The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

Morning all hope all having a good morning !
The rain has stopped and I'm going to try to get outside for a walk to blow the cobwebs away.

This weekend I am going to stop putting off doing meditation practice, and start connecting with my inner feelings more - instead of always filling my time artificially.

I hope you brave people have a happy productive day whether alone, with family, or friends x

Today I am focusing on connection, with my family, being in the present moment. Instead of pushing uncomfortable feelings away, I will try to allow them during meditation.
In my family of origin, feelings didn't get recognition and weren't talked about, I have therefore pushed feelings down- that solution has run its course and it's time to open up.

Hi all, I've had an ok-ish day today. I've been doing some research and I think when I had the initial thought about DH it was because I was anxious and it caused a panic attack which then resulted in me being disassociated. This has then fed the anxiety because the I'm distant due to the anxiety and because if this emotional distancing to protect myself from the anxiety I'm feeding the anxiety. A good Google has shown me that it isn't unusual to have these thoughts/worries about not loving somebody but underneath nieing that you do. My explanation ftom a few dats ago where i said the curtains had been drawn back and I was now looking through the net curtains in a way confirms the dissociation (I might be using the wrong terminology here because they are all a bit similar).
Anxiety can also be made worse by lack if oxytocin and an increase in cortisol and cortisol is released when you are anxious so it feeds itself.
It's our last day on holiday tomorrow and to be honest I'm annoyed that the anxiety has had a negative effect on the enjoyment if the holiday, but I'm thankful that I didn't have continual tearful sessions or panic attacks.

Hi velma, sorry this anxiety has interfered with your holiday enjoyment, that's so disappointing.
I feel preoccupied when anxious, and removed from loved ones in that way but I have also had a strange experience in days after trauma therapy which was very odd and closed in which was probably dissociation. It was very unpleasant. I hope you feel better now.

Aintgotnosoapbox thank you. It's possible that I have become overly tuned-in to my body, yes. Sometimes I think I imagine physical sensations, other times they are definitely there. At the moment I am just afraid of every evening meal in case I feel bloated/sick afterwards. Sometimes I find it difficult to eat. I think I am in danger of getting into a bit of a spiral over it.

I felt a bit dizzy/lightheaded today and wondered if it was the duloxetine. I am having second thoughts about it now, though I think propranolol is a good idea. I have read some real horror stories about duloxetine withdrawal, though, and I am a bit scared. Don't know whether to continue until Weds, when I see the GP again, or stop now and voice my fears.

We are also having a big holiday soon, and I am nervous about not being able to eat like I usually do in front of my extended family. I do have nagging health-anxiety fears about cancer but as this fear of eating/loss of appetite only really crops up for the evening meal, I'm hoping it is psychological. Bit scared of my brain at the moment!

Velma I hope you can enjoy the last day of your holiday. I feel really distant from my loved ones sometimes and I hate that feeling...it's like I'm not quite part of the family and am totally distracted, worrying about something.

flutter it does sound as though you are associating the feeling of bloating etc to eating your evening meal so of course you get anxious in anticipation that you will have symptoms and then the anxiety makes you have digestive problems. It then becomes self fulfilling.

Remember thoughts make feelings.

I'm both looking forward as well as being a little nervous of my first talk therapy session on Monday. I want to get the treatment started so that i feel better but I'm worried that it will confirm my worse fears.
I just need to remember that I don't want to stay like this and whatever the outcome that is the outcome, but I know which outcome i want.

Aint you must come back and say how your meditation is going and what exactly you do and how often etc.

I've got a plan of action to help with my home environment once we get home. Our house is rather untidy due to toy clutter and general untidyness from DH and DD.
I'm going to get some tidying/decluttering done and I'm going to have firm words about keeping things tidy. I work 4 days a week and I get overwhelmed on my day off.
I go to the gym 3 times a week and I find it difficult to get the enthusiasm to do anything once I'm in other than evening meal, gym or taking DD to extra curricular stuff. To be honest I know that DH and I have been lacking in the spending quality time together for the past 6mths or so which will have also impacted on my current situation. I need to also have a sit down chat with him in a more formal manner once I've got my head a bit more straight. I've briefly said on this holiday when I've broken down that I need more interaction, but he has responded by hugging and wanting to kiss me, which is generally fine in itself but is a bit all or nothing at the moment and can overwhelm and panic me.
Again apologies for the long post. I seem to be using this thread as my sounding block.

