Parents of anxious kids/ teens support thread

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Hi
Welcome to parents of anxious/ teens thread.idea is to share tips and advice and listen and support each other on days things are getting tougher

In was worrying about letting her eat junk because that was all she would eat but the psychiatrist basically said let her eat whatever she will eat. The psych is an eating disorder specialist as well as a general CAMHS specialist. So much of what you are saying is so familiar to me! Noodles were off the menu after she felt a bit nauseous after eating some. Water is off the menu as she once had a sip of water aged 7 (she’s 12 now) and was sick afterwards (never mind that she has had water like thousands of times since then without being sick). Won’t eat eggs (which were always a staple) because someone in a movie said they could taste eggs then they vomited so no eggs for DD1 now! It is exhausting but I would like to say that things can get gradually better with treatment. It’s still a long haul though and it’s exhausting for everybody. I’ve had bad days when I’ve just cried and says when I’ve asked her why she can’t just eat like a normal person (but of course there is no logic to a phobia).

Has anyone had an experience of the Thrive Approach?

Not heard of that one bigbus
DS can taste things different but he doesn't mind me adding butter/milk to his food
Been a long day here.ds and youngest just heading up to read.im about to eat with dd2 and give her some time.shes really down at mo,combo GCSE coursework,dad causing bad atmosphere,D's and general angst of teen life,bless her.i worry it's all getting too much for her shoulders but don't know how to lighten the load😞

Ds has been pretty much dairy free since he was 1 (by choice not medical reasons) so that makes any sort of fortification hard. He doesn’t even eat chocolate

Tonight his tea was a packet of crisps, not ideal but it’s calories!

He had 3 months left to gain weight before we have to move to peg feeding but I can’t see how we can get enough in to avoid it

Sirzy that all sounds really hard. How does he feel about the peg feeding? When I explained to DD1 the consequences of prolonged not eating - hospital, bad skin, bad teeth, hair all over, crumbly bones, tubes etc she was quite alarmed. Also I have been explaining to her the consequences of chronic dehydration. She’s a hypochondriac so they thought of being ill for any reason is terrifying. It didn’t make her eat and drink all of a sudden but it made her engage with the treatment and start to try to push herself.

His view was “good so I won’t need to eat” which wasn’t what I was hoping for!

That's so interesting bigbus. I dont know why dd doesn't really to eat much. There seems to be a different reason every time- gone off it, tastes different, tummy ache, wanted to be vegan etc.

Sirzy - peg feeding sounds tough. I am so scared that we will reach this point.

Dds therapist (who we have just stopped seeing) is keen to ensure that any treatment does not emphasise the impact on development, puberty, fertility etc as she has a bit of Peter pan syndrome and is very reluctant to grow up so it could be counter productive.

How's everyone getting on?

I took D's to wellbeing cafe yesterday at our church.mostly older people(it is in the morning on s school day tbh) but there is colouring,jigsaws,paints and crafts.a lady does felting and she's offered to show D's how next week.she has a bag of polystyrene eggs so he's going to felt an "dinosaur egg"
We have camhs Tuesday,school meet Wednesday to discuss his lack of education...

The well-being cafe sounds lovely.

Ds is having a very anxious period again. Still managing to get into school but late each day and a lot of time out of class. He has CAMHs tomorrow for his session with his nurse and then pshyciatrist next week.

How do you feel he gets on at camhssirzy?
My D's is building bridges with O.T student now,but still isn't ready go in and be alone with her more than 10minutes,so we have go in with him for most of the session .
I'm grateful they're accompanying me to school meet.O.T isn't best pleased they're not even sticking to promise if textbooks for D's.still no word from LEA.anyone know if I can contact them for an appointment,or do I just have to wait for them to come to us?

He was doing well under his old nurse (hd been with her for about 4 years) but she has left so he is still building bonds with this one. He won’t contemplate being in the room on his own with her yet but he will talk a bit which is a start.

Wellbeing cafe sounds lovely zoo

Sorry it's hard sirzy :(

I just got back from GP. Proud of dd, although she didnt speak a word. She had written out a list of her issues for him to see - panic attacks, phobias, sensory issues, anxiety, trouble sleeping eating... :(
He confirmed as expected that camhs wait list is 12 months and has suggested we look for a private psychiatrist (rather than psychologist) as dd wants medication as an option.
She has a BMI of 13. I asked for a referral to a dietician to help us combat the sensory and anxiety issues and he was happy to do that for us.

I have found a clinic that does psychiatric assessments where they try to 'diagnose' the childs issues to help you find the right therapist so that is my next step. Feeling more positive after a horrendous weekend

That sounds like apositive step eust.I've no idea what DS BMI is,he is calculated in centiles and is on 1st which is underweight despite best efforts to build him up.he eats a fair bit,but clearly not enough for his metabolism
Sirzy that must be very frustrating

I checked her centile at the weekend and she was 0.4th. The lowest one

The food side of things is my biggest worry at the moment. Ds in on the 0th centile and showing no signs of movement. Tube feeding has been mentioned and I am starting to think that would be less stressful and hopefully mean he can learn to enjoy food again as there is no pressure

I can see what that might almost be a relief sirzy. What a worry they are.

