I neglect myself and it's showing

[inmyownworldagain]

OK this may be long.

I will just write a list of what I avoid

• I cut my own hair - too anxious and paranoid for hairdressers
• I don't brush my teeth often - once every 2 weeks ish
• Same underwear for days - have no nice knickers
• Stay in same clothes/pjs for as many days as possible
• Don't brush hair, even after a shower
• Hair lives in messy bun - half of the time greasy roots
• no makeup daily - for occasions, eyes, lips and cheeks
• Most clothes from charity shops - not much style sense
• I don't fuel my body well with food - nothing or everything
• Take 4 different medications - one of which I take too much

I do have a partner and children, I feel a let down as a Mother and a Woman. I can't give myself basic needs, I don't put myself last I'm not even on this list.

How do I start fixing these to start with...

I know, I sound disgusting.

see you can do a lot more than you think ,i have gone to charity shops.They never have my size =/

yeah the meds are not a cure all but help you get on with things you need to do.

Right, going for a bath right now. Still wearing same clothes although did brush my teeth last night. It helps knowing that you're all doing it, spurs me on Oh and I have one of those cardigans too inmyown

Oh that's rubbish Rosy, have you tried ebay for maybe a bundle in your size, I get a bundle every now and then it's better than buying one item at a time and saves you looking through tons of clothes.

I'm kinda glad now that tablets aren't magic, I would still need to fix myself and it's about time I do.

My DH hates my cardigan so he will be happy. If it's not my cardigan it's my dressing gown so I've made an effort to not put that on as well. I feel like an adult :)

I might get a bath later. I need to dye my hair too so I could have an hour to myself in the bathroom after tea, tidy up my eyebrows and what not whilst waiting to wash dye out.

Sounds like you're doing well.
Good for you. You deserve to be treated kindly (by yourself).

Do see a dentist for a proper teeth clean as soon as you can. Keep going with the brushing, don't they feel nice when they're freshly cleaned.

That sounds like a plan, I feel a tonne better now I'm clean and dressed. Gonna put actual shoes on (and the obligatory cardigan obv) and go to Tesco now, that's twice in 3 days, a minor miracle. I opt out of shopping by sending DH a list by text when he's on the way home normally so trying not to do that.

Actual shoes @Hiding Do you live in slippers like I do? I love them so much :)

I brushed my hair ready for colouring and then I had this wild thought of cutting around 6 inches off, thankfully I couldn't find my scissors.
I came to the better idea of using the £30 the kids saved me today, towards a hair appointment instead.

I just need to not get overwhelmed with too many appointments. The smear letter came today too but on the plus side I won't have to tackle my lady garden or furry legs ;)

Oh and I used a teeth whitening strip for about 10 minutes, it was gross so I brushed!. Twice in one day! Just secretly ate a creme egg though.

Well done to everyone today

I've been awake all night FFS.

Hair brushed
Teeth brushed
Clean knickers & clothes on.

Tired.

@inmyownworldagain well done for still using the post insomnia zombie time for doing some self care

Just wanted to share something that helps me during low times - bit weird but works for me.

I split self care tasks into song lengths, so a shower is 2 songs, brushing teeth is 1 song etc and do the task while I sing the song(s) in my head.

It makes the tasks feel less of an almighty effort and kind of distracts me during the task.

I know the feeling of being overwhelmed with the simplest of tasks and people who don't understanding saying "just get up and have a shower - force yourself!" So I get that it isn't always possible but the song trick has really helped me.

This thread helps too - thanks so much for starting it

@inmyownworldagain

Oh and I also use any random episodes of actual energy to pick out a different outfit for each of the next three days and hang them up / lay them out ready to put on each day, including underwear and socks.

Then I aim to do this before anything else when I get out of bed in the morning (so putting them in arms reach) for the next three days.

Again it seems less of an effort somehow if it's already been thought through and they're within grabbing distance x

Hmmmm... I want to join you. But it feels hard. Like it will be fun for a few days then I will just think oh Fuck it.

I have slimming world tonight, I know I have put on weight. It's bringing me down. I hate going. I to yo yo all over the place.
I only have 1 stone to loose. I can't manage to do it though.

