I neglect myself and it's showing

[inmyownworldagain]

OK this may be long.

I will just write a list of what I avoid

• I cut my own hair - too anxious and paranoid for hairdressers
• I don't brush my teeth often - once every 2 weeks ish
• Same underwear for days - have no nice knickers
• Stay in same clothes/pjs for as many days as possible
• Don't brush hair, even after a shower
• Hair lives in messy bun - half of the time greasy roots
• no makeup daily - for occasions, eyes, lips and cheeks
• Most clothes from charity shops - not much style sense
• I don't fuel my body well with food - nothing or everything
• Take 4 different medications - one of which I take too much

I do have a partner and children, I feel a let down as a Mother and a Woman. I can't give myself basic needs, I don't put myself last I'm not even on this list.

How do I start fixing these to start with...

I know, I sound disgusting.

You absolutely did the right thing. You didn't let her suffer longer than necessary and that was the kindest thing to do.

Thank you for telling us about her. She sounds amazing. You'll never forget her and she'll live on in your memory.

I can't imagine losing my boy although I know one day I will.

Always here to listen.

Aww thank you sharing with us, I'm so sorry for your heartache. I'm glad you got to hold and comfort her.
You reminded me of something I watched recently called 'After Life' the guy wanted to end his life repeatedly but his dog kept stopping him one way or another. Such a beautiful friendship, they know more than we think. Little furry angels

Thanks, Batsy, Im feeling a bit easier with it right now.

I've cried literally since 5pm yesterday and will be in bits next week when I go to collect her ashes but she had a good happy, play and treat filled life and what more could she have wanted.

I have to ring this morning and pay the vets bill (ouch), and my cooker repairman was here yesterday and it will cost more to fix than it was worth new so have to start looking for a new cooker and need to put money away for 2 other things next few weeks. It's always the way all the money things come together at the same time.

Yeah I watched After Life as well, there is going to be a season 2, she had made her mark on my heart and some others as well and for a couple of years, she packed a lot of love in.

Today I am having a "be kind to myself" kinda day, once I have cleaned away the obvious cat things (tray, bed, toys, food)

Hello all,
Hope you’re all doing alright :)
Smurfy, sorry about your cat, it’s so hard, isn’t it.

I did a written ‘body scan’ and looked at everything and what I need to do about it. From haircut to pedicure. I’ve got a busy weekend ahead!:)

OP I could of wrote that myself, you are not discusting! You are struggling. Have you got anyone that can come with you to see the doctor? I was there two weeks ago crying my eyes out in my Pjs that I'd been wearing for two weeks with my greasy hair , we got my medication upped and I'm hoping to start talking therapy soon once I'm not so raw. Do you think you could manage the doctors?

I started this thread at 5am and feel so inspired by all of you. The changes in the last six weeks are amazing. I was in a similar place this time last year and I wish I'd had this thread then.
@smurfy2015 so sorry about your much loved cat.

Morning everyone.

I'm at work, bored haha nothing to do.

I like the sound of a writted body scan, I'm going to write a list too, top to bottom. Not brushed my teeth in days and I need a bath. Missing sleep really ruins a lot of ideas and energy I have.

The only thing I do daily without fault is change my knickers I think most of this is checking up on myself more often. Hope you're all having a better week, I'll read through properly in a bit.

I'm not having a great day today, overslept and have the window fitters coming back some time this afternoon to do a couple of snagging bits. Haven't done any of the housework jobs I wanted to do before they came so feel stressed and unprepared and back to dreading having strangers in my house again. Wouldn't be so bad but then that leads to beating myself up for getting so worked up over something so normal to most people and I end up in this spiral of shitty, negative thoughts and feelings. I genuinely do my own head in I was also meant to be up in time for a bath before they arrive but all I've done so far is stuck a brush through my hair, think it's safe to say today is going to be a fail.

Hope everyone else is doing better, am still thinking about you smurfy, hope you're as ok as you can be

Hope you're all ok.

I'm an anxious mess. My dd turned 18 and I've spent such a lot of money. Due to debt during my marriage I get really anxious about spending money. I had enough put aside but still I'm worrying.

On top of that I noticed today that my dd is covering her wrists and I think I saw scars so looks like she's self harming.

I tried to speak to someone at the menopause clinic on Friday but was told that the reason I've not heard anything yet is because the Dr dealing with it is in semi retirement and on annual leave so could take up to six months. I'm going crazy with the symptoms and my gp won't do anything until she's heard back from them. I'm considering changing drs but worried a new dr might look at my notes and refuse to prescribe hrt too

It just all feels too much to bear tbh. I keep going back to my gp and all she'll do is give me antidepressants, but the side effects of those are unbearable too. I'm trying to come off them but my brain feels like it's fizzing, It's horrible. Whilst taking them though I don't feel myself, feel numb, in fact not numb because I still have the lows but no highs, no benefits. What's the point really?