Velma please don't worry I'm so glad you are posting on the thread :)
I am still having the talking therapy, I've found it very useful. I'm sure your therapist will be very nice, and will put you at ease. The hardest bits of therapy I've experienced have either been to do with the trauma sessions which by their nature are never going to be fun, and problems in the relationship such as last week , when I struggle with being independent/ dependent etc , usually communication mishaps or misunderstandings. It can be intense in that way, but that is also naturally part of the process of longer term therapy. If it's CBT or shorter therapy it tends to be more structured and straightforward and not so intense, but you have homework and goals etc. however I think any therapy can be slightly draining. I've found it to be a very positive experience.
I hope your first session goes well.
After me keeping saying I'm doing mindfulness, I actually haven't done much in a structured way. I have done a mindful activity every day though, such as walking. I try to be mindful when driving, talking, walking. I have been reading some literature I had from my therapist about looking inwards towards my feelings, it's about me turning towards pain or uncomfortable feelings and not away from it. And about me relying on my true, internal self to take refuge and trust myself.
I have been through a lot, and not always had time and space to process it, so it has all been squashed down inside and now has resurfaced as anxiety and distress.

Morning all. !
Just wondering how are taxiforme, battle, unikorne, calmday, linea

Sorry-
Grey clouds,notapants,susie, Anise are..
Sorry if have forgotten anyone :)

Hi Aint. I'm doing ok, slightly low mood this morning though. I don't know if it's cos I drank beers yesterday.

Me and my DP are having problems. He's not speaking to me at the moment. I think this feeds anxiety. Feeling a bit on edge.

I stopped my antipsychotic over a week ago. I haven't noticed any difference really, which is good.

I'm just away to have a hot bath and shave my legs. I really hate shaving my legs but I force myself to do it once a week.

Hope everyone is doing ok.

Hi calm good to hear from you.
It's difficult to navigate difficulties in relationships when we already have our own stuff to deal with.
I don't want to take on 'advisory'rather than 'contributory' role to the thread, but was wondering whether you feel you should contact your health care provider to tell them you have discontinued your meds, so they can advise you of any potential difficulties or if they want to see you etc .
Good day today. Have a relationship/ family problem too which I'm hoping to deal with in love, rather than in fear :)

You are sounding very positive today aint.
I've downloaded a mindfulness app called Quility today and I'm going to work through the free sessions prior to deciding whether a subscription would be beneficial.
Today I've had a few minor doubts and worries today on the usual topic, but I've also had 1 or 2 moments of proper clarity where I've glimpsed my old feelings, however they were fleeting.
Less than 24hrs until the start if my talk therapy.
DD did a lovely thing today and said thank You for bringing her on holiday. She is 8 and one of my concerns is that I'm going to mess her up. I asked her if I had spoiled her holiday and she said no and when you've been quiet or upset you can't help it. I told her that I worry and feel sad and the doctor thinks it might be due to her Nannie dying. I've obviously not told her what my current topic of anxiety is.
I'm now looking forward to going home and being a bit more busy so that my mind us occupied a bit more because I go back to work on Tuesday. Next week I'm away in the caravan for a week with my DD and DD (DH has to work). Depending how I feel will depend on what I say to my Dad.

