I neglect myself and it's showing

[inmyownworldagain]

OK this may be long.

I will just write a list of what I avoid

• I cut my own hair - too anxious and paranoid for hairdressers
• I don't brush my teeth often - once every 2 weeks ish
• Same underwear for days - have no nice knickers
• Stay in same clothes/pjs for as many days as possible
• Don't brush hair, even after a shower
• Hair lives in messy bun - half of the time greasy roots
• no makeup daily - for occasions, eyes, lips and cheeks
• Most clothes from charity shops - not much style sense
• I don't fuel my body well with food - nothing or everything
• Take 4 different medications - one of which I take too much

I do have a partner and children, I feel a let down as a Mother and a Woman. I can't give myself basic needs, I don't put myself last I'm not even on this list.

How do I start fixing these to start with...

I know, I sound disgusting.

Cross posted with you Batsy, enjoy your crafting. Good luck with the blood test.

Oh no that sounds difficult I have a sticky bridge, so no pallet, just glued in place. Would that be an option if they can make it fit better? Every now and again it has come loose but I just go back to the dentist and they stick it back in place. There's nothing to rub and hurt because there's no pallet. I don't notice it at all. I know how difficult it is fitting things around children with mh problems though

Why don't you have your hair cut so it's shoulder length. Be easier to wash,dry and style for you? Agree with the others, keeping clean is the priority. Brush teeth, have a wash and clean pants every day. Bath on monday, Wednesday and friday. You 'll feel so much better for it.

I might just have to Margot, I know it will grow back, I think it's healthy hair though as I don't fill it with products or burn it straight it's just neglected. The top half is natural and the bottom is old faded hair dye so that bit needs to go really.

Mon, Wed, Fri is a good idea but I don't like feeling like I have to do something on certain days. The CBT woman told me to bath every morning and she couldn't wrap her head round why I can't.

I'm off to go get a bath now though and clean up before the school run. Slept OK last night, still took ages to fall asleep but I got there.

DH is working from home today and it's ruined the day for me haha I like my routine at home and he's in my way.

Well I've had a bath, all shaved and clean again I've lovingly brushed my hair about 10 times since, I can't cut it I love it so much haha.
The youngest is out this weekend so I'm tempted to go to a walk in hairdressers and get it coloured and trimmed. I want new clothes as well.

I finally had a charity bag put through the door so they are getting 4 bags full in the morning. There's more to go but that bit of a clear out feels good.

How's everyone doing today?

I'm at work tomorrow so after that I might nip into charity shops near by just to get out and about. Should be able to leave early as I know there isn't much to do.

Blimey I'm up, clean clothes, knickers, teeth and hair brushed before 9am.

Hope you all slept well, I finally went off about 3am.

Hi everyone. Am up, showered, teeth cleaned, done the school run. Am seriously behind on my attempts to floss my teeth though.

Found out earlier this week that work have unexpectedly paid me a bonus! I need a couple of new bras and some clothes in general but I really struggle to spend money on myself like this. Clothes are a big problem for me and I hate shopping for them.

Honey it's hard isn't it. I've actually got money I can spend on myself but I've been in a good few shops today and found nothing. I did find a dress but it was too big. You should try new bras though, then you can keep looking at your new boobies

I've bought 3 tops for myself, in the sale! One top my DD was looking at would have cost more than my 3! I'm excited to get dressed tomorrow now.

Hope you've all had a good Friday and have a relaxing evening!

Result inmyown! I'm useless with clothes shopping, always come back empty handed as it just feels like too much hassle/pressure when I'm actually in the shop, online shopping is my friend

I've had an ok day, massively overslept due to being awake til 6am (again) but got straight in the bath after breakfast and managed to pull the day round and do most of what I'd planned for today so happy with that. Still no new knickers though, must try harder

I'm on the case with new bras over the next week. And I really, really need to get myself out there for some new clothes. Just one item would be a start.

Knickers I can do! Supermarket or M & S multipacks are my friend!

I'm up, clean knickers, new long jumper with leggings, clean teeth, brushed and styled hair!

Not sure if we are doing anything today so felt a bit pointless getting dressed but I look and smell nice anyway.

