The lonely journey of anxiety - loosen the tight grip of fear. Support, friendliness thread.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Hello. I have been suffering with various forms of anxiety over the last year, and have had the tight grip of fear - at times all pervading and almost existential, at other times just transient and anticipatory, which has led to a lot of feelings of being closed up, strained, and losing connection with others. When this happens I get a certain type of chest sensation which feels like pure fear. Sometimes, I am tired and can't tolerate it. Other times, I feel free and in control of it .
My antidote to all of this is connection, mindfulness, self care and various other techniques I have learned along the journey.
What I have also learned is that anxiety states are very lonely fearful places to be so I would really welcome anyone , whether well emotionally, psychologically, mentally, or unwell emotionally, psychologically or mentally, to come onto the thread when they can with a hello, a message or a moan about their day, and maybe we will feel better and get better together.
I was given a lovely compliment today, that I have very good social skills, and make others feel better and empathise. I'm not perfect, in fact have had the most tremendous struggle recently, but am starting to feel alive again.
Come and join me in a path to wellness and connection. Life is short, let's beat this anxiety together.

Hi all :)
Battle that does sound familiar, I reexamine things after the event, a sort of mental check all went ok. Most of the time that's fine, but sometimes it leads to anxiety about what I said or did. For eg running over a stick or small branch in the road in the car and then becoming scared it could have been someone I didn't see properly, a toy, pram etc. I find now I just have to let it go. Although no one can tell me, and I can't always be 100% sure about things, I tell myself with reasonable common sense, it really didn't happen. Allow the thoughts but don't give them special attention.

I am trying to do that Aint, I'm also officially The Busiest Mum today. Lots of jobs, cleaning, baking trying to be super mum etc. I am a bit fixated on the taxi ride home. My friend has re assured me about the night out but the 10 minute taxi ride I was alone. I have convinced myself that I was unbelievably rude and didn't pay. I am 99.9% certain that this didn't happen but the 0.1% is screaming at me.

Do you find that the thoughts just fade with time?

Battle, can you try to distract yourself until the thoughts settle, go outside and count five things you can see, four things you can see inside, three things you can hear, two things you can feel and one you can smell?
Have you heard about the different sorts of mind we use-
Emotional mind - we are thinking in a certain way because we are feeling something/scared of something
Rational mind- the facts no feelings
And trying to take the best of those to use our ' wise mind' which helps us choose what to do and focus on based partly on facts and partly on how we feel.
Has anyone tried headspace app.. There are ten free sessions and fun animations to do a mindful type of meditation over ten minutes? I used to do it and have neglected it so might give it a try later.
Today I am going to drive to a new place I've never been to before and don't know how to get there, which is a challenge for both my driving and navigational skills :)

Hi battle, I'm sure you are of course. These sorts of thoughts when I have them seem to crop up when I'm very tired, stressed in all areas of my life, or in a phase of anxiety even if it's about something else.
Would it be helpful to recognise it as a fear, but based on past experiences, note that you could be having difficulty with the uncertainty of what happened in that ten minutes and that's giving rise to the anxiety.
I really empathise with your situation. Has anything helped you in this situation in the past?

Velma, how are things today. Thank you for posting on the thread.
I have been off thread for a few days as I got caught up in feeling low and bereft, fearful that my therapy would be ending, that I would just have to manage on my own and as if all my hard work had gone to waste and been lost. After a week, I have heard it's ok, it's not the case, but the whole thing shows how scared I am of loss and abandonment still. I have had a lot of losses and particularly those losses over which I have no control I find hard.
Do you think as your mum sadly died , the stress of everything with her illness, has brought this on, and now you are scared of losing your dh maybe? Bereavements are so hard to bear. And it sounds as if there was a lot of traumatic stress when she became ill as well. It sounds very hard.
Have you heard of self compassion and caring for yourself. It's something I am trying to work on at the moment.