I've spoken to her about the cutting, she says she's stopped now. It's just all so worrying.

On top of that I've so much to do because I'm hoping to move house in four weeks, although it'll depend on the work men finishing. I need to provide my landlord to be with bank statements and references and I'll have to print the statements off ... just stressful! I need to start packing but I just want to get rid off everything except obviously I can't afford to. I'm going to ask the guy who did my last move to do it again, he was cheap and quick. There's just so much to think about.

Then my car's mot is due this month and the hand brake is slipping - again, despite being mended ayear ago. It means phoning or calling into the garage and I hate talking to people .

My hair needs dyeing but I can't really afford to, it's really getting me down though.

Just feel so stressed.

But I've managed to put a casserole in the oven for tea, so that's something!

Morning everyone, I've been for my smear this morning, I thought it was last Monday but I'm glad it's out of the way now, just have to wait for results. Whilst I was there she has upped my Anti'D and is printing me some things to do at home. I'm glad that's sorted too.

My DH is really getting on my nerves, I just don't like him at the moment, I feel like he doesn't care and is always picking at me. Nothing I do is good enough and he wonders why I'm miserable.

Batsy is there anything herbal that can ease things until the doctors help, that's a real long time to leave you suffering. Moving house is up there on the top stressful situations, I don't envy you there but having a clear out and starting a fresh will be great. Just take what you need and give away what you don't. Pound shop do hair dyes, is that an option for now?
I hope your DD is OK, my eldest hurts herself too sometimes, she scratches herself and I know it could be worse but she does it where we can see and half shows it off

Is the house sorted now Hiding? I know what you mean by doing your own head in, if it's not someone else it's just me doing it to myself!

I have brushed teeth the last 3 days, clean knickers and clothes. Had a bath last night shaved everywhere and trimmed lady garden ready for smear. Then I cut about 3 inches of hair off, trimmed my fringe and side bits, I really like it and saved myself money and anxiety attacks! I'm going to keep trimming it until it's all natural. I then read on here about someone going to hairdressers as part of self care and it went wrong so I feel that was a sign I did the right thing by not going.

Hope you all have a kind week, kids are off school next week for two weeks so I really want to make this week about ME! Just don't know what to do...

Well done going for your smear inmyownworld. I need to book a mammogram but keep putting it off.

I've tried lots of herbal things but nothing helped.

I've showered and cleaned my teeth and made an omelette for lunch, so doing ok so far.

Today feels normal, been to my Mums and had a nosey in charity shops, bought myself a lovely jacket/blazer and a sideboard unit thingy for the front room that was major cheap for what it is.

Clean knickers and clothes on, brushed my hair at Mums and can't remember if I brushed my teeth, I don't think I did.

I cut my toe nails yesterday and then planted some more bulbs, the other ones have started growing so that's nice, I feel fluffy inside when flowers actually grow, like I've achieved something lol.

Hope you've all had a good day x

What about a CBD product Batsy, I've heard all sorts of good things about it, you can get balms, oils, vape etc to suit how you would like to use it. There is shops popping up all over the place that sell it too.

I actually bought cbd oil but have no idea how much to take, how often, what kind, when .. and it tastes foul Online it says increase dose until it helps but how often, how quickly I don't know. Have you tried it?

I tried the ecig with CBD my friend had but not much. I've been tempted to go in a shop/cafe in our town to try the coffee and ask about the balms as my MIL has been thinking about using it too but she's worried about getting addicted I'm sure if the shop is decent they will be helpful.

Is your oil for vaping or something else? I'm not sure what you do with it but there must be groups on facebook or websites for people trying it.

No shops around here. Mine is just the oil with a dropper. I tried it under the tongue as recommended but it tastes awful. I then put it in my coffee but then read that you shouldn't put it in hot drinks. I can't buy a different sort because the bottle already cost me £30 and for me that's a lot

Blimey that is a lot!
I'm planning on town tomorrow so hopefully I can at least get some leaflets if I can't manage asking questions. I'll try message you with them, hopefully be some help. I want something to help with sleep, the herbal stuff I've tried so far is either gross or doesn't work for me. Just hope it's not going to be £30!

Thank you! I bought mine online, but I think Holland and Barrett sell capsules and they are cheaper. I just read that they're pretty weak so thought I'd get something stronger.