I read somewhere the other day that a parent is only as happy as their happiest child....

The girls have cleared off to dd1 house overnight to have some fun
I feel very trapped now it's dark in an anxious environment as D's is revving up,partly his usual evening partly as he's not got routine of going up to room at 7,youngest upstairs reading in next room.i normally have two hours then whilst he watches calming scenes on you tube and colours.tonight he's fretting and will be in my face til we go to sleep and I'm feeling very overwhelmed ,anxious and stressed

Zoo - hope you managed to get through last night ok. It can be so draining :(

I'm very tired and flat,I tried a brief nap whilst he was colouring this morning and he kept waking me to tell me he loves me...the girls are back,youngest is sullen and full attitude.i really need hide in my room and sleep for a while.dd2 is doing homework,so debating whether I can or if need wait til she's done so as she's not annoyed by them wanting X,y,z and asking inane things of her.x

Balancing your needs with the kids is hard, but you need to look after yourself

How serious do I take my 10 n half yr old tantrums when she using “running away” and “killing herself” vocabulary? Is she repeating stuff to get a reaction, looking for attention or just a drama queen?

We moved last year to new country n she’s having a tough time settling although doing V well at school n has many friends...still feels different and misses home. Every little disappointment in life is blown out of proportion and blamed on the move and on us for making the desicion.
She’s asked for emotional help but hubby not keen so haven’t taken further. But I can’t risk this getting so bad there’s no coming back from it, can I?

2geminiother than said vocab are there other things that worry you?is she exhibiting signs of distress/anxiety?

Hi Still...not really...mountains out molehills and attitude, but not real anxiety. She says she’s depressed and hides it from everyone except me, even her dad is spared! Where I start with getting help? School, go or private?

Hi! I wish I wasn't having to join in, if you know what I mean! Both of my youngest two, dd13 and ds19 have got dreadful health anxiety. Ds was at his very worst when he was around 14 when he started showing signs of OCD and became obsessed with straightness and order but seemed to get better, but now, away at University, I am getting quite a lot of calls recently with him very very anxious about different health issues. He banged his eye and, to be fair, it was a nasty bang, around 2 months ago, and has since been to A and E three times and the GP twice. He called the other night in a dreadful state convinced it was still there and he was going to go blind. I felt so helpless.
He's had student counselling but, bless him, said he mainly talked about how worried he was about me - my mum died a couple of months ago and it has been absolutely awful (you'll find me on the bereavement thread too!) but I had tried not to let the kids see how devastated I was.
DD13 is also extremely anxious, culminating with a trip to the GP the same day ds called as she was convinced her arm was going to be amputated after her hpv jab as it still hurt two days on(!) She has been referred to the mental health services but we know there is a waiting list so I don't know when this will happen. Meanwhile she is walking around with a pinched face and is full of fear
I'm sure this sounds awful but I really can't take much more. I'm still grieving for mum quite badly and feel overwhelmed by these two and its all too much.
Sorry this is so long - Just wanted to get it down.

2gemini this is a really hard one to call. My DD1, who is 12, will have teenage-type outbursts full of ‘I hate you’ and ‘I wish I didn’t have to live with you’ but these tend to be distinct from the times when her anxiety/emetophobia are really bad and she says she wishes she was dead or she doesn’t care if she dies - these times really scare me. It’s hard to distinguish between the two. I sometimes pop over to the teenagers board in parenting to get an idea of what ‘normal’ pre-teen behaviour is. That said, we were also reluctant to seek help for some time And perhaps we should have sooner.

Lepetitpiggy this all sounds really difficult. It is so hard. When things were really bad for us before Christmas there were times when I genuinely thought I couldn’t carry on. I didn’t know how I would manage and wondered what would happen if one day I just couldn’t do it anymore. It’s extremely exhausting emotionally and physically. Do you have any one else at home to support you or anyone outside of the home? Is your son coming back for Easter? I’m so sorry things are so difficult. Have you seen your GP?

Zoo I hope you’ve managed to get some rest. I’m so sorry things are so tough right now. I hope they have settled down a bit. Is your meeting soon?

2gemini if you are in any doubt if see a counsellor tbh.so many of us have hindsight guilt.if it's seemed to be all is week,no harm done.you can pop in here anytime with concerns or to share triumphs
Lepetitpiggy what year is D's13 in?is he entering puberty?how did ds19 cope with exams at school?stress makes anxiety much worse(sorry if I'm stating the obvious) it's very very hard managing your own self-care when you have others adding a lot to your load but you must carve out a few minutes each day.its ok to be grieving for as long as you need for your mum,and whilst DC find it hard seeing us upset I feel it's important as they get older to understand it's ok to be upset.to hold it all inside will be far worse in the long run.we offer sympathy and support.no one knows like another parent how hard things are caring for anxious children post as often as you wish
Bigbus meet with school is wednesday