore. I sort of wonder if maybe some lives aren't meant to be long ones? I know that sounds really morbid and awful but I've been thinking today perhaps some lives just aren't sustainable.

But @MilkTray22, those morbid thoughts are your depression talking. They are not your true thoughts or beliefs. Depression is such a powerful thing that finds a way to control everything in our lives.

Things can get better. I’m really interested to hear what medication you’re on? It can be a bit of a process to find the right one at the correct dosage, but my medication has allowed me to see clearly for the first time in years. There is hope for you, I promise!

@MilkTray22 “ Depression lies.”
Have you heard that phrase?
It is not true that things can’t get better, nobody cares, etc.

It is really unreasonable that by basically dragging yourself into work, they see you as doing fine, when you are actually an unwell person who is making a huge effort and is very strong.

How are you OP? Am hoping things are looking brighter?

I used to be a Samaritan. We're used to people being unable to speak. Were trained to stay on the line and gently encourage but sometimes people will need to just not feel alone in their silence and that's ok. Please ring, you are the person we want to be ringing, you're what the Samaritans are for.

Also if you have called you are potentially stopping a wanking man from getting through and there's far too many of them, so you've already done a good deed for the day. Sorry if that sounds flippant, I'm struggling myself at the moment and dark humour gets me through.

@MummyDummyNow doing better thanks! Heart is slowly healing from break up of long serious relationship. Still having quite big mood swings and sometimes feel very "high" almost like hyper feeling. Could be side effects of antidepressants, or possible undiagnosed bipolar spectrum disorder? I'm not sure. I'm praying things just continue to get better and more stable.

@Whatifitallgoesright your post really made me smile and made me feel more inclined to call the samaritans if I get into that incredibly dark place again. Thank you. Also I can't believe loads of people ring samaritans wanking that's horrendous!! Thank you for being a samaritans and helping people like me.

Haven't missed any work, am cooking meals again. Exercise levels still need to be worked on. Even saw a friend this week for a catch up!

This all sounds really positive OP, you're doing brilliantly. We're all here if and when you need to chat. Let's hope things keep getting better.

On another note, who the hell calls the Samaritans and wanks?? FFS there are some sick people out there.

Sorry about the pain of the relationship ending.

Working, meeting with a friend, cooking & eating! Well done!