I have cleaned the whole house today. It's sparkling. Had a shower last night.

I feel trapped in my own body and head.

People always telle what a laid back, nice person I am but I feel like an absolute fraud.
How did I even get a man to marry me and have 3 children with me!

Some days I feel great. Others I feel crap.

OP you are doing so well. You have achieved so much in a short amount of time. Thanks for being brave enough to start this thread. It's eye opening how others feel this way too.

On the outside I look normal on the inside I am in knots.

I am also excellent at giving others advice. Awful at helping myself.

lol i keep watching stuff on ebay but keeping forgetting face palm

I use the buy it now, I would forget to check too lol

I love the songs idea, I use music to try block out my thoughts sometimes but I'll give that a go tonight. My clothes are pretty simple and I need to have a clear out so I might put clothes back in some sort of order! Thank you.

@Feeling it is hard but I guess as long as we try do one tiny thing for ourselves hopefully it will grow and we will have some pride and respect. Fuck it, join in... you know you want to ;) would you enjoy slimming world online more or do you like the group weigh in? The last stone is always a bugger, I go up and down half a stone but I just accept that now.

I seem pretty laid back too on the outside, I want a quiet life but my brain seems to have it's own ideas, we're kicking arse since I made this post though. You have already done good things today, you just need one thing for YOU.

My day hasn't gone to plan, I was ready to go out but never mind, will aim for tomorrow. I still need new knickers! Who will be the first... haha

I've had a bath, gave myself a nice 2 inch razor slice on the bikini line so that will be fun it's right where my knicker line sits. Sigh. Teach me to sort myself out haha.

Since I started this my skin, hair and teeth look and feel so much nicer. I had convinced myself I hated soft hair but it's OK actually. My teeth are improving everyday, I keep looking at them and caught myself fully smiling a few times.

Hope you are all well x

Auch! Put some sudocrem on the cuts!
Glad to hear you’re looking after yourself. One day at a time:)
Still no knickers and my eyebrows look awful. I’ll sort them out soon:)

I definitely need new knickers and bras! I am still wearing 7 year old maternity bras some of them now have holes in. I haven't breastfed in 2 years!

I need a trip into town so will look into getting new knickers. Then bras once this last stone has shifted.

Not sure how I feel about slimming world I think that's why I struggle with it. I know it well enough to not need to go to group. I don't actually find group that supportive or interesting. I just feel I need to stay to get my money's worth!

Had a great day yesterday in the sunshine. It really does wonders for my mental health. Can't wait for spring to really kick in.

Okay, so things I can do for myself today are:
Have a soak in the bath, shave, use hair mask, take off old nail polish. Might moisturise, I have the superdrug vitamin E moisturiser and it's great.

OP, make sure you put something on your cut and then use some sort of padding so it doesn't rub. Sounds very painful.
You truly are kicking arse.

How has today gone? Have you done at least one thing for yourself? Could you maybe order some new knickers online? I prefer looking and buying stuff in person but it's always fun to get a parcel!

Today I woke up and the first thing I did was go in the bathroom, that never happens! Brushed my hair, clean knickers and clothes then brushed my teeth. It really doesn't take long, it's sad how much I've tortured myself by not doing these things on purpose.

The sunshine has buggered off today, I miss it already, everything seems a bit better when it's sunny. I'm glad you had a good day yesterday!

I love when my nails are painted but having to take it off stops me from putting it on. I'm so lazy haha.

Not sure on ordering knickers online until I know which material I like. Some just make me sweat, suppose I could rummage through what I have and see what they're made from. I still haven't made it out to go shopping, hopefully I'll go next week when the kids are back at school.

No sunshine here today either. Bloody rain.

Ah yes, you see I paint my nails and then leave them until it's basically all come off and they look awful and people obviously realise I am too lazy to take it off! Some nails have none left and others are just splats in the middle of my nail. I think I will treat myself and just take it off and stop feeling self conscious about it!

Yes, good idea with the knickers. I would test out fabrics first.

I have to make world book Day costumes...I feel like running away, I will come back when it's all over. I think I will give DH the hard stuff to make and I will do the charity shop haul! Team work and all that.

