To think it's ok to make myself sick sometimes?

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

Ok I know not everyone does it. But I make myself sick if I've drunk too much or if I feel like I'm bloated and had loads to eat. It makes me feel better. Today I ate 6 packets of crisps because I feel stressed. I made myself sick. That doesn't mean I have an eating disorder though does it? I feel better, I don't plan to do it again, but I feel better now. Cleansed I suppose.

If you have been doing it 6 times a day for 10 years then it’s most definitely an eating disorder. It’s gone far past making yourself sick occasionally if you feel bloated

You sound like you are working too hard. That's part of it. It's a control thing isn't it? Get some help, you need to be healthy for dc. Good luck

I did stop for years. Triggers recently:
Family member pretending to be v v ill as form of narcissistic control.
Heavy workload. Working late into evening and on weekends.
Worrying about Christmas.
Feeling of self loathing. I'm disgusting.
Feeling like I need to do everything for everyone.
People needing things from me all the time.

I don't do it 6 times a day now

I stopped totally for years. It's crept back to twice a week maybe.

Thank you as well. There's a lot of support and people trying to help even if it's hard to understand. Sorry if I'm snappy etc

OP. Please see your GP.
I have been under ED and MH support for 18 months. I recognise that you are minimising your situation, probably due to denial and fear. With the proper support and a great deal of strength you can change things.

You deserve help as much as anyone else (I've struggled to accept this, when you read how stretched services are).

I wouldn't meet the clinical definition for bulimia as it stands. They would give me anti depressants and a referral for 6 sessions of cbt

It's an eating disorder, even if it's not 'full blown' bulimia.

GPs tend not to do much until patients are well below a healthy BMI.

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

B-eat have support services.

If it got worse I would possibly get more help, but if you're coping, there's not much out there. I do feel I could ring a helpline to talk though actually. That might be useful.

OP you know it's not ok, the next step is finding a way to reduce it and wean yourself away from using it as an emotional outlet.

Do you have support in terms of friends and family? And are you able to distance yourself from the family member who's attempting to control you?

I don't want you to think I'm judging because I have no idea how awful an eating disorder is, but you need to help yourself. You need to, you deserve to.

Am also a single mum with a full time job.
I've had to find a way to get to my appointments for mine and my kids' sake.
It's hard. Very hard. It's a fucking demon and I hate it.

I would never get below a healthy bmi..I'm near the top of healthy bmi now. Bulimic often aren't underweight.

Are your children in any way aware of what you do? For their sake get help.

I have little support family wise. I think no support is partly why this is happening again really.

I know it's hard but look at your last posts. Your thinking is disordered. You need to step off and get some balance. No one is indispensable at work. Please look after yourself, you can get a grip, but the longer you leave it the harder it will be. Make a call tomorrow, have some time off, or reduce hours.if you don't, you will crash, think of your children.

I don't think the children are aware that twice a week, mostly when they aren't here, I've been sick lost. I haven't advertised it to them. Obviously as I'm.bottom of the pile I should get help for them

The people trying to shame the OP into stopping her disordered eating by saying her teeth will rot are disgraceful. It's as bad as people who try to fat shame people into losing weight.

Find a GP who will help OP. I too have struggled with this for 7 or 8 years now and it doesn't get better on its own. I'm focusing on eating healthy, better quality foods and don't keep things like crisps, ice cream or chocolate in the house as I don't want to risk binging and the feelings of shame I get, then the want to make myself sick. No one would ever guess I have an eating disorder as I'm about 4 stone overweight and I've always been too ashamed to seek help as I feel like I 'deserve' it because I'm fat. Even in my own mind that doesn't make sense but my brain is so fucked up from struggling with multiple mental health problems over the years I've found I've lost my grip on reality with these sorts of things.

If you need to talk you can always PM me. Always happy to listen xx

Apart from a very few people who know I have an ED, I am a good mum with a successful professional job, good friends, hobbies, a social life etc.
A bit weird in some ways, but o hide it VERY well.

Mothers are expected to be martyrs aren't they. It's always 'think of the children' as if we don't matter. Which is possibly why this is happening in the first place.

Full blown bulimia is some random never wanting to get that bad fantasy.

There are levels of how active yiur eating disorder is and whether its on your mind all the time or just here and there. Kidding yoourself its not as bad as it could be, is all part of it.
Noones gonna stop you doing it if you really want to do it, but im wondering what the point of this post is?

My teeth are actually really nice as well

Maybe I just wanted to talk bran. It's helping, but if you find it pointless feel free not to post

Awesome. Go for it then

Well done for posting. From what you are saying it sounds like you can take this as an "early warning sign" that your mental state is slipping. Given your history it would be well worth talking to your GP in those terms. I hope some of the other suggestions above can lead you to some sort of support.

One day at a time territory, hope you have a good one tomorrow.