Hi all. I have had a calm few days, perhaps the aripiprazole was causing me more anxiety cos I've been better since I stopped taking it.

I'm due to be picking up my prescription at the chemist's today but a combination of laziness and anxiety about the walk there has led me to decide to not go and get my meds. I'm gonna try and battle my anxiety disorder without medication. Hopefully I won't end up a complete mess. I have some valerian capsules in the cupboard, I might give those a try. Does anyone have any experience with valerian or similar?

I hope everyone is having a pleasant day.

Hi all, I ended up having a good day yesterday. Today I've got rumblings of anxiety again. I'm trying to ignore them.
I'm telling myself that DH is a good man and always has been and we have been together all these years. When i recall back to a time when i had similar feelings was when we had bern together for about 6 years (20 ish years ago) and I was doing my final year at uni and on reflection I was very stressed.
aint yes, I think the anxiety had something to do with the bereavement. I'm quite stoic as a person and I accept that death happens, but I had to just about sort everything out because my Dad wasn't able to so I had to muddle through my initial bereavement. I went back to work after about 6 weeks. Last year was like I was running on rails and going through the motions. This year DH has been doing his new job as well as studying for his final year of his degree and I had a sort of change at work with more organisation required which has been really busy. I don't know if the exhaustion just got to me at Easter and the time it surfaced was the time DH walked in the door from work and I had the first though if 'I don't love you' and it escalated from there to me having a kind of breakdown/detachment experience in about 24 hours.
I since have had many months since then that all has been fine, but a few days before coming on this holiday set me off; notably when I read that Louise and Jamie Rednap have separated, which is laughable when written down, but fits very much with the reading or hearing something that sets the anxiety off. I don't know if it's because I knew I wouldn't have as many distractions on the holiday which means the anxiety has been able to come to the forefront more easily?
Battle I totally empathise only last year when there was lots on the news about paedophiles and sexual assaults etc, it reminded me of two times when I was much younger, one being when I was about 14 and a baby I sat for touched and stroked my boob through my top as a comfort. It made me feel really uncomfortable at the time and i just held his hand. I know know it was a comfort thing. The second was when I was 18 and I was doing a course at nightclass and we were messing about and I accidently grabbed a lad from the group's crotch. I apologised immediately, but at the time of hearing in the news about people being sentenced for incidences from 20 or 30 years ago I got the anxious feeling that I would be 'found out' and prosecuted.
I do find the anxieties win, but are mire likely to occur when I'm mentally exhausted.
aint I'm pleased your therapy will continue.

I had to go off to the 'big pool' with DD.

As I said, I'm glad the therapy is going to continue for aint. I have my initial telephone therapy on 31st the day after we get back. I'm hoping it gets to the bottom of why I've got this one particular worry. I've had health anxiety before and that was more easily explained and made to clear to me that the anxiety was making the symptoms I had, but there is no one that will be able to tell me whether I truly love DH or not.
One thing I am adamant about is that I will not let the relationship go without a damned good fight. Yes, with my rational head on I know I'm not going to always think or look at DH after all these years and think stars shine from his eyes or rainbows appear from his backside, but ultimately he is the one person who I planned the rest of my life with and it has only been up until Easter where that thought never really wavered. I don't see myself or want to be with anybody else, so it's not that i think the grass is greener, it is the total opposite, in that I fear the love I once felt for him has gone and I'm worried it won't come back. I have occasions when I look at him and the jump in the stomach of anxiety hits me as in i have the 'i don't love you' and then other times a feeling of nice warmth comes over me. I action on the warm feelings such as giving him a hug etc because I'm determined to grasp onto any scrap of positive emotion and I hope its like feeding and stoking a fire where the anxious thoughts will become out numbered and disappear.
I have one friend who I can talk to about all my thoughts, but other than that I have nobody. I told my Dad about the situation at Easter and that my talk therapy is soon to start. I might broach it with him when we go away in a few weeks in the caravan depending on how I feel. He's a man of a few words, but has a happy go lucky personality. He had a long marriage with Mam and they had there ups and downs, so he is fully aware that relationships are not all hearts and flowers all the time.

