I'm a mess

[mrsbounceisflat]

I've spoken to the crisis team, but everyone's fed up with me. My life is a mess , I can't go into details but I am in a living hell. Things aren't going to change for a while , everything's a fight. I am a bad person.

So did they say why, or will you get a letter stating the reason(s)?
Does your GP think the decision is appropriate?
Don’t hesitate to call the Samaritans. It’s easier to talk when you’re not already crying.
Hugs to you. Hang in there.

I'm seeing my GP on Wednesday, and I have made a CPN appointment for the afternoon. I don't know why they wouldn't let me speak to the duty worker.
I'm sat here with paperwork all around me to do with finances, I've asked my mum to come and help me, she's coming but not happy. I wasn't to get it back to the solicitors tomorrow morning.
Spoken to the buyers of our house there being messed about by their solicitor. They wanted to move in here the end of April.
I was expecting 3 return phone calls today from last week and I've received none.

You have so much on right now and must feel like you’re not moving forward. But you are. You really are. Good luck with the GP.

Had a better day today although my son has had what we call one of his autistic days, so he's free to a good home.
GP appointment went well, saw the CPN this afternoon I sat last night and wrote down all the crap thoughts that went round my head constantly. She's says, the divorce, paedophile husband, house move, finances were all shit things.
She disagreed with all the negative things I'd written about myself, but one and that was I'm demanding, except she used a different word, so guess what I've taken away from the appointment I'm demanding not any of the positive stuff.

I’m glad you wrote stuff down to share.
If someone you respect says you are “demanding”, it is worth considering their opinion- and whether it is actually a negative thing if it is true.
Good to hear your GP & CPN appointments went well.

Of course they are shit things.
Can you recall the word? She didn’t actually agree with demanding?

I wish I could remember the word, I did tell her I'd beat myself up over it and yep that's just what I'm doing she may as well not bothered saying any of the positive stuff.

Maybe you misunderstood,
and she called you “delightful” and “outstanding”.
That’s what I would have said.

She may have said your situation was demanding a lot of you or you felt too much in demand. I bet she was trying to turn your negative into a positive.
You are:
Awesome
Strong
An inspiration
A bloody fantastic mum
Faaaarrrrrr more together and organised than me.
Very self aware.
And one negative? Too self critical. Give yourself a break! You’re doing brilliantly. X

Me self critical never. I've had my carer come today so I hate myself for needing help, I washed the dishes and hung some washing out, why can I only do it if there's someone there. I'm a fully grown woman.
Have a shit load of phone calls to make to incompetent people who can't answer calls.
To top it all off after months of waiting we might be moving house next week, presuming we can get removals at such a late date. Oh shit.

Why should you hate yourself for needing help? Today I needed help to bring the shopping in (tired and hurt my wrist). I’m a better person for accepting the help and getting the job done. Well done you for getting the job done too.
And good luck re move. That’s bloody stressful all on its own.

Hope your wrist gets better soon.
I'd got a quiet week next week, looks like that may be changing.

Everybody needs help sometimes. Today your carer helped you do dishes & washing.
Things won’t always be so unsettled & difficult.

Is there anything special you usually do to help settle into a new home?

The most important thing is sorting out my sons room, we've been here11 years, it was our forever home

It is very sad to lose a house this way.
Are you taking any plants from the garden?

There's only weeds in this garden, it's been sadly neglected over the past couple of years. Have a couple of weeks before we move but haven't got a definite date yet.
Had a positive appointment with the OT she made some phone calls for me, to take the pressure off. My son and I both have a joint appointment with our social workers on Wednesday.
Felt totally overwhelmed earlier so took a diazepam and went to bed, my son makes his own tea on Friday so left him to it.

It was very kind of your OT to make a few calls for you.
You rested & your son cooked- that works!
I hope your mother is doing okay.

My OT is amazing, and doesn't take any of my self-criticism. I felt much better for a rest.

I’m glad you felt better. Sometimes you just need to stop for a bit. I have done hardly a thing today and really needed to take the break. Hope your son enjoyed his tea and good news about the calls.

Today I'm a twat, a stressed twat at that. We're moving in the next 2 weeks, on 1 of 2 dates to be confirmed on Monday. I'm moving house, I have mental health problems, I don't know what my sons doing with his life, I'm getting divorced, my husband is a paedophile and I always say the wrong thing.
Today I hate myself.

You’re not a twat.
You are organising a house move and supporting your son despite MH problems. You’ve never said the wrong thing on here. (Unless you’re putting yourself down that is.)
Hoping for a good day and a boast tomorrow.

That's very kind of you to say, but it won't change my mind today.

I’m sorry your troubles feel extra heavy today.

We’re ready & waiting for today’s boast.