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Original poster

I neglect myself and it's showing

371 replies

inmyownworldagain · 18/02/2019 23:26

OK this may be long.

I will just write a list of what I avoid

  • I cut my own hair - too anxious and paranoid for hairdressers
  • I don't brush my teeth often - once every 2 weeks ish
  • Same underwear for days - have no nice knickers
  • Stay in same clothes/pjs for as many days as possible
  • Don't brush hair, even after a shower
  • Hair lives in messy bun - half of the time greasy roots
  • no makeup daily - for occasions, eyes, lips and cheeks
  • Most clothes from charity shops - not much style sense
  • I don't fuel my body well with food - nothing or everything
  • Take 4 different medications - one of which I take too much

I do have a partner and children, I feel a let down as a Mother and a Woman. I can't give myself basic needs, I don't put myself last I'm not even on this list.

How do I start fixing these to start with...

I know, I sound disgusting.

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 01/03/2019 15:10

I'm just going up for a bath, am minging though and annoyed with myself for leaving it so long again Sad Going shopping after that so might have a look at knickers while I'm there, last few days have pretty much been a fail so being first with new knickers might give me a much needed boost Smile

8FencingWire · 02/03/2019 06:16

Right, today is the knickers day! Grin

Couldn’t sleep, been up since 4, but tiredness is creeping back in, I might have another nap :)

Original poster
inmyownworldagain · 02/03/2019 13:05

Today I've got clean knickers and clothes on, brushed and styled hair a bit, brushed teeth, put mascara on and pluck a few stray eyebrow hairs.

I still can't bring myself to go out further than the local shop. I really want to go have a nosey around some charity shops and get some new knickers. I feel like I need an adult to take me. How depressing.

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 02/03/2019 13:18

I feel like I need an adult to take me. That made me laugh, I'm exactly the same! I've done my teeth, had a quick wash and got clean knickers on, not too shabby Smile Not going anywhere today, clearing kitchen ready for Monday and defrosting the freezer, living the dream Grin Wish we were all from the same area, we could be each other's appropriate adult for shopping trips.

Original poster
inmyownworldagain · 02/03/2019 14:23

DH is finishing work soon and asked if I want to go to Sainsburys. I have an adult to go with haha. I'm heading straight for the knickers and I'm not leaving till I have some!

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyownworldagain · 02/03/2019 16:18

Yeeeeessss I have new knickers. 13 of them haha.

OP posts:
Batsypatsy · 02/03/2019 16:25

Can I join you all? I have no motivation. I'm still in bed because there's no reason to get up and getting dressed feels like too much effort. I haven't showered for about 5 days. I can't sleep at night, last night I had 3 hours sleep. And I still won't sleep tonight. I waste my time playing stupid games on my phone.

Beguiled · 02/03/2019 16:42

I don’t think I’ll feel properly part of this group until I buy new knickers Grin

The appropriate adult comments made me laugh but they’re uncomfortably spot on! My mother made me an appointment for the hairdresser and drove me Blush the first time. Otherwise I’d never have managed it.

I have a root canal scheduled for Monday and you’d think that would be enough to get me brushing regularly. But no. It’s still a massive struggle.

I wasn’t trained as a child to practice good hygiene. I never saw a dentist between the age of 5 and 19. We had no heating so getting undressed to wash wasn’t pleasant. We had to switch on the immersion for hot water and then it was a bath in 2” of tepid water in a freezing cold bathroom. The rest of the time we washed up and down at the basin...or not, no one checked.

I find it really hard to get my own dc to do this regularly. I do, but it takes a lot of effort. It’s never just a normal reflex. And one is on the autistic spectrum so brushing is a struggle, hair cuts are horrendous and bathing is a battle. Our normal mornings are rough going and I think there’s also a small subconscious pleasure in neglecting myself, as if I’m indulging the “bad parent” persona or something. But mostly I don’t notice. I’ve got sunblock on everyone, vitamins and a healthy breakfast down them, fresh fruit in their lunchboxes and gloves in their pockets. I just forget to include myself, or put it off til later...which never comes.

DH on the other hand, is very regimented. Showering is part of waking up for him. He grooms himself, recognises that he needs a haircut about 6 weeks before I’d even notice. The first time I saw him sort through his wardrobe and discard clothes that were showing small signs of wear and stubborn stains was a revelation to me.

Hidingtonothing · 02/03/2019 16:43

Welcome Batsy, sorry you're struggling too Sad I get so frustrated with myself over my lack of motivation and beat myself up for being useless so then I feel even lower, it really is a vicious circle. Is there anything you think you could manage to do today that might give you a lift and get you started? Shower maybe?

Hidingtonothing · 02/03/2019 16:48

God I'd love to be like your DH Beguiled Envy inmyown has set the bar now, we have to get new knickers (amusingly autocorrected to knockers, I wasn't planning on going as far as surgery!) or we're letting the side down Grin

Batsypatsy · 02/03/2019 17:01

Thanks Hiding .. I need to shower but will probably just wash. My main aim is to tackle the pile of washing up because it's filling the work surface.

On the plus side I do have lots of knickers Grin I found a style I like and bought 20! They are comfortable and black with a bit of lace and wash well .. win win!

Original poster
inmyownworldagain · 02/03/2019 17:18

Hello Batsy, sorry you are struggling too. Have you read through the full thread, is there one thing you can pick out that you can manage? Nothing wrong with having a quick shower, putting clean pjs on and getting back in bed if you feel like it!

