I'm a mess

[mrsbounceisflat]

I've spoken to the crisis team, but everyone's fed up with me. My life is a mess , I can't go into details but I am in a living hell. Things aren't going to change for a while , everything's a fight. I am a bad person.

It’s true. It may well not change your mind today but it’s still true. Hope tomorrow feels a bit better.

Thanks for sticking by me, phoned the Samaritans this morning who advised me to phone 111 .they sent me to A and E to see the mental health team. They won't admit me, but back under crisis contingency until Wednesday.
Feeling really paranoid and have pissed my mum off cos she had to take me.

I’m glad she was available to take you. Is the heat a factor? A bath might help, even if not.

Only one thing will help and that's not an option because I have a son to care for, one hell of a week coming up.

Maybe a little tv?
Should you self-medicate with a chocolate eclair?

Went for the chocolate eclairs and watched tv with my son.

Sounds good. Sorry but today has been a loooong day. Good but out. Xx

How did the Monday part of your “one hell of a week” go?

Hoping it was ok and Tuesday is better.

It was hell, after I finally thought I'd got a social worker for my son, he phoned to satay that he was an adult social worker so couldn't help.
So I phoned the multi agency team, who said he couldn't have a child social worker. I asked about the transition team who he was meant to be referred to and was told he was to young. They can help him into supported accommodation at 16 though. What the actual f**k.
They asked me who was safeguarding him when I had bad thoughts, I said me, they said his grandma was meant to and I told them that wasn't working.
Grandma is also suppose to get him out and about, amongst the hundreds of other things she does. The MAT team worker then invited herself to an appointment today regarding his EHCP, which was totally inappropriate, as that's about his education. I wrote some stuff down for her so basically when she came I said here's the problems, she didn't stay long.
The EHCP meeting went well. My OT is going to phone various people on Thursday.
I see my GP most weeks, she keeps an eye on me. I didn't have an appointment this week but she said she'd see me if needed. I knew the reception staff wouldn't like it so phoned up, when I got there I was seeing the emergency GP and as nice as she was I had to go through the whole story.
Totally pissed off with everything, but I'm going to have a bath and change my pjs.

You’re doing so well. I’m glad the EHCP meeting went well. You’ve struggled so hard and I’m glad you have people keeping an eye on you.
Bath is the boast of the day? I’m changing my PJs daily at the mo. Too blinking warm. Yuck.

Well done on the bath & fresh pjs & getting to appointments/meetings !
Sorry it all didn’t seem very productive-- I’d guess you are tired and angry. I would be. Hugs to you.

Absolutely fuming, exhausted and the saddest thing is my son described himself as just existing.
Tomorrow is another day.

He could call his friend(s) and invite them over for pizza/sandwiches/ice cream! They could kick a ball around in the garden- have a water fight- build a little fire in the evening! It is summer- he is a teenager- there is fun stuff to do!

He's not seen any of his friends since he left school, so over 18months ago, it's his worst fear seeing someone he knows.
I've got a major battle with him and I'm just not strong enough to be the person who helps him get well. That's why I'm so desperate for support.

I know he has avoided contact with his friends- but I was under the impression they weren’t avoiding him. Is he concerned about the stuff with his dad coming up?

What does he think would happen with them?

There is one friend he keeps saying he will see, but he just can't do it. We had one of his friends at our house for a different reason at the weekend but he wouldn't let him upstairs even though he'll speak to him on Xbox

It would be good for him to reconnect. There must be a way. He should be having more fun.
Could you invite the friend over for a snack, letting friend know it may take several visits before son participates?

My son wants to go to his house and his mum is very supportive so I can see it happening.

That would be great!
Maybe you can set up a day and make it happen soon.
Hopefully you won’t mind crying tears of joy for a change.

That would be brilliant. And at least he has x box contact. To an oldie like me that seems weird but to my son it’s a great way of staying in touch.
We can’t make someone else well. It requires professional help. I’ve learnt that the hard way.

I hope it will happen soon, I trying by hardest to get him professional help but CAMHS say there is nothing more they can do for him, which is bollocks.
I've phoned the crisis team and now I'm going to read trashy magazines before I try and get some sleep.
You guys are great.

Hope you sleep well. Xx

What a mixed emotion day. I achieved phone calls and emails. My son has been in the best mood he's been in for ever. I've found an apprenticeship that he's actually interested in, the closing date isn't until the end of the month and he's seeing his post 16 worker on Monday so we'll talk to her about it.
Me I'm very needy still having the bad thoughts so spoke to my CPN about extending crisis as advised my my OT yesterday but she won't do it because it's a long term problem. Shit I'd never noticed it doesn't stop the thoughts though, don't think I was very nice to her.
Quiet day tomorrow so me and my son are going out for lunch.
Just a bit messed up really.