To think it's ok to make myself sick sometimes?

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

Ok I know not everyone does it. But I make myself sick if I've drunk too much or if I feel like I'm bloated and had loads to eat. It makes me feel better. Today I ate 6 packets of crisps because I feel stressed. I made myself sick. That doesn't mean I have an eating disorder though does it? I feel better, I don't plan to do it again, but I feel better now. Cleansed I suppose.

OP might be right about her GP so you might have to pursue help another way. I have suffered with bulimia for years but the frequency I tend to do is not considered high enough to be referred for specialist treatment. Crazy I know, it shouldn't matter but that's how they quantify it. Also if it's specifically not for weight loss - mine is more to do with my way of dealing with stress and anxiety and is a form of relief - they won't offer me help either. So the way I'm dealing with it is through counselling and CBT, and hoping by exploring that I can find answers myself. Could you self refer like I did to your local wellbeing service?

I'm glad your teeth are still ok. Doesn't mean they'll stay that way.

This isn't normal, it is disordered eating and it is bulimia.

I work ridiculously hard and so feel like it's hard to get time to see the gp. Plus it's like you have to fight for nhs resources and they aren't great when you get them. As much as I'm an advocate for the nhs I can't be bothered.
But I'm unsettled as I am coping v v well but don't feel mentally quite right.

OP I get you, I am "high functioning" too and no one would know, in fact no one does know and couldn't guess. My teeth are in tact too, no dental issues.
But I've got to the point where I can't live with this going on in the background any more, I am ashamed.

If you don’t think it’s suitable to see your GP how about accessing a private help in hours to suit you (ie evenings) there is CBt or specific eating disorder counselling? A support group? What made you stop last time?

I know it sounds like excuses. But it's a way of dealing with stuff I think. So if you take it away I need some other way of dealing with stuff. Everyone at work thinks I'm so capable and I support other people with anxiety. Everyone says how hard I work. No one knows I'm struggling.

I'm a single parent as well as working full time in a job where it's not easy to take time off. I can't see it being possible to get time off.

It is a way of dealing with things, but it isn't a healthy way of dealing with things.

Are you able to access private help, at a time that would suit you?

You must know it's not normal to eat 6 packets of crisps let alone the rest

Off course it's not sensible. I am aware it's not sensible. Just because I am doing this doesn't mean I'm unintelligent. I genuinely DON'T plan to do it again, but realistically I know I probably will if I don't address why it's happening. It's impulsive at the time.

Oh master. Please don't say that to someone with an eating disorder. And yes I suppose I can admit it.

No it is not normal or a healthy approach to food and self control. It is perfectly possible you have already suffered damage over time but normalise the symptoms. It may even make your trigger symptoms worse. If gp won't help (and I am doubtful you have been entirely honest) then try a helpline, many areas have a self referral for cbt for example.

The reason I vomited the 6 packets of crisps was because I felt shame. Deep shame.
So saying 'that's not normal' is deeply deeply triggering.

Your teeth will start to crumble from the acid you are bringing up.

You are damaging your internal organs.

What do you mean I'm not entirely honest. Gp ages ago referred me to a hospital outpatient. 6 months waiting list and at a time in the evening when I couldn't go.

OP I am so sorry but this isn't normal or okay. And it isn't a good thing for your DC to be around. They will see/pick up on much more than you realise. They always do! Could you maybe get a GP appointment for a time you aren't working?

Oh ok. I'll stop doing it then.

Just keep an eye on yourself. You dont want that monster controlling you again.
I think if you have had bulimia its always there in the back of your head. You know as well as i do that being in the grips of that is no fun.

Sorry that was defensive. It's a mental health thing so talk of teeth and dc and internal organs makes no odds at the min. It's the diff between coping and not coping. I usually do it when I'm alone anyway. I know it's not good.

OP have you ever spoken to Anorexia Bulimia Care? They run a brilliant helpline, and you wouldn't need to take time off:

www.anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk

They don't just signpost and they cover all ages; you can actually talk to someone straight away.

Also. Ten years. Six times a day. Teeth not crumbling at all.

Thank you. I will maybe ring

Sorry. Didn’t mean to sound harsh. I’ve watched my sister go through this for nearly 20 years, the physical effects are devastating. I agree it’s a mental health issue though. Sorry

OP I am just reading the posts that came up whilst I was getting that link for you - please don't rely on posting here you need experienced support; mind you I would have thought most intelligent adults would know what telling someone with an eating disordered they'd best pack in or their teeth will fall out was not a really informed and supportive idea