Yes my last week was a good example of thinking the worst and black and white thinking- she had said I was getting better and we could move to the final phase of the therapy I was then worried if she didnt get back to me, there would be no more therapy, she doesn't and never did really care, and I would just have to manage on my own no matter what .
A whole week virtually wasted in panic and doom, then as soon as it was sorted with her, I felt reassured. I have issues of not wanting to trust and be dependent on anyone, and finding that trust hard to handle, it can make things hard work.

I've had anxiety since I was 3 (no joke)

I get it that much that I hate it, some days I can handle it, others I can't. When it's really bad, I kind of just go into a world of my own, I can't concentrate, I don't eat (can only drink) and basically just need to be away from everything.

I really hate it. I hate how it makes me think, I hate how I wait for the worst to happen, it causes me to disengage from the world and I need reassurance (I also suffer low self esteem, but not always)

I haven't taken anything for it and if I'm being honest, I don't want to. I've had it that long, it's normal to me.

Hi all. I'm diagnosed gad and OCD. Felt like I have been in a constant grip of fear up until about a year ago when I cracked and went to gp. Was given buspirone an anti anxiety drug and also made to go to cbt. Am now on second level of cbt and can honestly say it's changing my life. I have been able to conquer a number of the fearful situations and my overall level of anxiety is reducing day by day. Don't get me wrong it's not been easy. At times it's been really fucking hard and emotional, but - I've stuck with it and it's working.

For pps - the thinking something may have happened when it's probably not is having intrusive thoughts. The constant thinking about things is ruminating. There are ways of stopping this like using a worry list which I've found tremendously helpful.

Re alcohol, my anxiety was horrific after drinking. But - it's not the drink making you feel that way - it's the anxiety - just like it's not the food that might make you ill - it's the anxiety making you think that way. Last time I had an attack of anxiety after drinking my therapist said it wasn't anxiety, just a bad hangover. But the fact I felt nauseous, was sweating and had palpitations immediately made my brain think it was anxiety rather than what it actually was which was a bad hangover.

Can't sleep.
Hi Grooves and Notmy welcome to the thread thank you for sharing your stories.
Like I said in the Op, sometimes anxiety is worry, sometimes it's just fear, feeling not secure or unsafe. I think it's a side effect of growing up with a parent who didn't provide safety. I was uncertain of or a bit afraid of my mother and when later on she got much worse I had to cope with her for a while on my own. It's left me both with a general fear and also a fear of turning out the same, of being the same. Even though I'm not.

Hi to the new comers. I want to apologise to all if my long ramblings are too much, please feel free to skip over them.
I'm trying to ignore the anxious feeling and worrying thoughts again today.
notmy that's an intersting thought about alcohol etc, I find that if I get that rumbling bubbling sensation in my stomach or bowel my mind and body automatically goes on high alert when all I need is the loo. My mind at present can't differentiate between adrenaline based digestive issues and normal bodily function so it automatically thinks the worse.
I hope we all either have some respite or some relief today.
Has anybody ever tried Chinese acupuncture as way if controlling the anxiety? I had it years ago to help with my fertility and to aid my pregnancy. The lady who I used is still practicing so I'm considering phoning her when I get home. If it just gives me some respite while I'm there it will be money well spent I think (depending on how much she now charges).

Hi pink I agree, fear is really something else. My anxiety is calm at the mo because it's largely work / new challenge related and currently I'm on leave. When it comes to work, even often work I'm experienced in( but less so than with new work) I feel apprehensive and anxious .

So how is everyone today?
I'm focusing on getting outside each day , cooking and hanging out with my son.
Today I'm looking at the weather, debating a rainy beach walk.
Yesterday I went to the most beautiful place, riverside with falls and deep greenery all around it was really calm and pretty.

