I think I'm done.

[MilkTray22]

As I lie here, tears rolling down my cheeks into my pillow, I have a really strong sense that I'm done now. I cannot take any more pain or suffering. My body and mind feel beaten and exhausted. I am so alone.

@MilkTray22 I know what you are going through. I lost all my friends recently and have been feeling very alone in a new job. But our friends and job don't define us. Only we can define ourselves. How long have you felt like this?

I totally understand. The evil nature of what is happening to you is precisely that you can't see your way out of it.

But you are wrong my love.

I was in that black hole for 15 years.

It very nearly ended badly.

You will come out of it and look back on these days with sadness but also pride on just how strong you are.

You are strong. Call someone for help now. Just to chat. You don't even have to say much.

Call a doctor tomorrow. Get therapy.

You have happy times ahead, you really do.

In honesty I don't really want to be talked out of it.

But you're talking to us about it which suggests that at some level you do want to be helped. Anyway, the Samaritans aren't there to change people's minds about how they're feeling, it's so people don't feel alone and that no one cares.

I rang the samaritans a few times and they didn't try to talk me out of anything. They really were great.

I just got the courage to ring them after two hours of trying to get the courage to but there is a wait to talk to someone and I hung up

Try again and talk to us while you're waiting, it might help to get things straight in your head for a bit too.

Please call them back and while you wait talk to us.

It can get better. Things won't always be this bad.

This is another option. Please try calling for help and advice

Helpline: 0808 808 2121 Lifeline Mental

I rang and waited to be put through but when they answered I hung up. Why am I so weak that I can't even speak

I have rung the Samaritans twice in the last few months; both times late evening when I was at my lowest ebb. I am dealing with a very sad situation with my OH.

On both occasions I fought against the idea of ringing them and thought what the heck will I say. But on both occasions they really helped to drag me out of the pit. They listened - I was able to let go of all my feelings. They did not tell me what to do; they were just there and supportive. They said I could ring anytime it was getting on top of me.

Please give it a try. Nothing lost by doing this.

Life has its pits and troughs and they do pass - truly; I have been through a few in my time. But it is hard to see that when things are bad.

The first time I rang I was totally tongue-tied for several minutes - they will wait till you are ready. Do please ring them back.

Please ring them back, don't worry about what to say just day hello and go from there.

Any luck OP, we're all here for you.

Do you want to chat to us?

Yes I would like to chat to you guys. I'm just so tired I've been crying for so long now. I just want the pain to stop. My ideal would be to just disappear. Not wake up tomorrow but not cause anyone pain from not being here anymore.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I know you think it's all hopeless but with some help things could get better.

Have you spoken to anyone in real life about this? A friend or your Doctor?

Have you been to the loo yet? Splash some water on your face to get rid of the sting and come back to bed and chat if you can

Keep reaching out, my love. I know it’s the most enormous effort to even think about getting up to use the loo right now - I’ve been there. But you had the courage to post here and that shows you’re still fighting. Make a cup of tea - it’s a ritual. You boil the kettle. You put the teabag in your favourite mug. You do each small thing bit by bit. You are depressed right now and that’s colouring everything you think or do - but it’s emotional weather and it can change. Keep posting if it helps. You aren’t alone.

You wouldn’t be the first person to hang up on Samaritans- or to cry on the phone or start crying while you’re talking.

Are you thinking of not going to work tomorrow?

They want to talk to you, they want to make you feel better.

Try again, wait on hold and just take your time. They are there for you.

This dark cloud WILL pass, I promise. You just have to get through it.

I've been to the toilet and I've made a drink. I've not managed to ring the samaritans again. I don't know about work tomorrow, I'd rather not go in but I think if I didn't go to work I would sit at home all day. Also I've had this job for only two months and have a very long sickness record in the job before this one. Being unwell has affected every area of my life.

Thank you everyone for commenting on this thread, it had kept me company on a very dark day.

Good to hear you've gone to the loo and made a drink. Do you think you could make
something to eat? Even if it's just toast?

Work tomorrow I think would be a good idea, different surroundings and something else to focus on.

Maybe you can go in & work the first half, then see if you feel like you need to leave early.

Did you watch any good tv- or cat videos or anything- today?

Have you been to the doctors about your mental health op?

@herpesfree yes, I've been under mental health services for ten years.

Hi OP, I've only just seen your thread. I've been where you are - obviously in my own way, nobody has been exactly where you are - and I really feel for you.