That's great velma, I love mindfulness. Hated it at first though!! I have just signed up for a course.
Yes I am feeling good. I am on leave, and therefore not under usual stress. But still enjoying the fact I can enjoy being calm and happy at all.
Peaceful wishes

Interested to hear that some of you are trying/have tried mindfulness. I have signed up for a course in September. I hope you have all had peaceful days. I stopped with the meds today (after only 2 days) as I was feeling weird, woke up at 5.25 this morning for no apparent reason. Today has been fine but we are just about to have dinner and I am feeling a bit nervous. Dunno why I have built it up so much in my head, as usually I just love my food. Trying to tell myself it will be a nice dinner and I will enjoy it and any stomach issues are caused by anxiety. Easier said that done though!

flutter just keep telling yourself that it's the anxiety making you have stomach issues.
I just keep telling myself I'm not going to make a decision about DH and me until I know and feel on more of an even keel so there is no need to panic. Even if I didn't know I had anxiety and possibly depression I wouldn't just make a section about our relationship just like that due to the time we have been together and because of DD and it's not as though DH is horrid or abusive or anything where the decision would be very obvious. I'm working on the notion that if my friend was me and had the same feelings I would tell them to stick it out and work on both their mental health as a priority.

Vel, do you worry you don't feel the same for do, or that he doesn't feel the same for you?
Sorry - am easily confused lol :)

I made my first post under mental health today. Is it ok to join your thread? I hope everyone is the best they can be today x

Thanks Velma I felt a bit weird after dinner - a pressure in my chest at the bottom of my ribs, but I think my stomach itself felt okay and I certainly didn't get indigestion. I took a couple of propranolol and now it is starting to calm down (I have given up on the duloxetine as I am a bit scared of it).

The GP said I have costochondritis, so I think/hope the rib issues are that. I have been feeling it elsewhere in my chest today (and that is definitely costo as it only happens with movement/pressing - it doesn't make me too anxious).

I think you are right re: your DH; now is not the time to be making decisions.

Stressedout - welcome. I have only just joined the thread myself.

Flutter - I get strange pains all the time, I only take note of them if they are persistent/ serious I suppose.
Stressedout- welcome, I hope you are feeling a little better :)

Sorry for the confusion in my post. I worry I don't feel the same about DH. He feels the same because I asked him.
I'm home now and will be busy today with one thing and another, most notably the washing! I am also taking DD to have her ears pierced. She has wanted them doing for just under a year so I think it's the right time.

Welcome to the thread stressedout.

Flutter the recommendation by aint of only concerning yourself with longer term symptoms is a good idea.

Thank you everyone, I am only beginning my journey and not sure I can hold it together anymore. I'm hopeful in time I can be more supportive to others. I'm receiving some good advice on another thread but have just cried my eyes out all
Morning at the thought of going in to work

Hi all

Funny old day yesterday- started badly but dragged myself up and out as we rent out a cottage where someone had let their dog poop on the carpet. Would usually be a major stress/anger issue for me but just got on with it and was forgiving.

Didn't sleep well but probably because I knew I had to be up early as we have a guy coming to chop down trees - didn't think I could face it but he is here and all ok so far. I have retreated to bed though (my safe place) as I am so tired just trying to be normal.

Hope everyone had a peaceful weekend xx

Hi everyone.
I feel quite calm today. My anxiety isn't too bad today thankfully.

I spoke to my CPN and told her that I stopped my antipsychotic. She just said she'd get it removed from my repeat prescription list.

I've got a lot of anxiety about a day trip we're making with the kids on Friday. My DP was in a mood with me last night and told me I wasn't allowed to come on Friday (his brother is coming too so he wouldn't be on his own) so I thought, great. But then he changed his mind and told me I've got to come. I told him I wasn't coming anyway and he said if I don't go then he won't. So I have to go now. Just scared of having an anxiety attack in a strange place. Wish I didn't have to go.

calm try not to put yourself under too much pressure. If yiu feel you need to go and the DC will enjoy it, try to go, minimum expectations, keep it simple, just try to go and focus on enjoy and connect with the family. Lots of us feel anxious too about holidays, trios. Is there a specific fear any of us can help you with about the day? If it's about having a panic attack, remember that the fast heart rate, dizziness etc are all just the metabolism speeding up as a response to the adrenaline and WONT harm you. If you focus on calm breathing , the symptoms will settle. You won't pass out , or whatever your greatest fear is. Breathing fairly deeply and slowly in through the nose and out through the mouth, to activate the part of the nervous system that is calming.