Well done on this morning. No it really isn't much effort when you have already put in the effort on the days before. It's always effort when you haven't bothered in ages as everything takes longer to do. But as your in the routine it's just simple to do. Nice one inmyownworldagain you are on to a winner. Even if you do 1 out of the 3 everyday then you are 1/3 better off then you were last week! There isn't much to loose really. Just don't let those negative thoughts back in, if they come flowing then just let them be and let them float away again. Concentrate on how easy it is to put on that clean underwear and remember the feelings you have now.

Shitty couple of days here, only managing to brush teeth at bedtime but very little else I'm beyond anxious about the kitchen fitters coming on Monday and have pretty much shut down as a result. I hate having my home 'invaded', it's my safe little bubble and I don't want strangers in it. I know it has to be done and I will be delighted with the end result but it will be hell for me while it's actually happening. Sorry for the moan, just feel like I want to go somewhere and hide til it's all over.

@Feeling have you sorted your nails? I seem to chip mine straight away, I think nail varnish is for people who don't wash pots either, as soon as I touch water it flakes off. Thank you for reminding me about WBD, I can't wait until primary school is done with!

Hey Hiding, that's great you are still brushing your teeth on an evening, you're OK.
I get what you mean about having strange people in your home, we had to have work done in ours not so long ago and I was feeling similar but once the guy was here he kept himself to himself mostly and was easy on the eye I do half live in the kitchen though, if I turn the fan on I can't hear the kids as much haha.

You can come here and moan all you need!
If you look back to when you first mentioned the kitchen you said "will have no choice but to get up, washed and dressed every day for a week so am hoping that will help with both keeping the good habits going and my sleep pattern" .. can you try prepare those things?

I've been wondering if you were OK, I'm happy you came back, I'm sorry you've had a few shit days x

Can I join in? I’ve wanted to start a similar thread but not had the courage.

Hello all,
Just a quick note before I go to bed.
beguiled, welcome!
blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/9781622039227?gC=5a105e8b&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIvurH8sjf4AIVGIbVCh3eCQFgEAoYAyABEgJDufD_BwEthis is my latest project. It’s hard.

Thanks @8FencingWire

It’s really good to have a thread like this. I thought I was literally the only one.
I started the new year with great intentions but like always, they’ve fizzled.
I don’t find that I can build good habits. My ability to get stuff done comes and goes with hormonal swings and I’ve never, ever had a long enough stretch without a crash.
I got my hair done yesterday (I have a lovely hairdresser who makes my next appointment before I leave which is the only reason I manage to come back) and I’m exhausted and mentally drained from spending 3 hours looking at myself in a mirror. I want to wear a hat so no one comments on my hair looking good. If I could have a superpower I’d be invisible.
Trying to stir myself now to go brush my teeth. Some days the sensation of water on my skin, or brushing in my mouth is just overwhelming.
@Hidingtonothing I’ve so much sympathy. We need to get work done too and I’ve been putting it off. I can’t explain how much of a strain it is to have anyone in the house.

You just reminded me I have a book somewhere, I think you end up destroying pages and ruining the whole book. It's not a normal read front to back book, it has instructions for what to do with each page.. I'll have to find it! Do you write journals already 8fencing? This post is the only bit about myself I haven't ever deleted or thrown away.

Hello @Beguiled, in a nice way it's great not feeling like the only one. I worry about crashing then worry I'm bringing it on myself by worrying about crashing. It's exhausting. What were your plans after new year?

It's good that you have a hairdresser you get on with and go back to, I have no idea how to find one I will feel comfortable with.
Do you feel uncomfortable with compliments in general?

I haven't done anything for myself today, yet. I woke up then had to scrap slime of one of the kids duvet cover, sheet and carpet so that was fun

Still in my pjs from last night and the top I wore yesterday. Slept in it but it was cold in our room and I couldn't bare naked skin to get changed. Excuses, I know.

How is everyone else doing?
Anyone bought new knickers yet?

I've only just got dressed, clean knickers, hair and teeth brushed. I hope next week when the kids are back at school I can do these things first thing and not half way through the day.