Hi all

Bit better for two days here.
Had a panic surge last night but managed to keep it at bay.

Still very early days for me.

Things that have helped -

Did some volunteer work which helped focus.
Took away trigger things such as social media and news sites.
Stopped caffeine and drinking wine just for the sake of it.
Had some time with friends at an art exhibition and had two safe small glasses of wine.
Resolved to sort out a hearing problem in my left ear which I have ignored for 5 years.

Joshua fletcher book "anxiety panicking about panic" has just arrived and I have got some magnesium supplement which I have read may help (not sure but will give it a try).

Hope you all have a safe and steady weekend with people who you love and who love you xxx

Thanks taxi, good ideas there. Agree to getting life in balance , healthy living, work life balance.
I have found community and social activities helpful to connect to others as I was experiencing loneliness and was also over working.

Self affirmations
I have everything I need within me to make good choices and decisions.
I have the abilities to do my job well.
I can care for and look after myself.

No real fear or panic today just a sense of detachment. I don't know if it's now a coping mechanism. I just want to be left to be on my own.
I'm waiting for the day where I just wake up and this horrible anxiety and worry has gone. I'd rather it swap for something else at this point.

I forced myself out of the house to go and get my prescription. I had such awful anxiety on the walk there any back and I haven't managed to fully calm down since. I just have racing thoughts about everything. I took my mirtazapine early as that usually calms me down. Also cracked open a bottle of cider. Got four beers to drink as well. Hopefully the alcohol and the meds make me calmer.

Really struggled today. Wasn't able to concentrate on anything, barely eating. I feel drained and exhausted.

Hopefully should feel better in the morning. I've had bad anxiety all week, not really been able to eat much and just haven't felt myself.

Hello, I thought I'd join this thread. I've had anxiety for years but over the past 7 months or so it has really started to build up. It's health anxiety, usually centred around various forms of cancer, although recently I was worried about my heart.

Recently there have been some physical symptoms of anxiety (at least, I hope they are symptoms of anxiety and not something else!): nausea, dizziness, bloating, palpitations, lack of appetite, and just feeling weird. Also costochondritis but because I understand that, and know it's not serious, it does not bother me at all. The other symptoms I find really scary. I've been scared to go to bed/scared to eat most of this week.

So this morning I went to the GP in their 'urgent appointments' slot (they are very good and do this twice a day so you can pretty much always get to see someone on the same day if you want to). The GP wasn't my regular GP but he was SO SO nice and I think I was in there for 25 minutes or so. We talked about physical symptoms and my fear that they could be something scary (it's always cancer in my mind). He said he would order all the medical tests if I wanted him to but his feeling was that it was anxiety related, and if the tests were clear I would probably just worry about something else. So he said it would be better to try to tackle the anxiety, though he left the choice up to me. He said he thought the symptoms were all real but that they were being caused by the brain rather than a physical illness. I think he is right and I hope he is right.

So I have not got propranalol and duloxetine to try for a few months but the aim is that when things settle down we will do talking therapy (he says it is better to get the head sorted first).

Has anyone else been down this route? I see most people mention sertraline but I've not heard of this med. I've started taking it anyway. He was very good and said he would see me for a follow up next week as well. I felt like he really listened to me. I cried and told him I just wanted to be normal again!

Hi flutter and welcome. It's good that your GP listened and gave you sensible advice and a plan. Going back next week also sounds helpful.
We all have our own level of how tuned in we are to our bodies, and their sensations as well. Could that have become off kilter for you possibly? Also it's like we were saying up thread, if you focus too much attention on worries or thoughts, they grow. But that doesn't mean trying to suppress the thoughts either , as I understand it it means to allow them but not to get really caught up in them. Easier said than done when you are in that anxiety storm though.
I am in bed, hoping to get a good nights sleep.
Sleep well all, peaceful thoughts and rest.

Also could CBT help later on?