I'm actually sleeping better these days, but am waking up with my nightshirt soaked in sweat, I can literally wring it out (sorry .. menopause symptoms).

How's everyone? I didn't make it to the art class I wanted to attend today, but I'm yup and showered and dressed - although haven't cleaned my teeth - and dp took me out for late lunch, we had a nice walk in the sunshine.

Finally managed to get dd to choose student accommodation for the autumn so can tick that off my to do list. Forgot to go to the post office though

I don't know why, but I'm feeling really anxious and my heart is pounding. I've just taken a propanalol so hope it helps. I've started a low carb diet so I guess it could be sugar withdrawal.

Dd has brightened up a bit since yesterday, which I'm really glad about, makes me less stressed. I also bumped into a friend I hadn't seen for a while and felt awkward contacting because I'd left it so long, it was nice to see her and I've now messaged to say we should have coffee soon.

You are all going thru ups and downs, We will get there in the end.

I curled up for a few days after my last post, then last Tuesday I went down with a massive migraine attack which caused full body paralysis so always fun, Im back with my upper body in use again but the lower body is a no go.

I have an appointment tomorrow morning for a CT scan, its 100-mile round trip, always fun as will need to use wheelchair transport. Need to be there an hour in advance to start drinking contrast (yuk) - will be bringing squash to try to make it palatable, I've reacted in the past to the contrast but it was thankfully mild, there isn't a lot they can do to change it so have to leave at least an hour for obs after scan in case of reaction.

@Batsy Im also due to move house in coming weeks, it's so stressful isn't it? Are you moving far from your current home?

Im lucky I am moving literally across the road. I will be my next door neighbours neighbour on the other side as on the far side of her is a road, looking onto a green and the first house will be me again.

Re CBD I haven't tried it as working my way up to it, I have a bottle of hemp oil which has helped me, it tastes rotten but a couple of spoons and every muscle relaxes and pain is less. It is organic cold pressed and it has helped. It is also 250ml for £11 so I am starting on low and then build up to other stuff as needed, CBD but will be going with hemp as long as possible.

I've eaten a very dodgy diet this past week as relying on others from Tuesday to Saturday to physically feed me and that's always great fun - not.

Im sleeping quite a bit but waking each morning around 3.30/5am with heart pounding. This is part of the reason for tomorrows scan.

I've started taking a multivitamin and vitamin C, I already get Vit D, calcium and folic acid on prescription as my levels are chronically low as mostly housebound often bedbound.

Good news, last Thursday. I got my PIP award enhanced on both . It has been ongoing since last October and pushed me mentally to the end on several occasions as they stuffed up and I ended up being assessed at home twice. The payment will help with my house move big time.

Smurfy that sounds very hard. I feel ashamed for my moaning now. Hope they can find something with the CT scan. My partner has had the contrary stuff and it makes him ill, I'm not sure I could stomach it. I hope things start to improve for you following the migraine soon. I get them occasionally but not as bad as they used to be.

I'm not moving far either, just five minutes walk. Yes it's extremely stressful. I haven't started packing yet, hopefully I'm moving in three weeks but it depends when the workmen finish. It's the not knowing that's making me stressed. I need to get out of where I am, the neighbours are very aggressive and noisy, it's really getting to me.

Im waiting on workmen to finish as well and works signed off before the keys will be handed over. Im lucky I have lovely neighbours. Im moving to somewhere wheelchair accessible as this house isn't.

You weren't moaning, you were telling it as it is. Very different!

Im a chronic migraineur for past 8 years, Im always in some stage of one, thankfully some of them don't have the headache but many other symptoms at play instead.

I am under neurologist but we have run out of options as only have the big guns left which can only be used in a prolonged attack to try and break it. That usually involves hospital admission and lots of drips, followed up by physiotherapy and is mostly successful but can take its time to come around. If using the big guns too often, could potentially tolerate them and then have nothing to turn to.

I have 4 headache conditions crossing over each other, an eye condition and 2 muscular skeletal conditions with a systemic autoimmune condition crossed over so I am well complex. (The scan tomorrow is for suspected tumour). Then the MH side is a whole other list.

Some stuff is packed up in the spare bedroom but there is an absolute ton to sort. First things first I will get the paint and flooring ready to go down for when I get the keys, then custom built shelving and storage.

That sounds hard

My migraines tend to be more feeling nauseous and tingling/ numb feeling, often without the headache, but they must have been hormonal as I've had a lot less since being menopausal.

Luckily I don't need to paint, as the house is being replastered and the plaster will need to dry out, then the landlord will pay for painting. I can't bring myself to pack yet because I've nowhere to store boxes in my tiny flat.