The sleep thing is a bitch, it really doesn't help set you up for the next day does it. How do people go to sleep normally every night?

Thinking about what you said @Beguiled I think my lack of routine comes from childhood too. I've tried my hardest to give my children one but it's hard with not much to go on. Add on them whinging about bath times etc and just sets my anxiety off.

New knockers Grin

OP posts:
8FencingWire · 02/03/2019 17:20

I have made the —huge— effort and went into town. My eyebrows are great now and....I’ve got new knickers!!! A set of 3 from TK maxx, they’re my ‘I can do this’ knickers. Perhaps I should have looked for some bob the builder ones.
Anyway, I’m pleased with myself for going out. I remembered other bits and bobs I needed, so it was a very successful and expensive trip.
I’m going for a nap. DD is cooking tonight, so I don’t have to worry.
I’ve got a new book for my book club, DD has friends around tonight, I’ll just chill.
I promise I’ll go for a run tomorrow.

Batsypatsy · 02/03/2019 18:13

Thanks Inmyownworld. If I can get up, which is often mid afternoon because dd is old enough to look after herself, I can often make myself wash up because my kitchen is so small it's full if anything's lying around. But I really struggle to look after myself. I try to clean my teeth at least briefly once a day and I try to wash at the wash basin in the morning. That's about it though.

Hidingtonothing · 02/03/2019 18:18

Oh this is no good, I'm lagging behind on the knickers front Angry How you getting on Batsy, any progress with the washing up? I bargain with myself that I'll just do 5 items but then usually carry on rather than waste the water. If you're still procrastinating go and do just a little bit now, you'll feel better just for making a start.

Well done 8Fencing, am v jealous you have new knickers but really glad you're making progress Flowers

Batsypatsy · 02/03/2019 18:22

Hiding I've washed all the plates, run new water and put mugs in Confused Taking a break but will carry on in a minute.

Hidingtonothing · 02/03/2019 18:32

Oh well done Smile Much better to end the day knowing you've done it rather than beating yourself up cos you haven't Flowers

Original poster
inmyownworldagain · 02/03/2019 21:39

Well done 8Fencing, that's two of us in the new knicker club! How did you end up in a book club? I need a hobbie that involves other people.

I think everyone's doing great today, we've all done something! Grin

Washing pots is the bane of my life, I've always hated it. I'd rather clean the toilet! It's nice to have it done so you're not waking up to it so well done @Batsy for getting going!

Going to get in bed and watch something. I'm so rock and roll!

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyownworldagain · 02/03/2019 21:48

@greenberet and @rosydreams how are you both doing? Hope you're OK

OP posts:
Original poster
inmyownworldagain · 02/03/2019 21:55

@WildFlower2019 how's the biking going? @Feelingfullandreadytoclean how was slimming world?

OP posts:
MamaWeasel · 02/03/2019 22:00

Just wanted to say, I have found my people. I struggle so much. So, so much. I identify with almost everything on this thread. Thank you for starting it inmyownworldagain Smile

8FencingWire · 02/03/2019 22:03

I looked one up on meetup.com. Just joined, as simple as that. It’s in a pub, 2 hours, once a month. It’s great! The first hour we talk about the book. The second one, we just chat about whatever. Met lots of people I wouldn’t have otherwise met. I look forward to it every month. Try it, it’ll be great.

Batsy, you’ve inspired me. I was just going to leave the house as it was, I’m not in the mood for it. But then I read your post and thought, ffs, I don’t even have to wash anything, all I have to do is bung it in the dishwasher!!! And from there I wiped the work surfaces, tidied the living, bleached and scrubbed the sinks, changed the bedding, tidied my bedroom, bleached the loo, wiped the bathroom sink, gave a quick hoover. I just sat down. So thanks to you I’ll wake up in an imaculate house. I even fed and watered the plants!!! (I normally do that on Sunday mornings. I talk to the plants. Only a little bit. My head needs checking, but I think they reflect the state of my house/mind, so I am particular about them).

Can’t put my finger on it, but I’m a bit antsy about something. Not sure what.
I’ll go for a run in the morning and then ‘inaugurate’ the knickers. Marie Condo would be proud, they’re folded to perfection 😂

8FencingWire · 02/03/2019 22:07

mama, welcome! The only thing you need to do is buy new knickers and then you’re in the gang 😂
Jocking aside, how are you?

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 02/03/2019 22:09

@inmyownworldagain

When are you planning on doing your test? Are you still having lessons?

Batsypatsy · 02/03/2019 22:11

8Fencing well done! That's a lot of work.

I haven't finished the washing up, but am only left with a casserole dish that is soaking because it won't come clean.

I did tidy the bedroom though, because it's my haven and I can't relax if it's untidy - there's never much to do because I keep it tidy all the time. In the lounge I stuffed all dds makeup in her bag and it looks much tidier. I've since just sat in front of the tv Blush but I feel more relaxed. Just hope I can sleep tonight!

I love reading but not sure I'd feel confident enough to talk about one in a group.

I actually know of a few groups to go to during the week, but struggle getting out of bed on time, so I really need to sort my sleep pattern out. I know I'd enjoy them too. One I actually often manage to go to if I can get out of the house is a craft group, but the others (knitting, chat) I haven't managed yet, so I'm going to try to go to one this week.