Multi packs are the way to go, I got two packs of 5 and a pack of 3 fancier ones.

I need a lovely long jumper! I'm always searching ebay for them, but I can't wear acrylic or wool so I'm stuck with cotton or viscose and I struggle to find any long enough. I'm also looking for a nice viscose cocoon cardigan.. nice and long. Sigh ...

I did ok yesterday, got dressed, applied for student finance with dd which almost drove me over the edge, so stressful, but then we went for a coffee and shopped for new trousers for her. I'm managing to brush my teeth once a day, which isn't great but better than not at all.

New look had some loooong cardigans and some long hoodies. I got the long jumper from top shop, I never normally shop in there, they usually only have dinky sizes but that's where I got my 3 tops from, they are all so soft!

I'm still on once a day with my teeth, I know I need to go to twice but I'm putting it off as once I start I can't go back to once. I'm at the dentist next week so I should make that extra effort really.

I'm up, not dressed yet and haven't done teeth yet, didn't do them before bed either, could only face a swish round with some mouthwash Couldn't sleep again, nodded off about 7am then awake again at 9 then dozed for another hour or so, feeling crappy now.

Got to pull myself together and go and choose tiles for kitchen, really not feeling it today but gonna go and get washed in the hope I will feel better. Annoyed at myself for feeling shit when it's the weekend, I spend all week looking forward to DH being home so it feels like such a waste. Sorry I'm a misery guts today, hope everyone else is in better form.

Hiding hope your day improves

Mouthwash is a good idea actually. I don't like it but it's better than nothing, so I might get a bottle.

Thanks inmyown I'll have a look online. I'm a size 16 so tend not to look in Top Shop either, plus often the clothes are just acrylic and I feel so sweaty in them.

This thread is so reassuring, thank you for everyone that has been so honest with themselves and everyone else. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety last week. I’ve had it before but thought I was over it. Then noticed the signs coming back. Something I am so embarrassed to admit even to myself is that I don’t shower often enough. Maybe twice per week. And honestly, the normal reason I do is because my hair is getting greasy which someone else would notice. I wear the same clothes(not underwear but outfits) for 3-4 days per week. I tell myself it’s because I don’t want to add to the washing mountain but I don’t think that’s the truth. I never buy new clothes and live in hand me downs from my MIL who is about 6 sizes bigger than me.

And I think you’re all right - I don’t think I deserve to look nice or attractive. I am bottom of the list and sometimes I’d rather just sit on the sofa than bother with having a shower. I’m sad to realise this but will try and get better.

Realising it is the first step to fixing it Mary, everyone here has a way to go but at least we're all trying, you should be proud that you're facing up to things

Yep, my baths are governed by the chance that someone will see my greasy hair The messy bun will hide it for so long but there's a limit It's definitely tied in to the whole depression/lack of self worth cycle though so hopefully your diagnosis is the first step to getting better.

Have you discussed treatment with your doc? I really ought to go back on anti depressants but find getting to appointments so difficult I'm trying to manage my depression without them for now, not sure how wise that is really but I know I won't go even if I make the appointment. So you're already doing better than me, at least you're asking for help and hopefully things will start to look brighter

Hope you find the thread as helpful as I have, I honestly don't think I'd be doing anywhere near as well if inmyown hadn't started it. And thank you Batsy, I've been and fetched tiles and am feeling a bit better Does anyone else find it just takes ages to get going in the morning? I've noticed I'm miserable and really struggle for the first few hours I'm up and then it seems to lift a bit, am sure the not sleeping doesn't help but not sure why I feel better later in the day

I've just spent an hour reading this full thread and it's made me brush my teeth before bed. Thanks all :) I've got anxiety but it's the low mood kicking in at the moment and reading this made me realise I punish myself when I'm feeling low by not looking after myself. Im going to take extra care of me tomorrow.

I'm also going to buy some new knickers 😂

Thank you @Hidingtonothing. I was tested for under active thyroid last week and was praying that would be the answer to why I’ve been feeling so shit. A lot of the symptoms are very similar to depression but I was praying the depression was a symptom and not the evil problem. Turns out my thyroid is fine so I knew I had to book another appointment with the Dr. My OH sad to me why struggle through every day if you can go back on medication for a while to help you through? He’s so right. And I know I’ve been making his life a misery (although he would never say that) so for his and my sons sake I needed to take some action. I’m also trying to get some counselling. I had CBT before but it didn’t really help me as I feel there’s a lot of things that have happened in my life that I just need to talk through with someone, before maybe trying CBT again. I’m feeling quite positive today even though I’ve got a stinking cold. Also for the second time in about 7 years I think I’ve got viral arthritis again. It’s really odd - all my joints swell up and are so painful - apparently it’s just the virus my body is fighting collecting in my joints. Physically I feel about 70 today. So I actually am looking forward to a nice hot bath today to try and ease the pain!

I noticed that if I stop worrying the world still goes around 😂.
In the past few years I started focusing on me a bit more, putting myself first. I’ve never (in my +40 years) stopped to think: actually, what do I want? How do I feel? What do I need?
It took reaching the very bottom to actually simply acknowledge myself.
In building little self care in my routine I’m imagining I am building a foundation, a solid base.
I know I’m spiraling again when I start skipping showers and throw the same clothes back on (or leave the house with the clothes I slept in).
I don’t do it for months on end, but I notice it starts slipping. Then I have to do something about it.

It’s beautiful out there, I’m going to finish my coffee and go for a little run.
Enjoy today and grab those new knickers out of the drawers!

Good morning all. The sun is shining here at the minute. I’ve not been very good with my self care the last couple of days. I’ve got into a rut of not bothering if I’m not going anywhere. I think what I might try is posting here daily, even if all I say is I’ve brushed my teeth.
I’ve got an appointment with the opticians this week and if my daughter copes ok with that I ‘ll try and get back to the dentist and get my treatment finished. Then I just need to lose this extra 4 stone I’m carrying around.
So, that’s me off to brush my teeth, finish painting the hallway and then I’m going to paint the bathroom. My new knicker fund has been used buying paint

Mother I think that’s my problem - I don’t have any reason to make an effort. I drop my son off to preschool, and I work as a cleaner in the evenings so don’t ever need to be “made up”. I have quite bad skin so am reluctant to wear make up as that generally makes it worse. And I hate having hair round my neck and face so always stick it in the old messy bun! Also, when my son was about 2 months old my mother told me to start wearing a bit of make up “for your OHs sake - much nicer for him when he gets home from work” . I was offended, as was my OH by this so perhaps I don’t wear it in rebellion to that piece of “motherly” advice.

I nearly said Morning to everyone but I took a mirtazipine last night and woke up at 1pm.

Sometimes when I wake up Hiding I'm so miserable, I feel almost angry for being awake and it takes me ages to get going. Anyone asking me questions makes me annoyed even more.

That's some 1950's advice Mary, we might not want our DH's thinking we look like crap but not a chance I would be wearing anything make up wise after that comment! I know my face looks better with a bit of mascara and I put a tiny bit of red paw paw on my cheeks and lips, I look healthier and awake. Do you want to wear make up?

Welcome to the knicker club Lemony

I've very slowly come to accept that I will need tablets for the rest of my life. That's OK I guess, I'm just not made to function like others.
We can chose to look after ourselves though, it's really hard but I think we are doing amazing, we need to catch ourselves before we slip right down and recognise when it's getting bad.

I'm relaxing today, I've got some paint for the kitchen so I plan on doing that next week, also need to mow the lawn I'll count that as exercise.

I don't know if I need tablets, I've tried so many, they seem to work for a bit but that could be just in my head. I've got some new ones to try when I've tapered off my current ones, but I'm sceptical really. I wish I could talk to the gp about how I feel without feeling like they're just waiting to get me out of the room and move on to the next one. I've now got a contact at mh services and might write him a letter, asking for help.

I fell asleep at about 3 and woke up at 6.30! Managed to go back to sleep til 9 but am so tired. I've only just got up but I am dressed now at least. The washing machine is on and the washing up in the bowl ready to attack when I find the energy. It's sunny outside but I just can't be bothered to go out, I'm too tired.